Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes still together

February 15th, 2006 // 88 Comments

cruise-holmes-no-split.jpgA publicist for Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes has come out to deny reports that they’ve split, saying in a statement: “It should be known that the story is 100 percent false. Mr. Cruise and Ms. Holmes are still engaged and are moving forward with their wedding plans, as well as planning for the arrival of their child. Despite the malicious fallacies put forth by Life & Style magazine, the couple is looking forward to a long and happy life together as a family.”

This is exactly what Life & Style said they would do. Deny that they’ve broken up and keep the charade going until Katie gives birth in the spring. The only way we’ll know for sure is if I dress up as a ninja and break into their home to see if they’re sleeping in seperate beds. And before you ask why I have to dress up like a ninja, a better question would be why am I already dressed up like a ninja. The answer? I don’t know.



  1. HughJorganthethird

    Whatever, believe nothing you read about these two. Everyone knows Scientologists controll the media.Watch out ladies of Hollywood, nutbar Tom will be holding auditions for his next girlfriend/captive any day now…

  2. I like the headline at the top of the magazine better. I wonder what Brad and Angelina got for Jennifer’s birthday…Maybe they plan on giving back her dignity. Fucking Indian-givers.

  3. PostAcidYouth

    Well that’s just pissed all over the fun I was having mocking and deriding. I had this terrific image of the Midget of Hollywood being kicked out of the Holmes house, arse first.

  4. A Nobody

    And we should care because…?

  5. jonathanwithaj

    Another case of racial discremination here. Let’s see how the black community would react to blatant lies about their two favorite celebs. This is just the liberal minority loving media taking cheap shots at a white celebrity couple because they know they will get away with it. White people and christians are very similar in that they both take it on the chin all the time and yet it doesn’t seem to phase them. Blacks and Muslims are very similar in that they are both violent and terribly sensitive. Which is a great combo by the way.

  6. snang

    Just more proof that Tom Cruise was with her for no other reason that to produce offspring.

  7. gossipmonger

    jonathanwithaj – WTF??????? You wanna bring up skin colour on every story? That has NOTHING to do with colour?? Like the Paris Hilton/PETA story, your response showed your true mentality…
    How about waiting until a story actually has ANYTHING to do with a person’s colour before spewing your crap!

    9. Posted by jonathanwithaj on February 15, 2006 07:52 AM

    They only did this to Paris because she’s white. If this had been a black person can you imagine the stink they would make?
    “They’re trying to make us all white by putting this whitening powder on us!!! Oogady boogady blagedy boo!”
    That last part is what it would probably end up sounding like to the rest of us, because of all the fried chicken and watermelon they are shoveling in their face.

    This post on the Paris story said it best:

    12. Posted by fearsarewishes on February 15, 2006 08:04 AM
    Sheesh, Jon. I hope that your taking time to post your comment has not made you late to your Klan meeting.

  8. senin

    Thank God these two freaks are still together. The rest of us remain safe…

  9. PapaHotNuts

    There is only one thing I love more than a Tom and Katie story- and that is a racial war. Keep it up guys!

  10. NJboy1967

    OH how sweet, NOT. And BTW still GAY.

  11. Go Sip

    Jonathanwithaj, unless j stands for Joint you should seek help immediately. When you go to your next Klan meeting see if you can reach out to one of your fellow hoodsman for a good shrink. Change your name to jonathanwithac, for CRAZY. I think you meant to be on

  12. PapaHotNuts

    I only see shades of gray. There was harp playing in the background when I said that.

    Seriously, I’m in music class and that girl Brandy Smith is player her harp again. Man. she sucks.

  13. cj14mommy

    they both deserve oscars for playing their best roles yet…

  14. playahater101

    Well, looks like it’s back in the basement for her! We won’t be seeing her again until the “wedding” or the “birth” of their baby. And by then she’ll look like a leper.

  15. PKClover

    People who leave comments like #4 make me laugh. They come here, they read Superficial, and then they log into type key to comment. Why? Because they care. Denial may be a good thing, but nobody likes it on A Nobody.

  16. tomdabomb

    jonathanwithaj, honey, you spelled discrimination wrong.

  17. PostAcidYouth

    for the love of all that is intelligent, HE WAS JOKING. I am able to guess the approximate IQ of Superficial posters just through their reponse to johnathanwithaj’s post.


  18. MortyFishbein

    Johnathan, you’re a douchebag.

    But that’s beside the point. Tom and Katie are going to break up at some time and the question isn’t IF but WHEN.

    Just save the cover for later.

    Oh, and Johnathan you’re still a douche bag.

  19. mags

    Best comments ever! I personally am for white people. Albinos deserve more respect. :(

    Let’s see what happens when Star Jones appears again.

  20. mags

    Wait, no Kanye West is addicted to sex??

  21. PostAcidYouth

    Anybody who calls their child Star deserves to be lynched there and then. God damn hippies.


  22. tomdabomb

    PostAcidYouth, why are YOU on here, then? Bringing our IQ average up, no doubt from your witty, pseudo-intellectual response.


  23. PostAcidYouth

    I’m on here to have a bit of fun and amuse myself by laughing at the quite frankly ridiculous amount of people getting offended by someone who is clearly NOT being serious. Your good self?

  24. tomdabomb

    PostAcidYouth, a way to kill time at work.

  25. PostAcidYouth

    Then we’re here for the same reason, although I’m not expecting any kind of viewpoint changing debate or, in fact, anything but pure silliness. Which is generally why I thought this site existed…to take the raving piss.

  26. LaydeeBug

    That’s what Jen and Brad said many moons ago when it was being speculated that they were on the road to splitsville. Run Katie, RUN!

  27. PostAcidYouth

    Tom won’t leave Katie. He needs their demon child. He needs some sort of heir to his evil empire in the years to come.

  28. LaydeeBug

    Oh and it’s spelled DISCRIMINATION. (gOSH!)

  29. LaydeeBug

    PostAcid, you’re my hero.

    You think they’ll name the kid Damian? By the way, who’s Xenu?

  30. tomdabomb

    you have to admit, the site IS pretty fucking hilarious.

    Everybody say REFRESH!

  31. PostAcidYouth

    I think the odds of the child being given a number instead of a name are pretty high…

    “Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have named their child 1 in the hope that ‘he’ will lead the Scientologists to the Promised Land, and the infidels to the deepest pits of hell…”

    REFRESH indeed

  32. tomdabomb

    When Tom was looking for his next bride he told his agent, “It HAS to be someone from Dawson’s Creek. No one else will do.” Which is very convenient because after the baby is born Katie will be “disposed of” in a nearby lake.

  33. PostAcidYouth

    Nicole Kidman was lucky to have got in there before the Midget of Hollywood ‘saw the light’. If you can consider shagging Tom Cruise ‘lucky’, of course

  34. tomdabomb

    I sure do. Like I consider getting a urinary tract infection lucky.

  35. tomdabomb

    I wonder if he makes her call him “Maverick” in bed…
    “Target engaged, Maverick, yes, oh yes! BULLSEYE!”

  36. Evangelia

    tomb, I wonder if Katie crushes Tom when she’s on top. Tom is like the male equivalent of a spinner.

  37. LaydeeBug

    “Take me to bed or lose me forever.” BTW I hated Kelly McGillis in that movie. Then again, I was pretty young then and I thought Rick Rossovich was hot (where is he now, hmmm?)

    What…..oh yeah Katie and Tom. Um, Katie, Michelle Williams is on the phone. Yeah, an Oscar nominee from Dawson’s Crack…you can kiss THAT possibility goodbye (as if).

    Oh and Tom Sucks.

  38. frangly

    #5 jonathanwithaj, it’s “faze,” not “phase.”

  39. tomdabomb

    Rick Rossovich is off being gay somewhere… Tom needs to join him.

  40. Awwwwww that’s like the worse news ever!!

  41. tomdabomb

    I have no sources for that, you might want to look it up to see if it’s true :)

  42. LaydeeBug

    OK, BRB.

  43. Fatty Boom-Batty

    Thanks for the help #38, if it wasn’t for you I would have thought that comment #5 was a racist comment. But, because of a spelling error the whole context of the comment shifted and I relize that he was talking about puppies and rainbows, not hate crimes…

  44. PostAcidYouth

    #35….just brightened up my day a bit more. Ahh, Top Gun, possibly the most homoerotic film ever made. Everyone knows Iceman was making eyes at Maverick THE WHOLE TIME

  45. LaydeeBug

    Yeah, and now Iceman is scooping Paris Hilton. From a pilot to a manwhore-that’s a shame.

  46. maiira

    Lemme just make one thing clear: Reporting on Tomkat’s “split” is NOT, as they say, a “malicious fallacy.” Wishful thinking? Maybe. Malcious fallacy? No. But for god’s sake, won’t someone PLEASE think of the children??

    And by “children” I mean “ninjas.”


    I need to go back to bed.

  47. pookiedoo

    Of course they’re denying it. Tom ain’t gonna leave until he confirms that Clay Aiken doesn’t have a current boyfriend. He has wet dreams of Clay using his “microphone.” (Sorry guys, I woke up on the perverted side of the bed today… and everyday…)

  48. LaydeeBug

    #47, I love that side of the bed. It’s always moist….

  49. that-dog-is-shifty-eyed

    I spilled gasoline on myself last night, and though the smell has not left and my co-workers keep grimacing as I walk past; I feel better knowing that the evil seed of Tom Cruise is not growing in my womb. We should all be grateful.

  50. layla

    Hey #5!!
    Blacks are violent?? How could you say such a racist thing …HOW? You racist! …Just kidding LOL
    Yes, we blacks are indeed violent. VIOLENCE IS THE ANSWER …is it not??
    Hey, that is a great combo.

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