In the upcoming issue of GQ, Tom Cruise discusses how great his sex life is, saying:
“Sex is about the connection. Great sex is a by-product, for me, of a great relationship, where you have communication and it’s an extension of that. Where it’s just free. And that’s how it should be. It’s spectacular. If you’re not in good communication with your partner, it sucks. (Meaningless sex outside of a relationship) is really horrible and pathetic and lonely.”
It’s about time Tom Cruise gave us advice on how to have great sex. All these years I’ve been wondering how he does it, and now the secret is finally revealed: enslavement! No wait, what’d he say? Communication? But that doesn’t make any sense. How do you communicate with somebody you’ve enslaved? A whip?
CoJo | April 13, 2006 at 4:20 pm
“(Meaningless sex outside of a relationship) is really horrible and pathetic and lonely.”
Only a horrible and pathetic and lonely and psychotic loser would say something this stupid.
Italian Stallion | April 13, 2006 at 4:21 pm
He like’s it to be free huh? I wonder if when he was going to see all those male hookers he caught scientology, cause I hear it’s a nasty STD……
Grphdesi23 | April 13, 2006 at 4:21 pm
When a problem comes along
You must whip it
Before the cream sits out too long
You must whip it
When something
Grphdesi23 | April 13, 2006 at 4:22 pm
Whip it good!
UNWASHEDMASSES | April 13, 2006 at 4:25 pm
The only thing people want to know about Tommy’s sex life is does he pitch or does he catch?
HappyTimeHarry | April 13, 2006 at 4:26 pm
Tom Cruise is making it really tough to enjoy Top Gun and Days of Thunder…
reptilicus | April 13, 2006 at 4:26 pm
What he failed to mention was that “if you want to get down, you gotta go to Butt-town”
Akapee | April 13, 2006 at 4:28 pm
Like I said before Tom likes the cock
Akapee | April 13, 2006 at 4:29 pm
Does that mean she also has a penis? Becos obviously Tom likes tha dick
reptilicus | April 13, 2006 at 4:30 pm
enjoy Top Gun?
If you enjoy soft core homo erotic films…
http://ruthlessreviews.com/80saction/topgun.php
spatz | April 13, 2006 at 4:31 pm
ive been waiting to say this forever.
tom cruise loves the cock!!! there i said it! now i’m part of the cool kids club. hah
but on a serious note. does he not realize how queer this makes him sound?
Chrystal03 | April 13, 2006 at 4:31 pm
Katie must have a dildo!
Oh….and let me be the first to say…Tom Cruise loves the Cock! heehee.
Jacq | April 13, 2006 at 4:32 pm
Strangely, he makes no mention of the reach-around. As far as Tom is concerned, the only thing you need for sex is a throbbing knob.
What crazy riutal is that a picture of? She looks scared. There’s probably a huge penis inches from their noses like the one from Clockwork Orange.
Chrystal03 | April 13, 2006 at 4:33 pm
dammit, okay I was the 4th to say it…
honey | April 13, 2006 at 4:33 pm
ohhhh.. communication.. i have to tell my man that i was wrong to just bang him over and over again.. now i must begin to communicate- he’ll be so happy now with the correct type of sex.. thank you tom cruise
ET | April 13, 2006 at 4:34 pm
“Great sex is a by-product, for me…”
Fairly certain he said “bi-product” during the interview and the “reporter” interpreted wrong. *shrug*
The Mad Scientologist | April 13, 2006 at 4:35 pm
Great sex for the Cruiser = George Michael in a sailor’s outfit “communicating” him to batten down the hatch and raise the mast
reptilicus | April 13, 2006 at 4:36 pm
As far as dildos go, I’m sure Tom enjoys the “Thor” model.
http://www.zoofur.com/images/1.jpg
Iwannabeacelebrity | April 13, 2006 at 4:37 pm
How would this ass jockey know anything about good sex or sex with a woman for that matter?? His first two wives were in covers and we all know, he had Ms. (I’m also in the Scientology Cult) turkey basted..!! He should know about pathetic, loser sex is, seeing as he’s truly scamming on guys..think he and Seacrest share hair styling technics???
Carolina | April 13, 2006 at 4:37 pm
Not only was the foetus or embryo supposed to be aware of the sensation of intercourse between his parents, or whomever, but the engram could record what they were saying as well. The following case was allegedly remembered by a preclear.
GIRL: I wonder what they’re doing? (Then a pause.) I hear a squishing sound! (Then a pause and embarrassment.) Oh!
AUDITOR: Recount the engram please.
GIRL: There’s sort of a faint rhythm at first and then it gets faster. I can hear breathing. Now it’s beginning to bear down harder but a lot less than it did the first time. Then it eases up and I hear my father’s voice: “Oh honey, I won’t come in you now.” … and my mother [says] “I don’t want you in there at all then. You cold fish.”
extracted from:
http://www.clambake.org/archive/books/tsos/sos-03.html
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
shell | April 13, 2006 at 4:37 pm
I think Tom Cruise has been watching way too much Lifetime TV…oh and he likes the cock.
Devil Is Chrome | April 13, 2006 at 4:38 pm
I just wanted to tell HappyTimeHarry that I love him – as well as the ATHF episode he was in. Action bills…
Tom Cruise is gay. It doesn’t matter that he supposedly impregnated some malleable minded girl, look at those cowboys in Brokeback – they had families too!
Tom goes to closet, caresses a flight suit: “Goose, I swear…”
Feed_Me_Chocolate | April 13, 2006 at 4:40 pm
Yeah, his idea of “communication” with Katie during sex is probably something like this:
*Katie moaning*
Tom puts his finger on her lips. “Shh, I forgot to tell you that L. Ron visited me in my sleep, and he said that ‘Silent Sex’ should also be practiced.”
“Plus, it breaks my concentration when I try to imagine you as a man”.
Because, say it with me,
TOM CRUISE LOVES THE COCK!
PapaHotNuts | April 13, 2006 at 4:41 pm
I would not be at all surprised if Katie Holmes hangs herself with the umbilical cord.
Tom made no mention of half-used bottles of KY, shit-stained underwear, persistent anal discharge, swollen red buttocks, a young hispanic boy mysteriously nicknamed “El Grande”, a hyperactive midget covered in mustard, fossilized cum rags, a bug zapper, life-sized cut out of Rosie O’Donnell, and Spudz McKenzie.
That’s the true essence of sex. When you have those things, you are finally free.
Jacq | April 13, 2006 at 4:43 pm
Notice he never specifically mentions that he is having this sex with a woman.
Katie sports a strap-on. That’s why she’s always standing behind him in pictures, bending over and hugging him. It’s the only way she can make him smile.
snookyookums | April 13, 2006 at 4:43 pm
Glib…
Another instance where Tom thinks he is talking like regular people do.
MeganHarris | April 13, 2006 at 4:43 pm
Is so sick of this preachy TOm Cruise shtick…
Like, he reminds me of a QVC host selling his formulas for the “perfect little happy life”
We don’t care Risky-Business!
Iwannabeacelebrity | April 13, 2006 at 4:44 pm
The best part is when this kid comes out Samoan and Katie has to go on anti-depressants!!
Akapee | April 13, 2006 at 4:44 pm
Ummmmmmm Tom likes the cock
Grphdesi23 | April 13, 2006 at 4:48 pm
Katie doesn’t look at that satisfied.
snookyookums | April 13, 2006 at 4:48 pm
Tom Cruise = omit curse
Chrystal03 | April 13, 2006 at 4:48 pm
cock likes the Tom
CoJo | April 13, 2006 at 4:49 pm
Other than having her strap-on perpetually stuck in Toms ass, I think he makes her stand behind him, bent over, because she is much taller than he is. How do you spell Napolean Complex? T-O-M C-R-U-I-S-E!
TOM CRUISE LOVES THE COOOOOOCK!!!
Grphdesi23 | April 13, 2006 at 4:49 pm
*at all….grr
HappyTimeHarry | April 13, 2006 at 4:49 pm
Devils is Chrome
“Sometimes i like to take this knife and go like this, (pulls knife across his chest) to see how hard i can do it before i pass out. hehehe. yeah.”
Tom Cruise Loves the Big Black C
The Mad Scientologist | April 13, 2006 at 4:52 pm
Happy Time Harry – your posts suck. Kill yourself.
oshkoshb-goshdammgosh | April 13, 2006 at 4:53 pm
I thought the Church of Scientology condoned sexual intercourse only if it involved rubbing eachothers brains with cold vaseline in rooms filled with blue neon lights while wearing sterilized vinyl full-body cloaks – and don’t they absolutely condemn the touching, viewing, or discussion of genitals? How do you communicate when you have to remain completely silent through the whole ordeal? Oh well. Better than Mormon sex.
blackfrancis | April 13, 2006 at 4:53 pm
“(Meaningless sex outside of a relationship) is really horrible and pathetic and lonely.”
Tom how you can say that about your male German porn star buddy? He is probably crying himself to sleep as I type. Shame on you sir! First you sue him and now you’re saying he meant nothing to you?
blackfrancis | April 13, 2006 at 4:55 pm
#37
Actually Mormon sex ain’t half bad. Especially with the Bishop’s daughter.
oshkoshb-goshdammgosh | April 13, 2006 at 4:55 pm
Tom Cruise enjoys great sex – especially in the balloon knot.
Chrystal03 | April 13, 2006 at 4:55 pm
You know I think Tom is having to explain himself because he is a…. “ittle weenie teenie weenie short di*k man”!
HappyTimeHarry | April 13, 2006 at 4:55 pm
The Mad Scientologist – Sorry Im not thinking up comments to post about george michael in a sailors outfit playing homo with tom cruise…
Freudian slip perhaps?
Ez-EEEE | April 13, 2006 at 4:57 pm
i think we all know communication has absolutely nothing to do with sex. how many times have you heard, “shut up slut” and then been fuct so good you couldnt walk for days??? countless right? yea me too.
talking is for sissys and gays.
*moment of enlightenment*
oh right its tom cruise.
oshkoshb-goshdammgosh | April 13, 2006 at 4:58 pm
#39 – How can you enjoy yourself when the bitch keeps crying about how she needs you to hurry up because she’s got to finish churning the butter for her 17 siblings, and keeps calling you “Uncle Ezekiel” when you get rough?
Devil Is Chrome | April 13, 2006 at 4:58 pm
Oshkoshb-goshdammgosh – you would be surprised at the outrageous number of Mormon sex freaks out there….talk about in the closet!
Poo-eaters, anal worshippers, hearty misogynists, bondage lovers, plushies, S&M boot lickers, group sex – you name it, Mormon’s are eyeball deep in it.
Akapee | April 13, 2006 at 5:01 pm
#36 I agree with you…and you are quite funny
blackfrancis | April 13, 2006 at 5:01 pm
#44
That’s just foreplay buddy!
sometimesboy | April 13, 2006 at 5:01 pm
actually…i think tom having the squirts after anal is the only bi-product of sex that he has ever experienced…
Ez-EEEE | April 13, 2006 at 5:05 pm
ya know, i think i could go the whole rest of my life without hearing the words “poo eater” or thinking about what all that entails, and that would make a dandy life for me. as far as the rest of the list in #45…sounds good.
Sister Morphine | April 13, 2006 at 5:07 pm
That interview is just one big lie from start to finish.
We all know Tom Cruise loves the cock.