Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes get a prenup

May 3rd, 2006 // 141 Comments

holmes-cruise-prenup.jpgThe Daily Mail reports Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are now ready to marry in July, after signing a $40 million prenup which they’ve been working on for the past few weeks. A $15 million trust has been set up for Katie and her baby regardless of whether she marries Tom, but if they do marry and later divorce, Katie will receive an extra $25 million from him. A source says:

“Katie’s family have always been very sceptical about their romance. They were shocked that Katie got pregnant so quickly and didn’t like the way she had turned her back on Catholicism for Scientology. But now this deal has been sorted out they are at least relieved that Katie and her baby will be financially secure for life, even if she doesn’t marry Tom.”

Either this is the most elaborate publicity stunt ever attempted, or Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are actually getting married. I only give it a couple months though. You’d be surprised how hard it is to maintain a marriage when the wife is locked in the basement and the husband spends all his time at gay bathhouses.



  1. Fugurself

    with their ties in scientology, I wouldn’t be surprised if they remain married forever….not!

  2. The prenup states any cock that Tom loved before the marraige stays with him. Any cock loved during the marriage will be evenly split.

  3. Iambananas

    Fourth baby!

  4. Iambananas

    Okay, I like Tom Cruise and if any of you don’t, you’re not invited to the party… Tom Cruise might be a little strange, but he’s a nice guy and a good actor, so don’t be hating.

  5. Feed_Me_Chocolate

    Maybe Katie (oh, I’m so sorry, KATE) has been playing dumb and submissive for this long so she can get her hands on TC’s money? Please? Please tell me Xenu hasn’t sucked her brain out and replaced it with Tom’s special sauce that he’s extracted during their love sessions.
    TC + TC + 4-EVER!

  6. Feed_Me_Chocolate



    You and Sherry-co need to meet. Seriously.

  7. Sheva

    Katie get out now and you’ll get more for the kid than the prenup.

    Leave Tom with Xenu.

  8. St.Minutia

    #5 if by good actor, you mean using exactly the same constipated expression in every scene, I completely agree.

  9. Tai!

    Tom loves the cock.

    But that is ok
    I love him


  10. Pearly

    I would love to think that’s true #6 but I doubt it, she seems pretty zombie like. Maybe she’s “acting” but I doubt that too.

  11. BarbadoSlim

    This has bad idea written all over it, I mean for Mrs. Katie “Cold Sore” Holmes. She’ll never see a penny. It will just be so convenient for her to have a tragic, flying, or motorcycling, or Cock hunting accident with tommy boy.

  12. Iambananas

    Okay, all tha t aside…do you think Katie Holmes was REALLY preggers or not?

  13. Feed_Me_Chocolate

    I meant,
    TC + TC (meaning The Cock) = 4-EVER.

  14. The only movie I could tolerate Tommy in was Collateral, because being a raving psycho killer isn’t too far from real life, sans the killing.

    I also believed him as a fag Navy pilot who had gay sex with everyone.

  15. Iambananas

    Sherry-co is all scientology, and I think that’s kind of bonkers… space aliens??? Right, maybe not… but I don’t think his beliefs should have to do with everything else… and why does everyone say he’s gay?? He’s been married like almost 3 times! and he (I think) has a baby… it’s redicilous.

  16. Trotter

    @5 – Are you a masochist or simply a deranged, obese retard? Have you bothered to read any of the strings here? Did you eat soap for breakfast?

  17. Pretty generous settlement. Nice for her. But of course, how much is your sanity worth, anyway?

  18. Iambananas used to eat paint chips as a child.

    Tommy Boy reference for a Gay Tommy Boy post.

  19. Iambananas

    #17, are you a fat, friendless, ignorant, spineless, nimrod? Why attack my person when you know nothing about me and say such nasty things? You show your ignorance and idiocy.

  20. suzy

    ok wait… so she gets 15 mil that she shares with the baby if she doesnt get married.. and 25 if she does just for her? or her and the baby?

    and is that 40 mil total? that’s not a bad deal.. seeing how Tom could afford to give more

  21. BarbadoSlim

    He’s gay because we say he is, that’s just the way it’s gonna be.
    That, and the fact that’s been PROVEN by all the posters on this site: that his love of the cock lifestyle is legendary.

  22. Iambananas

    Jsut because I don’t hate everyone is a pathetic, introverted, loner way dosen’t make me stupid.

  23. Trotter

    Lambananas: your clit is showing.

    Now go put on fresh pair of depends and let the nice nurse help you back to your room

  24. True, that doesn’t make you stupid. What you say in your posts is what does it.

  25. Iambananas

    #24… How dare you! You obviously have no sence of class, propreity or any sence of living in a civilization. Just because you are on the internet dosen’t make it right for you to be mean, ignorant or disgusting. You are no gentleman and I can’t imagine any woman that would put up with a person like you. Learn some manners, it shows lack of morals.

    #25… How is what I said in my posts stupid? I would really like to know. Because I don’t hate everyone on Earth that is richer than I am does not make me stupid. I happen to be an un-hateful person… you could learn a thing or two from me.

  26. Feed_Me_Chocolate

    Sherry-co is all Scientology, Tom Cruise is all Scientology, you like Tom Cruise, Sherry-co is nuts, Tom Cruise is nuts, you’re nuts.
    Simple mathematics, people.

  27. Trotter

    Actually, your pedantic concepts coupled with an obvious inability to negotiate “spell check” (let alone draft a cogent sentence) exposes your stupidity.


  28. hahahaha! This was a smart move.

  29. Iambananas

    So I type quickly and jumbeled up two letters in the word “just”… and, please tell me, how can I not write a clear sentence. If you can understand it, anyone can… don’t correct people, it makes you look like a stuck up jerk… oh, wait… too late.

  30. Iambananas

    #27…You overlook the simple fact that I don’t believe in Scientology… simple logic.

  31. Charlaurz McHall

    the Pre nup is obviously th easiest way for Tom to pay katie for her womb related services. It is clearly part of the contract…

  32. Feed_Me_Chocolate

    GAAAA! Run for your lives! It’s MeganHarris!

  33. The fact that you are on this site, which is not a celeb-worship site (more a whoreship), and the fact that you are talking about how you don’t hate and post bad things, blah blah blah, shows your obvious stupidity. It’s like a white guy going to a KKK rally and talking about how they shouldn’t hate blacks. It’s stupid.

    This site is about talking shit about idiot celebs. We do just that. We don’t need people talking about how great they are. Go to or to talk about how much you love Tom Cruise’s cock.

  34. Iambananas

    Not, I obviously don’t have all say like *SOME* losers to stay here and make snide remarks to an idiot online… I would only win anyway because on your BEST day you aren’t as smart as me on my WORST. Now, go learn some class and try really hard to realize that your words reflect the kind of person you are morally.

  35. Iambananas

    Gerald Tarrant … you had a good point… too bad you discredited yourself so quickly.

  36. Trotter


    Hahahaha! There are at least 8 spelling, grammar and syntax errors in your post @26.

    Are you from India? Sorry, wait. That was rude. Are you from Arkansas?

  37. Iambananas

    I swear, 90% of the people on the website are so stupid it’s a wonder why humanity survives.

  38. I see it all clearly now. Bananas=Edna. Good trick, using the old “new nick” trick.

    And in other news, the cock lover, also known as Tom Cruise, has filed a law suit against the Superficial for calling his soon to be 3rd sham wife “Katie”, when clearly her name is “Kate”.

  39. Iambananas

    Trotter… do you know where the “#” symbol is on your keyboard… I don’t have time to deal with children… you are so immature it’s stupid. I really wonder if you are proud of yourself.

    You obviously have a lot of friends the way you correct people all the time. I hope you know that’s not the way to make friends.

  40. radio4play

    wtf when did this get here!


    oh man tcltc so bad

  41. smokeyrobinson

    Long time reader, first time poster…

    Tom loves the peter.

    Have a great day.

  42. BarbadoSlim

    Lambananarandingdong, do you remember that movie called A Fish Called Wanda? In it, Kevin Kline played a guy who thought he was smarter than everybody else because he read all the classics. The thing is, he misunderstood all he had read, so he was really more of a jackass.

    You,…you are that guy.

  43. Fa Cube Itches

    Who gets the bastard, I wonder?

    Didn’t there actually used to be a stigma about having kids out of wedlock? Nice of Hollywood to make it trendy. I guess all of the random babymommas out there were just ahead of the curve on that one.

  44. radio4play

    yo babymomma car crib is bigger than his

  45. Feed_Me_Chocolate

    Holy-Freakin’ Cow!
    “bananas” is on a roll! Gerald makes an excellent point. We all (hmm, well SOME of us) have boring day jobs, where we have to act all professional and courteous to all the assholes we encounter there, and it’s just good clean (okay, maybe not clean) fun to come on here and bash the living daylights out of these celebrities. It IS called The Superficial. So seriously, take a deep breath, get off the soapbox, and relax!

  46. Apparently Feed Me Chocolate and I have the same client base.

  47. Trotter

    @43 – I like the new handle. What an excellent analogy for my new favorite moron.

    Lambananarandingdong, when you went to “school” did you get to wear a special helmet like the rest of the kids in your class, or were the wrist restraints enough to keep you from hurting yourself?

  48. krisdylee

    lambananas eats her own poo.

  49. Trotter

    Lambananarandingdong – I see you’re a racist, xenophobe in your post on the Nicole Whorebag Ritchie string.

    Can you spelll hypocrisy? Sorry, of course you can’t. You haven’t mustered up the wherewithal to work out “sense”…

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