Tom Cruise’s insanity is good for recruitment

January 28th, 2008 // 38 Comments

The leaked Scientology recruitment videos starring Tom Cruise have apparently been a good thing for the followers of Xenu, according to Page Six:

“Having presented these selective and out-of-context excerpts with the intent of creating both controversy and ridicule resulted in people searching for Church of Scientology Web sites,” a rep for the faith told Page Six. Scientology turned up on the “most searched for” lists of various search engines.

Sorry, everyone, my bad. I was in one of those alien porn moods all last week and figured if anyone had some good links it’d be Scientologists. They, uh, actually had some freaky videos. Way freakier than what I was looking for. I won’t really get into it but I’ll never look at E.T. the same way again. Or Hot Pockets. *shudders*

Photo: Getty Images

  1. El-COyote


  2. OneNutNick

    Um, actually their they did not get a boost in traffic because of people being intrested in their kooky religion. Someone started s DoS attack on them and that is why they had an increase of traffic at their site. In fact, it was brought down for several hours.

  3. I concur with #1. And because it can never be said too much…


  4. Em

    Oh yeaaaaaaaah. Sign me up! We’ll save this wicked world, one alien baby at a time. I think I’ll name mine Tom-Bot.

    Fucking nut.

  5. mkell

    Big freakin’ deal if there’s been a surge of interest in their websites, DOS notwithstanding. I bet it’s accompanied by a drop in actual idiots joining, as word gets out about what a load of bullshit their cult is. Joining a religion or cult started by a guy claiming to be a prophet or messiah is one thing, but joining a cult started by a cut-rate science fiction author is something else entirely!

  6. Gerald_Tarrant

    The search term wasn’t “Scientology” it was “Scientology fucking whck job religion” but the Xenites are spinning it to the positive.


  8. Cfish

    Yep, it’s because of the “war” against CoS by Anonymous, which was even mentioned on NPR.

  9. Lisa

    He is a cuttie. He is also a playboy. I saw his profile on millionaire&celeb dating site last week.
    It is said he is only interested in dating young beautiful girls on that site

  10. I guess the only thing increased traffic could do for them in increase ad revenue. I mean Hubbard started the religion to get richer, so it makes sense.

  11. p0nk


    hey coyote, LTNS

  12. my comment

    That tie does NOT belong with a tuxedo jacket.

  13. havoc

    Its because he has reached the highest degree in Scientology….

    A 33rd Short Pile of Shit.


  14. Can we get a Britney post??

  15. Pikachelsea

    1. Scientologists are not “followers of Xenu”. Xenu is the bad guy of their kooky cult. I’m all for making fun of Scientology, but if you’re going to do it, please get it right.

    2. Scientology is being searched because people want to find out more about how pathetic and useless they are, or because Anonymous is collecting information to use against them. Nobody is MORE impressed by Scientology and Tom Cruise’s idiot spiel after seeing the vids.

    3. Anonymous is Legion.

  16. Auntie Kryst

    @14 Jimbo I was thinking the same thing. Other than that I wouldn’t mind a Kardashian post. Ripping on the gypsy whore is always a good palate cleanser.

  17. @9

    Lisa, everyone knows that tommy takes it up the poop chute. Shit. You might as well use Richard Simmons as a name.

  18. @16 Yes, I never thought I would think there was something worse than another Britney Spears post. Along with the Kardashian post, we have not had a good Courtney Love post in a long time. .

  19. Anal Fistula


    TCLXC (Tom Cruise Loves Xenu Cock)

  20. I would also offer up that Tom Cruise would probably love Anal Fistula. Just sayin’….

  21. D. Richards (Bastard.)

    Those wacky scientologists. What will they do next?

    You know what gets all the attention, crazies? Flying planes in to buildings. Yeah. That works everytime. You could fly a DC-8 in to a skyscraper! No, a UFO! You could fly a UFO in to the Capitol building!

    People research scientology to make fun of them properly. A person would have to be literally retarded to allow their self to be roped by the ‘tologists. Fags..

  22. Anonymous

    Google Lisa McPherson to learn more about Scientology and how they treat their members.

  23. TetraShiva

    Uh… nice spin, but it’s definitely the DDoS that we’ve been running against them recently. You should see the numbers for the *very second* we started that. (Caveat: I’m in Germany where Scientology is being rightfully outlawed, but I’m familiar with the group performing the DDoS and their actions).

  24. wotta douche

    Holy shit! A double-breasted tux is bad enuff, What’s up with the double-wide white tie! Damn, I hate this uneducated Tom Cruise piece of crap. I won’t even mention the hair that must be listed at Supercuts as the 8-year-old retard special.

  25. LL

    Yeah, more like “good for morbid curiosity,” but nice try spinning that shit, Scientologist PR flacks. Plus, from what I hear, the last place you should go for actual info on Scientology is a Scientology website. I can’t imagine that they give that shit away for free. They make you come in and donate a million bucks or a kidney, or something before they tell you all the secrets of the universe.

    Yeah, the double-breasted tux was a bad idea. Short people can’t do double-breasted (except for Pam Anderson, ba da bam, I’ll be here all week). And he should stick with the military hairdo he had in first Mission Impossible movie or that shaggy hair he had in the second one. This middle length BS isn’t all that flattering (but he is still a damn good-looking man, I can’t deny).

  26. Daniel

    God, I just watched the video…

    I highly doubt that these videos are “improving” the scientologists reputation at all…

    All I saw was a Tom Cruise on some sort of cocaine induced rant, he sounds like a total psycho with the itchy pajamas

  27. #25 – I agree, he looks like a kid wearing his father’s suit.

    He also looks like he’s looking for a place to spit that mouthful of semen.

  28. mamadough

    no educated person would ever fall for the scientology crock. tom the-cock-monger went as far as high school. so his bullshit about “knowing” about chemical imbalances from medicines and his knowledge of psychology is second-rate, at best. i bet a lot of housewives & lemmings end up joining….

  29. Happy Zombies For Tom

    You will be assimilated. All of you. HAHAHA. All of you.

  30. Gits

    “Having presented these selective and out-of-context excerpts with the intent of creating both controversy and ridicule”

    There’s no need for “intent” here. Talk about a product that sells itself…

  31. feckless

    If only they had rigged that decoy spaceship with explosives. Where was their critical thinking?

  32. Xenu

    Hi. Xenu the Galactic Overlord of the Milky Way here. I wanted to comment on the fact that some of you refer to scientologists as “followers of Xenu.” Actually, the asshats in L Ron’s gold digging cult do not follow me. They think I’m a bad guy and spread awful lies about me. I’m actually a pretty good Galactic Overlord. Just ask ET. Or Elvis.

    Any way, I’m off on my space plane that looks like a DC-8 (scientologists actually believe this shit) to a planet with 136 billion people (scientologists actually believe this shit), all of whom look like you and live in a world with 1960′s level technology like you used to have (scientologists actually believe this shit). I’m thinking of taking some of them on DC-8 space planes to another planet (scientologists actually believe this shit) where I’ll chain them to volcanoes and nuke them for population control (scientologists actually believe this shit). Bye now!

  33. Mr.Poon

    You know who hates Scientologists? Germans. Not that a religious group would have anything to fear from them of course.

  34. mamadough

    i wouldn’t mind seeing the nazis return, but this time they are only allowed to hate and destroy the scientologists. i honestly couldn’t tell you who is more evil….

  35. Clem

    I looked at the Scientomaligist website too and then I looked at Huckabee’s and that’s even fuckin madder.

  36. Anonymous

    I actually like the outfit. It’s just me apparently, based on others’ comments so far. The haircut and all are looking better than they have been recently.

  37. Skip Smith

    Fish, here is that ET porn you were asking about:

  38. I Forgot It

    Tom showed up on my back doorstep last night dressed in a walmart garbage bag and all covered in honey and feathers, and all he could say was, “”Deuh, cuckoo, cuckoo” , over and over again. Then he rambled on and on about helping the New Yorkers right after 9-11. But mostly he acted like a looney, so I chased him off my property with a hose. He then went next door and kept calling my neighbor “Oprah” and jumping on my neighbors couch……

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