Tom Holland Is Your New New Spider-Man

On the heels of the Sony email hack uncovering a 2011 agreement between Marvel and Sony that dictates movie Spider-Man can only be a white, straight male – Damn, Dylann Roof’s manifesto is everywhere. – British actor Tom Holland has been officially cast as Peter Parker and will appear in Captain America: Civil War before starring in his own stand-alone franchise until Sony fucks that all up by making him jazz dance or skateboard to Coldplay. I’m sure they’ll think of something. Which is why I’m already looking ahead to our new new new Spider-Man and breaking into hospital nurseries to find him first. *holds up baby* Webbed feet! Swing us out of here, Spidey! — Whenever you’re ready!

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