Tom Cruise hugs from the crotch

July 17th, 2006 // 93 Comments

Tom Cruise presented Steven Spielberg with The Golden Hugo Award at the 42nd Annual Chicago International Film Festival on Saturday. And because he’s Tom Cruise he had to give Spielberg an awkward crotch hug instead of the socially acceptable chest hug. Does that make him gay? Of course not. The homosexual intercourse he has with men does. But not the hug. The hug just proves he enjoys touching his balls to another man’s balls. And why wouldn’t he? He’s Tom Cruise. And I don’t want to live in a world where Tom Cruise doens’t love the feel of balls.


  1. East Coast

    Another example of TCLTC

    Oh, First too

  2. _meh_

    A picture does tell a thousand words doesnt it? However, in this case, it just tells five…

  3. DonLes91

    I thought gay sex involved the anus. That’s twisted! I’ve seen lesbian porn tapes where they bumped coochies, but I didn’t think it worked the same with guys. Who knew?

  4. Doxes

    Remember in the 90s when some guy was arrested for trying to get into Spielberg’s home to rape him? That guy’s in prison, but I think Spielberg has reason to be afraid again–very afraid.

    If you don’t remember the story, it’s here:,1,2258,00.html

  5. Babydoll

    I thought the phrase was balls to the wall, not balls to balls.

  6. Tracie

    TCLTC! Especially when he can grip a close facsimile in his hot little hands while rubbing poles with his favorite munchin Jew. Excuse me, was that off-color? I should say his favorite “little person” Jew.

  7. AmandatheWonderful

    Well this is fucking wonderful! Now (due to the power of Scientology, Dianetics, and midgetry) Spielberg is going to have a baby in 8-11 months, and no one will be able to find it. Damn you Tom Cruise!

  8. gmaninjapan

    I’m just concerned with Tom’s plans for the giant phallus in his right hand.

  9. Tracie


    I’m going back to bed…
    But, maybe I’ll look up that nice gold dildo online before I do…

  10. daveeech

    Tenth!!! …oh yeah and TCLTC.

  11. Toonlite

    they say a picture is worth a ….ahhhh…errr….mmm…okay TCLTC!!

  12. daveeech

    …I also think Tom’s left hand is stoking his hair…or his earlobe perhaps?

  13. DancingQueen

    No wonder they only show them from the chest up on the Jumbotron behind them. I think Tom looks a little too giddy holding that giant gold penis too. Where do you suppose he wants to put that thing? Ugh!

  14. This is too damned easy. it’s almost as if he’s on here somewhere and decided to finally come out of the closet.

    Tom Cruise = MeganHarris?

  15. Donino

    I don’t see what’s wrong, it’s consensual, isn’t it? ..for as long as they’re both smiling. Maybe SSLTC too. Or at least SSLTC of TC, which makes sense after all the films they’ve done together lately.

  16. MajinD

    I’m more worried about the dildo in Tom’s hand.

  17. vintage

    It looks to me like SS is trying desperately to pry TC off of him while keeping a smile pasted on his face.

  18. biggutonenut

    Gay Love, Sweet Gay Love


    Can you imagine the holmes house …

    “Im sorry Tom cant come to the phone right now he is busy rooting around in the closet. Can he call you back Mr. Bruckheimer…Oh Im sorry Rob..I thought you were Jerry Bruckheimer..*turns on wailing baby SFX*…oh Rob Im sorry I have to go Suri is crying…I’ll tell Tom to come out of the closet..oh not that important ok..well Im sure he’ll call you back soon..bye”

    I will say this much though…one of the flabbiest dorky men of the 70s-90s is fucking the earth Goddess Kelly Preston and Tom Cruise “got” Katie Holmes….Whatever mind control tricks scientology teaches…they obviously work on some of the hottest women on the planet.

    but back to reality…Did I mention that TCLTC?..I cant remember if I did.

  19. funkygoldmedallions

    Scientology is Gay.

  20. DancingQueen

    This is a picture of Speilburg presenting Tom the coveted Gold Phallus Award in club dancing at the Gay Olympics in Germany.

  21. pop

    i don’t see what the big deal is, that’s how my scoutleader used to hug me…golden phallus and all….

  22. daveeech

    …and for the record…the award is called “The Golden Hugo”… I’m sure you can all run with that one for a bit.

  23. I'm in the nude for love scoo ba di booo salami

    Now that tom has “a baby”…….. *rolls eyes* he feels safe enough to grind his crotch against another man’s crotch at the LAA. But it still looks even gayer than if it were me doing it. And I’m gayer than Richard Simmons.

  24. thebor

    The body language from Spielberg is classic. It’s like he’s saying “hey buddy I love you too, but back your package up a little” It looks like he is almost pushing TC back. TCLTC, even Spielberg’s

  25. PapaHotNuts

    Instead of grinding my crotch against Tom Cruise’s crotch, I would like to kick him in the pussy.

  26. I thought Spielberg blacklisted him from life for jumping on couches and being an all around freak.

  27. Renegade Priest

    TC: I’ve greased it just how you like it… With Goose fat.
    SS: You horny little bastard
    TC: I love the cock!

  28. Spielberg’s wanting desperately to scream like a girl while kicking Tom repeatedly in the nuts, but is also aware of Tom’s secret weapon… the looming threat of a mentally unbalanced Jenna Elfman. You can’t see her in this picture, but I’m sure she’s running around somewhere nearby on T-Shirt patrol.

  29. Fugurself

    Can’t the Thetans kills this jerk?

    Another question:

    Does a man who has a sex change gets his dick back as a souvenir?

  30. LOL, he’s really stretching his crotch out there. It’s like he’s working out his lower half ON Spielberg.

  31. Italian Stallion

    Thats how my Boy Scout leader used to hug too. But for some strange reason he would grab your cock. I am surprised Tom hasn’t perfected this type of hug. Come to think of it, Father Joe used to do the same thing at Alter boy meetings……………..

  32. jane's eyre

    I wanna kiss you all over
    And over again
    I wanna kiss you all over
    Till the night closes in
    Till the night closes in


    I don’t see nothing wrong (ooh)
    With a little bump ‘n grind (with a little bump ‘n grind)
    I don’t see nothing wrong (hey baby)
    I don’t see nothing wrong (I don’t see nothing wrong)
    With a little bump ‘n grind (with a little bump ‘n grind)
    I don’t see nothing wrong

  33. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    Is that where babies come from?


  34. Look at Spielberg’s grip on T.C.’s shoulder…looks like he’s making sure he can’t get any closer.

    Oh, Thanks Jayne for getting “bump n’ grind” stuck in my head for the rest of the day!!!!

  35. Oh wait..let me correct myself before anyone else does…it’s not Jayne it’s Jane.

    Okay there. But it’s still stuck in my head.

  36. Queen LaQueefah

    I don’t know if someone else has noticed yet, but it looks like Tom is holding a dildo.

  37. jane's eyre

    Zanna, you’re welcome. Sending golden showers your way. ;)

  38. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    I prefer to hug from the breasts while topless and covered in oil, but that’s just me.

  39. tiina

    i like balls…who doesnt, right? right??!!!

  40. YoMamma

    WOW> SO GAY.
    There is nothing more to say.
    oh, and what the HEY…

  41. Captain Call

    omg…just goes to show, TCLTC

  42. hopeless_screenwriter

    “Cruise Gives Spielberg a Golden Hugo”

    Golden Hugo: n. 1. An award given for outstanding achievement in the theatrical arts. 2. v. transitive. The act of having a long metal object shoved up your ass for sexual gratification or humiliation.

    1. I received a ‘Golden Hugo’ from a group of hispanic midgets for adding subtitles to the films, “The Wizard of Oz”, “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”, and “Under the Rainbow”.

    2. I received a ‘Golden Hugo’ from the Mexican police for trying to smuggle three of them over the border.

  43. krisdylee

    What a fag.

    And I mean that in the most derogatory way.

  44. OMG poor Spielberg. He’s like trying to pry TC off him. Spielberg is standing up staight and TC is like… crotch grinding him..

  45. hopeless_screenwriter

    see also: golden shower, golden bath, golden ass probe, golden trombone, anal penetration, ass-pirate, ass-goblin, pole smoker, Cock Sucker!

  46. Ohhhh, bump and grind and now golden showers what the hell are you trying to do to me over here? Mondays are hard enough as it is!

  47. bigponie

    Tom is getting ready to shove that golden rod up Steven’s arse

  48. M@ce

    Bumpin’ walnuts with uncle Morty.

    That’s the title of my unauthorized biography of Tom Cruise. Look for it in major booksellers this August, and by “major booksellers”, I mean bath houses and bus station bathrooms.

  49. hopeless_screenwriter

    @32 Italian Stallion. Funny how you must have been a very tall boyscout and alter boy, because I too was a boy scout and alter boy but I was half the height of my boy scout leader and pastor, so you can imagine where my face was when we hugged. Year later the police kindly informed me that I wasn’t really hugging them at all.

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