Tinsley Mortimer in a Bikini

November 15th, 2010 // 68 Comments

I’ve heard the name Tinsley Mortimer several times in my travels, but if someone put a gun to my head and asked me why she’s famous, or who the hell she even is, I’d ask them to shoot me in the chest so I’d leave a beautiful corpse. So, on that note, I looked her up on Wikipedia, and it turns out she’s a direct descendant of both Thomas Jefferson and Patrick Henry who’d probably walk into a cannon blast if they knew their bloodlines culminated in a “socialite.” Which in olden times would’ve been described as “ye who falleth from wealthy musket-holster.”

Photos: INFdaily


  1. dude

    unh…double that, unh unh

  2. More like Teensy Mortimer.

  3. Tinsley Mortimer
    Commented on this photo:

    Too bad she has the face of Dina Lohan.

  4. Neen

    Too bad she has the face of Dina Lohan.

  5. With a name like Tinsley Randolph Mortimer she sounds more like she’s related to the Duke brothers from Trading Places.

  6. Zach Galifianakis

    Do any of these girls do squats anymore? Fucking have 78 year old looking asses.

  7. I don’t know who Tinsley Mortimer is, but she looks like she should be named Tinsley NeedsMorTimeAtTheBuffet.

  8. Cher X

    Pretty girl but what is that strange pattern on her thigh. Is she turning into a gila monster?

  9. Sheena

    Character from a Dickens novel? Queen Victoria’s horse valet? The mean lady from an episode of Beverly Hillbillies?

    Seriously, just say the name out loud and try to stop your nose from sticking up in the air.

  10. Tinsley Mortimer
    Commented on this photo:

    No thanks.

    There’re much better looking girls who would never fuck me to stare at.

  11. Thomas

    Actually, that would be “thou who falleth from wealthy musket-holster”; “ye” is plural, inappropriate in this case. Then again, both “ye” and “thou” are second-person pronouns; perhaps a simple third-person pronoun (i.e. “she”) would be more appropriate.

  12. Tinsley Mortimer
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks really old and used up.

  13. Richard McBeef

    Hey fish, I can bring my camera down to the beach and take pictures of random no-name mediocre chicks in bikinis if it’s a slow day or if you just want some masturbation fodder. The girls I will photograph won’t be celebs either so I can give you a cheap deal on the shots.

    Hit me up, it’s 213-382-5633.

  14. Tinsley Mortimer
    Commented on this photo:

    i think she looks good.

  15. Tinsley Mortimer
    Commented on this photo:

    nice pooper.

  16. Tinsley Mortimer
    Commented on this photo:

    hmmm, side butt.

  17. JesseJimmy

    At least she hangs out with a classy guy. Jean shorts? Really? Rural Alabama called, it want its shorts back.

  18. Tinsley Mortimer
    Commented on this photo:

    youd think a direct descendant of a founding father wouldnt look so trashy

  19. Tinsley Mortimer
    Commented on this photo:


  20. Great another rich bitch with no tits who no ones heard of who has her reality show. Cept shes twice the age of being worth a second take. No offense but fuck off

  21. JD

    “Socialite” must mean ugly broad with no tits who’s famous for nothing in particular but her indiscriminate whoring.”

    See also: Paris Hilton

  22. Drew

    Going to have to go with Jones’ comment on picture 10…

    “No thanks. There are much better chicks that would never fuck me to stare at”

  23. Tinsley Mortimer
    Commented on this photo:

    Doesn’t she realize that she needs to choose a less attractive partner for her sex tape? This assuming she’s smart enough to realize the only thing socialites are good for these days.

  24. kimmykimkim

    Christ, why did u have to post this?! I’m not into 14 year old Korean boys!

  25. LOL @seeing tinsley on the superficial

    it’s going to be hard to believe but in the new york socialite world (which i weirdly follow) this girl was more famous than paris hilton… that has been over for 2 years now. she divorced her oil barren husband and for the first time this ‘world’ was shown kinda on her failed reality show (hijacked by jules kirby). she was the most paris hilton-wannabe of that world and now they hate her.

    absolutely sure her publicist sent these in since they are constantly trying to get her the public recognition of the fame she has in new york but its never going to happen. also think she has been shown on here before standing next to another celebrity, dont remember who and i remember it being quietly major.

    tinz, hang it up. inbreeding. old world ‘small nosejobs are better’

    • LOL @seeing tinsley on the superficial

      if anyone here used to read the evil twin to the superficial (but for real socialites in new york) ‘socialite rank’ holla. tinsley was the paris of that version of socialitism.

  26. Because being Rough is ugy

    One thing I admire about those High Society bitches is their healthy obsession with keeping it lean….

  27. Tinsley Mortimer
    Funeral Guy
    Commented on this photo:

    Thomas Jefferson and Patrick Henry? With that pancake butt she looks more like Kesha’s slightly (but only slightly) better looking sister.

  28. Because being Rough is ugly

    “ugy” looks like i got a new moniker…

  29. dave

    big deal….no boobs or ass

  30. Tinsley Mortimer
    Commented on this photo:

    LOVE that bathing suit, so cute! she has a nice body too. don’t know anything about her though.

  31. Mercy… if you look closely at the hair on the back of her head, you can almost see the binder clips they’re using to keep her face pulled that tight.

  32. cc

    ‘she’s a direct descendant of both Thomas Jefferson and Patrick Henry who’d probably walk into a cannon blast if they knew their bloodlines culminated in a “socialite.” ‘

    That might be the funniest thing you’ve ever written.

    Anyway, it wouldn’t take long to find a better specimen than this on a Florida beach.

  33. cc

    BTW can these fuckin’ hipsters or whatever they think they cool it with the tattoos. Unless you are an organized crime enforcer, a biker, or a member of an elite military unit, you like a douchebag with all those tattoos.

  34. Dancing Nancies

    A sniff of money and a person becomes famous. She has a great body for a 40 year old (I know she’s 34).

  35. Tinsley Mortimer
    Commented on this photo:

    Finally someone thin :D

  36. wim

    every girl who is just out of puberty is slim.

  37. Tinsley Mortimer
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh Look, its the original “man-hands” from Seinfeld.

  38. Tinsley Mortimer
    Commented on this photo:

    Shes a 45 year old hag trying too hard. Thats pretty much all you need to know.

  39. Tinsley Mortimer
    Commented on this photo:

    Wheres the shot of her grandkids?

  40. Tinsley Mortimer
    Commented on this photo:

    i want to tell her how her ass taste

  41. Tinsley Mortimer
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s worth millions and she hangs out with a dude in homemade jorts?

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