Tom Cruise wants you back, ladies

January 23rd, 2009 // 62 Comments

Tom Cruise is on a media blitzkrieg to win back his female fans who he alienated after his public criticism of Brooke Shields taking medication for postpartum depression. Here are the bad habits Tom’s PR people are hoping he’ll kick to reel in the vagina crowd, according to Star:

- No talking about Scientology.
- No wearing sunglasses on the red carpet.
- No showing up to premieres in fancy cars.
- Appear on women-friendly shows like The View. “It’s all very calculated.”
- No man-handling the Katie. At least in public. “Tom needs to quit grabbing her arm and pulling her around. The idea is to make him the kinder, gentler Tom, not a controlling husband with a Stepford wife.”

Ladies, be honest with me. If Tom Cruise played beach volleyball topless on a jet while showering you with Tiffany jewelry, would you believe he’s not going to chain you to the dishwasher then hit on your brother after a free E-Meter reading? Of course not. Which is why the career Hail Mary, Top Gun 2, better have a T-Rex fight an F-16. I rest my case.

Photos: WENN

  1. moka


  2. sascha

    FIRST!! :)

  3. sascha

    FIRST!! :)

  4. sascha

    FIRST!! :)

  5. FOURTH!

    Check out an awesome vid about the DUDE WHO GOT TRAMPLED AT WAL-MART:

  6. TomCruise

    I’d appreciate Katie more if she was a dude.

  7. miggs

    They forgot to list “No asking Travolta if Tom’s cock smells like Will Smith’s rectum.” Or, as Tom calls it, “men in black.”

  8. Tom Sucks

    I disliked Tom after he dumped Nicole and his kids so he could start a new life again. He’s a selfish bastard!

  9. You just pissed off Xenu. Now you are gonna get it.

  10. Tom Sucks (but he makes the other guy swallow)

    I disliked Tom after he said Nicole’s demands for sex twice a year were unreasonable while semen leaked out of his ass.

  11. Tom Cruise Is Douch

    Tom Cruise is a royal douchbag. He refuses to sign autographs, gets pissy when someone sprays water at him. talks shit about many other celebs. All around he was a scumbag who made it big in the movie carrer and now is being a total douch nugget the rest of his life, His movie Valkyrie was way off as well. glad I watched it online and didn’t pay money for it.

    All in all I’m tired of seeing blogs about tom cruise, PICK A NEW CELEB!

  12. or...

    “Tom Cruise wants your backside, fellas”

  13. They forgot “No felching and bragging”.



  14. dew

    What happened to Katie? Lately she’s been looking so frumpy, but she looks really good in those photos.

  15. pdf file

    why are they trying to make him more appealing to ladies? Is he already done trying out katie? Time to move on, eh? why doesn’t he just give it up and do that gay porno he’s been dying to do for the last 20 years?

  16. skating on glue

    Interesting….did not know that baby gap made suits.

    This site is entertaining AND informative. Thanks.

  17. The Munger

    Hey, if he’s kinder and gentle-rerer…. what’s with the red knuckle hand hold? Let’s ease up and let the blood back into her hand there Tommy boy.

  18. Me 2

    I love Tom Cruise in spite of myself. He’s been looking mighty sexy lately.

  19. Max Planck

    He’s look great in high heels…almost as tall as Katie.

  20. Max Planck

    He’d look great in high heels…almost as tall as Katie.

  21. p0nk


    retodders, are you the same kid that does that “whoever posts after …. sucks on ….”? give it a rest, douchebag.

  22. BlueBalls

    #7 Funniest comment all week.

    Bravo, my friend.

  23. Ella

    I never went away. I’d do him if the offer was available. <3

  24. testing

    I hate Tom, he is a scumbag

  25. West Door

    His video rantings will haunt him forever. If he’s the official face of the religion, they picked a real nut job for it! We used to want him in bed with us, but now I’m convinced that he’d try to beat our thetans free of our bodies while we slept in on the weekend. He looks so small and frail, but don’t be fooled. LOL

  26. Dozer

    Fortunately they never made a sequel to Top Gun. Otherwise it’d probably involve something like the teacher seducing one of his naughty male students or learning to fly Xenu’s fighter DC-10.

  27. justifiable

    Val Kilmer aka Iceman has a better chance of getting back into “Top Gun” shape than Tom has of getting the ladies back after his little Scientology displays of know-nothing temper. If he’d ever been a decent actor he might’ve gotten away with being a douchebag, but there never was a lot of depth there..

  28. dave

    tom is really a robot, a Fag-A-Tron 4000

  29. I’m looking forward to top gun 2, how can it not be already a direct to dvd movie. Tom’s movies haven’t made much money lately, perhaps he is losing it!

  30. Sharon

    Tom Cruise can have me back and any other way too. The idiotic assumptions that have been made about him hold no water. His PR snafus merely indicate he is human. It may be superficial to be a fan of any celebrity but at least I’m not a fair weather fan. Tom Cruise is hot and Legend is my all time favorite movie.

  31. Ein

    Damn Katie is looks more and more depressed ever passing day. Such a cool chick ruined by Mr Alien Midget.

  32. timmy the dying boy

    Good this he’s not even 10% as wonderful as he thinks he is. Were that so, most of the population would have to commit suicide just for the shame they felt. Same goes for Angelina Jolie, only in her case, it’s 1%.

  33. wut

    Gotta throw this out there and see if anybody agrees/noticed too…Tom Cruise has got to be wearing those “hidden lift” shoes. Look at pic #4 where the laces on his shoes are. Nobody’s foot rises at that crazy of an angle unless they are in high heels and the front half of his shoe looks so flat that there can’t be anything in there. Basically he’s walking around on his tip toes to look taller. I don’t know why I noticed this, must have too much damn time on my hands today…

  34. camilondriz

    the man is always handsome and the girl is always pretty!! that’s just like what I’ve seen on ==== ==== you might believe what I say, but you are gonna believe your onw eyes and feelings!! and that’s what I did when frist my friends told me so!!!

  35. TCLTC

    Yes those are def. man heels.

  36. Toms A Polesmoker

    FREE KATIE!!!!!!!!!!!!111

  37. boo

    Frankly, his whole media blitz to win back his females fans is so condescending and obvious. I always thought he tried too hard to pass himself off as Mr. Perfect (yet humble and down to earth). I mean, how many times has he come across an accident victim just in time to help them? And it just happened to make it into the news? His whole life is a movie.

  38. samantha

    fat ass, thunder thighs, a little drummer boy haircut and shoe lifts. where do i sign up to join the fan club?

  39. Dorito Man

    LOL!! He looks like the posing little putz he is, in photo # 1

  40. TJF

    go suck a fat one, todders.

    …………………………………………………..they want honesty now!!

  42. yeah

    his suit jacket is cut to long

  43. Uh, okay, let’s get something straight here. Tom Cruise is, and always will be gay. His marriage to Katie Holmes is a sham. She is under contract for a couple million dollars to stay with him for 5 years or so, pump out a couple kids, and make him the sweetheart of the midwest suburban mom crowd again. Action heroes CANNOT be gay. (Cue Will Smith.)

    Tom also posed for some gay porn mags early in his career. Of course Scientology has covered that all up now.

  44. Drunkman

    You forgot the quintessential ‘flex my arm to check my wrist watch’ move.

  45. No matter hard he tries no one will forget the fool he made of himself jumping around, on and over that sofa!

  46. The Pope

    Is he a Jew?

    What does she do?

    Gosh, I’d like to bend her over a pew?

    To shove my holy-thing-ma-jig into you know who?

    And end all this scientology cult crap doggie-doo!

  47. Jenny

    Tom lost the gays. That’s why he’s in trouble.

  48. da plane, da plane

    He looks like a midget.

  49. Abror

    Seems he can’t bend his knees anymore…

  50. Leila

    I think he hurt his career by leaving Nicole. It’s not that he isn’t nice looking. It’s not that he isn’t a good actor. It’s that he keeps making all kind of slip ups in public. The whole Scientology thing creeps me out, then his rant on prescription drugs took it over the top. I don’t think he is gay or an alien. I do think he is good looking and a great actor. I just wish he’s stop being strange and doing strange things. If Katie is not happy with him, why doesn’t she divorce him? I watched the Oprah special with him and he came across as normal, but sometimes he doesn’t. The majority of the time he doesn’t. I just wish he’d be more like the Oprah interview the whole time instead of changing into the creepy Scientology guy. I can’t figure why any sane logical thinking person would accept a Sci-fi writers work as the gospel.

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