Tom Cruise wants to rough it

March 11th, 2009 // 53 Comments

Tom Cruise wants to see how we, the little people, live and is taking the family on a “no-frills” camping trip across the US, according to the Daily Mirror:

An insider told us: “They’ll be accompanied by a friend from the church of Scientology, as Tom never likes to be too far away from his religion. They will also have security camped down the road to keep any unwelcome people at bay.”
Well, the smell of Tom’s carbonara will have people – and wildlife – flocking from miles around… “They are certainly likely to cause a bit of a frenzy,” agreed our source. “But the whole point of them moving away from luxury holidays is to do things as a normal family.’ Suri will be three next month and Tom and Katie want her to experience as much normality as possible.

The Superficial has obtained the full itinerary for “Big Tom’s Wilderness Romp”:

1. Catskill Mountains.
2. Truck stop.
3. Truck stop.
4. Truck stop.
5. Jim’s All-Leather Emporium.
6. Truck stop.
7. Mt. Rushmore.
8. Truck stop.
9. Truck stop.
10. Truck stop.
11. Grand Canyon.
12. Truck stop.
13. Burning Man.
14. Pants-Free Campground U.S.A.
15. Truck stop.
16. Truck stop.
17. San Francisco.
18. David Beckham’s Backyard.
19. Prison.
20. Disneyland.

I sense a lot of bonding here. Happy Trails, Cruises!

superficial

  1. Geoff

    LAST!

  2. Suri

    FIRST you fucking fag of a dad

  3. big me

    FIRST! =)
    A-HA!

  4. Que

    Que exciting!

  5. big me

    ow… =(

  6. (ass)Lieutenant Colonel John Travolta

    I love the smell of Tom’s carbonara in the morning. You know, one time I had his ass rammed for 2 hours. When it was all over, I looked at the sheet. I didn’t find one spot that wasn’t covered in Astroglyde, feces, and semen, not one stinkin’ clean spot. The smell, you know that carbonara smell, the whole sheet. Smelled like…victory.

  7. juniper

    katies got tommys balls on a platter. he looks like mr. mom!!

  8. I LOVE KARI

    KARI I HAVE THAT LARGE SEMEN DEPOSIT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR! WHERE CAN I “DROP IT OFF”???

  9. Lich King

    Is it wrong for a man to have extramarital relationship?? These days, some news reported that some celebrities joined the famous online dating club
    _____BIGBLACKCONNECT.CO M____ and they are seeking someone else there though they have husband or wife else….They said, they do not care which races guys or beauties come form there …

  10. Nick

    #7 you’re insane. Check out the ever-present “steering hand for Kate”. One day a couple of years ago he put a sleeping pill in her drink and then he drank her frontal lobe through a straw he jabbed into the corner of her eye socket.

  11. #8, how old are you?? I’m guessing about 14.

  12. GuyHolly

    If the guards are parked so far away, how are they going to take a bullet from Tom…………excuse I mean for Tom.

  13. mc

    Tom must be watching Big Love, to have come up with this idea. Watch out Katie, multiple wives are on the way.

  14. harrybalsac

    Hey #9 – lich my nuts!

  15. Apes in the White House

    They are a wierd looking family, but not as wierd looking as the First Monkey, Michelle Oboombox, pictured below:

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    ………………………………@@@@@@@……………
    …………………@@@@@@@@@@@…………..
    …………..@@@……@@@@@@@@@………..
    ……..@@…………..@@..\__……__/..@@@@……..
    ……………………@@@….{Q}…..{Q}….@@@@@@……..
    ………………………..@@………..^……….@@@…………@….
    ………….@@@@@@………/…\………..@@@………..@
    ……..@@@……..@@……(0__0)………@@……..
    ……..@………….@@…………..U…………..@@@….
    …….@………..@@@…/^^^^ww^^^^\….@@@….
    …………………..@@…({..\—–O—–/..})…@@@@
    ………………@@@…..\\www—www//…@@@..
    ……………….@@*@………….^^^…………..@@@@
    ………………….@@…..\……………………/….@@@**
    ………………*@@@@\___…….___/…..@@**@@
    ……………..@@@@……/…(__)…\………@@@@**
    ………………@@@@…./……………\………@@@@@
    ………………@@@@…/……………..\.@@@@@@

  16. I LOVE KARI

    IF THATS WHAT YOUR INTO…. HEY ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY SEXY

  17. srdae

    @15. You need to get laid. Hopefully by that thing in your picture there.

  18. Jennyjenjen

    TCLTC

  19. p0nk

    TCLTC

  20. I LOVE KARI

    YOU ARE SOOOO SEXY

  21. Crazy Old Bitch

    Fish, You forgot about them going to Northern Georgia where Suri will get into a dueling banjo contest, and Tom will show the family what squealing like a pig is all about. The only difference between this trip and Deliverance is the security will use deadly force to stop anyone who tries to prevent the “rape” scene from happening like 75 times.

  22. testing

    Well it is nice that Suri will get to experiene eating carbonara with a Scientology representative like we all remember doing on camping trips growing up.

  23. I LOVE KARI

    TCLTC

  24. lawrence

    Wanna join a hot and heated forum that discusses the truth about these big stars?
    ____Tallmingle C om____ has lots of sports fans there! besides, it’s hot models, milfs, sexy chick s and handsome young men and chicks mingle club!!LOL checka!! :-)

  25. P0nk

    TCLTC word

  26. el ces

    He’s not ruffing it unless he dismisses the security and has to kill a stalker with his bare hands.

    He’s The Last Samurai.

  27. Gando

    Does he has a new hairdo? He’s just jealous on his wife Katie Holmes!

  28. havoc

    LMFAO @ #6 !!!!

    Tom never really lets go of her does he? He’s always got her arm.

    .

  29. R2-D2

    Boop beep! They seem to be happy with baby-wookie! Blip!

  30. gando no speaky englissss

    time to lay off the jack daniels at work.

  31. Darth

    An elephant stands for wisdom,strength and is majestic and so on.But if it takes a shit,it’s a big shit!

  32. Sauron

    Obviously this photo wasn’t taken in the USA.Just coincidence that yellow bear in the background?

  33. Lowlands

    @15 Don’t you think it’s time for a new piece of astonishing art?:)

  34. M-

    Yeah, it’s completely normal to go on a camping trip with security detail…

  35. Hey

    Hey Fish, you got the story all wrong! The title says “Tom Cruise wants to rough it.” It is supposed to read “Tom Cruise wants it rough!” Then the story went on to explain how he was going to take Kati and Suri to the woods, tie them to a tree, and then make sweet “carbonara” (tom’s secret word for anal poundage) with a “member” of Scientology, as Tom likes hot jizz up his a$$ from someone of his religion (because they are batsh*t crazy like him).

    Get it right next time plz.

  36. Matthew

    free katie! and TCLTC

  37. aleen

    She’s no doubt beautiful! And I love young lovely girls, I don’t really care about the social norm! sincere and sensual people on __Agelessmate.c om__ care nothing but chemistry! True love and feel right are what they really care!

  38. Mike

    ‘They’ll be accompanied by a friend from the church of Scientology, as Tom never likes to be too far away from his religion’

    Read “A male that is just as willing to fuck the wife, as he is willing to fuck the wife”

  39. Jenna

    I think I can speak for everyone from the Catskill Mountains when I say… we don’t want you Tom. Keep your Scientology away from us hicks without teeth.

  40. Tom has just commissioned the Scientologists to build him a custom glory hole for every state he visits.

  41. Georgia

    What about Tom Cruise’s other kids? Why are they never photographed jetsetting the globe with Katie and Tom?

  42. drewski2u

    Look at the asians in the back, gazing, hell, gawking in admiration of Tommy boy. I’m sure they’re thinking, “Well, at least I’m sure I’ve got a bigger dick than him…..”

  43. STRANG WITH HIS LENGHT folks?

  44. The articles seem more entertaining lately. More surprising.

  45. Mike

    “43. Georgia – March 11, 2009 9:29 PM

    What about Tom Cruise’s other kids? Why are they never photographed jetsetting the globe with Katie and Tom?”

    Don’t you mean Jett-setting?

  46. herald

    I THINK TOM IS DOING THIS TO GET IN CLOSER TOUCH WITH PEOPLE, SO HE’S TRYING TO REGAIN HIS LOST POPULARITY. SORRY TOM IS FAKE AND IT FEELS ON THE AIR.

  47. Adrian

    HAS ANYONE NOTICED THAT SURI IS ALWAYS WEARING DRESSES? WEIRD.

  48. Whys he always holding on to her like that, is she gonna fall over? Truck Stop…yeah we get it.

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