Tobey Maguire Might Be Leading Leo’s Wolf Pack Now

“Hey Leo, you wanna tell this little boy to stop asking me if we landed at Booby Island yet? We’re not even on the goddamn plane.”

Tobey Maguire is a rich Hollywood actor who’s getting divorced from his wife, which means he’s already been fuckin’. A lot. But I guess he wants to do maximum fuckin’ which includes flipping through the Victoria’s Secret catalog like it’s Tindr. And that means current Top Wolf Pussy or whatever-the-fuck, Leonardo DiCaprio’s gotta go. God, I hope they somehow both die in this fight. Via Page Six:

And, LA sources say, now that DiCaprio’s busy with his latest model girlfriend, Nina Agdal, the alpha-wolf role could be up for grabs in his crew. “The ‘wolf pack’ [is] now using Tobey as Leo,” said the spy, “now that Leo’s out of the picture with a girlfriend.”

So, let’s assume for a second that Nina Agdal isn’t getting fed to Jonah Hill in March when she turns 25 and Leo’s actually going to stay with her. How could that possibly happen?

Leo: Where I’m from, I’m a God. A titan of industry, a philanthropist. I used to come here in search of something my world could never offer, something true. Now I know the maze is that truth and I won’t stop until I fin–
Dr. Robert Ford: So, you want us to put a younger vagina in this host?
Leo: That’s what I’m trying to say, yes.

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