Tila Tequila’s bodyguard throws her under the short bus. Because she’s tiny. Also, retarded.

The Superficial / February 4, 2010

The Bodyguard Group is a 43-year-old celebrity bodyguard service dedicated to providing jobs for combat vets. It has never once revealed information about any of its client which include the Hilton family, David Katzenberg, Bijou Phillips, Jon Voight, Jack Nicholson, Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Alba, Keanu Reeves, Eva Longoria and Conan O’ Brien. Then they started working for Tila Tequila.

Thanks to being sucked into the vortex of an insane dwarf hellbent on splattering the world with its crazy like a monkey tossing its feces, but with less dignity, The Bodyguard Group was forced to issue a lengthy press release defending its credibility after Tila decided to name its employees as the father of her imaginary baby and continue to alert the paparazzi to her every move to stage embarrassing photo ops. This puppy reads as basically every thing you’ve ever suspected about Tila coupled with the non-surprising fact that these poor bastards went through war zones and still couldn’t tolerate her shit. How they didn’t eventually open fire will baffle me until the day I die.

The Bodyguard Group Official Press Release

For 43 years our Company The Bodyguard Group has never given an interview about any current or former client or written a letter such as in this instance, this is our first and ONLY press release, in fact 99% of our members work has NEVER been posted on our web site.

However, at this juncture we felt it necessary to set the record straight about our dealings with Tila Tequila and her comments about us and the Hilton family and other Celebrities for the following reasons:

Tila has serious self medication & emotional problems that we pray that she can get professional treatment and help with. The Bodyguard Group has tried a brief intervention with her once but failed to get through to her.

As Combat Veterans we have seen our friends tragically die in combat before their time; Therefore we have a very high respect for life and for this reason we truly pray Tila can get help before it is too late.

Although we felt and still do feel very sorry for her, when we saw the types of self medication she was taking and many other things we cannot talk about in this press release, we decided could we could NOT perform any work for her, but we did try and help by explaining to her she was going to overdose and die much too young like Heath, Anna, River and so many others who tragically died before their time, unless she changed her current self-medicating practices.

When Tila told us she was broke and could not pay us, we gave her our services for free, we even arranged to take her to a high end jewelry & watch Pawn Shop so she could sell her extra rings and watches, to raise money for her family. We were deeply saddened to learn from the owner & head jeweler that her rings were not diamonds.

She gave our company her word, no press, no paparazzi while we were there to give her a ride, she lied to us and had the paparazzi waiting for us when we walked out.

We do not ever accept being lied to by a client, even if we are not getting paid, so that ended our relationship with Tila Tequila.

We were NEVER aware of Tila tweeting negative things about The Hiltons and other Celebrities, until yesterday, that is why we are releasing this information today.

The father of Tila’s baby

We deny that our owner or any member of The Bodyguard Group is the father of Tila’s baby, Tila told us the father of her baby is her high school sweetheart, a U.S. Army Combat Veteran, who served in Afghanistan and now lives in Texas.

As for what Tila said that we said about Paris Hilton, Nikki Hilton, David Katzenberg, Bijou Phillips and several other Celebrities:

The Hiltons have ALWAYS treated The Bodyguard Group members with 100% respect, every word Tila alleges that we have said about the Hilton’s is 100% FALSE, Tila Tequila has been tweeting and saying we said negative things about Paris & Nikki Hilton, David Katzenberg, Bijou Phillips and several other Celebrities.

We have NEVER said anything negative about Paris, Nikki or anyone else that our group has ever protected, met or known period.

The fact is Paris Hilton, Nikki Hilton, the Hilton family, David Katzenberg, Bijou Phillips, Jon Voight, Jack Nicholson, Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Alba, Keanu Reeves, Eva Longoria, Conan O’ Brien and hundreds of other Celebrities we have had any contact with have ALL been OUTSTANDING supporters of the U.S. Combat Veteran members of The Bodyguard Group and we are grateful for their support.

All of these celebrities and more have been kind enough to have taken photos with our U.S. Veteran members of The Bodyguard Group and have always treated our U.S. Veteran members extremely well, We will never forget your acts of kindness towards our members and friends.

Photos: WENN