Tom Cruise is the master of language

April 20th, 2006 // 158 Comments

In the shocker of all shockers, Tom Cruise isn’t the linguistic expert he claims to be. Despite telling everybody Suri means “princess” in Hebrew, Hebrew linguists have confirmed that it doesn’t.

Suri has only two meanings – one is a person from Syria and the other “go away” when addressed to a female. Hebrew expert Jonathan Went says, “I think it’s fair to say they have made a mistake here. There are variations of the way the Hebrew name for princess is spelt but I have never seen it this way.” Suri can also be translated into a Hindi boy’s name, and it also means “pointy nose” in some Indian dialects and “pickpocket” in Japanese.

The crazy bastard named his daughter “pointy nosed pickpocket.” I take back whatever I said about Tom Cruise, because only a genius of maniacal proportions could come up with that. I just wonder how he’s gonna top it. He’s gonna have to name his next kid “degenerate puppy killer” or something.



  1. Chrystal03


  2. EvilFiend


  3. Chrystal03

    I fuckin love it when I fucking get 1st fucking post. FUCK!

  4. cat

    Tom Cruise… is awesome.
    I love it.

    That’s all.

  5. Steph

    On the bright side it SOUNDS pretty

  6. Fisher55

    “Apple” would have been a way more appropriate name, given the father

  7. Meghann

    Pretty sure I called that from the first second. Leave the Jews alone, we think you’re insane.

  8. natoman

    Ok, so the name means “Go away” when addressing a female? And Tom Cruise named the child. Does this not seem the most obvious name for this child EVER?

  9. 51Cent

    What a tool…

    I feel so sorry for his poor kid, she will never be able to visit Isreal or Japan…

  10. Land-Man

    Great, another terrorist is born. Doesn’t anyone else fucking remember 9/11?

  11. antispace

    Didn’t he drop out of high school?
    What do you expect. *sigh*

  12. Geno

    Pray for that poor baby. The absolute horror of having Tommy Loony as your Dad is hard to comprehend.

  13. Jacq

    Sherryco would have named the baby HAIL TOM CRUISE! but the first name blank didn’t have enough spaces on the birth certificate and you can’t use all caps.

    I fucking love it. He’s a moron! See?!
    In cuntonese Suri means TCLTC.

    #10 – That child won’t go many, many places. Like, for instance, outside.

    Fuck, LandMan! Quit being an asshole already. I know you’re trying to get everyone all stirred up but you’re a total fucker. I didn’t know anyone there nor have I ever visited New York, but I don’t see any way that could be a joke. Maybe next time, a plane will land on you in the middle of Main Street USA. You know, like how that house landed on your mom in that movie, Wizard of Oz.

  14. That picture makes them look like a mob family

  15. tamtamtam

    suri is also a kind of alpaca…

  16. Fisher55

    tom’s suri he made a mistake

  17. jugsgirl

    Tom Cruise was wishing for a little boy (tom loves the little boy cock). So when he found out it was a girl he decided to name her “go away”.

  18. booface

    #16, are you joking or did you not see yesterday’s post where twelve other people posted this same message?

  19. tamtamtam

    #19, it was a joke about how repetitive the comments on this site are sometimes…

  20. Feed_Me_Chocolate

    GLORIOUS! That’s what it is.

  21. Skullyzena

    I am laughing my ass off. What an arrogant idiot. I hope to hell he is embarassed… Couldn’t have happened to a better person…

  22. CheekyChops

    Idiot celebrities. What’s with the strange names?
    If I have triplets, I’ll name them after my best friends; Jose Cuervo, Jack Daniels and Rolling Rock.

  23. Land-Man

    Over your head Jacq? Funny shit about the Wizard of Oz. Made me laugh my big 12″ off.

  24. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    I think they should name their next baby Land-Man, and then tie the baby to the back of their car and take a long trip on a bumpy dirt road.

  25. gogoboots

    #18 That’s probably the best guess to his rationale to naming her suri, however, Tom probably was trying to take a crack at sounding smart or “worldly”…or whatever alien crack he smokes nowadays…

  26. FriarTuck

    it is going to be even funnier when he tries to cover it up by saying in Scientology it means princess..Cause L.Ron said so..

  27. HollyJ

    the whole thing is just so surieal

  28. bigponie

    he might as well have named her pinocchio.

  29. tits_on_snack

    “Over your head Jacq? Funny shit about the Wizard of Oz. Made me laugh my big 12″ off.”

    ah. so that’s where it went.

  30. OhHowCynical

    Hahaha! That’s what happens when you’re a know-it-all, placenta-eating dumbass!

  31. Iambananas

    I don’t think it counts to have the first post when all you write is “1st”. While someone else who really should have had the first post is typing something funny and interesting, all the dumb people write “1″ and think they’re cool… they’re not.

  32. tits_on_snack

    Bahhh, he’ll pull some whacked explanation out of his ass, and try to turn the tabes on us like WE’z the foo’s.

  33. SURI = Scientology’s Unstoppable Robot Infant

  34. FriarTuck

    he is an operating thetan level respect..

  35. tits_on_snack

    #32 nobody called 1st, lay off the alien crack.

  36. jpricer62

    I think someone trusted an internet source a bit too much…

  37. i thought the kids name translated to ‘”my dad loves the cock.”…

    i hope he chokes on his placenta smoothie…

  38. FriarTuck

    #35 i peed a little i laughed so hard at that one..did we ever find out who the real dad is????

  39. tracyp

    Here is where he got the “red rose” translation–on

    #38 you’re right someone didn’t ask the experts on this one–oh that’s right, TC is the expert on ALL things.

  40. bunnyhugger

    poor kid. every time somebody calls her, she won’t know if she’s coming or going.
    and mr. superfish, we all know Tom Cruise is the master of only one thing.

    somebody say it…

  41. Jay from the Bay

    What a tool. What a fucking tool.

  42. ChicagoBeeotch

    SARAH = Princess in Hebrew

  43. whatupmegs

    i think they should have gone with something safer…like, say, Cheerio.

  44. Forget the facts. Tom Cruise will get Websters to change the meaning and spelling of the name to be Suri, so he can be right.

  45. Britney tries to get a tattoo saying “mysterious” in Chinese, and it comes out as “strange”. And now this.

    Karma’s a bitch, people, karma’s a bitch.

  46. bunnyhugger

    can you imagine her first e-meter test (whatever it’s called again)?
    then again, he IS dyslexic. maybe it was supposed to be IRUS. you know, like the flower? no?
    i agree, jay. what a tool.

  47. Carolina

    He should have named her OPTIMUS PRIME or RRRRRRRRRRRRR, which is a very sweet name for a little girl.
    ok COCK is a good name (I Love it!!)

  48. Proteon

    #23 don’t you mean your only friends?

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