Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes in trouble?

January 5th, 2006 // 62 Comments

Tom_Katie_thumb1.jpgRumors are circulating that wedding plans for Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have been put on hold after reportedly tense holidays spent at Holmes


  1. Sheva

    Katie you can remove the pillow from your stomach now.

  2. Lynette Carrington

    Maybe Katie’s family was able to talk some sense in to that girl…..or maybe they showed her the actual check stubs that Cruise has been paying for Katie’s um, services. Or better yet, maybe Tom hit on Katie’s brother.

  3. The problem is that Tom Cruise is a Scientologist, and Katie’s parents are Kabbalah.

  4. Binky

    My insiders tell me Tom couldn’t stop jumping on the family couch. They finally got fed up, called the ‘boys in the white suits’ and changed the cushions.
    Things were smoothed over somewhat when Katy’s family said she could get a cat.

  5. PapaHotNuts

    This is just one step of Scientology in which the galactic ruler Xenu enters Tom Cruise’s body through his vagina and begins to insult Katie Holmes’s family. Once this is complete and Katie Holmes has no will to go on living, she gives up the alien baby for adoption to L. Ron Hubbard’s grandson and a new breed of Hubbard/Cruise SuperScientologist baby is created. There is only one way to stop this- someone must kick Tom Cruise in his pussy as hard as possible.

  6. DrDanny

    This is very heartening news. Next, we need to hear that KH has miscarried (either spontaneously or with medical help) so the gene pool isn’t diluted any further.

  7. minicom

    My world is crumbling around me… :(

  8. sammygirl

    Their parting gift to each other is a baby! Geez, they should’ve thought that one out a little better.

    All I know is my dad would’ve broken Cruise’s knees a long time ago, so I think the Holmes family has shown alot of restraint.

  9. amma

    …Yeah, I have to agree, this wasn’t well thought out…I mean to maybe not have the marriage work out AFTER she’s pregnant??? I have questions like, how did he get her pregnant when neither of his previous wives ever were with him? And, is he gay??? Is he gay, is he gay? I know its a popular rumor–but from whence does it come?
    And finally, though I never gave a rats arse about Tom before…I absolutely love, love, love him now that he has commenced acting insane in public. How many stars do that? And he wasn’t even wasted…I hope he gets crazier and crazier.
    Thanks Tom. Thanks Superficial;)

  10. Realistic

    The relationship really hit the skids when Tom realized it wasn’t Katie, but John Holmes that he fantasized about….

  11. WaitWhat?

    Shoot them both. Now. Please.

  12. LickyLicky

    That line in the blurb about the ‘friend of the couple’ saying that Katie’s crying is the norm when it comes to Tom and her family is kinda sad. Here’s this young girl, thrown into this relationship, and she’s already so miserable and torn that she can’t even enjoy being pregnant. Granted, she jumped in with both feet, but with the publicity machine turning at full speed, what else could she be expected to do? I don’t see them getting married, and I see him causing more than enough problems for her and the baby. That’s what an A-lister with more money than brains does.

    He’s a fucking asshole, in my opinion. I’m sure his idea of ‘mending fences’ was to try and convince her family that he’s not the diabolical dianetic anti-christ. I think this is the first thing that’s been said that makes either one of them seem human… and I mean her, not him. She’s got a miserable life ahead of her whether she marries him or not since she’s inextricably linked to him via fetus.

  13. CelebGossipAficionado

    You guys are hilarious. Thanks for the laugh!

  14. sammygirl

    That’s nice, making a pregnant girl stress out and cry all the time. That’s gotta be great for the fetus. Cruise is a self-absorbed tool. You’d think he’d shut the fuck up and make good with the Holmes family, for the sake of his unborn child. I hate him too. He’s an asshole.

  15. powerpuffgrl1969

    LickyLicky, although I agree with you about Cruise being a certifiably insane arsehole, I cannot buy into K.H. being an impressionable young “girl.” She’s what; 27 for chrissakes? (that birthday party at FAO Schwartz ROCKED, didn’t it?)

    While I feel terrible for Katie’s family, I have little sympathy for her. She saw how badly he treated first Mimi Rogers (remember her?) then Nicole Kidman, witnessed his attack on Brooke Shields, and expected him to treat HER like the princess she is? Please. If you can’t learn from a man’s past treatment of women, then you deserve what you get.

  16. sammygirl

    Powerpuffgrl1969, I agree that 27 isn’t so young that you don’t know any better, but imagine yourself in her place. Here’s a world famous guy with charisma and charm and he’s giving you all the attention in the world, taking you to beautiful places, saying you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to him. Remember, at this point he hadn’t jumped on Oprah’s couch or called medical science a farse. He seemed almost normal. I think any girl would be flattered by it. It wasn’t until later that he showed how cookoo and overpowering he was. The unfortunate thing is she can’t just make a clean break from him because she’s pregnant with his child. THAT’s where I blame her for being stupid. Getting herself pregnant was stupid, falling in love with him wasn’t.

  17. tuesdayup

    It’s all just a publicity stunt because Tom’s intergalactic spaceship isn’t ready yet…

  18. Sheva

    I always get my way with chicks by using my Xenu alien story as my hook. I’m not a Scientologist so I can only hope Tom doesn’t sue for stealing his stupid pickup lines.

    But if you feel lucky Tom. Do you feel lucky?

  19. WaitWhat?

    SAMMYGIRL — falling in love with him was definitely stupid…he’s got about as much “charisma and charm” as my computer monitor, except I like looking at my computer monitor, and the sight of him makes me ill…plus, he’s about as tall as my monitor, and that’s just not right

  20. andrewthezeppo

    All right papa Holmes!!!!

    I love that this whole time her family has been completely against this…there were articles published where Mr. Holmes pretty clearly said he disapproved

  21. sammygirl

    Don’t get me wrong WaitWhat?, Cruise looks like a fucking troll. Totally not my type. I’d rather get it on with a hottie like Patrick Dempsey or something. Or my computer monitor. Either one is better than Daddy Shortstack, but hey, he seems to charm some of the girls. I’m sure the whole “rich” and “famous” thing has nothing to do with, right? My point is Holmes got swept off her feet and wasn’t thinking straight. That in itself is not a crime. We all do stupid things, but she deserves a Darwin award for getting knocked up.

  22. ShanDourdan

    Never has a man so short scared me so much as Tom has recently. At first it was a funny scary because I couldn’t believe how over the top he was getting about Katie but now he’s being an arrogant jackass, shoving his ‘religion’ down people’s throats like he’s some sort of messiah and I just want to ram a fork in his gut. No wonder Katie’s crying constantly, this has probably gone from a naive( albeit old enough to know better kind of naive) girl who thought all her dreams come true when her ‘all time’ crush was attracted to her to a nightmare that’s now got her knocked up and bound to this guy forever.Shit.

  23. me¬¬

    If Papa Holmes cares about his daughter he’ll stop the nonsense. And if he wants to makes us all a favor, he’ll kill Tom.

  24. drowningfool

    What about the rumor that Tom kept punching Katie Holmes in the stomach while screaming, “SHOW ME THE BABY!”

    Ok that was lame I know, funny image though

  25. HelpingOutTheMorons

    I’ll remind everyone of another certain extremely short man who was interested/involved in Scientology for a time: Charles Manson. And I don’t think anyone can accuse him of being ‘glib.’

  26. maiavision

    How in the world did that beeyotch Cruise get Katie? Does her handler taser her all the time? Or either he’s got some freaky hypnotic stare with those teeth of his, or he’s holding Katie’s true love down in his basement. (It puts the lotion in the baseket).

    He’s a jackhole and a midget.

  27. HughJorganthethird

    See the problem is that the Holmes’ just don’t know the history of psychiatry. Tom does. Plus they were being glib, so glib. And once the water guns desquised as microphones came out….well let’s just say it wasn’t pretty.

  28. Nurse Kellie

    Pull the pillows out of her clothes and let them go their separate ways. I can’t stand that self-absorbed umpa loompa.

  29. pgw9224

    c’mon everyone – aren’t u being a little harsh on the guy? here’s my take – he’s nuts and she is a c list celebrity. an a list came to call on her – and of coarse she liked it. who knows who really impregnated her, but my money is not on tommy boy. as for being smart – she is once she has this (as papahotnuts stated) Hubbard/Cruise SuperScientologist baby – she’ll get mad money for 18 years. just ask nicole.
    hang in there katie – your lottery winnings are fast approaching.

  30. jka

    Katie’s very fortunate that she has a normal, loving, non-Scientologist family (although I’m surprised that Katie’s Scientology-appointed minders allowed her access to them). I hope her dad convinces her to cut her losses and get out now. In the unlikely event that her belly isn’t a prosthesis, she should go ahead and have the baby, promptly get a paternity test to demonstrate once and for all (not that any of us needs more evidence) that Tom didn’t sire the child, and sever all ties to that homunculus. He’s horrible.

  31. LoneWolf

    Just becuase you’re rich and/or famous doesn’t mean that you aren’t crazier than a sh@t-house rat or as stupid as a bag full of hammers, Mini Me and Bean Pole being respective cases in point.

    I will take bets that they never get married. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

  32. I love K-fed's Corn Rolls

    Katies parents are NOT KABBALAH you idiot, they are CATHOLIC…

    I to am surprised she was granted access to them… the scientology ties are loosening and Katie is ALMOST FREE…


  33. omg whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah . someone hold me. i cant belive that tom and katie may not get married. imean it not like they did something dumb and stupid and wreckless like meet get engaged and prganat and move in with eah other in less than six months. i mean they met spent a couple of yrs getting to know each other and decied to make sound and informed desicion in life. oh no they did the first then the dumbass got what they deserved. i do agree sammygirl that u cant blame her for falling in love but for getting pregnat by him i do blame her.

  34. LickyLicky

    I don’t think that her Sci-Fi handlers are actually allowing her access to her family as much as her family is not allowing them to deny her access to them. Smart people, that family that cares and can see through the thin veil of Tom’s sanity that’s growing more gossamer by the interview…

    I truly, truly, truly hope for the baby’s sake that it’s not Tom’s, and then Katie can walk away, regain her life, and try to be normal.

    PowerPuff, I see your point, but I stand with Sammy. 27 is not young, but keep in mind also that for years and years, this girl has not lived the life of a regular old middle-of-the-country young woman. She’s been in the spotlight, and had handlers taking care of many of her needs, thereby making her less self-sufficient than most people her age. Again, and back to the comments that were made after mine and yours, she’s had this celebrity, both Tom’s and her own instantaneous rise to world-notoriety, thrown at her. I’m just saying that before I read that article, it always seemed like she was in it to win it, just like Tom, but then when you find out she’s just someone who could as easily be you or me in a similar situation, it makes you feel for her.

    I hope her family puts enough pressure on the relationship to end it. I’m betting that Katie’s all for it now, too, having realized that she’s in way over her head, in a pool full of Scientologist sharks. How horrible to know what chum feels like, huh?

  35. esther sativa

    who gives a shit the marriage wouldnt of lasted 2 months anyway

  36. Jeremy1Esq

    Mimi Rogers is hot. Tom Cruise is Gay. Katie Holmes is an insecure little wench.

  37. OMG!

    I don’t believe it. It’s too good to be true.

  38. Pablo

    It’s a little known fact that Katie’s parents used to love Tom, until early on in the relationship he came over and jumped all over Katie’s mother’s couch. Between that and all the PDA in front of her father you could have had a sequel to Meet the Parents

  39. BillyGurl

    All that and the dumb submission twat went and got herself fat too. Not just pregnant, fat and pregnant. Check the thunder thighs, yo.

  40. No friggin way!

    Katie tired of Tom! That’s unbelievable

  41. Hara

    You’ve got to be kidding me. This was hands down my favourite 2005 couple. Better than MJ and Bubbles because, hey, even Bubbles behaved when he was on Oprah. Hey, they’ll iron it out. They have to — Angelina’s gotten all no-blood-vial boring with Brad, so until J-lo gets back with Diddy I’m bored stiff. They’ll probably just take a trip to consort the great warring alien volcano gods and have the tribal ritual howard-dean-scream marriage we all dreamed of.

  42. Hara


  43. mappster17

    Perhaps Katie is really an adolescent alien boy the Scientologists sent here to appease their Earth-bound leader

  44. jka

    Please please please, God, let Tom Cruise’s unintentional (but effective!) sabotage of his own public image continue. That was hands-down my favorite spectator sport of 2005. Maybe in ’06 he can do damage to other celeb Scientologists’ images as well – I hope he starts with Jenna Elfman so that I don’t have to see any more promos of her abominable new sitcom.

  45. HollyJ

    I’d be crying, too, if I had to give birth in complete silence in the dark with a gay turkey-baster dad at my side. “Queer Eye for the Pregnant Pawn”

  46. jka

    Good point, HollyJ. But do you think that, if they’re still together, Tom Cruise will be at her side for the birth? I can’t imagine he’d want to be in the same room with an exposed vagina. He’s probably never done that before.

  47. nikki

    how do parents convince their 27 year old daughter that she has been psychologically kidnapped by a man who drew her to his movir site in another country under false pretences, and then kept her isolated for the next two weeks while he “fell in love” with her?

    it’s impossible because she’s 27. she’s an adult and therefore free to make her own choices — even if they are moronic ones. i am stunned by the accuracy with which Tom was able to determine that she would not have the mental strength to resist his attemps to condition her mind.

    Nicole made a deal with the lunatic and got a solid career out of it. what the hel is in this for katie? and on top of everything she is carrying his child? consider her trapped forever. :(

  48. aims_25

    Oh no, please say it’s not true. They have to get married. Not. Actually if she dumps his ass he might go even crazier and that is something I want to see. His antics this year have seriously amused me from couch jumping to slagging off anyone and everyone and presuming he knows everything. Brilliant entertainment. Fingers crossed 2006 is even crazier for him.

  49. jennjenn70

    Hey, it’s like the game clue.

    I say it was Cruise in the Library (or the room where he keeps all the weird medical equipmen, with a Turkey Baster….while Katie was passed out on drugs( which are ok with Tom if uses them for good things!).

  50. brewdick

    Either way I’d like to see Tom deal with postpartum Katie and then bitch out Brooke Shields!

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