Tom Cruise’s Assistant Emily Looks Familiar

“HAHA! Look how jealous our obvious heterosexual courtship makes her!”

I just got done writing about differing viewpoints and the importance of highlighting them, especially when they happen to be completely insane ramblings and/or plain hate speech, so now I’m moving on to envy a man for his bold innovation that I lack the money and engineering background to achieve. It seems Tom Cruise has built a robot look-a-like of his ex-wife — You remember Katie Holmes, right? Publicly embarrassed the shit out of him by becoming the divorce ninja Suri needed right then? — and turned it into his assistant “Emily” so he can constantly order it around and make it confirm that “Yes, sir, you are indeed flying,” when he’s riding on the bike’s handlebars that it’s pedaling. I’m honestly impressed, although I’m wondering why he didn’t program her to automatically shrink to 4’6” when standing right next to him. This is why you never buy the first version. There’s always bugs.

Photo: AKM-GSI


Tags: Tom Cruise