Toni Braxton Thinks God Gave Her Son Autism Because She Had An Abortion? Holy Shit

May 22nd, 2014 // 41 Comments
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Originally, this was supposed to be a post about Phil Robertson preaching more homophobic bullshit on Easter Sunday, but then I found this Toni Braxton item which is way more ridiculous than some Duck Dynasty idiot knowing he has a blank check from the Redneck Bank of America and cashing that bitch in. So here’s Toni claiming autism is God’s wrath for that time she had an abortion, and that noise you just heard was Jenny McCarthy queefing with glee over science getting tossed out the window. Via The Frisky:

“I was suddenly faced with a choice I’d never thought I’d have to make. Amid my major misgivings about abortion, I eventually made the gut-wrenching decision… In my heart, I believed I had taken a life — an action that I thought God might one day punish me for. … My initial rage was quickly followed by another strong emotion: guilt. I knew I’d taken a life… I believed God’s payback was to give my son autism.”

JESUS CHRIST. Here’s what frightens me the most about Christianity (And, yes, I’m specifically targeting them because we don’t live under Sharia law, so suck it.): These people literally think they know what God wants, or how he’ll act, and will twist any random occurrence to that narrative instead of facing the simple truth that sometimes shit just happens. Take the Duggars. The first time they tried for a baby, they had a miscarriage and decided to interpret that into, “God wants us to turn your uterus into a Jesus cannon,” and fired out 19 kids. The last of which almost died, along with Michelle Duggar in the process, which apparently wasn’t enough of a sign to stop for them, so they shot for #20 and miscarried. Another situation where logic, common sense and a bare minimum grasp of modern medicine would dictate that you shut down the baby factory, but what are these idiots doing? TRYING AGAIN. Because surely Jesus wants them to “catch” more babies, and if there’s a more creepy saying than “catch a baby,” I don’t want to fucking hear it.

“Dear Jesus, the doctor says I’m pre-menopausal and have a 1 in 4 chance of birthing a child with Down syndrome, but surely you want me to try for just one more.”
“Yup, I do.”
“Really?! You do?!”
“Lady, I’m just your brain. Don’t start tugging on threads.”
“Right, right.”

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  1. Her god has killed more kids from disease and famine that I could ever hope to kill with this rusty coat hanger.

  2. MRF

    Lol @ I’m just your brain.

  3. That’s incredibly sad for her and terrifying in general. It’s disturbingly common, though. God is the great justification and explanation of everything, and idiots will follow it.

    Everything BAD is because GOD is ANGRY!!! I know because I know. Also everything good is because of god because. It’s a bit like superstition but with more rage and terror.

    • Johnny Barbells

      …my friend’s 14 yr old daughter once said to me; the only people who get cancer are the ones who have some kind of sin in their past …she also spends an inordinate amount of time in church with her mom …coincidence?

  4. Boko Haram

    She wants a child, we’ve got 300 of ‘em! Short ones, tall ones, young ones, younger ones, scared ones, and terrified ones. Great for slavery or child marriage. Sorry, females only, and no returns. Hey, its not like you are going to get this deal from the Christians down the road. So call us now! Its a sharia-rific deal!

    • Steven Seagal

      If we can agree on a good price I’ll take two. Do you have any that are asian? And I mean REAL asian, none of that middle eastern half-breed stuff or Indian/Pakistani crap.

  5. Cock Dr

    Religion provides people with such love, comfort and understanding in their darkest hour. Makes me wanna sign right up for the Jeesus bus.

  6. Harriscandoit

    I am shocked that nobody has called her on calling her son cursed. WTF you ungrateful bitch! You got to bring someone into this world, autism is not the end of the world. Get over yourself and try to actually be a mother instead of looking at your own flesh and blood and thinking. Damn god does not like me because I did not have what I consider to be a perfect baby. Just how superficial (ahhhhhh used it) can you be?

  7. brtn

    hahaha Can’t wait for her kid to grow up, finally learn how to read at fifteen and then see that his mom called him her punishment.

    Almost better is her saying ‘God’s payback’ like the old white bearded due has nothing better to do than feature in a ‘SOON’ meme. Almost.

  8. So THAT’S how God punishes people now? And everyone with an Autistic child has displeased god somehow? Am I getting this right?
    So, Downs Syndrome babies, conjoined twins, even Fetal Alcohol Syndrome must all be god’s punishment.
    Nice
    Also, don;t forget jesus loves you.
    Really, as a nation, we are starting to make the Taliban look like a rational debating club.

    • Bible says epilepsy is caused by demon possession, so that sounds about right.

      • Where the fuck have you guys been? Everyone knows that AIDS is God’s punishment on the gays, and 9/11 was allowed to happen because there were just too many queers, Harry Potter worshippers and feminists in America to warrant His continued protection.

  9. Indianadelae

    So Jenny McCarthy thinks her son is “broken and soulless” from vaccines, that = autism.

    Toni Braxton thinks her son is cursed and a punishment by God, that = autism.

    I don’t know which is worse for a child, thinking they are broken or cursed and knowing they have a parent who regrets the way the are.

    This attitude that autistic is less-than-human is terrifying. It’s hard, but these are human beings.

  10. Greg

    How dare she think different from others. We need to band together, hunt her down and burn her at the stake for her false god. Who’s with me????

    • Johnny Barbells

      …you know who else used to “think different”? fred phelps…

    • I like how you whitewash the stupidest thought possible into “think[ing] different[ly].” I’ll bet you think that people who ram their car into a wall “drive different[ly].”

    • “Greg, your kid just rammed his crayon up his nose and hit brain.”

      “Oh, he colors different.”

      [-ly]

      • Greg

        You know, Einstein also thought differently and failed to impress his teachers. From elementary school through college, his teachers and professors thought him lazy, sloppy, and insubordinate. Many of his teachers thought he would never amount to anything.

        ………but please, let’s get the rope, pitchforks, etc and stalk down Braxton and burn her at the stake….

      • Comparing Einstein to Toni Braxton, yup, the pendejo perfume wafting from Greg’s keyboard is stupefying mmmmm!

  11. You do something bad and you think God punishes you through your kid. Why in the world would you continue to worship that god?

    • Shibo

      She should at least google “non-vengeful god”. You know, explore options. “Good news! We’re moonies now!”

  12. Shibo

    Imagine being that kid, growing up, and seeing that mom thinks that god punished her by giving you autism? That’ll mess someone up in a hurry.

  13. Jason

    Still not as stupid as Jenny McCarthy

  14. i think he punished her enough by having her baby born black and the nephew of all her sisters. The kid is probably Irish too like Soetoro and Jenny McCarthy so it got the triple whammy and so she feels a bit punished by her stupid decision.

    Atleast she can teach it how to file bankruptcy and still live large.

    All that being said she has a bangin body and a great voice for a self loathing murderer.

  15. Vv

    If you watch the actual interview, she was asked by the interviewer whether or not she felt that the two were connected, and she responded that yes at the time she did.

    Given the tone and context, I don’t think it’s unfair to say she was answering a question in regards to her emotion, not a specific belief.

  16. Reds

    That is extremely ignorant! It’s amazing to me that some people will just think crazy thoughts. There are so many treatments that are helping children with Autism live great lives. Instead of focusing on something so ridiculous maybe she should focus on the issue and not her guilt.

  17. Jade

    The height of narcissism.

    She aborts (and in her mind) kills one child. So she thinks that the second child’s life is equally useless, because God doesn’t value the child as a human, and is instead a punishment for her.

    Nice.

  18. Well, this makes at least as much sense as vaccinations causing it.

  19. That was really fucking stupid, Toni. So you think God punished your second child because you aborted the first? And you still worship this God?

    And nice way to tell your kid that he’s an albatross that you’re forced to carry. Religious people are disgusting with this shit.

  20. I think we’re being too hard on her. She said she “believed” (past-tense) that it was God’s payback. Hell, if I had an abortion and then gave birth to an autistic baby, the same thought would probably cross my mind if I was a bible-thumper. I’m sure she herself acknowledges that it was irrational.

  21. Oy vey. First off she gets a tiny tiny break. Your child has a major condition or other things like Autism as a parent you feel somewhat better to think that there is something you did caused it cause the idea of just random luck meaning your child’s life has a greater degree of difficulty is a more soul crushing. It’s a weird human thing we would rather think we failed our kids then there was nothing we could do.

    Now that out of the way. OH MY GOD. I know some of my religious people are freaken crazy, but if you would rather have the idea of God to be this soul crushing petty being that is all “Well you gave that blow job in college so now your kid has MS,” then what the fuck is wrong with you so that Idea is what brings you comfort.

  22. Slash

    She’s wearing a see-through dress at an event where she knew there would be bright lights and cameras, so her judgment is clearly impeccable.

    Fortunately, she’s still gorgeous, so that works out for us. Too bad she’s insane.

  23. Kimmykimkim

    Her first problem was believing in God in the first place. And you didn’t take a life, asshat. That fetus was not self-aware and had never taken a breath of oxygen. Therefore, not a person, but a clump of completely unaware cells. Get the fuck over it. If you wanna blame god for punishing you, blame him for your shithouse career. Or your fucked up face – shit there are so many better things you could blame him for.

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