Tom Cruise Sped Through New York To Get Suri To A Helicopter? Oh… Oh, Shit

“They told me I have to thank you in advance for lifting the chopper in the air with your mind or I don’t get paid.”

Tom Cruise was apparently involved in a high-speed chase through Manhattan while taking Suri to his private helicopter yesterday, yet everyone seems to be remarkably calm about Katie Holmes never seeing her daughter again because Tom’s team of former Navy SEALs drives better than hers. So she didn’t buy Suri that puppy. They shit everywhere! The LA Times reports:

Cruise, who was visiting with Suri for the first time since Katie Holmes filed for divorce, was taking his daughter from the Greenwich hotel in TriBeCa to a heliport at 12th Avenue and West 29th Street, the New York Daily News reported.
At least 10 cars and six folks on two-wheeled vehicles were following the Cruises’ Chevy Suburban for 20 minutes, the paper said, at speeds about 15 to 20 mph above the speed limit.

The dude possesses the power to control men’s minds and the only excuse he can come up with to cover up a blatant kidnapping is “the paparazzi were chasing me?” And people bought that? Oh, right, the mind control. *starts taking photos of penis* No, not again! *emails them to Tom Cruise* NOOOOOOO!

Photos: Fame/Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News