Tom Cruise totally wants David Beckham

October 23rd, 2007 // 63 Comments

David Beckham’s soccer season ended on Sunday. He’s been pretty bummed that he hasn’t been able to play due to an injury. So guess who wants to cheer David up? His old buddy Tom Cruise. People reports:

“We will go out and fly some airplanes or race some cars or something like that,” Cruise told BBC Radio 5 Live as he hit the red carpet for the London Film Festival premiere of his new flick, Lions for Lambs, which opens Nov. 9.
Cruise, 45, admitted that any thrilling exploits would first have to get the go-ahead from Beckham’s wife.
“I’ll talk to Victoria and see if she’s all right with that. But we’ll have some fun.”

Tom’s got but nothing for love for David. Pure heterosexual love. I think:

“I know what a competitor he is and I have great admiration for him as an athlete, as a father, and as a husband,” he said. “The guy works so hard – I know personally how dedicated this guy is, and how committed.”

Nothing out of the ordinary here. Just two guys hanging out. Sure, maybe one’s a world-famous actor and the other’s a huge soccer star. And, yeah, maybe one of them wants to have butt sex at 30,000 feet. But, all that aside, it’s just two regular Joes racing cars and flying expensive jets – while possibly naked.

Photos: Getty Images

  1. Tom Cruise

    “I know what a competitor he is and I have great admiration for him as an athlete, as a father, and as a husband. The guy works so hard – I know personally how dedicated this guy is, and how committed. Most of all, I have personally seen – briefly, then my vision got a little messed up – his extraordinarily forceful ejaculations.”

  2. Binky

    Unfortunately Becks is now more washed up in his soccer career than Petra Nemcova a couple of years ago.

  3. veggi

    According to Tom, Beckham is such a good husband that he “occasionally places his phallus in Victoria’s genitalia.”

  4. What an asshole. He is only be nice to David so he will join the church of Scientology. That or he is gay on him.

  5. jennypussy


  6. Mongo

    Nice quotes. Tom’s clearly been waiting all season, masturbating patiently while watching soccer on a TV in his bomb shelter. Now it’s game-on. “Hey Tom, that was a fun drive, but it’s weird suddenly I feel really sleepy…” “Don’t worry, David, you’re just tired from a long season, relax and go to sleep [*zip*]“…

  7. Cinthia

    If Tom’s hairline isn’t receding (but I bet it is), that’s by far the gayest haircut he’s had yet! Check out the length in front vs. the sides! Maybe Texas Tranny knows the answer to this – when you wear a square-state fag haircut like that, what “activities” does it mean you’re willing to do? I’m guessing rusty trombones at a minimum.

  8. feg

    I’m actually embarrassed for your lameness with this one Super Fish.
    I’ll pretend I didn’t see it so you can go ahead & delete – then run back to
    the drawing board. don’t force it, man. you just end up embarrassing yourself.

  9. Rose

    LOL the LA Galaxy bought a crippled player.

    Good job guys, you’re now out of a ton of money. Great career move for David, he made a crapload of money and now he doesn’t have to work.

  10. Auntie Kryst

    I think this interview was edited…

    “We will go out and fly some airplanes or race some cars or maybe take in a musical. No wait I didn’t mean that last one. Maybe we’ll go to a basketball game and see if the local group throws more balls in the circle than the opposing club. If not that we’ll probably go camping together. I’ll need new hiking boots though, now I got an excuse to go shoe shopping!…”

  11. Bonnie

    So is he still wearing vests because he’s still fat? I know at his wedding he porked (after signing Katie up with “Buff Brides” fitness training) and had to have a girdle sewn into his suit. Maybe he just liked the feel of the girdle. He looks like he “feels pretty.”

  12. transcript

    “We will go out and fly some airplanes or race some cars or something like that – anything that involves stuff spurting around really fast.”

  13. feg

    that haircut is not very flattering. it looks like it belongs on a English boarding school brat. maybe he’s in mid-life crisis mode.

  14. are you saying tom cruise is gay….

  15. interviewer

    At one point it was very uncomfortable. Tom was singing David’s praises, then he and Katie talked about something briefly and he got flushed and angry and said “get away from me, you smelly innie breeder!”

  16. Guy

    Bloody hell, just get a short back and sides, he will look a ton better.

  17. Tiny

    Tom Cruise has a pecil dick!

  18. Feckless

    and Tommy breaks into song: “Take a message Maria, send it to my wife, I’ve got a new boyfriend, I want a new life”.

  19. cookie monsta

    think of the fun the boys will have while the girls pose and shop. Naked leapfrog. Naked tunnelball. Naked wheelbarrows. Naked quoits. Oh yeah, TC wants to convert this one, in all sorts of wicked ways…..

  20. Is TC emo? WTF is up with that hair?

  21. Matthew

    FREE KATIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TCLTC

  22. Guy


    No, emo’s have better hair styles then that.

  23. Those bangs help protect his eyeballs from the force of high-speed ejaculate.

    Come on folks. Get with the program.

  24. PunkA

    TC frightens me in those photos. Hitler written all over him. Dude needs to mellow out. And Beckham needs to run like hell. Bend it or whatever. Just don;t bend it over, or Tom will show you his zeigheil.

  25. Vince Lombardi

    Based solely on his hair, I’m predicting Tom Cruise is filming a Beatles bio-pic circa 1966. Tom will play the role of Yoko Ono.

  26. Vince Lombardi


    Two words: COLLAR STAYS.

  27. LL

    Yeah, that’s a pretty bad haircut. I think he’s trying to look youthful. Or maybe he and Posh got their hair done together at the same salon. Either way, Tom, go back to the first Mission Impossible haircut. That one made you look like a hetero. This one makes you look like a 45-year-old man who wants to work at Abercrombie. Have some pride, man!

  28. korina jebediah

    mmhm, cruise is taking the efron look.
    next time we’ll have pics on the site of becks ala “vanesa hudgens”
    but with less pubic hair.
    totally loved the comments so far. (thumbs up)
    a lot more funny and shrewd than fish.

    fish, youre just not the same

  29. Hitler

    That’s the Adolf-Haircut.

    Now he’s only missing the Adolf-Moustache.

  30. PunkA

    #29 you are right!!!!

    damn, i had no idea that TC loves efron. both have fairy cuts. both like guys. i see a new Hollywood couple on the down low!

  31. Feckless

    #4 Victoria has genitalia? Who paid for it?

  32. pissy skank

    what’s with the douchey haircut? He looks like a school marm.

  33. Frack

    Tom has the Risky Business haircut of 25 years ago. I guess he’s trying to look younger. I mean he is like 45 or something.

  34. dreamy creamy maverick

    I love short men in 3 piece suits that wear sunglasses at night and rip off poses from the boss yet still end up looking more like damien all the while convinced they are still a tiger beat heartthrob for all girls and even boys even though little childresn cry and dogs howl if their unfortunate enough to cross his path.

  35. Ript1&0

    I don’t know about you, but I NEVER thought this dude was hot, even was he was still considered straight. I like ‘em dirtier that this.

    PS = Tom, 1993 called. The kid from Terminator 2 wants his haircut back.

  36. Mommas got a big fat ass

    Does Tom have pink eye too?

  37. Is it me or does he just keep gettin uglier???

    And what’s with the retarded haircut? (I know, I know, it’s already been said, like I care…)

  38. raggatt

    He’s got a Clay Aiken haircut – definitely an “I’m gay” message.

  39. Makemepuke

    Tom Cruise…….oh Fcuk man….This is what fame , money, Hollywood, and scientology does to you, its make you into a fuckin nutbar with a Hitler haircut…please somebody put him out of his misery……he is the epitome of sleazey superficiality!!

  40. hausfrau

    I loooove the modified Dorothy Hamill hairdo Tommy is sporting.
    Very hetero.

  41. TS

    Either Clay Aiken or George McFly.

  42. TS

    Yeah, that’s it. He looks like Crispin Glover. Another fucking weirdo.

  43. KC

    Hair by emo-Trump.

  44. LucyLou

    Is Tom’s hairdo a combover or an emo frienge?

    Either way it looks retarded.

  45. gay4ever

    Creep factor is off the charts. YEEEEEECCCCHHHHHHH.
    How the hell Katie Holmes can sleep with him is beyond my wildest imagination. No wonder she always looks so sad.

  46. cate

    46— Don’t be silly, she doesn’t sleep with him. He can’t get it up around females. He goes into the bathroom with a dirty mag like playgirl, gets his rocks off into a turkey baster, and shoots it into Kat(i)e’s vag. This is how Suri came into the world.

  47. Jimbo

    He wants David Beckham soooo bad! It’s so bloody obvious. I don’t know if Beckham swings that way. I think Zack Efron is more Tom’s type; both are very girly with the same haircut. I can picture both of them skipping and prancing together, wearing matching hot pink suits.

  48. sharpeidude

    Gay Tom wants to “bend it” in Beckham!

  49. melinda

    I saw tom’s photos on What does he really want on earth?

Leave A Comment