Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes really are getting married

November 17th, 2006 // 64 Comments

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are set to wed tomorrow at Odescalchi Castle in Bracciano, Italy. And because of all the attention they’ve brought to the town the mayor waived the $50,000 fee to use the facility. Additionally, Tom Cruise’s ex Nicole Kidman sent Tom and Katie a wedding present with a note that “wished them both a lifetime of happiness together.”

I wonder when they’ll announce the color of the fake spaceship they’ve got set up for their big entrance. Or how long the laser show is gonna last. There’s still so much we don’t know!


  1. kitty_kat

    First! Aw! Suri is surprisingly cute.

  2. heisthejuan

    How long after the photo opp was Tom screaming, “Will someone please take this thing out of my hands please.”

  3. slantingthroughdarkness

    …and I am getting a cyst removed.

    Big freaking deal!

  4. KimberWolf

    I think Suri is really cute, too. She’s going to be an adorable little girl.

    But I can’t wait until this ceremony is over, I’m sick of hearing about it.

  5. jrzmommy

    HMMMMM……Ferreters……where have I seen this before?

  6. dddaza

    Fifth! Ugh look at Suri. I wonder who did her make-up for the Vanity Fair covers because she needs to hire him asap. Bronzer anyone?!

  7. dddaza

    Okay oops I meant 6th, but I still stand behind my Suri-tan comment!

  8. JackSmith

    Sorry KimberWolf, but we will NEVER stop hearing about this.
    You know, until they get divorced, and then we’ll have to hear endlessly about how no one saw it coming.

  9. Yes, they’re getting married, but when will we stop hearing about them? Soon, please?

  10. KimberWolf

    Too true, Jack. The girlie in me does want to see the dress. After that, I’m good until the divorce.

  11. DancingQueen

    Wow, I’m really showing my age here but aren’t you supposed to get married FIRST and THEN have a freaking demon seed? Anyone???

  12. danielle

    Once the wedding is over, which should be this saturday, I hope the coverage of this couple ceases.

    I don’t know what the whole big idea is anyway. They’ll be splitting up in a couple months. I’d give it at LEAST 2-3 years. Hollywood relationships never last.

  13. RichPort

    Jrz – Deja-fucking-vu? This feels like Groudhog Day. The Eskimos called… they’re cold, and they’re not happy…

  14. veggi

    I like Katie’s space suit.

  15. I loved that picture…

    When I ran it on my page…

    With FUNNY words all around it…


  16. Ed Bambrick

    (Somebody has to say it)


  17. normella

    I actually think Suri’s an ugly baby.

    And, before getting bombarded with “But all children are beautiful,” I’d just like to mention that babies are people. And some people are ugly. Therefore, some babies are ugly.


    And why the fuck is the media treating this like a fucking royal wedding?

  18. no one you know

    Is it just me, or does that kid look oddly Japanese? Cute for sure, but a little Japanese. Not only that, but I’m not sure I quite see the resemblence between her and either of her parents. Hmmm…I guess this confirms what we’ve all be wondering about for a long time. The galactic overlord is, in fact, Asian.

  19. laikiska

    #19: I agree with you, Suri looks Asian. Then again, both parents have droopy eyes – guess we’ll only be able to tell when she gets older. And Katie’s dress??? Shit, it looks like she is wearing an over-sized meringue!!

  20. straberryz

    Japanese? Maybe. Looks more like Suri has a mild case of FAS to me though.

  21. @18 Human children are beautiful. Some sort of Eskimo/Space Alien mix implanted into Katie Holmes with turkey baster just isn’t the same.

  22. So maybe it’s all a big put-on to make him look less gay
    but I still think there is always something magical about
    a wedding-unless of course the bride is Anna Nicole.
    Suri is a lucky child to have such loving parents.

  23. Chaste

    she seems so pregnant

  24. normella

    22 – spot on. Thank you for reminding me Suri is not actually human but a strange, intergalactic baby-bot.

  25. cardio

    With all the coverage about this stupid couple, we haven’t read much about what they’re going to be wearing during the ceremony. I envision the uniforms on Lost in Space. But if Tom does wear a suit or a tux, you can bet at least he’ll have a Cincinnati bowtie.


  26. ffordegroupie

    Awwwwww, she looks just like her daddy… but does she look like Chris Klein or Josh Harnett? Can’t tell. The eyes give it away, and the hair.

    She’s not an ugly baby, but she is a plain one.

  27. Libraesque

    I get it now…….Why bring your kid out into the light of day, when you don’t have anything to promote, like a movie, OR A WEDDING!!!
    Why’d they put lipstick on that kid and no rouge????
    she’s hella cute though

  28. I won’t believe it until i see it

  29. Tits_McGhee

    I wonder which one will be wearing the wedding dress.

  30. natechip

    I pity Suri.

  31. Tits_McGhee

    Oh, P.S. That marriage will last about as long as a fart in the wind.

  32. marshmallow-dream

    Note: Jrz will not be responding for a week or so due to Thanksgiving school holiday. She will hopefully be taking parenting classes and such. And perhaps actual responsible parenting will ensue.

  33. stoplookingatme

    @27: THANK YOU – friends and I joked before she was born that it would be really funny if she came out looking just like Chris Klein… and sure enough…

  34. RichPort

    Oh marshy, marshy, marshy… shouldn’t you be chatting it up online with some 13 year old, in preparation for your starring role on Dateline: To Catch A Child Predator? Maybe you thought you’d just wing it. You sure put the ass in embarassing, don’t you?

  35. DickPorthole(twinbrother)

    “With FUNNY words all around it…”

    There must be some pretty strange fucking things happening in Tom’s sack and/or Katie’s va-jay-jay.

    “va-jay-jay”??? Even Lance Bass is saying, “Man, that’s so fuckin gay!!!” I guess you meant funny-peculiar (AFJLTC) not funny-haha.

  36. RichPort

    #36 – (crickets)

  37. i wonder how much extra they had to pay to get her wedding dressed fitted with that gasket around her neck for the space helmet.

  38. kate

    Sorry, but I gotta be honest. Suri’s goofy looking. Don’t want to pick on a baby, but I will because her parents are freaks. Not her fault, but there you go.

    I think Suri looks like she’s special needs.

  39. Tracie

    “Ex Nicole Kidman sent Tom and Katie a wedding present with a note that “wished them both a lifetime of happiness together…”

    What SF failed to mention was the remainder of the sentence, which was …”so here’s hoping you die soon, faggot!”

  40. kate

    I mean, come on. My brain just screams Rocky III when I see that picture.

    By that I mean Suri looks like Rocky after his fight. “Derrrr…

  41. mikeski

    Suri’s looking at the camera like, “Jeez, see what I have to work with here?”

  42. Flip21

    Tom Cruise may’ve married Droopy, but at least she’s not an alcoholic, cocaine addict like Nicole Kidman’s hubby.

  43. It’s “laser light show” not just “laser show.” Didn’t you read the program? That was the only part not in Italian.

  44. HELLpenis

    They’re nuts…but what a beautiful baby. I just hope she gets Katie’s teeth

  45. twzzlrgirl

    You people are nuts. That baby is hideous. I’m not saying it’s her fault, God knows, but she is not a cute baby. And there is no way she is biologically theirs — NO WAY. Most babies, genetically, look strikingly like their father’s for the first 6 months. She looks stikingly like the milkman.

  46. twzzlrgirl

    Oh, and I just read all the other posts, and kudos to all you smart people who see it my way.
    Yes, seeing things my way does, in fact, make you smart. Sorry to be conceited, but there it is.
    Hi, Ferret. Long time no sex.

  47. jesseeca

    why in hell is katie wearing a toilet seat cover over her head.

  48. Angry Ferret Jones

    #36 – RichPort said it all in one word, I don’t even have to bother.

    People, do yourselves a favor and click on the link. Fish is dead to me.

  49. Unabashed Liar

    Is it ever a good sign when your months old baby is already half the height of your husband to be?

    I wonder if any of the ‘rags obsessing about this will report on what kind of 11″ lifts the little E.T.-humper wears during the ceremony to keep from being dwarfed by the scary “no cock!” standing next to him.

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