Toni Braxton Thinks God Gave Her Son Autism Because She Had An Abortion? Holy Shit

The Superficial | May 22, 2014 - 1:44 pm

Originally, this was supposed to be a post about Phil Robertson preaching more homophobic bullshit on Easter Sunday, but then I found this Toni Braxton item which is way more ridiculous than some Duck Dynasty idiot knowing he has a blank check from the Redneck Bank of America and cashing that bitch in. So here’s Toni claiming autism is God’s wrath for that time she had an abortion, and that noise you just heard was Jenny McCarthy queefing with glee over science getting tossed out the window. Via The Frisky:

“I was suddenly faced with a choice I’d never thought I’d have to make. Amid my major misgivings about abortion, I eventually made the gut-wrenching decision… In my heart, I believed I had taken a life — an action that I thought God might one day punish me for. … My initial rage was quickly followed by another strong emotion: guilt. I knew I’d taken a life… I believed God’s payback was to give my son autism.”

JESUS CHRIST. Here’s what frightens me the most about Christianity (And, yes, I’m specifically targeting them because we don’t live under Sharia law, so suck it.): These people literally think they know what God wants, or how he’ll act, and will twist any random occurrence to that narrative instead of facing the simple truth that sometimes shit just happens. Take the Duggars. The first time they tried for a baby, they had a miscarriage and decided to interpret that into, “God wants us to turn your uterus into a Jesus cannon,” and fired out 19 kids. The last of which almost died, along with Michelle Duggar in the process, which apparently wasn’t enough of a sign to stop for them, so they shot for #20 and miscarried. Another situation where logic, common sense and a bare minimum grasp of modern medicine would dictate that you shut down the baby factory, but what are these idiots doing? TRYING AGAIN. Because surely Jesus wants them to “catch” more babies, and if there’s a more creepy saying than “catch a baby,” I don’t want to fucking hear it.

“Dear Jesus, the doctor says I’m pre-menopausal and have a 1 in 4 chance of birthing a child with Down syndrome, but surely you want me to try for just one more.”
“Yup, I do.”
“Really?! You do?!”
“Lady, I’m just your brain. Don’t start tugging on threads.”
“Right, right.”

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