Tom Cruise has no sense of humor

March 17th, 2006 // 154 Comments

*tom_cruise_south_park.jpgTom Cruise got Comedy Central to cancel Wednesday night’s South Park episode about Scientology by warning that he’d refuse to promote Mission Impossible 3, insiders say. Since Paramount is banking on MI3 to make money this summer, and Paramount is owned by Viacom, which also owns Comedy Central, the tactic worked. The South Park episode – which pokes fun at Scientology and shows Cruise, John Travolta and R. Kelly – was mysteriously pulled at the last minute.

Well thank goodness Tom got the episode pulled; otherwise people might start thinking Scientology was weird or something. I don’t know at what point Tom became such a jackass, though it’s a well known fact that short people are intrinsically evil and must be destroyed. Hey, it’s right there in the Bible, right after the part where Jesus flies around around the Earth to reverse time and save Lois.

Source

superficial

  1. LOOKWHATICANDO

    Tom is a whinny Punk.

  2. I wish there was a way to release Xenu and help Xenu destroy Tom and his evil scientology partners…

  3. reptilicus

    Huh?

    I don’t get it. This same episode aired weeks ago.

  4. Jerk616

    Tom Cruise is the Gay Pope of Krazee.

  5. billabong021

    Is that the same episode where Kyle is worshipped by the scientologists?

  6. rds0811

    Since they have no voice now for Chef and they can’t “talk” about scientology, they should do an episode where Tom and Chef just stand in the background of every single scene of an episode holding hands. Not talking, not doing anything, but just randomly standing in the background while all the action in the episode takes place.

  7. outrageous.opinion

    #53 It was going to be re-aired wed night after it was announced that Hayes quit the show.

    Hey, I just watched it on the web. So funny. Maybe more people will see it on the web then there would have been if it were aired..

    Way to go Tom!

  8. CocoNutz

    #56 LOLOLOL!!!

    … or everytime Cartman or Stan open a closet door, Tom is STILL in there!!

    #47 maiira:
    Couldn’t agree with you more! I watch once in awhile, but after the big stink he made, I just had to watch! Whatta fuckin baby.

  9. ferret1

    #3 You hit it right on the head. Hollywood has no problems mocking Christianity at the drop of a hat, but Scientology? Now that’s out of line…

    Tom also had a Katie Holmes sex scene excised from her latest movie. For that reason, he should go to hell.

  10. lysistrata11

    #58 lmao. That would be so awesome. Stan: “Tom, you okay in there? You’ve been in there for like, two years.”
    Tom: “Yeah but I’m a little hungry. Can you get me another puppy to eat.”

  11. Heres a thought, he hasn’t had a hit for YEARS in a movie that he totally carried (War of the Worlds was a Steven Speilberg movie and a remake)

    Is he REALLY going to take a chance on killing his career if the MI3 tanks? Eyes Wide Shut, Vanilla Sky, Minority Report, etc… if MI3 tanks suddenly you don’t have so many producers willing to pay that salary of his. Man, queens can be so bitchy sometimes, maybe Katie isn’t using a big enough strap-on.

  12. All of his behavior of late has cause a conditional response within my head.

    As soon as I see Tom Cruise, I immediately think, “Douche Bag!”

  13. sid

    You guys are missing the point. Viacom owns Paramount and Comedy Central. There are only a small handful of assholes who own everything. There IS NO freedom of speech.

    And Tom Cruise is gay.

  14. deluxxe

    god i hate people.

  15. Bellisima

    Tom Cruise is a creepy, little man. I can definitely live without seeing M3 and that is exactly what I am going to do. I will keep my $12 and he can just kiss my boycotting little ass!!

  16. Bellisima

    Tom Cruise is a creepy, little man. I can definitely live without seeing M3 and that is exactly what I am going to do. I will keep my $12 and he can just kiss my boycotting little ass!!

  17. Bellisima

    oops tourettes again. sorry.

  18. All South Park Fans should boycott MI3. Just a thought.

    Oh yeah, and Tom Cruise is a homosexual who pays women with $ and fame to date him.

  19. amma

    This more than anything tells me what a bastard he is. I mean, okay, he has his religion and his beliefs…whatever. Good for him. But is he so insecure, are his beliefs so shaky that god forbid someone else should have a laugh? What’s the big deal??? If he’s right, he’s right, let him take comfort in that fact. I hope his fascist ass dies in an accident.

  20. SL500gt

    Screw tom cruise over, by sharing this episode with everyone you love:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSj9gc36Bw8&search=South%20Park%20Scientology

  21. MissyDra

    When I first heard about this ep I “found” it and watched it over and over. I told all of my friends and they watched it over and over. When it came on our commedy chanel (I’m in Canada) I watched it again.
    I know Chef boycotted being in the episode, but why would he wait until now to leave the show? *checks watch* Oh, Tommy boy hasn’t been in the media for all of 11min and needed a patsy to get him something to publically screw up.

  22. No1Zero

    I’m suprised it took people this long to realize Tom Cruise was a douche. Or as in the South Park world, The Biggest Douche In the Universe!!! Scientology is a cult and South Park is getting censored for telling the truth about it. If Scientologist’s want to be looked upon as a legit Religion, they need a new face for scientology. Cuz TC is a raving freakin lunatic, and he’s been a complete asshole his whole career. People are talking about boycotting his movies. I’ve been doin that since Top Gun simply becuz this guy is a talentless hack! Burn in Hell, or whatever alien planet that is the scientology enemy, You Prick!!!

  23. You dont knwo when he became a jackass?! where the hell have you been. He’s sues at the drop of a hat. Hell hell sue regular people for bashing him. Remember the guy that called him gay a few years back?

  24. Mugato

    It’s a good thing Cruise nipped this in the bud and caught it after they’ve only aired it a dozen times and it’s all over the net. It sounds like he got the former head of FIMA to do his PR damage control.

  25. Bad_kitty_cat
  26. Swordman

    Man my reasons for hating him go to just one thing – he has ruined Katy Holmes, ruined her

  27. mamacita

    Isn’t it just surreal when you read up on what Scientology is all about? All of these people, who otherwise appear normal (except Tom Cruise, of course)get sucked into this insanity and have no clue what they’re doing to themselves. This is not one of those things you just walk away from when you feel like it. I’ve read some stuff about people trying to leave and a lot of them end up having psychotic breaks, getting hammered by their legal team, committing suicide, or “committing suicide” if you get my drift. It’s really sad.

  28. If we ignore him will he just go away?

  29. Bad_kitty_cat

    I’m afraid not… not unless the great lord shanu shoots him with a BB gun… It’s difficult ‘tho… he won’t come out of the closet!

  30. brewsky123

    I absolutely HATE Tom Cruise with a passion. He takes himself so seriously.. oh his beliefs are right and no one can challenge them in any way but he can feel free to critisize Brooke Sheilds or anyone else who does something that he doesn’t agree with… idiot.

  31. BarbadoSlim

    this thread needs more Xenu, you can make everything better with more Xenu.

  32. I like Tuaca and Xenu over ice.

    Oh, and Tom Cruise likes the cock.

  33. JustSomeGuy

    I started boycotting his movies after Top Gun. I just can’t stand looking at him.

  34. maiira

    #48: Exactly! I always got the impression that South Park was sort of the anti-censorship. Clearly, someone has gotten to them.

    Y’know, all this agreement is getting kinda boring. I’d almost like to see some deranged fan come on here and just be all like “u all suck haterz tom cruse is better then all of u!!!!!!!!!!!”

    Anyone want to defend Tom Cruise?

    …..

    Anyone??

    ………

    *Crickets*

    ……………

    Fine. TO IMDB!!

  35. pixelbasic

    I can’t wait for the mothership to come pick these motherfuckers up. That or a nice little Heaven’s Gate Hale-Bopp moment would be nice.

  36. BarbadoSlim

    #84 I don’t think the South Park boys have much say on when and how the episodes air. Comedy Central and whoever owns it do, it’s corporate censorship in its lowest form.

    Oh, and Tom Cruise most definitely likes the cock.

  37. Captain Awesome

    Droopy Face Holmes was already ruined. If anything, his xenu seed made her more profitable.

  38. Jay from the Bay

    #63 On behalf of homos everywhere, we do not claim Tom as one of our people. You can keep him. Wait though, can aliens be gay?

  39. #88 Jay from the Bay,
    look, just accept the fact that the gay community has to deal with it’s Richard Simmons, Tom Cruises’, Clay Aikens, and Liberaces’ just like the straight community has to deal with it’s O.J. Simpsons, Will Farrels’, Paris Hiltons’, Natasha Lyons’, Ted Kennadys’ Jessie Helms’ Courtney Loves’, and William Hungs’ etc… The sooner you accept, the sooner the healing can begin.

  40. #88 Jay from the Bay,
    look, just accept the fact that the gay community has to deal with it’s Richard Simmons, Tom Cruises’, Clay Aikens, and Liberaces’ just like the straight community has to deal with it’s O.J. Simpsons, Will Farrels’, Paris Hiltons’, Natasha Lyons’, Ted Kennadys’ Jessie Helms’ Courtney Loves’, and William Hungs’ etc… The sooner you accept, the sooner the healing can begin.

  41. DAMMIT!!! I swear that the first comment didn’t load, I checked back 15 min later and it still wasn’t here, so I rewrote it. Curse you Superficial for mocking me. ;)

  42. antispace

    Tom Cruise can suck a dick.
    South Park rules.

  43. bunnyhugger

    # 56—PERFECT!! LOL! or perhaps he could join satan and saddam in a three-way? i’m not too worried about the south park boys. this will give them fuel for many, many episodes. they were on david letterman the other night but my damn tivo changed channels on me and i missed part of it.

    has anyone else noted that the perfectly delicious

    http://www.tomcruiseisnuts.com/

    has not been updated since 12/6? i know his lawyers have been harumphing at them for awhile. TC bites.

  44. bunnyhugger

    # 56—PERFECT!! LOL! or perhaps he could join satan and saddam in a three-way? i’m not too worried about the south park boys. this will give them fuel for many, many episodes. they were on david letterman the other night but my damn tivo changed channels on me and i missed part of it.

    has anyone else noted that the perfectly delicious

    http://www.tomcruiseisnuts.com/

    has not been updated since 12/6? i know his lawyers have been harumphing at them for awhile. TC bites.

  45. bunnyhugger

    whoops. sorry.

  46. Ariana

    The guy that does the voice of Chef quit the show because of this episode. Apparently the guy is also a scientologist and was offended by the episode. This is understandable coming from the man that sang the words “put my chocolate salty balls in yo mouth”. Silly…. & pointless if the episode didn’t even air. Very unfortunate.

  47. pickletickle

    Screw South Park, but most of all screw Tom Cruise; and shouldn’t Katie have crapped out her kid yet, it seems like she has been pregnant forever!

  48. Jay from the Bay

    #90 Spindoc – yeah, you’re right. Send Tom over and I’ll hit it.

  49. bunnyhugger

    # 88
    of course aliens can be gay! sulu just came out, didn’t he?
    where no man has gone before, heh-heh.

  50. lurkerx

    God, how anyone can believe L. Ron Hubbard’s BS is beyond me. You take a man who’s a disciple and the self styled heir to Crowley, practices sex and ritual magic, writes horrible sci-fi, comes up with the dumbest cult bullsh*t ever, mix in some rich wackos, and what have you got? A huge pain in the @ss that’s not a joke anymore. Somebody needs to get these douches off the crazy pills. And Tom’s been a dick for years. I was an extra on one of his movies, and he’s quite the pompous ass.

Leave A Comment