Tom Cruise enjoys Mother’s Day

May 8th, 2006 // 70 Comments

tcruise-mothers-day.jpgTo celebrate her first Mother’s Day, Tom Cruise has thrown down almost a thousand dollars on a bouquet of flowers for Katie Holmes.

superficial

  1. Fisher55

    first, fuckers

  2. BarbadoSlim

    What a sicko he’s even forging the baby’s signature on the card.

    * I know it’s cheap, but I couldn’t help myself

  3. Fisher55

    first, but then i was censored

  4. suzy

    well, he kind of blew the surprise.. mother’s day isn’t until NEXT sunday lol

  5. jemfysh

    Why is there never any mention of Isabella & Connor these days (Nicole Kidman’s adoptees). Anyone would think this was Tom’s first child…

  6. BarbadoSlim

    #5 you hit the nail right into the cocsucker’s skull. In his book, for all intents and purposes the adoptees already served their purpose: publicity.
    Now they don’t matter, but, THOSE were his first children, Maverick’s an ass.

  7. Has anyone actually seen pictures of Suri???

  8. hurley

    maybe mother’s day is today on the scientologist calendar.

  9. Grphdesi23

    He also told Katie that the flowers were blessed by L. Ron Hubbard.

  10. Jacq

    She won’t be able to see the flowers when she’s locked in the closet with no lights.
    Not like she can see through the tears any of the rest of the time. Maybe Sherry can describe them to her.

  11. BigJim

    Dear Tom:

    So I see you got that whore you married a whole truckload of flowers for Mother’s Day. What the fuck did you get for me, the woman who squeezed you out of her bleeding twat, you cheap piece of shit?

    I spent fifty-seven hours in labor to bring your cock-loving ass into this world and all I get is a fucking e-card and a coupon for a free scientology personality test? I thought you were supposed to be some kind of fucking millionaire!

    Where’s my thousand bucks worth of roses? I’m so pissed that I’m tempted to post those pictures I have of you going down on Val Kilmer. You may have said you were confused about the name “Val” but everyone knows better now.

    Love,

    Mom

  12. Jacq

    Maybe they’re meat tulips? Just kidding – GOD I love that name! :)

  13. eatmyass_sherry-co

    Tom Cruise loves the cock.

    Just a fact, I mean reminder…

  14. BigJim

    Bastardize this, sherry-cunt:

    Tom Cruise Loves The <============3

  15. Fisher55

    when did Tom start dating Sigourney Weaver?

  16. Kenton

    Watch the David Letterman interview on thevelvethottub.com…

    David: Being a star you must have an enormous staff… Dont you?

    Tom: Huge.

  17. Jacq

    He can celebrate the day, too. After all, he is one gay mother. Motherfucker!

  18. saltpeanuts

    I have the scoop, I spoke with the florist. Here’s the story.

    :spoken with lisp::
    “The Lemoges is a spectacular long pink vase with raised veins of baby-blue, accompanied by two smaller globes shaped vases in the same magnificiently tender pink colorations. It will make a wonderful addition to the Cruise’s boudoir. Upon, request, I am going to deliver it personally to Tom’s backdoor.”

  19. jemfysh

    Hey #6. Check out this quote from Tom just after Suri’s birth…

    “It’s indescribable. You hold this newborn, and you realize you’ve got responsibilities like you’ve never had before.”

    http://www.usatoday.com/life/movies/news/2006-04-23-cruise-sidebar_x.htm

    Seems he never felt responsibility towards to first two…

  20. Tetsuo

    So, which “mother” did he give these to: Katie, or the poor woman who REALLY carried Xenu Jr. to term?

  21. Tetsuo

    Oh, and TCLTC.

  22. Feed_Me_Chocolate

    The florist was laughing all the way to the bank. It seems TC is the laughingstock of the whole damn planet.

  23. Feed_Me_Chocolate

    What an asshole. I bet his other kids haven’t seen him since he got with Katie. Well, I guess it’s better that way. Maybe Nicole can shield them from the gay freak show that is Tom “I LOVE the cock” Cruise.

  24. sweetcheeks

    I’m getting my mother a cashmere throw for mother’s day, along with a handmade card that I…

    What, nobody CARES about my mother’s day gift? That isn’t newsworthy? You don’t want to read an ENTIRE article about it? My bust.

    Christ Almighty, SF guy, give me some fucking gossip already!! Gossip that doesn’t include Tom Cruise’s mother or Lindsay Lohan’s twat.

  25. sweetcheeks

    P.S. We aren’t officially broken up, SF guy. Just on the rocks.

  26. Feed_Me_Chocolate

    I believe in giving kudos to funny/creative posts.

    #5, 11, and 18,
    You all have gold stars beside your names.

  27. BigJim

    Tom Cruise isn’t interested in gold stars, only chocolate ones.

  28. Zed

    Oh, look! Katie’s smiling and she has teeth again:

    http://www.thesuperficial.com/archives/2006/04/17/katie_holmes_still_really_preg.html

    Thank heavens! She was lookin’ mighty homeless-like for a while. And ugly. Just plain old ugly. And fat. But that was probably slightly due to being preggers and all. :)

  29. Aimtrue

    This is a fatal flaw of many men, even if they like the cock. Never set the bar high. NEVER. Your first aniversary, Mother’s day whatever, make sure her expectations from then on are low. I have spent years, living down the crappy first gift of a nice pecan log from Stuckey’s-but every gift at that has been increasingly, albeit slightly, better. Do you think she ever expects me to do much better than the pecan log? If I surprise her with the gift basket of select meats and cheses, she complains, and so do all her co-workers, but a smile and I say well at least its not a pecan log and I’m home.
    I knew a guy who surprised his g/f with a suprise trip, a pre-packed bag of new clothes, money to spend, 4 star hotel, the whoel works- I was impressed, really, but then I said, what do you do next year, or the next five years- you should have seen the look on his face-He is three years in going broke and can’t top it- I’m ten years in and I have not peaked yet and still have money to spend on beer. Trust me on this one-she won’t be disappointed if you keep the expectations low.

  30. boredmilf

    #29

    What the fuck are you talking about? What is $900 bucks to TC?

  31. shankyouverymuch

    #30
    I have to agree with you… According to Forbes, TC has a person fortune worth over 750 million dollars… I think 900 hundred on flowers is barely a piss drop in the ocean for this MoFo…

    Man I wish I had a tenth of what’s in his bank account… even if he does love the cock!!!

  32. Jacq

    #29 – That’s not necessarily true. My ex surprised me with an AmEx card on his account in my name and a trip to Las Vegas for my birthday, TWO MONTHS after we started dating. Turns out, motherfucker didn’t know how to spell my name – so the next card came and he still didn’t have it right. Then, we get to Vegas and he doesn’t plan anything to eat or shows to go to, even though he had been many times before. I spent most of the trip playing video poker because I could be close to the bar and I didn’t know how to play real poker and tables were $5/10 minimum. We had sex once on the trip, when he was so wasted that I ended up putting him in the shower mid-screw. We didn’t even get to the end of the summer together.
    So, the moral of the story is that you can try to be ostentatous and it can totally backfire. Or maybe Tom, like mine who was also a Tom, also has a baby-dick. Or maybe she’ll break that vase on his face while he’s sleeping.

  33. Jacq

    Was it pink peonies or pink penises (?) – I guess we’re back to typo-ville.

  34. Libraesque

    PEONIES!!!! are you fucking kidding me? how ghetto, they’re like, filler flowers, they’re 50 cents a piece!!! hahahahah what a jackass, maybe on their year anniversary he’ll try even harder to look “straight” and get her carnations. His lover Gregory is probably a florist, and he couldn’t do any better than that. And what’s up with him getting flowers in West Hollywood, the gay mecca of L.A……. For Fathers Day I think I’ll send him a Tom Loves The Cock t-shirt and mug set

  35. brewdick

    tom: ok katie act suprised when i come out of the closet.

    katie: http://www.katieholmespictures.com/gallery/displayimage.php?album=lastup&cat=0&pos=108

  36. Aimtrue

    #30 & 31

    Oh I guess you are right-so then He is a cheapskate- excpet when your $750 mill. is earmarked for L. Ron and male hookers- you just don’t have that much disposable cash laying around so $900 is a significant portion of what is left after paying to get to level theta eata blow and buying underoos ro his consorts.

  37. Jacq

    #35 – Are those peepers photoshopped? What the fuck? I don’t even need to sleep to have nightmares now. Thanks, brewdick.

  38. Aimtrue

    #32- call me- I won’t try to impress you with my cash, I will learn how to spell your name Jacq – and I am not a baby dick. I promise I’ll be a step up from your ex- he really set the bar low.

  39. Jedi Kevin

    It’s good to see that the nursing bra is back where it belongs: on Tom.

  40. prideofchucky

    Wow, Suri can already WRITE!?!??! Proof of alien intelligence possibly?
    Oh great Xenu.. Have mercy on my people, thee doth not mock thou greatness…

  41. ImCurly

    Man, Amazon woman, I mean Katie Holm-ly looks like SHIT … She has a long way to go before she gets her old body back … I think she needs the number for Brooke Shields trainer, as she already look as vibrant and beautiful as before she gave birth … lmao !!!!

  42. amazed

    I’d take one look at those peonies and shove them up his ass. Hopefully the Limoges vase is the size he likes!!!

  43. Sweetsens8tion

    #6 it is so true, by reading all his expressions since having Suri, you would never know he had 2 other children. They were adopted at birth also, so its not like he has never dealt with a newborn…

    what irks me is when I read his expressions, he always says “its sublime” wtf?

    If I were TC adopted children I would be feeling alot of abandonment. Kinda sad when you think about.

    Oh, remember when they were all going to seminars at the Celebrity Center to learn about what the woman’s body goes through during pregnancy and then also on how to take care of a new born, and it stated that the kids were gonna have to take care of the baby in “shifts” wtf? are they hired help now or what?

  44. Sweetsens8tion

    ive been looking at all those pictures from the movie premiere, and what keeps going through my mind is..does her boobs really look like breast-feeding boobs? I remember when I was breast-feeding they were plump as hell, hers barely look like they are there. And its not like she was flat chested pre-pregnancy…anyone else here whos breast fed? what do you think?

  45. Jacq

    #38 – That makes me feel a lot better. There’s still a lot of good loving left in me. He never hit bottom – just fucked up the sides. I still owe that “inny-penis” fuck a kick to the jimmy-jammer – low bar-setter.

  46. krisdylee

    I just overheard my co-worker saying that she thought Tom was a really great guy… Dammit, now I’m gonna have to beat the shit out of her and get fired.

  47. TaftHartley

    #11 LOFL

  48. Odium

    wow, i hope they never break up…i think that their “relationship” is a good thing…i think that all bitches as dumb as katie should have to be in realtionships with cock-loving wackjobs, that way they wont procreate(for real, i mean, they can pretend all they want) and there wont be all these mentally impaired, brainwashed cult babies running around…

  49. Odium

    and #11, thats the funniest fucking thing i’ve heard in a long time

  50. Sodomy_is_for_Girls

    Jacq:
    Did we have a passionate affair in the summer of ’92 where we said we loved each other in a tent?
    Nah, probably not…

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