Tom Cruise makes Katie Holmes rich

June 8th, 2006 // 226 Comments

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have finalized their prenuptial agreement and it supposedly gives Katie $3 million a year up to $33 million for each year she’s married to Cruise, as well as a home in Montecito, California. If the marriage lasts over eleven years then the contract becomes void and Katie gets half of everything due to California’s community property law. However, an insider tells Life & Style it’s all a ploy, saying:


  1. Chicagoboy

    You mean they have been waiting to get married all this time due to a pre-nup?!?!? Maybe Brad and Angelina aren’t so stupid after all. . .

  2. So, there will be no divorce until 2017?

  3. honey

    Oh come on, it’s fun to be married to an insane person! In a few years, he’ll be so old that she can just stick out her bony knee and tell him it’s a cock… happiness all the way around.

  4. Jacq

    TCLTC! TCLTC! Everyone knew why he left Nicole when he did. Sonofa bitch! Stupid whore. Have a kid with a gay guy who you HAVE to marry to be able to afford to keep our own damn child. I can’t wait until this implodes.

  5. Fisher55

    i thought a prenup kept one from taking the other’s money…why would he offer her a deal that gives her any money at all if they divorce?

  6. Brokeneyes

    Pretty soon they will announce that they are no longer getting married…

    …and katie holmes will be paid to keep tom’s gayness quiet. So either way, she will get that 33 million.

  7. Chicagoboy

    #3 That’s a long time for Mr. Cruise to remain in the closet. . . hope he has some cocktail weinies to fight off the hunger pangs.

  8. Jacq

    #3 – 2016 and a half.

  9. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    Tom probably feels like one of those guys who gets really drunk at the strip club and calls one of the girls fat and spills a drink on another one, and then comes back the next day and tips really well to make up for it. Wait, that never happens.
    And Katie probably feels bad for being a brainwashed yet expensive hooker.

  10. bigponie

    what a dumb biatch, she should’ve asked for more money

  11. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    Bad feelings all around, basically.

  12. Jacq

    #7 – Would you call that a cock fight? When it comes to eating weenies, you don’t have to tell Tom twice. Or at all, for that matter.

  13. I’m pretty sure most of that $33 million will go to her Scientology auditors. Whatever’s left she’ll have to set aside for her baby’s auditing and eventual funeral, complete with adorable little casket.

  14. eatmyass_sherry-co

    Awesome!!!! I missed this bastard’s stories. Now I can spam what is really important, that he loves da cock!

  15. Chicagoboy

    “Here’s 3 million and a house. If anyone asks if I’m gay, just point to the kid and say no.”

  16. Jacq

    Is it too much to ask that the next Tom posting has a Photoshopped penis next to his face? Humor me.

  17. Jacq

    #15 – ROFLAMO!!! SOM!

  18. limper

    So, Tom effectively bought a wife.

    All the women in the world who supposedly are hot for the guy and he has to go and buy a wife?

    …and it costs him $33 million?

    …and the wife is Katie Holmes?

    *head explodes*

  19. Mr. Fritz

    Hey! I came across this article. I am sure most of us will agree with its contents. Also, TCLTC!

  20. Gigi

    I just read an article on how Tom’s agents are a little worried about having a “difficult conversation” with him about the impending expiration of his production deal. One rep believes that Tom should do another Jerry Maguire type film.
    “A role like that would be aimed at women, who haven’t cottoned much to Cruise lately. But VIM says this would be the chance to win them back.”

    How about not loving the cock? That might net some more female fans.

    Here’s the article for those who are interested:

  21. Chicagoboy

    #12 Tom is only using his movie career to finance his life goal of being a hot-dog eating champion. He is bound and determined to out-eat that skinny little asian girl who keeps winning.

  22. Fawlty

    #5, I’m not a lawyer, but maybe it’s something that prevents her from being able to get/sue for even more money.

    Love makes you do crazy things… and this is evidence you can do crazy things even if there’s no love involved.

  23. Fisher55

    btw, i posted first on this thread and the superfish people deleted it…just FYI

    papahotnuts, when’s that site gonna be ready again?

  24. jane's eyre

    YESSS! Bring on the Tom bashing! And I love that “Kate” is now required to keep her head lower than Tom’s at all times. The little tyrant.

  25. Chicagoboy

    #24 Yeah! WTF! Doesn’t Katie have 8 inches on Tom?!?! Normally she can post-up on him, but in the picture she looks to be shorter!

  26. I have to agree with this post; for $33 million dollars, putting up with Tom would be doable. And the best part, for Katie, is she doesn’t even have to sleep with him!

    TCLTC, ya’ll.

  27. PapaHotNuts

    I sometimes pay women to stay with me. I usually get a massage first, then a full body wash, followed by a terrible rash on my nuts. But then again, I ain’t spendin’ no more than $15.00 an hour.

  28. Interesting, Cindy Adams Column and Page six, all said that an unamed major star, was looking for a starlet to marry and the payoff for a kid was going to be 10million dollars.

    I guess that unamed star shouldn’t have married THIS starlet considering her daddy is a divorce lawyer. BOOM! 33million. And then a few years later, she will get another 10 for writing the book “My Ex Husband Loves the Cock”

  29. Sheva

    You people are just so insensitive. Look Tom likes the swarmy dark oily skinned type and he had thought he was about to live his great fantasy and bed Zarqawi. He planned a MIV trip to the Mideast to promote the movie and live his fantasy.

    Now that the American military messed that up, all he has left is a pasty faced girl from Ohio who wants to steal his kid from Xenu. Can’t let that happen. Must fight evil forces trying to unscientologize the family.

    The power of Xenu commands you.

  30. aivilo

    Oh Superficial Man,

    That could work perfectly, if your penis happens to be the size and shape of a regulation sized envelope.


  31. jane's eyre

    Ha ha, “swarmy?”

  32. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    28 – With or without taxes, because I prefer to work under the table – or desk, or whathaveyou.

  33. @28 – is that where the HotNuts came from?

  34. PapaHotNuts

    Osh, I’m paying cash money. I’ll throw in a little extra suntin-suntin for ya if let me cornhole you, in honor of Tom Cruise.

  35. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    I went and saw Thank You For Smoking with my mom not too long ago, and she kept saying was, “Who’s that ugly little Irish girl with the pointy teeth and the crooked ears?” I told her, “Mom, it’s Tom Cruise’s girlfriend.” To which she replied, “What a fucking stupid fucktard.”
    The events of this story are based on fact.

  36. Considering what she was banking for her (cough cough) movie career before this insanity started, three million a year alone is more than she’d ever have made.

    Katie has won the jackpot. Big time.

  37. PapaHotNuts

    @33, no , they came from Heaven.

  38. honey

    #24 & #25 – during childbirth, she may have had them go ahead and cut off both knobby knees at the shin so that he will have them to suck on in lieu of actual cock- I suspect this is why he is so grateful that he’s willing to pay her 33mil. *added bonus- she will never tower over him again- NEVER!*

  39. sweetcheeks

    I have always known that you COULD, in fact, put a price on love.

    33 million dollars is a little steep, though. You can have MY love for $40 plus tip, and a minimum of two drinks. For VIP love, it’s $300 and up in the champagne room.

  40. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    Mr. Nuts,
    I concede to your arrangement only if the suntin-suntin is a new Plymouth and we change the cornhole proposal to include expidentures in marathon pussy-eating. I await your rebuttal.
    Ms. B’gosh

  41. Chicagoboy

    Apparently Tom’s political connections weren’t enough to convince W to give up the gay-marriage ban so he had to marry Katie instead.

  42. bigponie

    you’ll notice in the background, there is a guy wearin’ glasses checking out katie’s little ass while his wife in the pink hat is yellin’ at him for checking out her ass and his probably thinking “not much junk in that trunk…except junk”

  43. jane's eyre


    Does “expidentures” mean that there’s going to be gumming involved?

  44. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    43 – sure. those sho was some big wurds i used wasnt them?

  45. PapaHotNuts

    Osh , you are a nasty bitch, in all the right ways. Deal accepted.

  46. honey

    Careful Osh, there is probably no blood left in his head and he’s going to read “rebuttal” and think that you want it in the ass repeatedly- you’ll need a lawyer to get you out of that one!
    please excuse the intrusion- I just hate to see a nice girl like you end up with hot nuts slapping you in the twat if that’s not what you’re into..

  47. gas_up_the_hrududu

    Oh, please. Suri is no proof that Tommy boy doesn’t LTC. All she proves is that TomKat know how to be creative with a turkey baster.

  48. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    I once knew a girl named Honey
    She danced on a stage for money
    She’d spin on a pole
    and show her asshole
    and was bendy and flex-y like Gumby

  49. I wouldn’t sell my soul for $33 million. I would sell my body for $33 million, but I’m guessing Tom’s not really into Katie’s body.

  50. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    honey, will you lick my rebuttal if I take out my expidentures and eat your legislation?

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