Tom Cruise kills Katie Holmes’ career
People magazine reports that Katie Holmes has dropped out of the Dennis Quaid film Shame On You so that she can “focus on her pregnancy,” which consists mostly of her breasts getting bigger and Tom Cruise not caring. It’s also been rumored that after she gives birth, Katie intends to become a stay-at-home mom.
Because Tom and Katie are really traditional like that, and they need their child to grow up with a firm understanding of the proper gender roles: mommies stay home and take care of the house, and daddies are hypodermic needles with semen in them. And every two weeks, some guy named Tom shows up reeking of leather and cosmopolitans, and pays everyone to keep their mouths shut.