I must be psychic, because official Tom Cruise day has turned out to be super official Tom Cruise day. According to two inside sources, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes gave birth to a baby girl in Los Angeles today. There aren’t any other details, but I’m sure the name and race will be available soon. Personally, I’m hoping for a Xenunian named “Blorlok the Pretty.” Wait, that’s what they’re called, right? Xenunians?
And in other slightly ironic baby news, Brooke Shields gave birth to a baby girl today as well. Too bad not a single living human being cares. That’s what happens when you don’t jump on Oprah’s sofa and make fun of people for taking medicine.
UPDATE: Looks like the official name of the baby is Suri, which means
199 – Hey, if you ever get tired of worshipping money and space aliens, try Kaballah. It’s less filling and 4 out of 5 rich drama school lunatics prefer it over Scientology, which, by the way, is not the study of science.
Hopefully Katie will get to enjoy her child before the cult members take her. Its kind of like Rosemary’s Baby. Tom drugged her and then had her inseminated and then told her she looked so damn hot passed out that he couldn’t help himself and 11 months (length aliens need to germinate) later we’ve got Suri.
Hopefully Katie will get to enjoy her child before the cult members take her. Its kind of like Rosemary’s Baby. Tom drugged her and then had her inseminated and then told her she looked so damn hot passed out that he couldn’t help himself and 11 months (length aliens need to germinate) later we’ve got Suri.
Ooops! Damn site!
Apparently Tom can only hypnotize women who are taller than him.
hahaha the antichrist has been born.
Best part about “Suri” is the book she’s going to write in about 25 years. Before the scientologists kill her of course.
Did anyone notice that the child’s name is
“SURICRUISE,” looks alot like “syracuse.” I only appreciateded it because I am from upstate new york. Maybe they are big fans of the ‘cuse?
Isn’t this the best science fiction story ever written? Oh wait, if it was that kind of story, maybe L Ron Hubbard would have written it.
06/06/06
The signs are all around us.
06/06/06
The signs are all around us.
Brooke Shields: ” And then Grier was all like ‘….’ and Me and my husband were all like ‘ omg! This is the most amazing thing ever”
Oprah: Yeah? So you said you were on Suddenly Susan? Tell me about working with Kathy Griffith??! I’m sure you were just star struck by her everyday on the set, right??
Brooke: I was in Blue Lagoon!! I dated Michael Jackson!!
Oprah:Mmhmm…So how about that Tom Cruise. He jumped on this couch, you know. And that baby of his, I’m sure it’s going to be a joy. Do you have any kids, Ms….?
brooke shileds: I’m Brooke Shileds!! I modeled Jordache Jeans!!
The scene proceeds to have Brooke Shields almost fade from the mind of Oprah and be replaced by memories of Tab cola and that one song by Captain and Tenille.You know- The one where everyone continues not to give a shit about Brooke Shileds? I think Chaka Kahn was featured on that Track…or was it Karen Carpenter…I dunno, I just know it wasn’t that Bitch from Blue Lagoon. Who was that again?
YES! It’s a real baby, as opposed to the fake pillow baby I imagine, the world will now be safe. However, now Xenuians will invade Earth to worship Suri and distract us from the fact that Tom Cruise LOVES THE COCK!
YES! It’s a real baby, as opposed to the fake pillow baby I imagine, the world will now be safe. However, now Xenuians will invade Earth to worship Suri and distract us from the fact that Tom Cruise LOVES THE COCK!
Hi I’m from Peru and in the jungle of my country some people eat a plate named SURI,it’s a dish with worms fried. Nice name, don’t u think? http://www.iiap.org.pe/regionalismo.htm
Hi I’m from Peru and in the jungle of my country some people eat a plate named SURI,it’s a dish with worms fried. Nice name, don’t u think? http://www.iiap.org.pe/regionalismo.htm
http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2006180307,00.html
Princess, or Red Rose, or “Pointy nose”. Take a look.
First post ever =)
Who`s Suri now?
Sorry, too tempting.
PS. Tom Cruise elsker kuken.
My kingdom for a DNA sample!
TCLTC
this just in from CNN…Katie had an epidural ha ha ha guess it was a silent birth after all…so much for that…and by the way…Tom Cruise loves the cock
Sherryco – I wrote this to you last night and the damn thing didn’t stick so here goes again (slightly different version).
First off, I’ve already gotten very angry with you once, so you get a double dose now. You know, that’s how I got lumped into this whole Christian thing, some moron standing on the sidewalk in from of my office screaming at me about how I just “don’t get it” and you know what? That’s what got me in the door, but I have to warn you calling everyone stupid doesn’t always work. I love how you capitalize the “R” when you say religion, but just so you know that doesn’t make it a legitimate religion. Thanks for empowering me to print your post, take a shit and wipe with it. I have a whole lot of vileness here with your name on it so turn and face me. You are definitely a typical Scientologist seeing as how you confuse ignorance with hating Scientology. It seems fitting, too, that you would call us indigent in keeping with the belief that you people “buy” your staircase to heaven (or wherever you go – outerspace, hell, whatever). I would have trouble investing my life in a “religion” that isn’t as old as my dad. Plus, there are all of those other things, like how nothing is really shrouded in secrecy which makes it totally not cult-like. And Tom doesn’t get up and run out on people who ask for clarity, right? Just making sure we’re on the same page here. I want to come down to your cinderblock cell at the Celebrity Centre (that’s how it is right, that fucking e on the end?) and dash your brains out with a brick. I hate, hate, hate you Sherry. You are in my cross hairs and you WILL be sorry for being a thunder cunt before I am through.
You are new public enemy number one.
I’m all worked up now, I’m going to take it out on Trotter’s flaming crotch. Here I come bbaby! Take me now or lose me forever!
Damn, woman! This lust missle has a nuclear warhead waiting to blow with your name on it. Move over Stallion! There’s a new horsecock in town.
Yes, all this hate and rage is making me horny as fuck. I’m going to go masterbait with a 6 lb. Alaskan salmon. Uuuunnnnnnnhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!
i bet a years wage she farted!!!…do you think Tom will throw her out of the church now!?….or the crazy bastard just lapped up the flavour!
Sherry-co,
Because you have not returned to the Scientology Center AS ORDERED (post #125), in addition to a re-do of the Assimilation Audit, you are commanded to take, AND PASS, the following:
The Big Mouth Audit
The No Brains Audit
The I-Don’t-Know-Nothin’ Audit
The Don’t-Know-When-to-Stop Audit
The Every-Time-I-Speak-I-Look-More-Foolish Audit
And, yes, the Why Thetans Are Put to Death Audit (that one has your name all over it)
Suri is very displeased with your behavior. She will be reporting your conduct to Xenu momentarily. Cease and desist! Cease and desist!
The Suri Team Leader
FYI # 152, straight from the website http://www.hebrewbabynames.com :SURI is a variant form of SARAH which means PRINCESS or NOBLE in Hebrew. From the Aramaic SARAH means PRINCESS, GUARDIAN ANGEL, GENIUS (Jastrow, Marcus. 1903. A Dictionary of the Targumim, the Talmud Babli and Yesushalmi, and the Midrashic Literature. v.1 Brooklyn: International Hebrew Book. 1627). Variant spelling – SURIE