Tom Cruise changes the law

May 4th, 2006 // 127 Comments

Democratic Assemblyman Ted Lieu has introduced a bill that would prohibit the selling, leasing, or distributing of an ultrasound machine by California manufacturers to anyone other than licensed medical professionals, after it was publicized that Tom Cruise had purchased one for use at home with Katie Holmes.

“If someone sees Tom Cruise buy one, they think this is the thing to do,” Lieu said. “This is a public safety measure. There’s really no medical reason for an untrained person to use this machine.”

If people are stupid enough to follow Tom Cruise’s example then I say let them. It’s called natural selection and I’m all for it. I don’t want to live in a world where jumping on people’s couches, eating placenta, and pretending to be a doctor are accepted forms of social behavior. Hell, why not speed things up and report Tom Cruise likes drinking Drāno and occasionally taking baths with a plugged in toaster oven.



  1. Tracie


  2. Dr.Rokter

    Heterosexual men do not stand like that.

  3. sweetcheeks

    I bet he uses that ultrasound machine to see just how far that dude’s dick can go in his bottom.

  4. sweetcheeks

    Pretty far.

  5. Fisher55

    actually, i think that *is* a hairpiece

  6. missscoobie

    Look at his hair! WFT??????

  7. Fisher55

    straight guys do not talk with their hands, either…that is one limp wrist, folks

  8. Now that the baby’s born, they’ve found a second use for that ultrasound machine – they use it on Tom’s head. No joke. They fire up the Jiffy-Pop, get a case of soda, and all go into his private screening room, where everyone marvels at the image of the pea-sized mush on the screen, that use to be Tom’s brain. Good times.

  9. Fisher55

    and is that a *cream*-colored jacket? oy.

  10. sweetcheeks

    Again with the Jewish mobster glasses.

  11. SuperSpence

    Here is a serious question: When was the last time you saw Tom Cruise behaving normally in public?

    Seriously. It’s very easy to make jokes about how crazy he seems right now, but I think it is literally true. Funny and also true. That’s the best kind of true.

    Also, in other news: Tom Cruise likes it from behind. Also true.

  12. THeOriginalDiva

    Are we really supposed to believe he isn’t gay? He looks like a Ricky Martin bobblehead.

  13. Kweef

    I had no idea people were buying ultrasound machines in droves. Thank god for Ted Lieu, now those two bastards in the world that want to buy ultrasound machines to get daily updates on their fetus’s pancreas growth will be stopped!! Next he needs to introduce a bill that would demand Tom Cruise get’s a tattoo on his forehead that says “I love the cock!!”

  14. large_sized_teen

    good one, Tracie.

  15. Italian Stallion

    It makes me mad that the Unibomber sent the package’s to others but not him………..

  16. evilcookie007

    God is going to smite him…seriously. It’s just a matter of time. He’s gone totally fucking crazy. Oh, and he loves the cock, too…

  17. large_sized_teen

    I mean it, though. lol, and congrats on being first.

  18. CruisingForCock

    Those are some tight girl jeans he has on. This is as close to getting in a girls pants as he gets.

  19. krisdylee

    Those are some nice tight jeans, Tom. Way to show off the wrinkles on your stinky scrotum.

  20. krisdylee

    Ha, had no idea Cruising was posting the same fuckin’ thing!! Great minds DO think alike…

  21. memichelle77

    Look at me!! I’m wearing cool jeans and a leather jacket!! I’m sooo in touch with the youth of America!!! (just ask my baby momma)

  22. Even the government says you’re insane, Tom. That’s saying something!

  23. CruisingForCock

    @20 I actually had the word Nice in there but took it out. Freaking crazy – like Tom Cruise.

  24. Jacq

    He is more than welcome to borrow my toaster oven. The only condition is that I get credit for plugging it in.

    Have sales of ultra-sound machines spiked lately? Whomever sold it to him ought to be shot. Even the FDA said that there wasn’t a legal way that he should have been able to get his hands on one.

  25. Phoenix

    All joking aside, why the hell would someone buy an ultrasound machine. Seriously WHY? Isn’t the hospital enough and anyway, you wouldn’t even know what was going on without any training. It’ll be just like looking at a river with a blob sticking out.

  26. Fisher55

    tight jeans, and *no* package therein…methinks tom’s a wee boy

  27. Fisher55

    he looks like one of the priceisright chicks

  28. Pearly

    Jewish mobster glasses, bahahahahahahahaha!!! He looks so fey in that picture it’s ridiculous! Did Carson Kressley dress him that morning?

  29. krisdylee

    Those kids don’t look at that enthused to be there. More like a bit nervous…

  30. krisdylee

    I had a jacket like that in 1984. And I am not a dude.

  31. pinky_nip

    Donkey farmers have seen less male ass than this cocksucker.

  32. Kweef

    All gay men pretending to be straight buy ultra sound machines for their faux pregnant “girlfriends” Makes the farse more believable and it’s in “How to pass as hetro for Dummies” second edition.

  33. buckinggrimace

    That blonde chick behind (above) him – MeganHarris?

  34. pinky_nip

    BTW, what’s with the “spot” on his shirt? Gee let me guess what that is…

  35. PapaHotNuts

    I bought an ultrasound machine, but I thought it was just a cool name for a stereo. Boy was I disappointed when I tried to play my “Wham” album. But I did get a cool picture of my spleen.

  36. sweetcheeks

    Gasoline orange-mocha-frappucino fight, anyone?

  37. pinky_nip

    “Wake me up, before you go-go”

  38. xaputa

    he looks like a caucasian girly version of a gay ricky martin. And that is a lot of gay.
    i do believe he is this close to becoming a raging queen.

    …oh wait, nevermind


  39. djyuckfou

    its shows some kind of mass mentality if an actual law has to be passed to stop ppl buying ultrashound machines because a looney tunes celeb bought dee dum dum!

  40. tinkerbelle

    he heads a long list of people seriously trudging through mid-life crisis. plus he’s crazy. buh-bye!

  41. spatz

    sherry-co is that you?

  42. Grphdesi23

    He wears underwear with dickholes in them.

  43. PapaHotNuts

    Pinky, you know the way to a man’s heart.

  44. gsprescueguy

    Does anyone think that TC might be gay?

    Holy crap, he looks like he auditioning for La Cage aux Folles.

    That pic makes the Jake’s pictures in his, “I’m a big bicycle fag” costume look cool.

    You know Katie is saying, “Oh God, why did I marry a gay guy!”

  45. djyuckfou


    no its dad

  46. Rustler

    Caption: Promotion for “Priscilla Queen of the Desert 2: Double the trouble”.. It will be fan-tas-tic!

  47. missscoobie

    AH, they’re not married yet.
    look for a huge spat between them, after which kate packs up her money bags and leaves the child with cruise ooze, ala michael jackson.
    then cruise can buttfuck til his heart’s content. which will be forever.

  48. LickyLicky

    Lube me up before you poke-poke
    I’m a couch-jumping crazy joke-joke
    Spooge my back with just one more stroke-stroke
    Fuck my hiney tonight…

    Hey, I think I found the original lyrics to wake me up before you go-go. Funny thing, they apply to GM as well as TC!


  49. Mercenary

    It seems to me as if Mr Lieu is a complete moron beacause there is nothing dangerous about ultrasound. This dumbass is confusing it with roentgen. Besides, i find it strange that in a country which has a constitution that states that everbody has the right to own as many weapons as they want, somebody is trying to forbid something that is as innocuous as an ultrasound machine!!!

  50. BigJim

    I also recommend that scientologists:
    -run with scissors
    -play in traffic
    -attempt to swim across the pacific ocean
    -feed the bears
    -take vacations in Iraq wearing t-shirts that say “Allah blows”

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