A publicist for Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes has come out to deny reports that they’ve split, saying in a statement: “It should be known that the story is 100 percent false. Mr. Cruise and Ms. Holmes are still engaged and are moving forward with their wedding plans, as well as planning for the arrival of their child. Despite the malicious fallacies put forth by Life & Style magazine, the couple is looking forward to a long and happy life together as a family.”
This is exactly what Life & Style said they would do. Deny that they’ve broken up and keep the charade going until Katie gives birth in the spring. The only way we’ll know for sure is if I dress up as a ninja and break into their home to see if they’re sleeping in seperate beds. And before you ask why I have to dress up like a ninja, a better question would be why am I already dressed up like a ninja. The answer? I don’t know.
HughJorganthethird | February 15, 2006 at 6:51 am
Whatever, believe nothing you read about these two. Everyone knows Scientologists controll the media.Watch out ladies of Hollywood, nutbar Tom will be holding auditions for his next girlfriend/captive any day now…
Fatty Boom-Batty | February 15, 2006 at 7:27 am
I like the headline at the top of the magazine better. I wonder what Brad and Angelina got for Jennifer’s birthday…Maybe they plan on giving back her dignity. Fucking Indian-givers.
PostAcidYouth | February 15, 2006 at 7:38 am
Well that’s just pissed all over the fun I was having mocking and deriding. I had this terrific image of the Midget of Hollywood being kicked out of the Holmes house, arse first.
A Nobody | February 15, 2006 at 7:47 am
And we should care because…?
jonathanwithaj | February 15, 2006 at 8:16 am
Another case of racial discremination here. Let’s see how the black community would react to blatant lies about their two favorite celebs. This is just the liberal minority loving media taking cheap shots at a white celebrity couple because they know they will get away with it. White people and christians are very similar in that they both take it on the chin all the time and yet it doesn’t seem to phase them. Blacks and Muslims are very similar in that they are both violent and terribly sensitive. Which is a great combo by the way.
snang | February 15, 2006 at 8:20 am
Just more proof that Tom Cruise was with her for no other reason that to produce offspring.
gossipmonger | February 15, 2006 at 8:41 am
jonathanwithaj – WTF??????? You wanna bring up skin colour on every story? That has NOTHING to do with colour?? Like the Paris Hilton/PETA story, your response showed your true mentality…
How about waiting until a story actually has ANYTHING to do with a person’s colour before spewing your crap!
9. Posted by jonathanwithaj on February 15, 2006 07:52 AM
They only did this to Paris because she’s white. If this had been a black person can you imagine the stink they would make?
“They’re trying to make us all white by putting this whitening powder on us!!! Oogady boogady blagedy boo!”
That last part is what it would probably end up sounding like to the rest of us, because of all the fried chicken and watermelon they are shoveling in their face.
This post on the Paris story said it best:
12. Posted by fearsarewishes on February 15, 2006 08:04 AM
Sheesh, Jon. I hope that your taking time to post your comment has not made you late to your Klan meeting.
senin | February 15, 2006 at 8:45 am
Thank God these two freaks are still together. The rest of us remain safe…
PapaHotNuts | February 15, 2006 at 8:48 am
There is only one thing I love more than a Tom and Katie story- and that is a racial war. Keep it up guys!
NJboy1967 | February 15, 2006 at 8:49 am
OH how sweet, NOT. And BTW still GAY.
Go Sip | February 15, 2006 at 8:53 am
Jonathanwithaj, unless j stands for Joint you should seek help immediately. When you go to your next Klan meeting see if you can reach out to one of your fellow hoodsman for a good shrink. Change your name to jonathanwithac, for CRAZY. I think you meant to be on http://www.thealmightywhitey.com
PapaHotNuts | February 15, 2006 at 9:09 am
I only see shades of gray. There was harp playing in the background when I said that.
Seriously, I’m in music class and that girl Brandy Smith is player her harp again. Man. she sucks.
cj14mommy | February 15, 2006 at 9:30 am
they both deserve oscars for playing their best roles yet…
playahater101 | February 15, 2006 at 9:50 am
Well, looks like it’s back in the basement for her! We won’t be seeing her again until the “wedding” or the “birth” of their baby. And by then she’ll look like a leper.
PKClover | February 15, 2006 at 10:13 am
People who leave comments like #4 make me laugh. They come here, they read Superficial, and then they log into type key to comment. Why? Because they care. Denial may be a good thing, but nobody likes it on A Nobody.
tomdabomb | February 15, 2006 at 10:14 am
jonathanwithaj, honey, you spelled discrimination wrong.
PostAcidYouth | February 15, 2006 at 10:17 am
for the love of all that is intelligent, HE WAS JOKING. I am able to guess the approximate IQ of Superficial posters just through their reponse to johnathanwithaj’s post.
OMG HE’S SOOO RACIST K!
MortyFishbein | February 15, 2006 at 10:19 am
Johnathan, you’re a douchebag.
But that’s beside the point. Tom and Katie are going to break up at some time and the question isn’t IF but WHEN.
Just save the cover for later.
Oh, and Johnathan you’re still a douche bag.
mags | February 15, 2006 at 10:21 am
Best comments ever! I personally am for white people. Albinos deserve more respect. :(
Let’s see what happens when Star Jones appears again.
mags | February 15, 2006 at 10:23 am
Wait, no Kanye West is addicted to sex??
PostAcidYouth | February 15, 2006 at 10:26 am
Anybody who calls their child Star deserves to be lynched there and then. God damn hippies.
ALBINO POWER!
tomdabomb | February 15, 2006 at 10:27 am
PostAcidYouth, why are YOU on here, then? Bringing our IQ average up, no doubt from your witty, pseudo-intellectual response.
OMG DID YOU LISTEN TO NPR LAST NIGHT?! IT WAS SOOO ENGAGING!
PostAcidYouth | February 15, 2006 at 10:32 am
I’m on here to have a bit of fun and amuse myself by laughing at the quite frankly ridiculous amount of people getting offended by someone who is clearly NOT being serious. Your good self?
tomdabomb | February 15, 2006 at 10:34 am
PostAcidYouth, a way to kill time at work.
PostAcidYouth | February 15, 2006 at 10:37 am
Then we’re here for the same reason, although I’m not expecting any kind of viewpoint changing debate or, in fact, anything but pure silliness. Which is generally why I thought this site existed…to take the raving piss.
LaydeeBug | February 15, 2006 at 10:40 am
That’s what Jen and Brad said many moons ago when it was being speculated that they were on the road to splitsville. Run Katie, RUN!
PostAcidYouth | February 15, 2006 at 10:41 am
Tom won’t leave Katie. He needs their demon child. He needs some sort of heir to his evil empire in the years to come.
LaydeeBug | February 15, 2006 at 10:41 am
Oh and it’s spelled DISCRIMINATION. (gOSH!)
LaydeeBug | February 15, 2006 at 10:44 am
PostAcid, you’re my hero.
You think they’ll name the kid Damian? By the way, who’s Xenu?
tomdabomb | February 15, 2006 at 10:46 am
you have to admit, the site IS pretty fucking hilarious.
Everybody say REFRESH!
PostAcidYouth | February 15, 2006 at 10:49 am
I think the odds of the child being given a number instead of a name are pretty high…
“Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have named their child 1 in the hope that ‘he’ will lead the Scientologists to the Promised Land, and the infidels to the deepest pits of hell…”
REFRESH indeed
tomdabomb | February 15, 2006 at 10:51 am
When Tom was looking for his next bride he told his agent, “It HAS to be someone from Dawson’s Creek. No one else will do.” Which is very convenient because after the baby is born Katie will be “disposed of” in a nearby lake.
PostAcidYouth | February 15, 2006 at 10:53 am
Nicole Kidman was lucky to have got in there before the Midget of Hollywood ‘saw the light’. If you can consider shagging Tom Cruise ‘lucky’, of course
tomdabomb | February 15, 2006 at 10:56 am
I sure do. Like I consider getting a urinary tract infection lucky.
tomdabomb | February 15, 2006 at 10:59 am
I wonder if he makes her call him “Maverick” in bed…
“Target engaged, Maverick, yes, oh yes! BULLSEYE!”
Evangelia | February 15, 2006 at 11:08 am
tomb, I wonder if Katie crushes Tom when she’s on top. Tom is like the male equivalent of a spinner.
LaydeeBug | February 15, 2006 at 11:08 am
“Take me to bed or lose me forever.” BTW I hated Kelly McGillis in that movie. Then again, I was pretty young then and I thought Rick Rossovich was hot (where is he now, hmmm?)
What…..oh yeah Katie and Tom. Um, Katie, Michelle Williams is on the phone. Yeah, an Oscar nominee from Dawson’s Crack…you can kiss THAT possibility goodbye (as if).
Oh and Tom Sucks.
frangly | February 15, 2006 at 11:13 am
#5 jonathanwithaj, it’s “faze,” not “phase.”
tomdabomb | February 15, 2006 at 11:14 am
Rick Rossovich is off being gay somewhere… Tom needs to join him.
Darby | February 15, 2006 at 11:16 am
Awwwwww that’s like the worse news ever!!
tomdabomb | February 15, 2006 at 11:25 am
I have no sources for that, you might want to look it up to see if it’s true :)
LaydeeBug | February 15, 2006 at 11:27 am
OK, BRB.
Fatty Boom-Batty | February 15, 2006 at 11:33 am
Thanks for the help #38, if it wasn’t for you I would have thought that comment #5 was a racist comment. But, because of a spelling error the whole context of the comment shifted and I relize that he was talking about puppies and rainbows, not hate crimes…
PostAcidYouth | February 15, 2006 at 11:42 am
#35….just brightened up my day a bit more. Ahh, Top Gun, possibly the most homoerotic film ever made. Everyone knows Iceman was making eyes at Maverick THE WHOLE TIME
LaydeeBug | February 15, 2006 at 11:50 am
Yeah, and now Iceman is scooping Paris Hilton. From a pilot to a manwhore-that’s a shame.
maiira | February 15, 2006 at 11:54 am
Lemme just make one thing clear: Reporting on Tomkat’s “split” is NOT, as they say, a “malicious fallacy.” Wishful thinking? Maybe. Malcious fallacy? No. But for god’s sake, won’t someone PLEASE think of the children??
And by “children” I mean “ninjas.”
…..
I need to go back to bed.
pookiedoo | February 15, 2006 at 11:56 am
Of course they’re denying it. Tom ain’t gonna leave until he confirms that Clay Aiken doesn’t have a current boyfriend. He has wet dreams of Clay using his “microphone.” (Sorry guys, I woke up on the perverted side of the bed today… and everyday…)
LaydeeBug | February 15, 2006 at 12:06 pm
#47, I love that side of the bed. It’s always moist….
that-dog-is-shifty-eyed | February 15, 2006 at 12:19 pm
I spilled gasoline on myself last night, and though the smell has not left and my co-workers keep grimacing as I walk past; I feel better knowing that the evil seed of Tom Cruise is not growing in my womb. We should all be grateful.
layla | February 15, 2006 at 12:27 pm
Hey #5!!
Blacks are violent?? How could you say such a racist thing …HOW? You racist! …Just kidding LOL
Yes, we blacks are indeed violent. VIOLENCE IS THE ANSWER …is it not??
Hey, that is a great combo.