Tom Cruise had an abusive father

April 6th, 2006 // 77 Comments

tom-cruise-abused.jpgAn explanation has finally emerged as to why Tom Cruise is so messed up and it has to do with his abusive father. He tells the upcoming issue of Parade:

“He was a bully and a coward. He was the kind of person where, if something goes wrong, they kick you. It was a great lesson in my life


  1. juicylips

    I feel bad for him if he was abused by his dad but at least that explains why he’s a little bitch.

  2. HughJorganthethird

    Yeah right, I’m sure after he subdued one of these “bullies” by trying to digitally penetrate him the rest probably steered clear of his gay ass.

  3. Jacq

    I would pay good money to see Tom kicked by his dead father, emotional abandonment is one thing but GET OVER IT. He’s a freak. Can you say “issues?”

    Maybe he can put a muzzle on the photogs taking pictures of his ridiculously pregnant bitch? I never want to see either of their fucking faces again.

  4. LRonHubbaHubba

    You people are glib.

    Oh yeah, and Tom Cruise loves the cock.

  5. PapaHotNuts

    You complete me, dad. You complete me. Oops, I’m sorry, these cigarette burns on my forearm complete me. So do the welps from you hitting me in the face with a pork chop.

    You had me at “You retarded alien. I hope you get beat up at school.”

    Thanks for the memories Pop.

  6. Abusive, cancer-ridden father? Jumping around hysterically? Totally mental? He’s getting more Frank T.J. Mackey by the day and I for one can’t wait for him to lose it in public and start screaming “CUNT!” repeatedly.

  7. YapYapYap

    …or rather: Tom Cruise really loves the cock – of Daddy? (Of course Dad wouldn’t not let the little twat have any. And that’s why he’s reeeeeeeeeeally pissed off.)

    btw has anyone ever noticed the uncanny resemblance between TC and the gerbils that used to NOT live in Richard Gere’s ass?

  8. OhHowCynical

    Hahaha! FIGURES!

  9. So THATS why he used to moan “Daddy Daddy!” when the football team would do him.

  10. I think I missed something here. What’s the deal with the turkey baster up Katie’s (or “Kate’s” for those of us with ADD) wazoo? And how is she so G.D. stupid to not see right through this twit?

  11. MystressJade

    #11 Tom went to seminary school thinking it was a school with/on “semen”. When he found out he was wrong, he jumped on board at the L. Ron Hubbard Church of Sementology.

  12. eh, he sounds a little whiny. He didn’t really say anything bad about his father, but is just trying to drum up sympathy.

    If he’d been a porn star, think how different the world would be! Well, exactly the same, just without Rainman, Cocktail and MI.

  13. colormeskanky

    #4, 6, & 50– thanks for the laughs! #23, I was thinking the same thing when I read it– especially the part where Tom talks about how his dad would “lull you in, make you feel safe, and then– bang!” Sounds like he’s revealing how he became the proud owner of Katie Holmes. Interesting how Tom got rid of his father but then replaced him with Scientology, which seems to employ the same kind of “seductive control” teqniques.

  14. krisdylee

    is he retarded?

  15. Jacq

    So what Tom is trying to say is that if I, say, wanted to punch him in the face he wouldn’t fight back? Pussy. Wait, that gives me an idea..

    In related news – SHUT THE FUCK UP TOM! NO ONE CARES ANYMORE – YOU RUINED YOURSELF LAST SUMMER WHEN YOU RAN AROUND AND SHOWED US WHAT A FREAK YOU ARE! Seriously, how can he be there when Katie has the baby if he won’t be quiet and move slowly and clearly?

  16. Dee

    drama queen…he talks too much.

  17. Nyzaaaah

    “It was a great lesson in my life

  18. sweetcheeks

    Talking about all the ways Daddy hurt you seems pretty psychoanalytical to me… rather Freudian for a guy who doesn’t believe in psychiatry, don’t you think?

    Delicious, delicious irony.

  19. seaglass

    Well, I don’t know about you all, but I for one am shocked.

  20. seaglass

    Well, I don’t know about you all, but I for one am shocked.

  21. seaglass

    Well, I don’t know about you all, but I for one am shocked.

  22. MissAppropriated

    After all these obscure references to Koolaid and spaceships, I took it upon myself to check out a Scientology website, and learned the following:

    1. L Ron Hubbard looks like a watered down version of Hugh Hefner (sorry Hugh)

    2. Scientology graciously accepts the right for a woman to make noise during giving birth – it’s just the WORDS that are considered evil. As a parent, being denied the god-given right to scream “You mutha-fucking PRICK, you are never coming near me AGAIN ASS-BANDIT” at ones partner is inhumane. Especially when you are in labor.

    Viva la cock, eh Tom?

  23. damn, I was brutally abused by my father and I wasted all that money on therapy and education so I could help other abuse victims when I could have just given the money to Scientology and gotten a license to become a raving multimillionaire idiot? I already loved “the cock” so I was halfway there, but then again, I am a female…stop whining and come out of the closet already Tom, you are pathetic, along with all these other freaks who use the “abuse excuse”. GET OVER IT…^5 on the build a bridge comment!

  24. bunnyhugger

    maybe he was bullied because he is a whiny little ass-wipe?

    do you know that the biggest problem with bi-polars is compliance (refusing to take their meds, etc.)? is it any wonder that tommy boy turned to uncle elron and his mega-vitamins? he’s heading for serious meltdown. anybody ever seen a bi-polar crash? just hope katie and child get out in time.
    and, shit. these kinds of statements belittle folks who HAVE been seriously abused.

    #34, brewerpatriot says:

    “BTW, I love how “Tom Cruise loves the cock” is a catchphrase on here…if only it could be successfully carried to everyday life.

    “Did you hear about that Tom Cruise interview?”
    “Yeah, that Tom Cruise sure loves the cock.” ”

    how ’bout using it as closing in our daily corresponence, in place of “sincerely” :

    “and so, gentleman, i’d like to personally thank you for all your hard work.

    tom cruise loves the cock,

    joe blow, CEO ”

    genius, brewerpat, genuis!


  25. jb

    Know what TC’s kids are whispering to each other when they see Daddy coming? “There’s something wrong with this guy. Don’t trust him. Be careful around him.”

  26. SweeterSweeterBoyfriendStealer!

    oh, i cant stop laughing!!!!! ok, here it goes–sorry but i need to wipe the tears of laughter that are streaming down off my cheeks–
    #11,18,20,33,39,24,45,and 65—hit the nail on the HEAD! oh, thank you for making me laugh so hard!!!!! your all so so right!!!!! oh, and not to sound like a total ditz ( well i am a blonde!!!) but um, #22, PopahotNuts, whos Lyndie England?
    and #39, ItalianStallion, i LOVE thr reses pieces trail!!!
    oh, all of you are making me giggle like a little girl!!!!
    thanks, you guys and babes ROCK ON!!

  27. A Nobody

    hu huh hu… Scientology… Hu huh huh huh…

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