Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are so married

November 20th, 2006 // 129 Comments

  1. laikiska

    Yet another facical Hollywood marriage. YAY.

    And: #39 – totally with you.

  2. SuperG

    They had a scientology “advisor” at every guests table.


  3. PrettyBaby

    #46 Hasn’t anyone told you that Tom Cruise is a Closeted Gay Man. I know, take a moment to digest it… Yes, Top Gun was hot, and yes my pussy was on fire A LOT during that movie. BUT take another look at the volleyball scene. HMmmmm.. Playing with the Boys??? HUH?!

    And Katie his wife, is a mindless baby producer for Scientology so Darlin the odds are not in their favor. If you wanna have any hopes, try to put your good thoughts on Baby Suri, because I know that she is being subjected to Xenu- themed lullabies 24/7.

    I would try to hope that Suri’s real Inuit parents stage a rescue complete with sleds and hungry polar bears.

  4. PrettyBaby

    #38 That’s right, I was so proud of the catholic bishop. But tonight in his sleep he will find a bloody alien head in his bed….

  5. jrzmommy

    I hate his ass….face.

  6. #32 Somebody woke up with sand in her va-jay-jay! Oh snap!!!

  7. D'oh Eyes

    Xenu’s giving him a step-up.

  8. D'oh Eyes

    I bet Sherry-co was a guest.


  9. This is a Rock 'n Roll Takeover

    She looks terrified, like whoever’s behind the camera is holding a gun.

  10. jrzmommy

    Ferret–yeah but it’s Monday and I don’t like to be fucked with on Mondays.

  11. frenchtoaststix

    How appropriate. Katie is doing the Quasimodo standing next to her fake gay midget husband in an old castle. Is Disney backing this fairy tale?

  12. All I gotta say is…oh what dude!!?

  13. RichPort


  14. marshmallow-dream

    #32 – leave drphil the hell alone you sorry excuse for a mother. go do some quality parenting you hag. honestly, would you have wanted a mom who spent all day posting to a celebrity website? that has to be the most pitiful thing i can imagine.

    now what obscene insults were you hurling at me earlier? you are so pathetic

  15. jrzmommy

    66–bite me you fucking douche.

  16. Hey, Tommy Boy may be crazy with that Scientology stuff, but he’s had some of the hottest women in Hollywood, married someone half his age, had a baby, and gave his studio the finger (all not in that order).

    You rock, Maverick! Congrats!

  17. jrzmommy

    Actually, 68–Sumner Redstone gave TOM the finger. Not the other way around.

  18. sexybitch

    Dr. Laura, d’you think you could find another soapbox, please?

  19. jrzmommy

    70–don’t feed the trolls, baby. :)

  20. PrettyBaby

    #66 I am sure jrzmommy works. And I am sure at work, her children are not there. So commenting here and there in the midst of the work day has nothing to do with children.
    I know this is none of my business but I had to say it.

  21. RichPort

    Jrz, let it curl up and die. It disparages you for posting, yet reads every post and even posts itself. Then it attaches links to gay porn… to each it’s own I suppose. Stop feeding it and its many asinine incarnations and it will go away, curl up and die. In fact, I don’t think it’s a marshmellow at all, just one of those annoying fucking peeps.

  22. sexybitch

    Good advice to be sure…it’s just that this same tired rant is getting SO old – but then, so is she!! ;)

  23. Nimuë LaMer




  24. PrettyBaby

    #73 I know, but if your gonna continually say the say the same fucking thing to someone publically so everyone is forced to read it, then make sure it is valid, not an absolute load of shit.

    But anyway, I HATE Katie’s dress. Fuck if I had her money I would look so yummy that the world would say “Lady Diana, who?”

  25. PrettyBaby

    #75 You do…

  26. Chaste

    She looks like a woman-who-has-just-married-a-man, but he looks so ridiculous : what was he thinking about? that it was a photo for his new movie? hey man, it’s your wedding!!!

  27. MargeAggedon

    #71 Take your own advice – what do you think #58 was? LMAO.


  28. sexybitch

    I agree, but it’s also not too hard to look better than Diana – her wedding dress looked like clumps of wet toilet paper.
    But this?
    A wire mesh ruffle across the front?

    Oprah got to Giorgio Armani!!

  29. PrettyBaby

    sexybitch- Yeah, I guess Diana’s dress wasn’t that great, huh. But in the public perception, she was the ultimate. But yeah girl, my dress would be fly with all that $$.

  30. sexybitch

    PrettyBaby – don’t forget the $1000 worth of bridal undies, too!
    Pity for Di and Kate the groom was a runt. Nothing ruins the effect of stockings and garters more than wearing flats. :(

  31. PrettyBaby

    Yep, that is true. AND another thing that would ruin the night along with the flat shoes would be the flat cocks that Tom and Charles both had for their brides. Not good.

  32. Precisely

    I’ve only skimmed the comments so I’m not sure if anyone’s brought this up.
    Why does the background look like some gold foil? Like a bad prom pic.

  33. PrettyBaby

    #84 It is fake, much like their marriage!

  34. sexybitch

    “It’s called ‘brewer’s droop’, Kate. I had too much champagne because I’m so happy we’re finally married. Yeah, I’m sure that’s it.”

    “Gee, Tom, it seems to happen a lot recently! And you must’ve been real thirsty because you were sure following that cute waiter who was pouring the Kristal.”

    “I’m still thirsty, actually…I’m just gonna go pop my cork…uh, see if there’s any left, yeah… Don’t wait up for me, sweetie, OK?”

  35. JungleRed

    “The wedding wil be in Bracciano, Italy. The reception will be held in the underworld. Suitable attire a must.” BTW, Suri is a dead ringer for that kid in the Omen. Not the recent one with Julia Stiles, the old one with Gregory Peck. Born of a jackal indeed.

  36. This is a Rock 'n Roll Takeover

    #66 – Amen! It’s really pathetic to think of someone who sits at their desk all day, and rather than working, is keeping up on every comment posted on this site. I mean, look at how many she’s posted just on this thread that was put up today! Not to mention the other threads. I don’t think being a mother has anything to do with it really…just because you have kids, doesn’t mean you have to stop doing things that you enjoy. It would just be better if she didn’t enjoy doing something so incredibly lame! It’s obvious she needs some kind of attention that she’s not getting at home.

  37. LL

    I wonder how many guests at this wedding were at either of his first two. How do they keep a straight face through the “forsaking all others till death do you part” part? He has been married twice before, right? I don’t wanna be one of those people who say you can’t get married more than once and I guess you have the right to make a big freakin’ international incident out of your third marriage if you can afford it, and it is Katie’s first marriage, but still… once you’ve been married twice, you’d think you’d want subsequent weddings to be sorta low-key and romantic, rather than going all “look at us, we’re in love, we’re getting married in Italy!!!!! We rule!!! Tom is so NOT gay!!!” Guess not.

  38. JungleRed

    Tom looks bored. You know, been there, done that. Twice.

  39. RichPort

    #88 – (crickets)

  40. hilaroushillary

    No really, #88 has a point .. must be a pretty lame and boring job, no?

  41. Tracy

    #89– I disagree. A first time bride who can afford it should get the biggest, grandest wedding money can buy. I eloped and regret that we didn’t have a big to-do. Fifteen years later, and I still wish we’d done something more special. I had no white dress, no pictures, nothing (just a Justice of the Peace). Good for Katie that she got the castle and the Armani gown. **I do think my marriage will last longer, though.** TCLTC– that’s a problem.

  42. princess_punkalot

    #88 – I seem to remember your name popping up about 20 times on a thread a while back trying to defend yourself, all the while making yourself look like an uber-skank, which kinda defeats the purpose of saying ‘shes on the site all the time’ no? and at least I can occasionally laugh at her posts, dont get me wrong I laughed at yours too, but for entirely different reasons. And the ‘attention she is not getting at home’ perhaps you are getting a bit too much of it?

  43. jrzmommy

    Ahh….the wisdom of a 20 year old nobody. Priceless.

  44. Are sex toys okay in Scientology? Katie may need them, so I was just checking.

  45. leewhee

    It’s an old photographer’s trick. He’s standing on an incline. If the two were reversed, she’d be six inches taller. Optical illusion. But who gives a gnat’s ass. He’s a short gay man who married a beard. Just like Kenny Chesney is a short, bald gay man who married a beard. This has been going on in showbiz since day one. In a perfect world, Tom Cruise would’ve married Kenny Chesney and everyone would live happily ever after.

  46. sexybitch

    It comes from Daddy, and we know what kind of attention it is, too…

  47. sexybitch

    Chokeback Mountain?

  48. “Some will probably argue they asked Katie to squat under her wedding dress or some other demeaning nonsense but I’m sticking to my original theory: the magic of Scientology.”

    Ha, that’s good stuff. But the REAL truth is that the photos were probably Photoshopped and were created and ready to roll months before the wedding was even announced.

    And Tom Cruise will, by the way, exert his rule over the “Galactic Confederacy” any day now. It simply must be.

  49. notmyrealname

    It is very obvious he has on lifts. I’d say, based on what I can see of his shoe/boots, that he’s added about three inches to his height. At least.

    Lifts are so lame. Embrace your shortness, Tom!

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