Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have finalized their prenuptial agreement and it supposedly gives Katie $3 million a year up to $33 million for each year she’s married to Cruise, as well as a home in Montecito, California. If the marriage lasts over eleven years then the contract becomes void and Katie gets half of everything due to California’s community property law. However, an insider tells Life & Style it’s all a ploy, saying:
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Chicagoboy | June 8, 2006 at 1:56 pm
You mean they have been waiting to get married all this time due to a pre-nup?!?!? Maybe Brad and Angelina aren’t so stupid after all. . .
hugo | June 8, 2006 at 1:58 pm
So, there will be no divorce until 2017?
honey | June 8, 2006 at 1:58 pm
Oh come on, it’s fun to be married to an insane person! In a few years, he’ll be so old that she can just stick out her bony knee and tell him it’s a cock… happiness all the way around.
Jacq | June 8, 2006 at 1:59 pm
TCLTC! TCLTC! Everyone knew why he left Nicole when he did. Sonofa bitch! Stupid whore. Have a kid with a gay guy who you HAVE to marry to be able to afford to keep our own damn child. I can’t wait until this implodes.
Fisher55 | June 8, 2006 at 1:59 pm
i thought a prenup kept one from taking the other’s money…why would he offer her a deal that gives her any money at all if they divorce?
Brokeneyes | June 8, 2006 at 1:59 pm
Pretty soon they will announce that they are no longer getting married…
…and katie holmes will be paid to keep tom’s gayness quiet. So either way, she will get that 33 million.
Chicagoboy | June 8, 2006 at 1:59 pm
#3 That’s a long time for Mr. Cruise to remain in the closet. . . hope he has some cocktail weinies to fight off the hunger pangs.
Jacq | June 8, 2006 at 1:59 pm
#3 – 2016 and a half.
oshkoshb-goshdammgosh | June 8, 2006 at 1:59 pm
Tom probably feels like one of those guys who gets really drunk at the strip club and calls one of the girls fat and spills a drink on another one, and then comes back the next day and tips really well to make up for it. Wait, that never happens.
And Katie probably feels bad for being a brainwashed yet expensive hooker.
bigponie | June 8, 2006 at 2:00 pm
what a dumb biatch, she should’ve asked for more money
oshkoshb-goshdammgosh | June 8, 2006 at 2:00 pm
Bad feelings all around, basically.
Jacq | June 8, 2006 at 2:01 pm
#7 – Would you call that a cock fight? When it comes to eating weenies, you don’t have to tell Tom twice. Or at all, for that matter.
uncommonamerican | June 8, 2006 at 2:01 pm
I’m pretty sure most of that $33 million will go to her Scientology auditors. Whatever’s left she’ll have to set aside for her baby’s auditing and eventual funeral, complete with adorable little casket.
eatmyass_sherry-co | June 8, 2006 at 2:02 pm
Awesome!!!! I missed this bastard’s stories. Now I can spam what is really important, that he loves da cock!
TCLTC
TCLTC
TCLTC
TCLTC
TCLTC
TCLTC
and
TCLTC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chicagoboy | June 8, 2006 at 2:02 pm
“Here’s 3 million and a house. If anyone asks if I’m gay, just point to the kid and say no.”
Jacq | June 8, 2006 at 2:02 pm
Is it too much to ask that the next Tom posting has a Photoshopped penis next to his face? Humor me.
Jacq | June 8, 2006 at 2:03 pm
#15 – ROFLAMO!!! SOM!
limper | June 8, 2006 at 2:04 pm
So, Tom effectively bought a wife.
All the women in the world who supposedly are hot for the guy and he has to go and buy a wife?
…and it costs him $33 million?
…and the wife is Katie Holmes?
*head explodes*
Mr. Fritz | June 8, 2006 at 2:04 pm
Hey! I came across this article. I am sure most of us will agree with its contents. Also, TCLTC!
http://www.slate.com/id/2143174/?GT1=8295
Gigi | June 8, 2006 at 2:04 pm
I just read an article on how Tom’s agents are a little worried about having a “difficult conversation” with him about the impending expiration of his production deal. One rep believes that Tom should do another Jerry Maguire type film.
“A role like that would be aimed at women, who haven’t cottoned much to Cruise lately. But VIM says this would be the chance to win them back.”
How about not loving the cock? That might net some more female fans.
Here’s the article for those who are interested:
http://www.slate.com/id/2143174/?GT1=8295
Chicagoboy | June 8, 2006 at 2:05 pm
#12 Tom is only using his movie career to finance his life goal of being a hot-dog eating champion. He is bound and determined to out-eat that skinny little asian girl who keeps winning.
Fawlty | June 8, 2006 at 2:05 pm
#5, I’m not a lawyer, but maybe it’s something that prevents her from being able to get/sue for even more money.
Love makes you do crazy things… and this is evidence you can do crazy things even if there’s no love involved.
Fisher55 | June 8, 2006 at 2:07 pm
btw, i posted first on this thread and the superfish people deleted it…just FYI
papahotnuts, when’s that site gonna be ready again?
jane's eyre | June 8, 2006 at 2:08 pm
YESSS! Bring on the Tom bashing! And I love that “Kate” is now required to keep her head lower than Tom’s at all times. The little tyrant.
Chicagoboy | June 8, 2006 at 2:11 pm
#24 Yeah! WTF! Doesn’t Katie have 8 inches on Tom?!?! Normally she can post-up on him, but in the picture she looks to be shorter!
They Suck | June 8, 2006 at 2:12 pm
I have to agree with this post; for $33 million dollars, putting up with Tom would be doable. And the best part, for Katie, is she doesn’t even have to sleep with him!
TCLTC, ya’ll.
PapaHotNuts | June 8, 2006 at 2:15 pm
I sometimes pay women to stay with me. I usually get a massage first, then a full body wash, followed by a terrible rash on my nuts. But then again, I ain’t spendin’ no more than $15.00 an hour.
Spindoc | June 8, 2006 at 2:15 pm
Interesting, Cindy Adams Column and Page six, all said that an unamed major star, was looking for a starlet to marry and the payoff for a kid was going to be 10million dollars.
I guess that unamed star shouldn’t have married THIS starlet considering her daddy is a divorce lawyer. BOOM! 33million. And then a few years later, she will get another 10 for writing the book “My Ex Husband Loves the Cock”
Sheva | June 8, 2006 at 2:15 pm
You people are just so insensitive. Look Tom likes the swarmy dark oily skinned type and he had thought he was about to live his great fantasy and bed Zarqawi. He planned a MIV trip to the Mideast to promote the movie and live his fantasy.
Now that the American military messed that up, all he has left is a pasty faced girl from Ohio who wants to steal his kid from Xenu. Can’t let that happen. Must fight evil forces trying to unscientologize the family.
The power of Xenu commands you.
aivilo | June 8, 2006 at 2:17 pm
Oh Superficial Man,
That could work perfectly, if your penis happens to be the size and shape of a regulation sized envelope.
TOM CRUISE IS GROSS AND LIKE 50 MILLION YEARS OLD.
jane's eyre | June 8, 2006 at 2:18 pm
Ha ha, “swarmy?”
oshkoshb-goshdammgosh | June 8, 2006 at 2:18 pm
28 – With or without taxes, because I prefer to work under the table – or desk, or whathaveyou.
Zanna | June 8, 2006 at 2:20 pm
@28 – is that where the HotNuts came from?
PapaHotNuts | June 8, 2006 at 2:21 pm
Osh, I’m paying cash money. I’ll throw in a little extra suntin-suntin for ya if let me cornhole you, in honor of Tom Cruise.
oshkoshb-goshdammgosh | June 8, 2006 at 2:21 pm
I went and saw Thank You For Smoking with my mom not too long ago, and she kept saying was, “Who’s that ugly little Irish girl with the pointy teeth and the crooked ears?” I told her, “Mom, it’s Tom Cruise’s girlfriend.” To which she replied, “What a fucking stupid fucktard.”
The events of this story are based on fact.
Lala | June 8, 2006 at 2:22 pm
Considering what she was banking for her (cough cough) movie career before this insanity started, three million a year alone is more than she’d ever have made.
Katie has won the jackpot. Big time.
PapaHotNuts | June 8, 2006 at 2:24 pm
@33, no , they came from Heaven.
honey | June 8, 2006 at 2:25 pm
#24 & #25 – during childbirth, she may have had them go ahead and cut off both knobby knees at the shin so that he will have them to suck on in lieu of actual cock- I suspect this is why he is so grateful that he’s willing to pay her 33mil. *added bonus- she will never tower over him again- NEVER!*
sweetcheeks | June 8, 2006 at 2:25 pm
I have always known that you COULD, in fact, put a price on love.
33 million dollars is a little steep, though. You can have MY love for $40 plus tip, and a minimum of two drinks. For VIP love, it’s $300 and up in the champagne room.
oshkoshb-goshdammgosh | June 8, 2006 at 2:27 pm
Mr. Nuts,
I concede to your arrangement only if the suntin-suntin is a new Plymouth and we change the cornhole proposal to include expidentures in marathon pussy-eating. I await your rebuttal.
Signed,
Ms. B’gosh
Chicagoboy | June 8, 2006 at 2:27 pm
Apparently Tom’s political connections weren’t enough to convince W to give up the gay-marriage ban so he had to marry Katie instead.
bigponie | June 8, 2006 at 2:29 pm
you’ll notice in the background, there is a guy wearin’ glasses checking out katie’s little ass while his wife in the pink hat is yellin’ at him for checking out her ass and his probably thinking “not much junk in that trunk…except junk”
jane's eyre | June 8, 2006 at 2:30 pm
40
Does “expidentures” mean that there’s going to be gumming involved?
oshkoshb-goshdammgosh | June 8, 2006 at 2:33 pm
43 – sure. those sho was some big wurds i used wasnt them?
PapaHotNuts | June 8, 2006 at 2:36 pm
Osh , you are a nasty bitch, in all the right ways. Deal accepted.
honey | June 8, 2006 at 2:37 pm
Careful Osh, there is probably no blood left in his head and he’s going to read “rebuttal” and think that you want it in the ass repeatedly- you’ll need a lawyer to get you out of that one!
please excuse the intrusion- I just hate to see a nice girl like you end up with hot nuts slapping you in the twat if that’s not what you’re into..
gas_up_the_hrududu | June 8, 2006 at 2:42 pm
Oh, please. Suri is no proof that Tommy boy doesn’t LTC. All she proves is that TomKat know how to be creative with a turkey baster.
oshkoshb-goshdammgosh | June 8, 2006 at 2:42 pm
I once knew a girl named Honey
She danced on a stage for money
She’d spin on a pole
and show her asshole
and was bendy and flex-y like Gumby
tarjamarja | June 8, 2006 at 2:43 pm
I wouldn’t sell my soul for $33 million. I would sell my body for $33 million, but I’m guessing Tom’s not really into Katie’s body.
oshkoshb-goshdammgosh | June 8, 2006 at 2:43 pm
honey, will you lick my rebuttal if I take out my expidentures and eat your legislation?