Tom Brady Just Beat The NFL And It Only Cost Him His Marriage

“Wait, did you say shared custody of the water slide? Black-hearted bitch…”

If you haven’t heard by now, a judge just overturned Tom Brady’s DeflateGate suspension, and all it cost him was his marriage to supermodel Gisele Bundchen because he’s been a bitchy butthole about the whole thing since it started. Which seems entirely out of character for Tom Brady. There must be some mistake. Us Weekly reports:

“Tom’s become very nasty and irritable and started acting out on her,” says the source of the pair, who didn’t celebrate their summer birthdays together.
Their spats have become so heated that Bundchen recently consulted with a divorce lawyer, says a Brady insider. “Tom thinks it’s only a threat,” says the insider. “But this is definitely a rough patch.”

According to Lainey Gossip, there’s a shitload of chatter coming out of Boston that says Gisele is getting the fuck out of Dodge, and it probably didn’t help that Tom Brady was spending time as Ben Affleck’s private whore airline. Then again, it’s hard to blow a guy who won’t stop crossing his arms and mumbling about “stupid meanieheads” telling him how to inflate his balls. Gisele knows her little sensitive bear better than that.

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