Tila Tequila’s bodyguard throws her under the short bus. Because she’s tiny. Also, retarded.

February 4th, 2010 // 126 Comments

The Bodyguard Group is a 43-year-old celebrity bodyguard service dedicated to providing jobs for combat vets. It has never once revealed information about any of its client which include the Hilton family, David Katzenberg, Bijou Phillips, Jon Voight, Jack Nicholson, Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Alba, Keanu Reeves, Eva Longoria and Conan O’ Brien. Then they started working for Tila Tequila.

Thanks to being sucked into the vortex of an insane dwarf hellbent on splattering the world with its crazy like a monkey tossing its feces, but with less dignity, The Bodyguard Group was forced to issue a lengthy press release defending its credibility after Tila decided to name its employees as the father of her imaginary baby and continue to alert the paparazzi to her every move to stage embarrassing photo ops. This puppy reads as basically every thing you’ve ever suspected about Tila coupled with the non-surprising fact that these poor bastards went through war zones and still couldn’t tolerate her shit. How they didn’t eventually open fire will baffle me until the day I die.

The Bodyguard Group Official Press Release

For 43 years our Company The Bodyguard Group has never given an interview about any current or former client or written a letter such as in this instance, this is our first and ONLY press release, in fact 99% of our members work has NEVER been posted on our web site.

However, at this juncture we felt it necessary to set the record straight about our dealings with Tila Tequila and her comments about us and the Hilton family and other Celebrities for the following reasons:

Tila has serious self medication & emotional problems that we pray that she can get professional treatment and help with. The Bodyguard Group has tried a brief intervention with her once but failed to get through to her.

As Combat Veterans we have seen our friends tragically die in combat before their time; Therefore we have a very high respect for life and for this reason we truly pray Tila can get help before it is too late.

Although we felt and still do feel very sorry for her, when we saw the types of self medication she was taking and many other things we cannot talk about in this press release, we decided could we could NOT perform any work for her, but we did try and help by explaining to her she was going to overdose and die much too young like Heath, Anna, River and so many others who tragically died before their time, unless she changed her current self-medicating practices.

When Tila told us she was broke and could not pay us, we gave her our services for free, we even arranged to take her to a high end jewelry & watch Pawn Shop so she could sell her extra rings and watches, to raise money for her family. We were deeply saddened to learn from the owner & head jeweler that her rings were not diamonds.

She gave our company her word, no press, no paparazzi while we were there to give her a ride, she lied to us and had the paparazzi waiting for us when we walked out.

We do not ever accept being lied to by a client, even if we are not getting paid, so that ended our relationship with Tila Tequila.

We were NEVER aware of Tila tweeting negative things about The Hiltons and other Celebrities, until yesterday, that is why we are releasing this information today.

The father of Tila’s baby

We deny that our owner or any member of The Bodyguard Group is the father of Tila’s baby, Tila told us the father of her baby is her high school sweetheart, a U.S. Army Combat Veteran, who served in Afghanistan and now lives in Texas.

As for what Tila said that we said about Paris Hilton, Nikki Hilton, David Katzenberg, Bijou Phillips and several other Celebrities:

The Hiltons have ALWAYS treated The Bodyguard Group members with 100% respect, every word Tila alleges that we have said about the Hilton’s is 100% FALSE, Tila Tequila has been tweeting and saying we said negative things about Paris & Nikki Hilton, David Katzenberg, Bijou Phillips and several other Celebrities.

We have NEVER said anything negative about Paris, Nikki or anyone else that our group has ever protected, met or known period.

The fact is Paris Hilton, Nikki Hilton, the Hilton family, David Katzenberg, Bijou Phillips, Jon Voight, Jack Nicholson, Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Alba, Keanu Reeves, Eva Longoria, Conan O’ Brien and hundreds of other Celebrities we have had any contact with have ALL been OUTSTANDING supporters of the U.S. Combat Veteran members of The Bodyguard Group and we are grateful for their support.

All of these celebrities and more have been kind enough to have taken photos with our U.S. Veteran members of The Bodyguard Group and have always treated our U.S. Veteran members extremely well, We will never forget your acts of kindness towards our members and friends.

Photos: WENN
superficial

  1. d

    This PR seems fake. It’s written horribly.

    • The Truth

      It IS fake. The so-called bodyguard group is a fake online presence run by Kristian Herzog. He failed at creating a real life for himself and joined the imposter business many years ago.
      Kristian Herzog has no military background whatsoever, worked as an Apartment Manager for many years on Catalina Island, where he grew up and rumors on the island still have it that he killed his grandmother as a young adult.
      He left Catalina Island when he was fired from his job and learned that the local Sheriff had a warrant on him.
      He then applied for another apartment manager position with a San Diego-based company and was hired after appearing for the interview in military gear claiming that he just returned from combat it Iraq.
      He then went to jail and is now at it again… This person is one big lie.

  2. sdfsdfds

    And this has NOTHING to do with Jay-Z secretly using his connections to destroy Tila for insulting his girl Rihanna?

  3. Hennifer Lopez

    uhhhh FUCK TILA

  4. Aaron

    Tila can’t overdose too soon.

  5. Tucker Jay

    WAIT…Someone push her down some stairs or something……..

  6. Lola Bear

    I honestly feel bad for her. She definitely has some addictions and mental issues and is NOT well at all. I feel that she is a sweet innocent girl and is just trapped inside that hollywood whirlwind. poor thing, I hope she can get some help

  7. Area Man

    While I agree this Tila person seems like a complete and utter attention-whore moron, this press release appears to have been written by someone who was self-medicated. Perhaps working with Tila brings that on.

  8. Deanna

    she seriously has mental problems… yeesh

  9. helirdt

    Maybe it is time to stop paying attention to people who really have contributed nothing to society as a whole and just let them pass into the obscurity that the rest of us know as reality. I know some of the reality TV stars out there have at some time or another contributed to worthy causes and added to the quality of the lives of strangers. But on the other hand some people have been handed fame for nothing and notoriety for the most absurd reasons. Its time to turn these people back to the holes they crawled out of and remove the social soapbox we have placed under them.

  10. ugh

    #4 agreed. Seriously when this bitch dies (which I hope is soon) I can not WAIT to see the jubliant post the superficial puts up that day.

  11. whatever

    I’ve looked at that site and I can’t find this press release anywhere on it. Unless I get a direct link I’m going to have to agree with others that have expressed reservations about the validity on this so provide it.

    In terms of Tequila, I only came into all this on the death of Johnson and while I don’t agree with some of her irresponsible bullshit like claims about adopting Haitian orphans or making ridiculous recording deal promises, I by and large find her pretty entertaining. She’s no worse than any of the other gazillion wannabes out there and I find it pretty interesting that people are so quick to categorise all of them as being in some kind of worthy or unworthy camp and determining that opinion based, clearly, entirely on whoever’s spin they’re prepared to wholesale swallow.

    It seems to me there are those who genuinely believe the likes of Hilton et al have somehow more “integrity” or “believability” simply because they have bigger and better PR machines. That doesn’t make them better people to me at all – just simply wealthier and more able to play the game. Also, while it may be true that Tequila is in need of medication or some kind of intervention, “press releases” like this are, in fact, pretty inflammatory and highly questionable ethically, too. If they were so concerned with her mental well-being, there are plenty of authorities they could turn too and many of them more than capable of being able to deal with the situation. That they would choose, instead, to make a press release that pretty much consists of 90% pure subjective opinion and much of it smacking of axe-grinding to boot, makes me believe they are, in fact, simply trying to suck up to other or prospective clients. In short, I don’t fucking believe any of them. Not her, not them and, again, if you’re going to produce these sorts of humdingers of an information release, you need to provide a correct link to it so I don’t believe you either.

  12. HLM

    #9: Agreed…100%

    This press release does seem poorly written…Definitely NOT by a PR person or lawyer. Saying someone is “broke” is not a professional statement by any means. All the same…Tila will do whatever it takes to keep her name in the media. Take that for what it’s worth.

    P.S: Where can I see what she is claiming this group told her about Paris Hilton??

  13. i think this implies that the bodyguard group is TEAM CONAN

  14. glace neuf

    poorly written press release = fake? not sure about that one, though the stuff said about tila definitely makes sense. that being said, i’d hit it.

  15. Fribble

    Tila Tequila died today after being run over by a Yugo.
    Oh, wait… that was a toad. Hard to tell them apart.

  16. PK

    #9.. Hate to burst ur bubble but this site you visit IS a part of the soapbox these people stand on. Not saying its a bad site.. just saying that if thats what you believe then you should probably remove the superficial from your bookmarks lol.

  17. Doc Schweinstrudel

    she is disgusting!!! One of the worst ever!!!

  18. poop

    Tila looks like an alien. She is perhaps one of the ugliest human beings that I have ever seen – inside and out.

  19. Chris

    I’m not sure I buy this statement as real either. If it is real, it is horribly unprofessional and would make me question using this company.

  20. Bret

    Best headline ever, thanks for the laugh.

  21. Doc Schweinstrudel

    #11 Ladies and Gentlemen, we got ourselves a Tila T fan

  22. Did the Rahm Emanuel fiasco teach you nothing?!? For shame, for shame, Mr. Superficial Writer. Using the R-word. Especially when “a fucking moron” would have substituted just as well.

  23. BullShit

    This press release is complete bull shit. The website of this “Bodyguard Group” looks like it was created by a 10 year old. Too many star fuckers in this post!

  24. Juju

    I hope this wasn’t written by a real company, because the author sounds like a moron. No company with an ounce of credibility or professionalism releases a report like this, even if every single allegation is true. Even if Tila Tequila is judged by everyone to be utterly insignificant in the hierarchy of celebrities, a company providing services to celebrities just wouldn’t risk their reputation by publicizing allegations of such an intensely personal and inflammatory nature.

  25. Tila is always after me Lucky Charms, part of this complete breakfast.

    I hope she has a uterus explosion and little plastic soldiers and Hot Wheels cars come flying out.

    The end.

  26. Rough--Ten E-steps ahead

    Another thing they couldve done was address her by her real name….

    Just send her to my basement. I have some fresh knots for her to get into…

  27. jet

    What happened to the writer? This new stuff isn’t good. Not good at all, not readable, not funny –

    Where did you go funny Mr. Superficial?

  28. whatever

    @Doc Schweinstrudel

    Gee, you really want attention from me, huh? So cute <3

  29. Dom

    Which serious company would go into private matters like Tila’s diamonds being fake. That is a total low and contradicts their overall point. Either the person who wrote that is a moron or the whole message is fake.
    Tila’s a moron too.

  30. I am Ms Tila’s official bodyguard and I hereby attest her nether parts smell like feesh and she queefs like a drunken longshoreman. Professionalism be damned!

  31. McFeely Smackup

    Hey superficial writer guy, next time you put someone in the crosshairs for being stupid, think back to the time you got hoaxed and bought it hook line and sinker.

    In case you missed it, that time was NOW.

  32. havoc

    Hopefully the guy in the purple shirt isn’t one of them…..

    .

  33. Jason

    Lesbianism/bisexuality and mental problems go together like hand in glove. When will this society realize that sexual deviancy is a symptom of mental illness?

  34. Pok

    #33. Poor Jason. Hates that the world is having more sex than him.

  35. Pol

    That press release is a mistake. I smell a decent lawsuit. Publically calling someone broke? Not good. if you have a dollar, you’re not broke.

  36. I agree with dr. so and so

    @11- Who gives a shit if the Hiltons have bigger pr machines. NODOBY is giving them more credit because of that, so where the fuck do you get off saying that? TILA TEQUILA IS FUCKING PSYCHOTIC. POINT BLANK AND NOTHING MORE. Take your nonsense to a fan site

  37. Accuracy

    Yeah, that press release doesn’t pass the sniff test.

    Half of Hollywood wears paste, yet these ‘professionals’ were “deeply saddened to learn from the owner & head jeweler that her rings were not diamonds”?

    Either the writer is not a high school graduate or Tila Tequila wrote this herself.

    Plus, no one ever works for free in this town.

  38. rob

    @33- That is actually true. Surprised to see someone that comments on this site say it.

  39. whatever

    @ I agree with dr. so and so
    Blah blah blah Ad hominem blah blah blah Ima troll troll troll blah blah blah. Bores me. Try harder.

  40. keithsg

    And low and behold….Tila’s Twitter is back…

  41. RJ

    Yeah it is poorly written and has portions that appear unprofessional, but…. have you looked at that website? Thats one of the saddest looking websites I’ve ever seen.

  42. jboy

    Chiuaua

  43. Bob

    I obviously have no proof, but I do not doubt it to be faked based solely on the fact it’s poorly written. I have dealt with someone from “The Bodyguard Group” before (who were formerly known as Police Bodyguard, FYI.)

    You’re not dealing with the absolute smartest people on the earth here. Take one look at their website. The guy I interacted with, by all means who seemed to be a decent fellow, wasn’t the brighest bulb. He wasn’t one of the bodyguards, either, he was someone directly involved with the owner.

    They constantly reiterate they’re ran by former military, etcetera, and seem to rely on some silly machismo to fuel their horribly amateur website. The press release could have easily been written by someone who works there. Well meaning people, patriots, etcetera, whatever…not the smartest people in the world, though.

  44. Bthatch

    Here’s the thing with people like Tila, if you stop paying attention they go away. because if no one cares then the paps wont come running when she tips them off. Unfollow her and stop caring. she will effectively go away and not have to die, however if that is not realistic she should take a long walk off a short cliff

  45. whatever

    @43. Bob
    I agree with you completely but there is still nowhere on the site that has this so-called “press release” so until I get that I’m calling bullshit.

  46. Reina

    Hahaha come on guys, don’t be so gullible. A -real- professional statement does not go on about their client having fake diamonds or mentioning they’re broke.

  47. I HATE her

    Just proves that whores come in all sizes. Can’t someone please off this legspread herpes-infected attention whorish slut already?

  48. Ripper Owens

    Who cares about this ugly talentless turd.

    BTW if that was my bodyguard I would give him a swift kick in the Cock for talking!

  49. Nameless

    This chick should literally be thrown under a bus preferrably one going 55mph.

    However, I don’t buy that she’s broke and needs to pawn her fake jewelry etc. This chick suck and f*ck her way into some real cash and bling.

  50. archphoenix

    I thought this was sketchy too till I went to the company website. It’s very poorly written. Also, their “professional” MySpace blog (http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=336201472&blogId=527906135):

    Hi Fellow Veterans, Supporters of Veterans, Celebrities, Celebrity fans and friends,

    What do you do with a crazy Celebrity client, who is spinning around the toilet about to go down the drain.

    You can work your whole life, day and night, 24/7, 365 to build something very important, a free job placement service & Bodyguard referral service for U.S. Veterans and then you meet a Mc~Nut~Job Celebrity who, on a whim, just for fun, tries to tare it all down and destroy 43 years of helping U.S. Veterans and hard work, just cus they feel like it.

    WTF do you do ?

    Do you go and hide, hoping they will go away ?

    ~or~

    Do you issue a National press release and defend yourself ?

    Not an easy choice, but I think we have chosen the best of both worlds, we call it defending ourselves with Truth and Honor.

    The Bodyguard Group
    http://www.TheBodyguardGroup.com

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