Tom Cruise has way more money than you

January 30th, 2008 // 129 Comments

Tom Cruise is receiving a new Ducati Desmosedici RR motorcycle this week. Tom is receiving the very first model of the only 1,500 made. The cycle cost $72,500 and can reach speeds of 200 mph, according to NY Daily News:

Cruise, whose net worth is upwards of $250 million, is known to have an affinity for fast vehicles, including motorcycles, Porsches and planes. Some estimate the actor spent $1 million in 2006 on fuel alone.

A million smackers on gas? Jesus. Somewhere Al Gore is reading this with eco-friendly steam coming out his ears. He’s probably wishing he didn’t make that promise to Gary Coleman to never kick a midget again. But he never said anything about face punching…


  1. Lowlands

    I’ll bet Katie Holmes runs the 100 meter in less than 10 seconds lol.

  2. nipolian

    Who the fuck let #46 out of his cage?

  3. shweaty balls

    Al Gore actually has 3 homes.

    Public records reveal that as Gore lectures Americans on excessive consumption, he and his wife Tipper live in two properties: a 10,000-square-foot, 20-room, eight-bathroom home in Nashville, and a 4,000-square-foot home in Arlington, Va. (He also has a third home in Carthage, Tenn.) For someone rallying the planet to pursue a path of extreme personal sacrifice, Gore requires little from himself.

    Al Gore’s Personal Energy Use Is His Own “Inconvenient Truth”
    Gore’s home uses more than 20 times the national average

    Last night, Al Gore’s global-warming documentary, An Inconvenient Truth, collected an Oscar for best documentary feature, but the Tennessee Center for Policy Research has found that Gore deserves a gold statue for hypocrisy.

    Gore’s mansion, located in the posh Belle Meade area of Nashville, consumes more electricity every month than the average American household uses in an entire year, according to the Nashville Electric Service (NES).

    In his documentary, the former Vice President calls on Americans to conserve energy by reducing electricity consumption at home.

    The average household in America consumes 10,656 kilowatt-hours (kWh) per year, according to the Department of Energy. In 2006, Gore devoured nearly 221,000 kWh–more than 20 times the national average.

    Last August alone, Gore burned through 22,619 kWh–guzzling more than twice the electricity in one month than an average American family uses in an entire year. As a result of his energy consumption, Gore’s average monthly electric bill topped $1,359.

    Since the release of An Inconvenient Truth, Gore’s energy consumption has increased from an average of 16,200 kWh per month in 2005, to 18,400 kWh per month in 2006.

    Gore’s extravagant energy use does not stop at his electric bill. Natural gas bills for Gore’s mansion and guest house averaged $1,080 per month last year.

    “As the spokesman of choice for the global warming movement, Al Gore has to be willing to walk the walk, not just talk the talk, when it comes to home energy use,” said Tennessee Center for Policy Research President Drew Johnson.

    In total, Gore paid nearly $30,000 in combined electricity and natural gas bills for his Nashville estate in 2006

  4. It's me Katie Holmes (shithole world)

    #52. Well Tom usually lets me out once a week so that we can go out and show everyone “how happily married we are and how straight Tom is because L.Ron didn’t like homo’s” (even though he was one just like my “husband”). *sighs.

    Hey if you were in my shoes you’d be a little cranky too.

  5. D. Richards (Scumbag.)

    How in the fuck does a single human being consume a million dollars worth od fuel in a single lifetime, let alone a year?

    Great way to ‘unite’ societies, Tom, ya’ all-knowing scientologist bastard. All that oil that you’ve consumed, where does it come from? That’s right, the Middle East. And how do we get said oil? No, not through interplanitary conquest: from pillaging the Arab world, silly.

    What an ingenius way to connect the East and the West; use tens of thousands of gallons of gasoline. Arabs aren’t bothered by our prescence – they like it.

    Scientologists really do care.

  6. Son-of D. Richards

    #55. ‘Of fuel’.

    ‘Od’ isn’t even a word, dunce.

  7. Son-of D. Richards

    And you spelled ‘ingenious’ wrong too, fag.

  8. Hill

    Holy shit… wow. that’s hilarious. a bit disappointed that I didn’t figure that out myself. ha ha ha

  9. truthiness

    I happen to know for a fact that Ducati Desmosedici RR motorcycles use alien technology delivered by Xenu himself.

    P.S. I DIDN’T spend a million on gas, so if I had a million I would still have it…now I’m rich…pretty smart, huh? tomorrow I’m going to save another million I don’t have by not buying a million dollars on Rigndings.

  10. truthiness

    That’s “a million dollars on Ringdings” you spellchecking bitches.

  11. p0nk

    fuck me. i forgot to add…

  12. #46 – Don’t be shy, give us your honest opinion.


  13. Xanthia

    #21: Mel G……… is that you blaming the Jews again???

    Besides we all knew there had to be a reason for Kat(i)e to marry him… It damn sure wasn’t for the sex, so it may as well have been for the $$$$!!!!

  14. TCHP

    Actually #46 shared FACT’s not opinions.

  15. sla

    #56 — This site cover it all, from ragging on celebs for ruining the planet to bitching over a typo. Sheesh.

  16. Xanthia

    By the way – one would think that with all that money she could get a better hair stylist. Is it just me or does her hair look like Johnny Depp’s in Charlie and The Chocolate Factory? and when she slaps on those huge-ass sunglasses she looks just like him! Who knew TC had a crush on JD???

  17. hegadeth

    OK, here’s a new one. Let’s see who gets it first. TCLTDP……

  18. Tom Cruise Loves The Double Penetration?

  19. when did tom cruise get so damn ugly?

  20. Rat

    Nice work Sweatty Balls,

    al gore has become a BILLIONAIRE thats BILLIONAIRE from the global warming fraud!

  21. p0nk

    67… i’m hoping dp doesn’t mean ‘double penetration’ because i might just lose my lunch.

  22. hegadeth

    #68 – That’s good, but not what I was thinking……..

  23. hegadeth

    Since I gotta run, I’ll spell it out now. TC Loves The Donkey Punch. And yes, I believe he does!

  24. i wanna know who katie holmes is actually sleeping with. why can’t we get that information?

  25. Doomhammer

    So what this tells me is that somewhere out there, is a telephone pole, with Tom Cruise’s name ALL OVER IT !!

    Keep on motorin’ Tom !!!

  26. Skip Smith

    Since the last story about Tom Cruise mentioned alien porn, may I present … ET porn:

  27. mamadough

    i’m waiting for the day when tom forces katie to have that surgery to remove about 4 inches of bone from her legs to knock her down a peg.

    oh, #70, it’s not fraud you dumb fuck. it really is occurring. that’s what the earth does. heats up and cools down. it’s going to happen and has happened in the past, whether we fuck it up further or not.

  28. Chauncey Gardner

    Tom has actually earned twice that amount (he’s equal to or just behind the combined Olsen Twins) but he surrenders half of it to the Church of Scientology. ‘Cause he’s a fucking crazy gay idiot.

  29. her knees

    2 – I agree. I didn’t like how I was called everyone said they were amazing when she wore the short red coat.
    And I hate how she stands now, because Tom is short she has to stand with her feet spread, so she doesn’t over powere him too much.

  30. El-Coyote

    So Tom is obviously morphing Katie into a Psuedo-Posh.
    Next, he will morph her into a Psuedo-Dave Beckham so he can get aroused…


  31. El-Coyote

    So Tom is obviously morphing Katie into a Psuedo-Posh.
    Next, he will morph her into a Psuedo-Dave Beckham so he can get aroused…


  32. AJLAJ

    shweaty balls was meerly showing what a hypocrite Al GOre. The environments fucked but, don’t listen to the bloody rich celbs pouting greenspeak since they’re all fucking hypocrites living in mansions. the world isfucked because we’re so greedy so even if your mansion is covered in solar pannels doesn’t mean you’ve solved the root problem, at the core all of theproblems in the world are caused by greed and selfishness. Al gore gets teary eye seeing all the polution well i get fucking teary eyed seeing a world where the rich live like fucking glutton kings and kids are fucking dying of poverty. Al Gore is not an intelligent person because he cannot see the bigger picture so although it is of course true that the environment is in trouble and that we need to change our wasteful behaviour it’s still pretty disgusting when the uber wealthy living in homes the size of hotels go around preaching modest consumption of anything.

  33. whatever

    Britney Spears gets $700k a month and can’t even act decent enough to keep her kids.

    The world adores Al Gore for preaching against energy use while he himself uses 20x the electricity of the average American household, and God only knows how much oil jetting around the world to lecture the middle class and poor on their energy use.

    Tom Cruise blows money on motorcycles and cults while starving people in Hati eat cookies made from vegetable shortening and dirt. (You read that correctly.)

    This world is fucking batshit insane, and the human race doesn’t even deserve it. We should spit on these people and take their money from them, not photograph them or adore them or worship them.

    Maybe I’ll cheer up if Tom wrecks his bike at about 160 mph and dies. Bonus points if he takes out Gore or Spears at the same time.

  34. ack

    tc doesn’t care about the earth because he’s an ALIEN. duh.

  35. AJLAJ

    #84. Someone else gets it? Fuck that was like reading my own thoughts.

    Please tell me that you feel the same way about Oprah. She brags about all her doo gooding to a room full of applause rather a world full of adoring housewives (because as you know charity is all about recognition)and she has seen the poverty in Africa (she can’t paly the ignorance card) yet she lives the life of a sick deluded queen in multiple mansions filled with the most expensive shit imaginable. She is the quenn of hypocrites (possibly even worse than Al Gore who as you say so well preaches (and guilts) the middle class and the poor who are overwhelmed just trying to pay those electricity bills about modest consumption and then he with all his wealth and possibilities can’t even practice what he preaches.

    The most depressing part is that so few people get this. “Why can’t people have their mansions” a sheltered old friend once said to me. Because FUCK because there is a world full of need and poverty, because it isn’t healthy to live in extravagance and as long as many do other will have nothing, because good fucking god why does this require an explanation when to me it’s so obvious.

    And I hate the lazy excuse that the economy would go in the shitter if the wealthy stopped being so wealthy. That’s such a bunch of bullshit, there are so many solutions and only a complete selfish asshole ould argue that our ecomnomy depends on Oprah having 5 mansions. Fuck she can buy five mansions, she just gonna have to turn them into a home for kids with cancer, an orphanage, a shelter for abused women etc.. greed is NEVER the answer.

    This world is so fucking depressing and I still love life and shit ( these bastardswon’t ruin it all for me) but, I really don’t know if there’s any hope sometimes because people are so fucking selfish and ignorant.

    Pardon my spelling I am far too tired and bitter to peruse and spell check my own ranting.

  36. Ted from LA

    BEST POST since I went on a similar rant a few boxes of wine ago. America is doomed if we keep this shit up. Anyone who gives the least shit about these celebs in “real life” is part of the problem, not the solution. John Edwards would not have dropped out of the race today had he not built a 28,000 square foot home. Even American’s saw through that hipocracy. He had the best ideas on the subject, he just didn’t walk the walk.

  37. Ted from LA

    On a more serious note, what is the deal with Katie? It looks like her butt is where her pussy should be. How does she do that????

  38. ann

    I hope he can touch the ground. Does it come with training wheels?

  39. mommylonglegs

    Planes, motorcycles, porsches…is somebody compensating?

  40. AJLAJ

    Yeay Ted! Perhaps the world isn’t doomed. i love your commentary BTW you are so witty.

    It’s a sad thing that one of the biggest problems in the world is really not talked about but, in this consumer driven world I guess it’s no coincidence that greed is not a popular topic.

    As for Mrs. Cruise above that’s actually not Katie Holmes it’s Katbot the robot wife Tom made in his scientology lab with parts he was saving to bring back his hero sir L.Ron. Needless to say Tom’s lab has a LOT of manbot asses laying around so he just made Katbot with an ass in front and an ass in the back that way missionary sex with her would actually be quite enjoyable and to Tom the more man ass the better. Katie got wise to Tom’s erm… batshit craziness so she was taken care of. Don’t worry she’s still alive, so where is the real Katie Holmes? She’s Kirstie Ally’s personal slave and has been force fed to a staggering appearance altering 400 pounds. She’s not so purdy no more and if you thought Katbot had fugly knees picture ‘em with rolls. but, at least Kirsty Ally’s feeling better about herself these days.

    P.S. Ted from L.A. I’m not sure you are real. You aren’t homophobic, you’re funny and you have a great moral outlook on the world yet are also informed. I thought I married the only man that fit this description. Your wife must be a happy woman, I know I am.

  41. Is anyone else reminded of Bambi when they look at Katie Holmes?

  42. Ted from LA

    If I ever cheat on my wife it is going to be with you. I’m real and I’m spectacular.

    #92, If you’re referring to a desire to shoot her mother, I have to say, I thought about it, but I’m a pacifist. That is why AJLAJ has fantasies about my wife and me getting it on with her.

  43. FRT

    I heard that Tiny Tom Thumb gets his motor-bikes custom made…so that his feet will actually touch the ground when stopped! Hence the exorbitant price!
    Other wise…he would just fall over.

    Looks like the wee little fellow is getting a little chunky too!

  44. Dranoes

    Ah, well. At least he doesn’t lecture me on the environment and then do all this crap. As far as I know, anyway.

  45. She’s smiling like that because she never has to suck his dick… that’s why they have a pool boy.

  46. Proud American

    1. Name your two U.S. Senators. I don’t know the names of Hockey players.
    2. Name Britney’s two children. Coaster and Ashtray
    3. Name the Secretary of the Treasury. Nicholas Cage
    4. State how much Britney makes per month. $10,000 batshit crazy, look at me I’m an unfit mother, fat, attention whore dollars (roughly the same as Rosie O’Donnel)
    5. How much have interest rates decreased with the last two fed moves? Paris Hilton went to prison.
    6. Who is Kim Kardashian dating? A urine sample form the state pen.
    7. Who is next in line to be President of the United States if President Bush and Vice President Cheney are removed from office? Adnan Ghalib
    8. What mammal does Hayden P want to save? Milo Ventimiglia
    9. Who are the two remaining Republican candidates for president? Larry Birkhead and Howard K. Stern
    10. Who was the surprise 6 foot 4 penis to visit Britney as she was leaving the hospital? Oprah.
    11. Where was Barack Obama born? Canada.
    12. How often does Janince Dickinson shave her nuts? Every 4 hours, just like Barbara Walters and Whoopi Goldberg.

    So Ted did I win???

  47. ST evec

    Katie is looking more like Tom every day….must be that Scientology cloning shit happening

  48. Queefer Bukakke

    I didn’t know they made these cycles for midgets. Let’s hope he crashes into his favorite gay leather bar and dies.

  49. wibbly

    has katie developed some kind of slouch now to keep tom feeling tall? I think Nic had the same problem

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