Tim Tebow Banged Katy Perry or Maria Menounos. Possibly Both If He Truly Is The Messiah.

February 6th, 2012 // 43 Comments
So It Was True
Tim Tebow
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“And so science theorizes that this Higgs boson particle- you know what this is getting way too complicated. Just touch their breasts, son. Ol’ Joe won’t steer you wrong.”

With God preoccupied exacting His revenge on Tom Brady for publicly humiliating his second begotten Son, Satan was able to score a touchdown of his own this weekend by hurling Tim Tebow deep into the sinful vaginas of Katy Perry and Maria Menounos thus proving his evil powers are clearly enhanced by Barack Obama being president. It’s pretty obvious. Anyway, at two separate events, Katy Perry dedicated a song to Tim, joked that her parents say “Hi,” and had giant breasts, so that’s a pretty open and shut case. However, now that he has a taste for human breast, Page Six reports that Maria Menounos may have also gazed upon his holy sceptre and received the true blessing of the Lord:

While Tebow politely chatted with many of the girls, one source told us that “he only seemed to have eyes” for brunette beauty Menounos, who was spotted “chatting to Tebow for over an hour. It looked quite flirtatious. They were taking pictures Tebowing together.” The two, along with a big group of friends, were the last to leave well after 2 a.m.

Then again, all of this sounds vaguely familiar:

Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down. For it is written:
“‘He will command his angels concerning you,
and they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’”
Jesus answered him, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’”
Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. “All this I will give you,” he said, “if you will bow down and worship me.”
Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.’”

“Although, I’m not gonna lie,” Jesus added. “Had you waved a giant pair of titties in my face I probably would’ve went for it. Maybe next time when I come back as a quarterback for the Broncos.”
And so Jesus and the devil returned to Galilee for milkshakes, agreeing that next time, more titties. For so it was written.

Photo: Getty, INFdaily, Splash News

superficial

  1. FattyFatty2X4

    Timmy would not could not hump a goat!

  2. joski

    I’m sick of hearing about this cunted fuckstick.

    • cc

      Me too! I was hoping that once he booted from the playoffs he’d quietly go away and genuflect somewhere obscure.

      Also, he didn’t bang either of these chicks. He’s waiting for an evangelical Christian girl who’s perfected her ‘blowjobs only until marriage’ shtick.

  3. Tim Tebow Super Bowl
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    The blonde has that “I feel compelled to fellate the NFL quarterback” face on.

  4. jumpin_j

    Did Maria Menounos steal Resse Witherspoon’s chin? Ick.

  5. Cock Dr

    So that’s “Tebow”.
    He looks like a lunkhead. I’ll take Ol’ Joe over that any day of the week.

  6. JC

    Righteous indignation by the conservative Christians who inexplicably read this blog in 3…2…1….

  7. forrest gump

    hahahahahahahahahaha, how on earth he can be?
    …………..BECAUSE I AM ALREADY, folks.

  8. Tebow rules…also he not susceptible to temptations of man, as it was written he was delivered to us from the lord our father to restore the Lombardi trophy to it’s rightful place sitting a mile high.

    Amen.

    • Do_Freebird

      Well, he might not be susceptible to temptations of man, but from what I understand, he is susceptible to a man’s dick up his sphincter.

  9. rpg

    Righteous indignation by the conservative Christians who inexplicably read this blog in 3…2…1….

    make the same comment about a Muslim. Gutless turd.

    • JPC

      He might make the same comment about a Muslim, if this post had anything to do with a Muslim.

      Fucking humorless Christians, proving him right…….

  10. The Royal Penis

    I wonder if he’ll “Tebow” after he scores some poon.

  11. Tim Tebow Super Bowl
    Commented on this photo:

    “So you want to keep the pantyhose tight against your toes as you roll them up, or else it’ll bunch up around your feet.”

  12. Juaquin ingles

    The Sarah Palin of football.

  13. Drundel

    Maria was hot 10 years ago. Those giant boobs have been heading south.

  14. Juano

    Enough with the Tebow stuff. We get it, he’s an evangelical Christian and you’re not.

    Spare your wrath for dolts who actually do something stupid, like Kim Kardashian.

    And frankly, while I think he’s a bit self-righteous about the world and his “Tebowing” is annoying, at least he seems like a decent enough guy, and hasn’t killled/beaten/abused somebody, which seems to be fairly common in the NFL.

  15. Why does Katy feel she has to color her hair with oddball colors? Honestly, I could care less because the funbags get my attention. But doesn’t hair fall out after using so many chemicals?

  16. leftistarescum

    When will America realize that fat, smelly leftist fucks admire thieves, drug addits and rapist more so than those that stand by their faith? Why you ask. Because people like Tebow make these worthless sacks of leftist shit feel bad about themselves. The Tebows of the world makes these fucks realize that they are awful, fucked, sorry excuses for human beings.

    They idolize the rapist and child molestors because they make these leftist tools feel good about themselves.

    • The Royal Penis

      Feel better now? Or does your life still suck?

    • Juano

      Hey leftistarescum (aka ‘dolf)

      I’m pretty liberal and I don’t admire thieves, drug addicts and rapists and I’m pretty sure most rational people, liberal or conservative don’t. The ones who admire that sort of person seem to be more in the “right wing” camp in my experience, as in the “get the guv’m'nt out of my trailer right now or I’ll pull out this AK-47 I got in th’frigerator.”

      Oh, wait, that would be YOU, jackass!

  17. Sacrilicious, Fish. Very nice.

  18. Tim Tebow Super Bowl
    verga
    Commented on this photo:

    is that rosie o’donnell on the left, or is it vishnu?

  19. Do_Freebird

    I figured he was going to keep his virginity until the right man came along. Well that or until Jerry Sandusky visits Denver.

  20. I heard Tim is a homosexual.
    Just what’s been going around, for a very long time.

    Not that it’s wrong being gay, but for God’s sake Tim, stop going around telling the World that he doesn’t do women because he is saving himself.

  21. D-chi

    A bit too blasphemous today, Fish. And yet I can’t stop reading all those Tila posts. They’re just too funny.

  22. tom

    Seriously, Katy Perry is ugly and shallow.

  23. colt mccoy

    fuck all you bitches and especially the fat horny fuck who wrote this peace. why cant anyone give the guy some peace. you fuck heads say your tired of hearing about him and yet you cant stop talking about him. just stay the fuck out of his life and leave him the fuck alone you stupid pieces of shit

    • *can’t
      *you’re

      • *piece (the first one)
        *fuckheads (one word, not two)
        Also, how about a capital letter at the start of a sentence?
        Finally…I count five fucks and a couple other cusses in there. Surely Tebow would not approve.

    • Oh, well, if we’re talking multiple instances, let me throw in one more “can’t” and a fuckload of commas, as well as period to end the last incoherency. I mean, sentence.

      And if Fish is a de facto “fat horny fuck” for writing this “peace”, what the hell does that make ol’ colt for lurking around here the site? Aside from a rabid, frothing-at-the-mouth illiterate fuckwit, that is.

  24. colt mccoy

    *piece

  25. Tim Tebow Super Bowl
    Commented on this photo:

    “What the—? I thought I took a picture of Tim Tebow with a little Asian kid, but now there’s only the Asian kid in the picture.”

  26. Tim Tebow Super Bowl
    Commented on this photo:

    Rosie O’Donnell and Jenny McCarthy have a radio show now? I don’t know…if they drove around the country solving crimes, with Rosie making wisecracks and Jenny seducing the hicks for information, now THAT might make for good television.

  27. Tim Tebow Super Bowl
    JANE
    Commented on this photo:

    Jenny McCarthy?

  28. XYZ

    Still having doubts on his sexuality?

  29. Tim Tebow Super Bowl
    Donald Trump
    Commented on this photo:

    Damn he’s HOT!

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