Tobey Maguire has a baby

November 13th, 2006 // 84 Comments

Tobey Maguire and his fiance, jewely designer Jennifer Meyer, had a baby daughter last friday. And she pretty much got the shaft, because besides being the bastard child of an unwed couple, her parents are like the opposite of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Pitt and Jolie’s kid is destined to conquer the world with her good looks whereas this kid is probably gonna be forced to live in a cave in the mountains.


  1. HAHA. Hilarious!

  2. jrzmommy

    Tobey Maguire has sex with women? Huh….whoddathunkit

  3. they both just look so average for hollywood…

  4. Drusilla

    I know this isn’t snarky, but it’s kind of nice to see a star fall in love with an “ordinary” person instead of yet another gorgeous-yet-hollow thing. They probably have a better chance of making it in Hollywood than your usual gorgeous couple.

  5. whoa whoa whoa… tobey?! what’s with the homely fiancee?! you’re a movie star! science h. logic!!!

  6. no one you know

    Wow…I was really operating under a misconception that superheroes/famous actors could get hot women. This poor girl looks like she could be from the Shire.

  7. mmbelle

    umm i don’t think they’re that ugly ? whats the daughters name?

  8. jrzmommy

    They look like a geeky high-school couple.

  9. mgbrown66

    Tobey humping this ugly chick is almost as bad as ‘I see dead people’ drunk driving around in his Saturn.

  10. I wonder how much they will have to pay to get the baby pics published?

  11. RichPort

    Unmarried? Edna’s not gonna be be one bit happy. Tobey+ REPORTED!!! And this 16 year old looking ordinary girl is leaps and bounds above Kirstin Dunst, so it could be worse.

  12. KimberWolf

    I think they’re sweet, except for the fact that she looks twelve years old.

  13. sexybitch

    Since both of their ears have the opened-taxicab-doors thing, that kid’s gonna look like Dumbo.

  14. PapaHotNuts

    It looks like he is filming Seabiscuit 2.

  15. Ramdonomo

    #4 & #8, I’m with you :) I think they’re adorable. I adore Tobey Maguire. I think he’ll be a great dad.

  16. Tracy

    Well, Maguire does have some pretty amazing blue eyes when you meet him in person. A lot of ppl are having kids without getting married. Cruise and Holmes are not married either but they got a kid now too. Spears had kids after she got married to an idiot, and how did that turn out?

  17. Jadis

    #4- Ordinary person? Are you fucking kidding me?

    His fugly fiancee is about as ordinary as Kevin Federline is employed. Jennifer Meyer is the kid of Ron Meyer- who just happens to be the president of Universal Studios.

    Tobey Maguire knocking up the big boss’ daughter basically ensures that we will see his pre-pubescent face in movies for decades to come. Hopefully his voice will stop cracking.

  18. Kitty

    Why doesn’t anyone get married BEFORE the baby is born anymore? Seems like these celebrity couples don’t bother getting married when the chick gets knocked up and I see that trend among “normal” people as well. Why make the kid be born out of wedlock if you are supposedly engaged? What the hell are they waiting for? A paternity test??

  19. no one you know

    @18…Holy shit! Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have a kid?!?!

  20. sexybitch

    Because no matter how good Vera Wang is, a big belly spoils the line of the dress.

  21. wedgeone

    #21 No f’n way!! TCLTC??!?!?

  22. BoognishRising

    Jeesh, yer not fooling anyone Tobey. COME OUT ALREADY! I’m sure Frodo from Lord of the Rings would love to play “tummy sticks” with you.

  23. To think that he could have been boning Ryan Starr.
    What an idiot.

  24. lmao @ #7

    20 bucks says that kid has huge feet and furry ankles.

  25. Toby Macguier has always looked like he is just recovering from an illness or like he is severely anemic. Not sure if he is healthy or not, but if I found out tomorrow that he had been fighting Leukemia for years I wouldn’t really be surprised.

    Instead of his girlfriend’s picture just imagine all her fathers money sitting next to him….thats hot.

  26. sexybitch

    HeLLOOO, it’s a GIRL.
    She’ll have furry boobs.

  27. jrzmommy

    Seriously, how old is she? 13? Let’s try to find some of her jewelry creations.

  28. Ummm, shouldn’t he be getting better ass than that?

  29. jrzmommy

    You can view her creations here…

    My kid does a better job with yarn and fuckign Froot Loops.

  30. jrzmommy

    and that would be fuckING….not to be confused with fuckIGN, which means to sign with the word fuck.

  31. RichPort

    They look like your typical 15 year old pregnant couple from Arkansas… what’s the issue?

  32. commissioner

    jrz- I ordered the diamond encrusted acorn for my pet squirrel.

  33. jrzmommy

    “Daaaaaadddddyyyyyyy…I want to make JEWelry…You have to make all of the people that work for you buy it?”

  34. kitty_kat

    Damn, doesn’t ANYONE in Hollywood get married before having kids anymore??? Is it out of style or something?

  35. jrzmommy

    That’s one goddammed sytlish squirrel you got Commish!

  36. commissioner

    jrz- Only the best for my furry friends.

  37. commissioner

    I did send her an e-mail, asking if she could design something for my beaver.

  38. jrzmommy

    Do you think she’ll design something for my pussy?

  39. RichPort

    That’s the kind of jewelry I plan to give my wife as a murder/ suicide present.

  40. commissioner

    Well, she does leaves, acorns and wishbones. I think a tuna-shaped diamond encrusted something or other would be a snap for Ms. Meyer.

  41. jrzmommy

    A diamond-encrusted log for your beaver, Commish. That would be lovely.

  42. commissioner

    jrz- Beats a cheese log any day.

  43. Italian Stallion

    All this time, I thought Hobbits were fictional, spooky…………..

  44. jrzmommy

    Cheese + log = icky.

  45. commissioner

    Encrusted + cheese + log = icky.

    Hell, encrusted anything sounds icky.

  46. shankyouverymuch

    Why do the Irish & the Jews feel compelled to to get together and have babies all the time???… and don’t say that it doesn’t happen, because it does… all the time!!!

    peace out nigga’s

  47. jrzmommy

    49–What other Jew/Irish couple is there?

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