Tom Cruise’s Religion ‘Imprisoned’ A Woman On A Cruise Ship For 12 Years

November 30th, 2011 // 70 Comments
The Uterus Cannon
Michelle Duggar
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Earlier in the year, Scientology, a.k.a. Tom Cruise‘s Space Magic, has been plagued by reports of using its members for slave labor, and now comes a report from a woman who claims she was imprisoned on a cruise ship by head Thetan-sucker David Miscaviage for 12 years after her parents tried to leave the church. Via Yahoo! News:

“I was basically hauled in and told that my mum had attacked the church and that I needed to disconnect from her because she was suppressive,” she said. “He decided the ship, and I found out two hours before my plane left, I was woken up in the morning and I was sent to the ship for ‘two weeks.’ “
Paris was born into a Scientology family, but her mother quit the group after her husband committed suicide, blaming Scientology for coercing him out of a self-made personal fortune of more than a million dollars.
Instead of the promised two week stay, Paris found herself unable to leave the ship without an official Scientology escort and was often forced into hard labor on the lower levels of the ship for stretches as long as two full days. “It’s hot, it’s extremely loud, it’s smelly, it’s not nice. I was sent down there at first for 48 hours straight on almost no sleep and I had to work by myself,” she said.
So, why didn’t Paris simply escape from the ship when it would take port? The Freewinds has a relatively small sailing route, traveling throughout the Caribbean and occasionally docking at small islands.
“I did not want to be there, I made it clear I did not want to be there and that was considered bad ethics, meaning it was considered not right,” she said. “They take your passport when you go on the ship and you’re in the middle of an island. So it’s a bit hard [to escape] and by that time I was 18, I’d been in Scientology my whole life, it’s not like I knew how to escape,” she said.

When reached for comment, Tom Cruise simply muttered, “Swimming lessons for Suri, huh?,” before angrily hopping a bee to Smurf Village.

Photos: Splash News


  1. stratacat

    Tom Cruise’s ‘Religion’ Imprisoned A Woman On A Cruise Ship For 12 Years

    there. fixed. you had the quotes around the wrong word.

    • Colin

      Y’know, that was my exact thought when I saw this? Well played.

    • Dinosaurland

      I was coming here to leave that exact comment. The quotes are around the wrong word!

    • D-chi

      I actually read it that way at first.

    • eatme

      fuck that. I can do that with any “religion”. scientology is no different than christianity or islam, certainly no different than mormonism. I don’t care if the “space aliens” are thetans or jesus christ. same shit to me.

      • occam's boner

        What color is the sky in your world, “eatme?”

      • jimbo

        …it depends on the day. Somehow me thinks that they sky is always blue in your world.

      • eatme

        shit, son, if you want to go hating on Thetans, I fail to see how an all-knowing entity (aka dog) who created the universe, or his “son” (born of immaculate conception…(ie. little mary and joseph never did the deed) is any different. Moses parting the red sea? why not? floods and snakes and all that other good stuff? Heaven and hell? ….sounds like a party. Mormon “intelligences”? Yay!!! LATTER DAY SAINTS FROM OUTER SPACE!!!!!!!!
        Should I go on?

    • Just to be a total pain in the ass, if you’re gonna make fun on a religion’s tenets, you really should get them right – comedy demands accuracy. “Immaculate conception” refers to MARY’s conception, not Jesus’s – she was conceived without original sin in order to be a perfect vessel to bear him. In other words, a ultraclean e-meter.

      • eatme

        yup, that’s what i said: “born OF”. I never said WHOSE immaculate conception it was.

      • dom delouise

        No dufus. Immaculate conception refers to JESUS’s birth.


        From the intro: “The Immaculate Conception of Mary is a dogma of the Roman Catholic Church, according to which the Virgin Mary was conceived without any stain…of original sin.. . . It is completely distinct from the Virginity of Mary and the virgin birth of Jesus, though it is a popular mistake to confuse them.”

      • eatme

        …ahh i think I understand (after 10 more mins of research)…
        The Immaculate Conception refers only to the “purity” (not virginity) of Mary, even though it is also true that she conceived while being a virgin? Is that it? If so, what DO they call it when you get knocked up by Dog virgin style?
        It all sounds waaaaaaaaay too technical. I like Thetans more. NO, screw that, 72 virgins FTW!!!

    • There’s only one Immaculate Conception, which is why qualifying it as born “of” Mary is inaccurate.
      But you got it – “immaculate” doesn’t refer to Mary’s virginity, it refers to the fact that Mary was free from original sin, which is a general condition of sinfulness that results from the fall from grace of Adam and Eve – all humans are born with it. She was literally conceived in a state of grace, with no stain upon her soul – the idea is that God, in the form of Jesus, couldn’t be conceived in an impure vessel.
      Personal sins that you commit in your life are something else, but the fact that Mary was a virgin also argues she was personal act-of-sin free,

      Jesus’ conception is generally referred to as the virginal conception or Incarnation of Jesus (and I’ll see you after school, doofus…I mean dom delouise). No sex – the angel Gabriel appeared to Mary and announced (see Annunciation) that in that instant God went from being spirit and took on flesh (hence incarnation) in the form of Jesus in her womb.

      But seriously, why the hell would you want 72 virgins who have no idea what the fuck they’re doing? The only guys who think virgins are great who guys who fear comparison. And there’s usually a damn good reason for that.

      • eatme

        …hmmmm. So god created Mary for the sole purpose of birthing jesus? a vessel, you say? nice.

        …and 72 is the number. i didn’t make it up. it is what it is and i’m not complaining.

    • Pretty much – basically, God threw a perfect vase for the purpose. I’m assuming and eharmony weren’t cooperative. And 72, 15, whatever, it’s the inexperience, not the quantity, that’s the downer here.

    • Because the point of it all was not to sacrifice Mary, but for God to sacrifice Himself in human form. Virgin sacrifices aren’t a part of this.

      • All completely made up bullshit. There is no god. God is the tool mankind uses to glorify themselves and claim divinity by proxy i.e. created in his image.

        Our ancestors encountered a problem with worshipping one god, because you can’t praise god for all the good things in life and then condemn him for all the bad things. So they created Satan as a scapegoat. His name “Satan” is actually derived from th old hebrew “ha=the” “satan=adversary”

  2. brettnerd

    I think instead of imprisoned being in quotes, religion should.

  3. get outta my head stratacat!

  4. Mooty

    Why is this even covered, it has nothing to do with Tom Cruise other than he is a member of scientology? As much as I despise everything scientology stands for, it’s a little misplaced being here. I wanna see star boobs.

    If Tom Cruise HIMSELF did it, fine… but c’mon. lame.

  5. Richard McBeef


  6. Tom Cruise Tokyo
    Commented on this photo:

    Man, he looks haggard. Almost as haggard as Katie.

  7. Richard McBeef

    Is there an over/under on Fish posting a redaction when the $cientology lawyers send the paperwork over?

  8. stratacat

    tom cruise likes to cum abundantly in asses.

  9. Tom Cruise Tokyo
    Commented on this photo:

    Bye, everyone! Remember–I’m not a gay! Happy holidays!

  10. Scientology isn’t any crazier than any other religion. Man in the sky, clay table, virgins in heaven – who cares? Step back and take a close look and they’re all a little insane.

    • Richard McBeef

      Sure, the notions are equally bullshit. My problem is if you have a tough time with granny turning into worm food or you need some sort of guidance to keep you from murdering everyone, you should be able to get that through a (more or less) free mumbo jumbo service rather than a pay-as-you-go salvation plan.

  11. tom

    Tom is really getting old, I wish he retired soon.

  12. Tom Cruise Tokyo
    Commented on this photo:

    Seig Hubbard!

  13. Tom Cruise Tokyo
    Commented on this photo:

    “Yes, I got my haircut in the airport barbershop. How can you tell?”

  14. rough, tooling fishheads

    How many weeks?

  15. stratacat

    so is this the same ship?

    “L. Ron Hubbard doesn’t state in policy that asbestos is dangerous; he only states that fiberglass is dangerous and therefore we are only removing the fiberglass. In fact, the dock next to the Freewinds was piled high with fiberglass that had been removed by Sea Org members. It was explained to me that the ship was being remodeled only according to the written policies and “advices” of L. Ron Hubbard. Since Hubbard had been in the US Navy and had then founded the Sea Org and had run a fleet of ships, he knew everything about ships. If asbestos was dangerous, he would have written this somewhere. Also Hubbard knew everything about cancer. He had written that cancer was caused by the mind and specifically second dynamic aberration (problems with relationships). I was told that people only get sick if they go into “agreement” with being sick. As the ship was going to be filled with “operating thetans” doing the highest level in Scientology (OT 8) nothing was going to make them sick.”

    fun read:

  16. Livinus Nwambe

    Yeah, just going to chime in here and say that the headline should read that SCIENTOLOGY did this to the girl, not Tom Cruise.

    Mind you, religions have done worse to people than take them on a forced cruise around the Caribbean with hard labour on the side.

  17. Tom Cruise Tokyo
    Commented on this photo:

    Why the greasy face?

  18. What a bad dye job. You’d think with his money he could afford a better color on his hair. (Hint to Tom: it’s too dark., so it looks fake. Lighten it up a bit.)

  19. Deacon Jones

    Hey, is anyone not really sympathetic with this chick?

    “They had my passport”


  20. Venom

    A religion by psychopaths for psychopaths….

  21. Frank Burns

    Scientology should also be condemned for making its females grow mutant penises from their navels.

  22. Cardinal Fang

    Religions tend to imprison people in general. Especially that Middle Eastern one that people seem to be so tolerant of and enamored with.

  23. Tom Cruise Tokyo
    Commented on this photo:

    He kind of looks hot here. Would hit it.

  24. Someone Else

    So you are saying that Tom Cruise has sex with Jean Valjean?

  25. *Yawn*

    Tiny Tom is a scary little toaster.

  26. AssIn9

    You completely missed the gem of the interview, where she talks about the staff being prepared for Tom’s birthday aboard the ship
    ” ‘Tom Cruise is coming and I need really good service, so who’s going to serve him?’ A woman spoke up. ‘No, no, it can’t be a woman, because he’s so good looking, any woman would fall for him.’ So a guy had to take the job,” she says. ”

  27. forrest gump

    hahahahahahahaha, yep, he is ready for a home for the elderly, folks!!

  28. Mendenhall

    Where other religions started is OK, thou shalt not not steal, murder, etc. Resist not evil with evil and all that. Good stuff. When the perverted priests and popes later got ahold of what Moses and Jesus (Krishna, Buddha, Lao Tzu, etc.) said and rewrote it all to milk it as a cash cow was when it got all L. Ron Hubbard child rapey. Hubbard started with a science fiction story and turned it into vicious social control. Most modern religions were started by people who actually taught about the nasty consequences of social control and were co-opted. So now, modern religions and scientology are pretty much the same (the crazy parts were put in later), but they started very differently, for the most part.

  29. D;oh

    trollers r so awesome, but cerealy were r the boob pics

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