Tom Cruise gives crazy birthday gifts

January 17th, 2006 // 54 Comments

tom-katie-gift.jpgFor her 27th birthday present, Tom Cruise gave Katie Holmes a DVD collection of every movie he has ever acted in. A source told the Daily Express:

“Each was inscribed with a special handwritten love message to the future mother of his child.”

It’s a mystery why everybody thinks Tom Cruise is an egomaniacal loon. For birthday presents I usually give people framed pictures of myself and they absolutely love it, so I know exactly where Tom is coming from. The guy really knows the spirit of giving. Nothing says ‘happy birthday’ to someone like a huge shrine dedicated to yourself.

Thanks to Katrina for the tip.



  1. ghostwriter

    I certainly hope he included “Goin’ All the Way.”

  2. SuperSpence

    As long as rich movie stars are disproportianately prone to severe mental illness and sexual identity problems, there will be a need for websites like The Superficial. God bless Tom Cruise and his skull full of competing psychoses.

  3. Well lets say that if, IF you really weren’t in a real reationship and were faking it, you might want to give the other person DVD’s of all the movies you were in so that when they were asked things by reporters they could talk about your movies instead of repeating the same 3 things over and over (It’s really amazing, I’m so in love, he’s my man) I’m not saying Tom and Katie are a fake couple. I mean if they were a fake couple they would do weird things like buy their own sonogram machine and pretend to use it so that nobody would know that they had never had sex and that she was just hiding a pillow under her dress. They aren’t doing anything like that so of course their relationship is real.

  4. Jayne

    What a god damn weirdo.

  5. If he REALLY loved her he’d have given her a jar of his own urine and excrement from every day they’ve been together.

  6. drowningfool

    Wow he gets weirder by the day. Pretty soon Michael Jackson will have some real competition on his hands for the coveted “freak of the year” award. Don’t count Mariah Carey out just yet, though, the year is still young and there are a lot of public appearances yet to be made.

  7. I think his ego gets the best of him.

    Gives his young enough to be daughter; soon to be wife a collection of himself?

    “Katie, you know I’m yo’ daddy, now get back to scrubbing them floors while I insult your family more. Don’t forget I am yo’ daddy! …”

    I could only imagine what it is really like behind their closed doors.

    “Wweety, how come my dinner ain’t ready yet? How are we supposed to finish watching these movies of yo’ daddy if my dinner ain’t ready? …”

  8. Or wife, I don’t even follow these two.

    Typo in my last post: Sweety*

  9. CoJo

    I wonder if he included the one he did with his ex Nicole Kidman – you know, the one with the simulated sex scenes…the name escapes me because if memory serves, the movie blew, but how would you like that? Here ya go Katie, here’s a tape of me f*kng my ex wife…

    He’s such an ass.

  10. jennifer11

    i wonder if he included ALL his films… you know- the ones with titles like “Ass Pirates” and “The Randy Return of the Rump Rangers 3″

  11. sammygirl

    What a mo fo, and by “mo fo” I mean “monkey fornicator”.

  12. CoJo

    I wonder what that inscription said?

  13. PapaHotNuts

    Shaun on post #8-

    I think everyone that posts here should call Katie Holmes “Wweety”. It just makes no sense which, in turn, fits perfectly with these two chuckle-heads. I don’t know how long a good brain-washing is supposed to last, but I figure Wweety should be snapping out of this soon. I want to see her sniffing coke with Kate Moss, showing off her snatch dancing drunk at a bar with Paris, and team vomiting up her dinner with Lindsay Lohan. This girl needs a chance to live. FREE WWEETY!!!

  14. jennjenn70

    He should have given her a key to the door of the room in which he has her locked up….RUN KATIE,RUN!!!!

  15. Realistic

    He is hoping that day by day as she begins to see more and more that he truly is gay, he can pop in a DVD with him in a masculine roll.

  16. brewdick

    he had to buy them for her, he made all his “good” movies when she was still in diapers!

  17. tothemax

    Goddamnit I hate him.

  18. HollyJ

    These comments are hilarious! LOL You people kill me.

    Why isn’t there a follow-up like “Katie then snapped out of her hypnotic stupor and bludgeoned his cranium with the DVD set before running out the front door.”

    He’s SUCH an egotistical asswad, but she’s WORSE because she eats it up like Tom pudding. WTF is her problem? She’s such a mindless lackey, it makes me want to hurl.

    God help this petri-dish baby.

  19. derekd

    Am I the only one that thinks this a great match? I mean you have a very mediocre lookin’ broad hooked up with a middle-aged midget. It burns me up when you see people like Larry King or Don Imus married to chicks 30 years thier junior and they are smokin’ hot. Yeah they married you for your hot body and they way you perform in the sack. I quote Ol’ Dirty Bastard, ” Nigga please!!!”.

  20. I think his gift is perfectly apppriate. It complements the fake marriage and fake baby he has already given her.

  21. Eaky77

    Can’t stand the man… I used to love “Top Gun,” too bad the sight of Tom Cruise makes me want to vomit….. Did you all happen to see him arriving with Katie to some party? Yeah, I know arriving on a motorcycle at 7 months pregnant is something my doctor would recomend. I would say poor Katie, but the chick still stays, she could have had a nice little acting gig if that turd hand’t come along!

  22. Kitchy

    “Tom Cruise… You MUST come out of the closet!”

    I am sorry. He is completely nuts. I am not sure I would let him use my phone if his car broke down. DVD’s of himself? Does this mean that she is going to subject him to the entire series of Dawson’s Creek? Maybe that realistic one where she plays the President’s daughter. OH or maybe phone Booth where we are supposed to believe Colin Farrell wanted to bone her so badly. Hmm…she did have a cameo in Muppets from Space. I believe Tom HAD to have paid for her to be in Batman or at least paid Christian Bale to kiss her. Tom gave her his old movies as training aids to show her how to act. There is no denying it. Ton is a fabulous actor. He has been playing a straight male and a doting father for years. By the way…he is from Syracuse. Never forget that Tom…Syracuse. I am from there. You can run but you will never will always be part of you. By the Way…Edgar Rice Burroughs is laughing his ass off at all of you. You are a tool.

  23. HughJorganthethird

    I assume he included the movies he starred in with his etherely gorgeous ex-wife right? Im sure his somewhat less attractive current wife-to-be really enjoyed that. Good times for sure. Oh well at least it’s better than the gay porn they usually watch together.

  24. popcornsuite

    There is something almost tender about this. Well, with the love message part. But every movie he has been in?

    I just don’t know what to think.

  25. maiira

    I was going to put something witty and original here, but I think everyone has pretty much said what I wanted to say…but especially number 7. You, sir/madame, are hilarious.


  26. CelebGossipAficionado

    I blame Steven Spielberg for all of this. Tom was so into his role in War of the Worlds, it has oozed into his reality. Poor Wweety… she was the closest girl near him once Dakota ran away.

    Free Wweety!

  27. hafaball

    Did he even give her his bad movies? Not sure how many times they’ll be snuggled up watching Days of Thunder or Cocktail…

  28. amma

    …LOL, this is my fave blurb of the day. Great comments, don’t think I can add.
    Gawd bless Tom…he is so publicly mental. I know people think he is a Scientologist, but my theory is that they use him for his financial support and in turn they have convinced him he is a secret/alien god. As far as being gay…I think he is so in love with himself, that any attention to anyone else would be impossible.
    The shoddy way he has treated/left his previous wives should have been a warning to Katie or any woman. She can’t be that dumb. Hope she enjoys Eyes Wide Shut;)

  29. Lynette Carrington

    If Tom Cruise shot the president, for some reason, that would make sense too. He is a total nutcase and I would hate to be his PR people. Can you imagine having to do constant damage control for this trouser monkey?

  30. TiredAndEmotional

    As someone on here has just said, I don’t have anything to add either apart from to reiterate to the world just how much I hate this horrible little freak!!!

  31. ishtar

    amma’s right-gotta wonder how awkward it would be watching Eyes Wide Shut….if this report is in fact true, he’s just attained extreme asshole status

  32. diddleysquat

    Cocktail is one of the worst movies of all time. I’d give her my copy if I had one.

  33. AmberDextrose

    I’m guessing the conversation went like this:

    “Well baby, I know you had a crush on me since you were at school but WE’RE NOT HAVING SEX, OK? I don’t do that ikky stuff with girls. Except when I’m paid millions for a film. So if you want to see me naked, watch these.”

    And then he would get back to arranging her shoes.

  34. sammygirl

    The only person Cruise is sexually attracted to is himself. What would you call that? Autosexual? Narcissexual??

  35. sara

    personal message inside risky busines… ‘i look hawt dancing in my panties’

    personal message inside top gun… ‘there are no homosexual overtones to this movie whatsoever. ps. iceman rulz’

  36. Far and Away the biggest jerk off in Hollywood…well except for K-Fed…uhm…I mean Mr. Kevin Spears…uhm…I mean Mr. Kevin Federline…PoppaZao!!!

  37. mushmouth

    Hmmm…Dawson’s Creek – it comes into focus, he’s using her to get at James Van der Beek.

    Now that makes sense.

  38. mrschickee

    Posted by Realistic
    “He is hoping that day by day as she begins to see more and more that he truly is gay, he can pop in a DVD with him in a masculine roll.”

    Which movie was that? Just wondering.

    Free Wweety!

  39. this poor idiot girl,poor poor idiot girl.
    now i dont know if tom cruise is gay,nor do i care..i dig his movies.the recent ones anyway but damn it,doesnt she know he’s in a damn cult? i bet every time shes out in public she had to wear extra makeup to hide the cool aid stains around her mouth.

  40. You gotta feel for her parents. If my kid were marrying a guy old enough to be her father, KO’d her career, was having her followed around 24-7 by alien Scientologists, knocked her up, plus had a history of marrying women with personalities of a cardboard box, then dumping them when their careers took off and he couldn’t pull the strings on the whole works, I’d turn lawyer too. The only thing that’s going to save Katie Holmes is the fact that her old man is an old-money lawyer. There ain’t going to be any wedding — that lawyer will see to it, guaranteed. Tom Cruise has met the father-in-law he deserves.

  41. BoutrosBoutrosGhali

    Tom is a TOOL

    watching TomKat is like watching True Hollywood Story…

    when they do make it a THS it will have to be a total miniseries

  42. wow, like she hasn’t already seen most of them…and autographed? wtf?

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