Tobey Maquire done making spider-themed abortions

Spider-man 3 might have been the cinematic equivalent of watching your parents have sex, but it still brought in enough cash for Sony to want Sam Raimi and Tobey Maguire back for a fourth Spider-man film. Fortunately that ended today when the studio apparently sobered up and announced they’re rebooting the entire franchise for a 2012 release. Deadline Hollywood reports:

Mike Fleming and Nikki Finke have just confirmed that Sony Pictures decided today to reboot the Spider-Man franchise after franchise director Sam Raimi pulled out of Spider-Man 4 because he felt he couldn’t make its summer release date and keep the film’s creative integrity. This means that Raimi and the cast including star Tobey Maguire are out. There will be no Spider-Man 4. Instead, Mike Fleming is told, the studio will focus on a Summer 2012 reboot from a script by Jamie Vanderbilt with a new director and a new cast. All this took place today at meeting on the lot today.

And by creative integrity Sam Raimi meant making sure Spider-man looks like a goddamn Power Ranger whenever we’re not staring into Tobey Maguire’s expressionless mug. Except he’s making me look like an idiot by blatantly climaxing at the sight of Natalie Portman’s tits. Although in fairness, I’ve seen a man who’d been dead for six hours have the same reaction.

Photos: Getty