Tom Cruise has no sense of humor

March 17th, 2006 // 154 Comments

*tom_cruise_south_park.jpgTom Cruise got Comedy Central to cancel Wednesday night’s South Park episode about Scientology by warning that he’d refuse to promote Mission Impossible 3, insiders say. Since Paramount is banking on MI3 to make money this summer, and Paramount is owned by Viacom, which also owns Comedy Central, the tactic worked. The South Park episode – which pokes fun at Scientology and shows Cruise, John Travolta and R. Kelly – was mysteriously pulled at the last minute.

Well thank goodness Tom got the episode pulled; otherwise people might start thinking Scientology was weird or something. I don’t know at what point Tom became such a jackass, though it’s a well known fact that short people are intrinsically evil and must be destroyed. Hey, it’s right there in the Bible, right after the part where Jesus flies around around the Earth to reverse time and save Lois.



  1. The public should just revolt and boycott his films. I know I have already.

  2. xaputa

    This happened weeks ago…

  3. CheekyChops

    Would the world really care if Tom Cruise dropped off the face of it? Doubt it. So don’t know why this guy has so much pull.

  4. Jacq

    What a wierdo! This is the same episode that Isaac Hayes left the show over. Is it a requirement of Scientology that you MUST be a lunatic and a fanatic? I saw the show when it first aired. I think it was priceless.

    Come out of the closet Tom…

  5. I think it is safe to say that Zacheus was a wee little man, and he was Evil… which is why the religious leaders wet their pants when Jesus went to Zach’s house. I think that Jesus would go to Tom Cruise’s house as well and then Tom would give Jesus a complete set of Tom’s movies and thank him for being an inspiration (but not as much as Harry Potter or whomever started Scientology).

    I think Jesus would get mad when Tom asked him about whether or not Marry had a silent birthing experience like Kate is going to have.

  6. playahater101

    That’s such an empty threat. Like he isn’t going to promote a movie he’s producing. Right. Viacom needs to get some balls. And don’t they realize no one wants to see Tom Cruise anymore anyways? B/c we all now know he’s a freak of nature.

  7. Phoenix

    L. Ron Hubbard has a lot to answer for. And so does Tom Cruise’s mum.

  8. playahater101

    I would also like to mention the fact that the last 2 Christmas episodes of SOuth Park were incredibly wrong (yet extremely funny) but no fanatical Christian groups were fighting and threatening anyone. B/c they know it’s a joke. And so is Scientology. Aliens in the volcanos. Give me a break. Some acid dropping science fiction writer made up Scientology. All they are is a glorified cult.

  9. rds0811

    What, did they cancel a rerun of the episode? Because I saw an episode with that exact description sometime last year. (The one where Tom Cruise was in a closet literally, and they wanted him to come out of the closet).

  10. xaputa

    #5: “I think Jesus would get mad when Tom asked him about whether or not Marry had a silent birthing experience like Kate is going to have.”

    You fool, there is no Jesus. That’s just something the souls of the dead aliens (tethans or wahtever…) saw in a giant cinema like thingy, and believed to be true.

  11. Binky

    I boycotted that show long ago – because of their treatment of Kenny.

  12. bravegirl01

    Jacq said: “Is it a requirement of Scientology that you MUST be a lunatic and a fanatic?

    LOL!! YES!!!

  13. krisdylee

    Could someone please explain the fundamental idea of freedom of speech to this nutjob? If you don’t like it, don’t watch it, numbnuts…….

  14. krisdylee

    By the way, I am really starting to feel sorry for this baby… poor little gaffer never had a chance…. After Brangelina takes Sean Preston, maybe they could adopt this one too……

  15. A2Bcom

    I guess he’s proved that scientology is a religion after all. Like other religions, this one aparently isn’t above sensorship either.

  16. Zanna

    The Superficial is getting funny again!

  17. Mo

    Tom Cruise killed Kenny…you bastard!

  18. PinkRose

    South Park was suppose to rerun the episode on Wednesday night. I remember seeing the commercials about the show re-airing it a few days before. WHen I went to watch it didn’t show. It sucked because my boyfriend had never seen it. Tom is such a jackass.

    Did Tom manage to keep it running over the net too?

  19. mamacita

    GOSH! This is such bullshit! If any Catholic, Baptist, Methodist, etc., etc. organizations attempted this kind of crap, they’d be laughed out of the conference room! If they let him get away with this fascist malarkey, yes I said malarkey, they’re going to end up alienating South Park’s fan base, because that completely goes against the grain of everything South Park is about-no line uncrossed, no toes unstepped on. Yeah, I know unstepped isn’t a word, but I’m trying to make a point here.

  20. Triumph Insult Dog

    I don’t get, Tom. What type of Jim Jone-type hold does this religion have on you? I liked it when you were crazy jumping up and down on Oprah’s couch like most dogs do, but now you’re loosing your sense of humor.

    You and Isaac Hayes need to stop sniffing each other’s butts and have a good laugh! Scientologist have all the money in the world and can’t buy a freakin’ funny bone!


  21. missmaiden

    Someone with more follow thru than me needs to start up a boycott of MI3. I’ll participate, but i’m too lazy to mobilize the movement. Not to mention being busy standing in line for my Thank you for Smoking tickets. tommy, i’ll be at the loews in times square if you want to try and censor that again.

  22. jennyjenjen

    T.C. is a total lunatic, makes me wonder sbout hoe znicole could stay with him so long. Is she crazy to??? Also we need to start a grass roots campaign to save “Kate”. Poor girl. And I don’t even care for her droopy face. Number 10 did you mean Heathens? Also,encorship in any form is unconstitutional (unless you yell Bomb in an airport) SHAME on Tom.

  23. Feed_Me_Chocolate

    I’ve read that Scientologists lose touch of reality because they believe in aliens and being inhabited by other life forms and all this off-the-wall stuff, so naturally they become paranoid & insane. What I want to know is, how could Kate grow up a “devout” Catholic, and accept this hogwash? Hasn’t she ever heard of the word, “cult”?

  24. CocoNutz

    I am NEVER watching another T.C. movie for as long as I live. What an a-hole!

    BTW, if you haven’t seen the episode yet, you can watch the whole thing and commercial-free at
    It is hilarious!!!

  25. Sister Morphine

    I want Tom Cruise to get hit by a Mack truck at full speed.

    I am so sick to death of that arrogant, pretentious douchebag.

  26. TaiTai

    SSSHHHH! All you thetans pipe down and stop talking bad about Tom and LRon or he will have us all shut down too. Tom is Everywhere!!!

  27. Meg

    Lets just hope that Comedy Central will run the scientology episode for a week straight after MI3 is released and Tom can’t back out of promoting the new movie. Which should also be around the same time as his relationship with Katie Holmes is exposed for the sham it is. Come on people – Tom and Katie making it has the same odds as Kenny making it through an episode.

  28. SteelersGrl

    The episode aired on Wednesday night, but the background music was really loud and you couldn’t really hear what the characters were saying. It was like they were trying to drown out the dialogue with creepy background music. Did anyone else have that problem?

  29. cdogbert

    Does this mean that there might not be an episode where Chef is killed off, and Scientology is ridiculed harder than it’s ever been before?

  30. lysistrata11

    What a creepy bastard.

    #26-Mind if I drive?

  31. flamarkel

    Canada tried this after “South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut.” However, the boycott didn’t work. They still get our polluted air.

  32. Flic7

    I love that Isaac Hayes has no problem singing about “chocolate salty balls” among numorous other things, yet the second they make fun of his so-called religion. He gets all huffy. So ridiculous! So it’s fine to make fun of Jews/Catholics/Muslims, etc. but you can’t make fun of some freak fake religion revolving around aliens! What kind of weird hold does L. Ron Hubbard have over these people?!?!?!

  33. #31 – Be my guest. In fact, if you honk the horn a few times before you slam into him, that’ll be even funnier.

  34. Tha-Flash

    What a dick.

  35. DevastatorX

    So he’s not going to promote MI3? Well, if it sucks as bad as 1 and 2 then it’s no great loss.

    Fuck you Tom Cruise. I can’t wait for your life to end. And I hope your kids dog gets hit by a car.

  36. lysistrata11

    #34-Sweet. Maybe he’ll even try to stop the truck with “mental powers”. lol I couldn’t type that with a straight face.

  37. A Nobody

    Yep, still a douchebag. Nothing special.

    Plus it only encourages people to buy the South Park DVD and make the company richer. Thanks a lot, Douchey.

  38. I think humor is against Scientology.

  39. ranesing

    I really wish he would refuse to promote MI3. Grant my wish Tom! Oh yeah, but then Katie would have to not give birth because isn’t the promotion/release of MI3 supposed to coincide with the debut of the “fruit of his loins?”

    What an asshole. It makes my skin crawl to think that this dickhead has so much clout.

  40. outrageous.opinion

    I wondered what the hell happened! I had my Tivo set to record that.

    He will get his some day. People like this dont get away with there holier then thow attitude for ever.

    No pun intended…LOL

    He is a very mixed up little man. What is truly AMAZING is that the guy cant even act. Thank GOD for action films. Its the only way he can cover up his lack of talent.

  41. Captain Awesome

    lol, what a fucking douche. Mel Gibson is just “churchy” compared to this psycho.

  42. zeolitea

    What a moron. Like anyone wants to watch his movies, hell more people might go if he doesn;t endorse the movie.

  43. tits_on_snack

    But it already aired… Everyone already saw it! How is he stopping it from being seen if it was already on, and everyone already watched it? LAME.

    “That’s such an empty threat. Like he isn’t going to promote a movie he’s producing. Right.”

    I totally agree. They should have called his bluff.

  44. Sheva

    When did Tom join the cult? I liked Risky Business.
    Now I’m going to smash his fake Harpo the killer whale stunt and take the “love” of his life away.

    I’m going to nail Katie Holmes and put the video on the internet if she doesn’t renounce her career choice and escape from Tom.

    He’s a repressive, oppressive or whatever crap they call anyone who doesn’t buy hook line and sinker their cult thought.

    Me, I wanna start my own religion. That’s where the money is.

    L. Ron Hubbard – Sci-fi writer, Cult Leader

  45. TaiTai

    Ummmm, does this mean we are going to have to look at Tom and Katie all weekend? I am going to have three days of nightmares about a giant herpes sore being chased by a gay midget.

  46. maiira

    He does realize that his bitching about that particular episode will only make MORE people watch it, right? Hell, even I watched it and I don’t watch South Park.

    What a douchebag.

  47. lysistrata11

    #47-I’m sure the folks at South Park realized that though. As brilliant as it may be to garner more attention for the show, it seems so unlike them to censor ANYTHING. Makes them look like little pussies.

  48. St.Minutia

    Tom Cruise is an itchy boil on the deranged ferret that is popular culture. He is one spoke away from Michael Jackson on the freak wheel. He must be stopped!

  49. kenniem

    You can also view the episode here commercial free

    What a fucking douche bag.

    Just one more way he is glib.

    What’s wrong Tom, you afraid your fans are going to find out that you believe that the earth is made up of bad alien souls and you in your stupidity paid millions of dollars to have you body cleansed.

    A male whore would have done the same to you for a few bucks.

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