“And so science theorizes that this Higgs boson particle- you know what this is getting way too complicated. Just touch their breasts, son. Ol’ Joe won’t steer you wrong.”
With God preoccupied exacting His revenge on Tom Brady for publicly humiliating his second begotten Son, Satan was able to score a touchdown of his own this weekend by hurling Tim Tebow deep into the sinful vaginas of Katy Perry and Maria Menounos thus proving his evil powers are clearly enhanced by Barack Obama being president. It’s pretty obvious. Anyway, at two separate events, Katy Perry dedicated a song to Tim, joked that her parents say “Hi,” and had giant breasts, so that’s a pretty open and shut case. However, now that he has a taste for human breast, Page Six reports that Maria Menounos may have also gazed upon his holy sceptre and received the true blessing of the Lord:
While Tebow politely chatted with many of the girls, one source told us that “he only seemed to have eyes” for brunette beauty Menounos, who was spotted “chatting to Tebow for over an hour. It looked quite flirtatious. They were taking pictures Tebowing together.” The two, along with a big group of friends, were the last to leave well after 2 a.m.
Then again, all of this sounds vaguely familiar:
Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down. For it is written:
“‘He will command his angels concerning you,
and they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’”
Jesus answered him, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’”
Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. “All this I will give you,” he said, “if you will bow down and worship me.”
Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.’”
“Although, I’m not gonna lie,” Jesus added. “Had you waved a giant pair of titties in my face I probably would’ve went for it. Maybe next time when I come back as a quarterback for the Broncos.”
And so Jesus and the devil returned to Galilee for milkshakes, agreeing that next time, more titties. For so it was written.
Photo: Getty, INFdaily, Splash News
Timmy would not could not hump a goat!
I’m sick of hearing about this cunted fuckstick.
Me too! I was hoping that once he booted from the playoffs he’d quietly go away and genuflect somewhere obscure.
Also, he didn’t bang either of these chicks. He’s waiting for an evangelical Christian girl who’s perfected her ‘blowjobs only until marriage’ shtick.
The blonde has that “I feel compelled to fellate the NFL quarterback” face on.
Did Maria Menounos steal Resse Witherspoon’s chin? Ick.
So that’s “Tebow”.
He looks like a lunkhead. I’ll take Ol’ Joe over that any day of the week.
Righteous indignation by the conservative Christians who inexplicably read this blog in 3…2…1….
Below at 12:49. Good call, sir.
hahahahahahahahahaha, how on earth he can be?
…………..BECAUSE I AM ALREADY, folks.
Tebow rules…also he not susceptible to temptations of man, as it was written he was delivered to us from the lord our father to restore the Lombardi trophy to it’s rightful place sitting a mile high.
Amen.
Well, he might not be susceptible to temptations of man, but from what I understand, he is susceptible to a man’s dick up his sphincter.
Righteous indignation by the conservative Christians who inexplicably read this blog in 3…2…1….
make the same comment about a Muslim. Gutless turd.
He might make the same comment about a Muslim, if this post had anything to do with a Muslim.
Fucking humorless Christians, proving him right…….
I wonder if he’ll “Tebow” after he scores some poon.
“So you want to keep the pantyhose tight against your toes as you roll them up, or else it’ll bunch up around your feet.”
The Sarah Palin of football.
At least he some ability/skills, as opposed to SP.
Maria was hot 10 years ago. Those giant boobs have been heading south.
Enough with the Tebow stuff. We get it, he’s an evangelical Christian and you’re not.
Spare your wrath for dolts who actually do something stupid, like Kim Kardashian.
And frankly, while I think he’s a bit self-righteous about the world and his “Tebowing” is annoying, at least he seems like a decent enough guy, and hasn’t killled/beaten/abused somebody, which seems to be fairly common in the NFL.
Besides, we all know that Tim is saving himself until Colorado passes a law allowing civil unions.
I’m with you, Juano. He seems lieka decent guy who’s not trying to hurt anybody. He just happens to be public about this faith. Why is it even a big deal?
*like a
Why does Katy feel she has to color her hair with oddball colors? Honestly, I could care less because the funbags get my attention. But doesn’t hair fall out after using so many chemicals?
When will America realize that fat, smelly leftist fucks admire thieves, drug addits and rapist more so than those that stand by their faith? Why you ask. Because people like Tebow make these worthless sacks of leftist shit feel bad about themselves. The Tebows of the world makes these fucks realize that they are awful, fucked, sorry excuses for human beings.
They idolize the rapist and child molestors because they make these leftist tools feel good about themselves.
Feel better now? Or does your life still suck?
Hey leftistarescum (aka ‘dolf)
I’m pretty liberal and I don’t admire thieves, drug addicts and rapists and I’m pretty sure most rational people, liberal or conservative don’t. The ones who admire that sort of person seem to be more in the “right wing” camp in my experience, as in the “get the guv’m'nt out of my trailer right now or I’ll pull out this AK-47 I got in th’frigerator.”
Oh, wait, that would be YOU, jackass!
Sacrilicious, Fish. Very nice.
is that rosie o’donnell on the left, or is it vishnu?
It actually is Rosie, and Jenny… took me a second
I figured he was going to keep his virginity until the right man came along. Well that or until Jerry Sandusky visits Denver.
I heard Tim is a homosexual.
Just what’s been going around, for a very long time.
Not that it’s wrong being gay, but for God’s sake Tim, stop going around telling the World that he doesn’t do women because he is saving himself.
A bit too blasphemous today, Fish. And yet I can’t stop reading all those Tila posts. They’re just too funny.
Seriously, Katy Perry is ugly and shallow.
fuck all you bitches and especially the fat horny fuck who wrote this peace. why cant anyone give the guy some peace. you fuck heads say your tired of hearing about him and yet you cant stop talking about him. just stay the fuck out of his life and leave him the fuck alone you stupid pieces of shit
*can’t
*you’re
*piece (the first one)
*fuckheads (one word, not two)
Also, how about a capital letter at the start of a sentence?
Finally…I count five fucks and a couple other cusses in there. Surely Tebow would not approve.
Oh, well, if we’re talking multiple instances, let me throw in one more “can’t” and a fuckload of commas, as well as period to end the last incoherency. I mean, sentence.
And if Fish is a de facto “fat horny fuck” for writing this “peace”, what the hell does that make ol’ colt for lurking around here the site? Aside from a rabid, frothing-at-the-mouth illiterate fuckwit, that is.
*piece
“What the—? I thought I took a picture of Tim Tebow with a little Asian kid, but now there’s only the Asian kid in the picture.”
Rosie O’Donnell and Jenny McCarthy have a radio show now? I don’t know…if they drove around the country solving crimes, with Rosie making wisecracks and Jenny seducing the hicks for information, now THAT might make for good television.
Jenny McCarthy?
Still having doubts on his sexuality?
Damn he’s HOT!