I’m sure there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for this picture, but I prefer to jump to conclusions so I’ll just go ahead and assume that Tom Cruise is stabbing Katie Holmes in the head. Or – and this one’s a lot less believable – he’s forcing her to perform oral sex on him. Sure, there will be naysayers out there who claim he’s just holding her hair out of the birthday candles as she blows them out, but let’s be realistic here. Katie Holmes? Having a birthday? Wouldn’t it make more sense if Tom Cruise just happened to decide that stabbing her in the back of the head would be an awesome thing to do? I think it would, my friends. I think it would.
Tom Cruise stabs Katie Holmes in the head. Maybe.
December 19th, 2005 // 38 Comments
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| No bras here. – The Chive |
Leslie | December 19, 2005 at 3:13 pm
Wow, her boobs are huge now.
MortyFishbein | December 19, 2005 at 3:32 pm
I prefer to think of this as his reprimanding her for taking Xenu’s name in vain.
C’mon, people! When are going to shun people, famous or not, who believe in a space alien-based faith. That’s right “faith.” They can get TAX DOLLARS, people.
Xenu Christ!!
giromide | December 19, 2005 at 3:32 pm
Why didn’t Tom personally — personally! — blow out the candles for her?
giromide | December 19, 2005 at 3:34 pm
I hope the celebration was silent. No one wants to traumatize that unborn child.
sammygirl | December 19, 2005 at 3:43 pm
Giromide, I think he’s holding her head back so he himself CAN blow out the candles for her.
spamnews | December 19, 2005 at 3:44 pm
Her boobs are huge in comparison to what she started with which were boobs more appropriately-sized for an ant or a small dog. Pam Anderson, Carmen Electra, Britney SPears. Those are some huge boobs. Katie’s? Not so much. Which is fine. But let’s maintain a little perspective here, people.
sammygirl | December 19, 2005 at 3:50 pm
Oh look, he IS blowing out her candles!!
http://people.aol.com/people/galleries/0,19884,1141767_2,00.html
allioson | December 19, 2005 at 4:01 pm
k hes holding back her hair….bummmer i really wish that sick relationship will end somehow…..asap
Nikk The Templar | December 19, 2005 at 4:05 pm
About friggin’ time someone did it….
Snazzfu | December 19, 2005 at 4:09 pm
C’mon people. Those aren’t boobs. . . that is her new Anti-Xenubafoo ultrasound machine. Giving her boobs would be as valuable as giving Tom Cruise a penis. Which again raises the question of how she ever got pregnant in the first place. Ew.
giromide | December 19, 2005 at 4:10 pm
Thanks for the pic, Sammygirl. I must ask the obvious: CUPCAKES?
derekd | December 19, 2005 at 4:16 pm
Beat me to the punch Leslie. That’s exactly what I was gonna point out. That and Katie is one of those few women whos looks actually improve with pregnancy. Sorry ladies, hate to let the cat out of the bag but your husbands/baby’s father was lying to you, you really look like shit when your prego.
Haley | December 19, 2005 at 4:31 pm
Does anyone else not look at this and see Katie being amazed by a copy machine?
theyareidiots | December 19, 2005 at 5:12 pm
How thoughtful of Tom to help her out. After all, he probably has far more experience blowing things than she does.
nikki | December 19, 2005 at 5:34 pm
there is something very disturbing about this guy. and whatever it is, he is becoming less and less able to keep it under wraps. why would anyone have a biological child for this nutcase? and how much time do the other kids spend with Nicole? Tom seems to dominate their time too.
MacMac | December 19, 2005 at 5:48 pm
“But with so many cupcakes, the pregnant Holmes (whose birthday is Sunday) needs a little extra blowing power from Cruise.”
Hee hee!
jka | December 19, 2005 at 5:59 pm
I seriously doubt it’s the biological child of that homunculus. Prosthetic belly is more likely.
courtney | December 19, 2005 at 6:42 pm
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Comic gold. Ive seen this picture a thousand times and I havent laughed until I read your interpretation. I love it.
snark | December 19, 2005 at 7:08 pm
besides the death grip that he has on her hair, this is the most normal, natural picture of them i have seen. that looks like something a non-pretend couple might do.
SpiderMomma | December 19, 2005 at 7:26 pm
I think Tommyboy is just biding his time until he can join the mothership with Emperor Crazypants Michael Jackson.
Roxie | December 19, 2005 at 7:38 pm
Haley, I just snorted out loud with laffter at your “copy machine” comment. klassik!
U guys see the LA Times expose on tom/scientology? check it!http://kisskissandallthat.blogspot.com/2005/12/secret-celeb-scientology-resort.html
Roxie | December 19, 2005 at 7:48 pm
crap, i meant:
http://kisskissandallthat.blogspot.com/2005/12/secret-celeb-scientology-resort.html
sorry. crap!
Jewbacca | December 19, 2005 at 10:15 pm
Tom Cruise knows about blowing out candles. Tom Cruise has studied blowing, you haven’t.
BadassFred | December 19, 2005 at 11:02 pm
Exactly, Jewbacca. Tom Cruise knows the history or candle blowing. We don’t.
SpiderMomma | December 19, 2005 at 11:22 pm
He’s been practicing blowing something that’s for sure.
hafaball | December 20, 2005 at 12:21 am
I was laughing about the stabbing thing, then about the blow job thing, knowing perfectly well he was just holding her hair up….until I saw how far away the cake was from the two. So, I’m gonna say he’s about to slam her head on the table for not making a wish about scientology.
Smackage | December 20, 2005 at 12:44 am
noooo….i think the only logical explanation here is that she wanted to perform oral sex on him, but he got angry at the very thought of it and is pulling her away from his crotch by her hair.
HollyJ | December 20, 2005 at 1:29 am
OK first of all, he’s gripping her hair like an SPCA officer pulling a cat out of a hole. It looks like a sterile clench, not a sweet hair-holding. Is it possible that he could look more uncomfortable touching her? It’s like watching Nathan Lane try to make love to a woman. NOT NATURAL
Secondly, he’s got his other hand on her left forearm, as if he’s trying to steady her before she tumbles over. How many non-alcoholic beers has she had?
Thirdly, he’s not even LOOKING at her as he’s manhandling her. He’s lustily eyeballing whatever it is she’s about to blow on the table. (Rob perhaps ???)
And lastly – geezuz christ – did she unhinge her mandible for this shot? She could give head to a Javan Rhino with that mouth. =0
slinkhard | December 20, 2005 at 4:51 am
Ugh, what a control freak.
BadGoat | December 20, 2005 at 8:44 am
That is an ugly picture. Look at the way he’s grabbing her hair, it’s not loving or kind in any way. He IS a control freak.
tess | December 20, 2005 at 10:14 am
As they say, an image is worth a thousand words. This picture shows that Tom is a control freak. I mean, the way he holds her hair shows that he has absolutely no respect for this woman. He treats her like some accessory or some doll. Poor Katie. I wonder if she realizes the type of mess she got into by getting pregnant with this midget. Her life is officially ruined for ever now. Let’s just hope she won’t have to deal with baby blues… The poor woman won’t even be able to drink alcohol for the rest of her life (thanks to Tom’s so-called religion)…
xd | December 20, 2005 at 10:18 am
Awww it’s so cute, he’s holding her hair while she blows the candles so it won’t get burnt or on the cake!!:)
rose13 | December 20, 2005 at 11:34 am
Hey everyone. I found this website with pics of Tom, Katie and the new baby on planet Xenu. Check them out.
http://www.todaysplanet.com/pg/beta/lizardlover/page18.htm
prideofchucky | December 20, 2005 at 12:32 pm
“Alright Kate, blow out your candles and make ah- WAIT! NOT NOW!!! DID I SAY TO BLOW THEM OUT NOW?!?!? WELL DID I?! NO, THAT’S RIGHT I DIDN’T SAY TO BLOW THEM OUT NOW! HOW….MANY….TIMES…..DO ….I….HAVE…TO…TELL…-”
sweet as sugar | December 20, 2005 at 5:09 pm
Why is everyone always picking on them? They are a totally normal couple who happen to worship an alien named Xenu and have conceived a child using a turkey baster. What’s wrong with that?
minxy | December 20, 2005 at 5:50 pm
I thought pregnant women were supposed to have a glow (?) Katie Holmes used to be so cute, and ever since she’s been with tom cruise, she just seems to be getting less and less attractive. And I don’t think it’s becuase she’s pregnant. Usually pregnant women have beautiful skin and look really healthy and womanly-she looks almost kind of sickly and pale, and just…bad.
Superman | December 21, 2005 at 12:32 am
You guys are a bunch of bottom-feeding, lowlife idiots.
HOMELESS(TM) | December 21, 2005 at 3:02 am
HOMELESS