Tom Arnold Says The Trump Russian Orgy Tape Exists Now

In case you weren’t aware of the content vacuum created by a holiday, welcome to the second day in a row of us talking about Tom Arnold acting like he’s got the Trump Tapes. And now that he finally got everyone’s attention yesterday, after what according to him has been three months of “work,” he referenced the mythical Russian orgy that supposedly stars Trump. Which, by the way, only exists in a few tweets by reporters who’ve reluctantly said “I’ve heard people talk about this.” So here we are, three days before Christmas, waiting for the guy who’s famous for putting his penis in Roseanne to tell us what we already know. Our President-elect is an orange shitbag. Via Death and Taxes:

Arnold’s tweet makes it appear as though he’s in possession of damning footage of Trump during Miss Universe contests as well. Over the course of the campaign, more than a dozen women came forward with allegations that the president-elect had sexually assaulted them, many who had been contestants in the pageant.
Another tweet sent by Arnold an hour prior alluded to the existence of a video of Trump participating in a Russian orgy, which had also been once rumored to exist toward the end of the campaign, albeit less credibly.

Look, I’m not a religious man, and I don’t have any particular reverence for this time of year other than the slight uptick in kindness people tend to show one another. But if anything was going to dampen my holiday spirits, it’s debating whether the shittier actor in an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie does or doesn’t have tapes that make our already awful President-elect somehow even more awful. Even if all of it is true – the n*gger tape, the Miss Universe sexual harassment tape, the orgy tape – seeing it would be like discovering that Jeffrey Dahmer was also a shoplifter. So, let’s just nip this thing right here and agree that Tom Arnold can take whatever tapes he has and fuck off back into obscurity. I’m trying to finish my day and get shitfaced on rum and peppermint mocha Kahlua while I wrap presents for a 10-month-old who’s really only interested in the sound the paper makes. Can I just have these next few goddamn days, please?

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