Tom Cruise is still nuts

February 15th, 2006 // 65 Comments

*tom_cruise_thumb1.jpgReports are saying that Tom Cruise was acting strangely at a Kanye West concert at L.A.

superficial

  1. Saucie

    The vitamins just aren’t cutting those pesky syphilis spirochetes and the crazy is just going unchecked.

    Don’t forget your rain coat Papa Hot Nuts when you go for that menage-a-tologist. We can’t have you going all apeshit crazy on us.

  2. PapaHotNuts

    Cruise

  3. LaydeeBug

    See he was trying to stage dive, realized he wasn’t high enough, then got caught in the cable, decided to climb up with his superhuman strength and when he saw people there, he pulled a JW and started preaching, completely forgetting the great swan dive he was gonna do for the awesome hip-hop crowd.

    I CANNOT see Tom Cruise at a KW concert, let alone surrounded by loads of Hip-hop type people (I’m not calling him a racist, but ya never know with these zealots).

  4. Jayne

    What a stupid and irritating douche.
    My 6 year old nephew acts more dignified than he does.

  5. richelle

    Recent tests on the bone and hair of Beethoven’s remains have proven he went insane due to an immense ammount of lead poisoning.
    Who’s been feeding Tom paint chips?

  6. PostAcidYouth

    Ahhh, Mr Cruise, scouting for new victims…I mean, converts…to attend to the Demon Seed.

  7. Devil Is Chrome

    How brainwashed does Katie Holmes have to be to put up with this sh*t?

  8. Onrico

    I think scientology has made Cruise crazy. Seriously…he used to be a pretty normal guy…now, I don’t think I’d want to hang out with him. “Errr…actually Tom, I’m busy tonight…yeah yeah…gotta wax that driveway again. You have fun tho, ok?”

  9. Court

    Too bad Cruise is the creepy bearded guy, minus the beard of course.

  10. Sheva

    The more you know about him, the worse it gets…..
    Get out Katie, it’s not cute anymore.

  11. pookiedoo

    What they left out of the story is that Tom went on to smear feces all over the walls while humming “The Farmer in the Dell”, followed by his head spinning and puking spilt pea soup everywhere.

  12. maiira

    Court (#9), you’ve stolen my joke. Bastard.

    Y’know, I always lose respect for celebrities who become Scientologists, and it’s all because of this clown. I mean, even other Scientologists aren’t nearly this deranged. What a douche bag.

    But for what it’s worth…wouldn’t it be bizarre if Scientology turned out to be totally right?

  13. Kevin

    That’s the best description of Scientology that I’ve ever heard! Bravo!

  14. saveferris

    i’m pretty much positive that sex with tom cruise would be like recreating the rape scene from rosemary’s baby, complete with strange scientologist onlookers and chanting.

  15. tomdabomb

    I wonder how many times Katie has woken in the middle of the night to find herself stuck to the ceiling just above her bed with Tom standing looking up at her laughing demonically with his huge white invisalign horse teeth…

  16. that-dog-is-shifty-eyed

    Simple problem with a simple cause: Everyone knows Tom Cruise is friggin’ gay (not that there’s anything wrong w/that), always has been. Scientology has “cured” him of this “affliction” that might have ruined his career. Unfourtunately this latent flamboyent (borderline schizophrenic)behavior is popping out in all the wrong places, like on this planet. But that is okay, he will get his own planet soon and we will all be safe to watch Dawson’s reruns again.

  17. SO you’re saying that anybody can go to a concert, dangle off a balconey and climb up cables to the VIP room and not get kicked out? Must be nice to be famous.

  18. sikofdis

    That paragraph on comparing scientology to dating a bunch of transvestites may be the funniest, most spot on thing I’ve ever read on this site! Superficial Rules!!!

  19. azcoyote

    Seems real enought to me. Cruise loves Kanye.
    http://popwatch.ew.com/popwatch/2006/02/kanye_west_and_.html

    And Kanye is doing a cover of the MI theme.

  20. azcoyote

    And the actual story…

    Forget couch-jumping, during Kanye West’s performance Tom Cruise climbed up onto a balcony, using ropes to pull himself up, to escape the crowds. There he joined West’s friends and family to watch the rest of the concert. Cruise, sans fianc

  21. HollyJ

    Haiku for Tom:

    Scary little man
    Pod wife and test tube baby
    Publicity stunt

  22. Jonboy in SF

    OMG HollyJ, you totally crack me up!

    But ok:
    1. This HAD to be a publicity stunt for MI3 – no one does “crazy publicity” like our boy Tom.
    2. How brainwashed does Katie have to be? Did any of you see “First Daughter?” Question answered.

  23. hafaball

    But HollyJ he doesn’t have a movie…oh wait…MI:3 hehe, :P but could it be? Gangsta rap and Scientolgy are finally coming together? This is a dream come true… :o

  24. I haven’t seen a haiku in years and that was the best way to sum up Tom ever! Kudos HollyJ!! Ya I think he has gone too far down Loony Road that he cannot come back.

  25. Doesn’t suprise me at all

  26. tis GLAM

    ….this wasfunny before but now its just scary. When that baby is born Kate better run and never look back.

  27. tis GLAM

    KANYE WEST IS NOT A “GANGSTA RAPPER”

    that was a really silly remark. if you listen to kanye west’s lyrucs then you’d see its the exact opposite of gangsta rap.
    therefor, you’re comment sucked.

  28. tis GLAM

    #3 i dont think he’s very much racist. his adopted son is black (god save him from Tom’s insanity) and he’s good friends with Jamie Foxx and Oprah and all that, and he’s always talking too damn much about he loves the hip-hop community and CRAP.

    am i defending this crazy nut? omfg give me a cigarette!

  29. boogerman

    Xenu, take Tom now!

  30. eyespy27

    tom cruise is clearly the wacko jacko of today.

    i don’t think it will be too much longer before he is leaving the house with a rag covering his face.

    of course, it will be a cum rag.

  31. Tom cruise is a sociopath. Nothing more needs to be said.

  32. tis GLAM

    imagine how he must be in bed with Katie Holmes? all hyper and crazy like a chihuaha

  33. playahater101

    I can totally see him dangling off a balcony. The similarity to Michael Jackson is getting more and more clear with each story. Next we’ll hear Katie giving up the kid to Tom and the poor kid will be wearing a mask to shield it from us evil humans.

  34. thekief4

    He probably just misses Goose.

  35. ESQ

    Tom Cruise is the ultimate party foul. Everywhere he goes he insults inanimate objects while Katie just sits back all doe-eyed gushing while saying, “Oh, Tom.”

  36. KissMyIS350

    He was yelling the lyrics from the balcony: ‘and if you’re fucking with Tom then you betta be paid…you know why? It takes too much to touch ‘em, from what I heard his baby’s donated by Busta, my best friend said he stole Katie from Usher, I don’t care what none of y’all say, he’s still nutty.’ Okay, so it doesn’t rhyme, but hey, Tom’s rapping skills aren’t very good either.

  37. M@ce

    Xenu the Imaginary personally told me that paying homeless guys to,’spit-shine my e-meter’ doesn’t make me gay. So there!

    Tom

    Tommy go jumpy jump on the couchy now!

  38. fame is funny

    now all the scientologists in the house say hooooooooo…

    if only…god…if ONLY tom had stage dove from the balcony like eddie vedder in the even flow video…but everyone pulled back like on son in law with pauly shore. don’t lie, you saw it too…

  39. susie-q

    haiku2:

    Separate bedrooms
    Till after the birth
    Then bye bye Katie

  40. susie-q

    Swings from balconies
    Jumps on Oprah’s couch
    Diagnosis nuts

  41. HughJorganthethird

    Must make effort to show human emotions. Must appear normal and not isolated and paranoid. I’ve noticed humans like music, yes music! And both whites and negroes enjoy Kanye. That’s it ! I, Tom Cruise, must show everyone how much I to like music and Kanye. Helloooo. Look at me up here climbing! See how I’m freaking out? I LIKE it, you see! The music! Just like you! I’m NORMAL !

  42. Zed

    Would someone please up this guy’s meds, er, vitamins?

    Thank you.

  43. What a waste of a pretty face.

  44. AmberDextrose

    Guys, guys, you’re getting it ALL wrong.

    Tom is ‘undercover’ in this cerrrazy Scientology thing. He was supposed to be simply infiltrating them but being an Ack-Tor he is taking his method to far and out-weirding the weirdos.

    However all will come right when any potential Scientology converts will be put off by his high-profile lunacy.

    In a grand finale he plans to rescue all the Xenu Slaves by dangling from a helicopter or something. You wait and see!

    That’s actually a bomb hidden in Katie’s stomach – it’s all part of his cunning plan.

  45. Lavinia the Vainglorious

    Its been established that Tom Cruise likes to climb on things and jump around a lot(he may think it creates the illusion of height). Didn’t everyone get that memo?

    The true weirdness lies in what he was doing at a Kanye West concert. Kanye West has a Jesus complex inversely proportional to Tom’s height. Is Tom going to start a Jesuit Scientology sect? Delicious.

  46. reptilicus

    Um, you guys realize that haikus are supposed to have 5 syllables in the first and third lines and 7 in the second, right?

  47. CheekyChops

    The doctor will be seeing patients now.

  48. veggi

    Are he and Michael Jackson brothers??

  49. senin

    The whackjob is taking his MI3 role way too seriously…

  50. ESQ

    George Bush does not like Tom Cruise

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