Tila Tequila punts Shawne Merriman’s excuse (Football + Domestic Violence = COMEDY!)

September 9th, 2009 // 24 Comments

Tila Tequila’s lawyers have fired back at Shawne Merriman’s claims that he didn’t choke the miniature stripper but instead merely prevented her from driving home drunk. Presumably in a Hot Wheels car. TMZ reports:

Shawne Merriman and his advisors have decided that the best defense is a good offense, attacking Tila Tequila in the press with a lot of calculated spin to cover up his illegal and indefensible actions.
Fortunately, we as a society will not tolerate a 6’4″, 270 pound all-pro NFL linebacker physically assaulting a young lady who is 4’11″ and 93 pounds. It is never justifiable to brutally assault, choke, strike and imprison a woman.
Once the truth is fully revealed, Mr. Merriman’s fantastic story of how he was trying to keep Ms. Tequila safe will be completely discredited.
No one, especially a woman, should ever have to endure what Mr. Merriman did to Tila Tequila.

Tila’s claiming Shawne was ‘roid raging. Shawne’s claiming Tila was drunk. So somewhere in the middle is the truth. Or a magic unicorn that hands out condoms because Tila Tequila is an elf and likes to fuck a lot.

Photo: WENN

  1. cc

    I still think the courts should punish him for not finishing the job. Shit, I will open a trust fund for his legal defense. Oh and ‘FIRST’

  2. Carrie Ann

    Match box car, weeeeeeeeeeeeee little hooker.

  3. Twitter twatter

    Has she twittered about it yet? If not, I don’t believe it really happened. She twits for a living!

  4. Aunt Jemima

    ..who is 4’11″ and 93 pounds, 115 pounds when full of semen.

  5. Max Planck


  6. David

    If he “brutally assault[ed]” anyone they would be dead! She didn’t even have any visible injuries! Why didn’t the lawyer comment on how the staff at the club saw her drinking even though she claims she can’t even drink! There were other people at the apartment right? I hope he sues her for defamation.

  7. Oliver Chester The Molester Lester

    Wow, I never thought she would use domestic violence to her advantage.

  8. Hugh Jorgan

    As if anyone would ever get fighting mad over a skank such as Tila. Last I heard there was no bruising or an other signs of a struggle I’m thinking Ms. Tequila is looking to get paid. Anyone remember Kobe Bryant bufu-ing that chambermaid in Denver. The maid got paid and mama Bryant got a giant diamond. Legalized prostitution is what that is called.

  9. Roger

    Young Lady? Sorry, that’s a fucking useless whore.

  10. F*ckRandal

    I had this whole witty comment lined up…then I thought to myself…4’11” asian doing a 6’4” NFL linebacker (I would mention he is black, but I did say NFL linebacker)…he has to be hitting a kidney or a lung…

  11. Cash

    Wait a sec… Tmz, a company that made a business out of invading the privacy of others, wants to make a moral distinction on a story about a girl who publicly faked her relationship status for two years just to make a quick buck and earn her 15 minutes?

    Fuck, I think reality just imploded into itself.

  12. he should have finished the job

  13. Martina

    I would hope that this is all documented on their sex tape?

  14. It’s a HUGE story in San Diego and makes for a sad comment on our culture when everyone blames the woman immediately when a professional athlete(even one with a checkered past) is involved.

  15. arealcad

    Merriman has probably assaulted that ass until it gaped wider than the entrance to Carlsbad Cavern.

  16. fifteen minutes

    I can just see the judge in the courtroom asking her questions, “So, Ms. Tequila…..” And then Pee Wee Herman dances into the courtroom to that song. Oh, whats that song called. Oh yeah. TEQUILA!!!!

  17. SJM

    The little skank needed to boost her PR quotient – she’s quickly sliding off into obscurity. There is one hilarious fact ignored by the media. He was arrested on a citizens arrest warant signed by her. Now, the police had responded to a domestic violence call, which will usually result in the automatic arrest of the Male. However, when the police arrived, they saw absolutely no evidence of a crime and refused to arrest him. Being a TV personality, she fell back on that old movie cliche – the citizens arrest. Unfortunately for her, that leaves her completely open to a false arrest lawsuit.

  18. BrandiLye

    These girls are gonna look back at their wild years with some horror. WHAT is the meaning of those tacky outfits? Why…..though this is the best I’ve seen her look. Go JLo!

  19. carmen

    She would like to expose is not meat, is a lonely
    brother sent is not the comments , is lonely^^^^
    Obviously, she is deliberate,if we turning a blind eye to it

    ,she must angry,and yourself

    Bad good place ……Sugarloves.Com ……

    A place someone who can treat you as a king or who can spoil you like a queen, this is the great place. It’s dedicated for those sugar daddies who are rich and successful to support and pamper women who will treat you like a king and for sugar babies who are attractive and young to seek a generous benefactor to mentor and take care of you.

  20. Rhialto

    In a domestic violence case between man and woman it’s most at the time the man who pulls the short straw.And aside of all the other things,that’s a good reason as well to be extra careful.

  21. Jerry

    I don’t even understand what the hype was with her in the first place. No talent midget with her PR goind down hill after all her so call myspace friends got a life and didn’t care a shit about her anymore. Hell, I’m asian and I still don’t understand what the hype is with her other then maybe a good fuck tossing her around and thats about it. Sorry I ment when she first hit the scene now that midget is as looses as ever trying to get fame.

  22. Duke Steele

    Awww,isn’t that cute. Such a nice young girl flashing for the cameras. How sweet.

  23. peter

    some kill this Domestic violence abusing whore! Worthless piece of shit!Hang with dirty hip hop shit and get what you deserve anyway.

  24. Dude

    Why would anyone believe this pin-cushion of a woman, when all she does is seek attention and dick, or pussy. It really doesn’t matter to this nasty cunt!

    Personally, I wouldn’t want to get within crab-jumping distance os this skank in the first place, let alone touch, or do anything intimate with this whore-bag, dick-licking, K-9, Dog-ass, bow-wow, bitch!

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