Tila Tequila needs to lay off the bronzer

June 19th, 2008 // 102 Comments

Ladies, you’re going to have to help me out on this one because I’m freakin’ clueless about this stuff: What the hell is going on with Tila Tequila’s tan? Either she went nuts with the bronzing gun, or someone left the E-Z Bake Oven open again. Which one is it? I know it’s not natural because I’ve read the Keebler Elves’ charter, and it strictly prohibits exposure to “the human’s harsh sun.” It’s called research, kids. The handiest tool in the blogger’s tool belt – not counting meth. Geekologist, fire up another batch! I’m starting to trust the government again.

Photos: Splash News
superficial

  1. HeidiHo

    Just when I thought the fuglies were done for the day

  2. nodo

    nasssty

  3. Kingofbeer

    haha she stained her hands. also that stuff smells like ass.

  4. kati

    god, that’s worse than paris hilton….

  5. veggi

    Every time I go to Chipotle the next day I see something that looks exactly like this poking a turtlehead out of the toilet water.

  6. Karmacidal

    She looks like one of those guidos…or whatever they call those orange guys with the spiky hair.

  7. Juliana

    Man that oriental elf bitch annoys the hell outta me. She thinks she’s a lesbian now. Fucking attention-seeking little midget.

  8. Auntie Kryst

    Awful tan because…

    1) she went nuts with the bronzing gun
    2) someone left the E-Z Bake Oven
    3) OR a third option…she showered in soy sauce

  9. Dane Cook

    I can’t think of anything funny to say …ever.

  10. Lara

    One must not let the mogwai near bright light, especially sunlight, which can kill the Mogwai; one must not get water on the mogwai; and, most importantly, one must never feed it after midnight.

  11. dude_on_a_wire

    @9 – hilarious

    I don’t get it with this skank. First of all aren’t all Asian whores are bi – what does that cost like $5 extra bucks? And secondly who the hell would be attracted to this itty bitty mousy child body hobbit other than a ped in Phuket?

  12. lulu

    LOL!!! THAT IS THE WOST TAN EVER!! LOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    She doesn’t need to tan anyway! Her skin is naturally bronze…

  13. Come-Honor-Face

    how the fuck could she think she looks good going out with that shit all over herself. Can someone please remind her she comes from Yellow people not Orange ones

  14. lulu

    worst** :)

  15. Ted from LA

    ET PHONE HOME! ET PHONE HOME!! ET PHONE HOME!!! ET PHONE HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  16. Ti

    Whoa, way too much Mystic. It looks like it’s making her break out on her face too.

  17. Steph

    please stop posting about this… thing. We really don’t care.

  18. dan

    fidget also looks like she rubbed her face with a slice of pepperoni pizza

  19. TamIAm

    Always wondered what an Oompa Loompa with big fake breasts would look like. Thanks for solving that mystery Tila. One less thing to research before I die.

  20. nipolian

    Look……….It’s Agent Orange.

  21. jbl

    I think this is what happens when asians go to tanning beds since they’re yellow to begin with.

  22. See my link for the first ever picture of Binky on this site.

  23. g

    I’m a lesbian and I would turn around and run if I saw that disgusting troll coming for me in the night…

  24. I JUST WANT TO TELL EVERYONE THAT I JUST CAME IN MY PANTELONES. NOT FROM HER THOUGH. FROM THE DIGITAL WORKOUT VIDEO I JUST GOT WITH MY BIG MAC!!

  25. That, my friends, is what is technically referred to as the “rice paddy” tan… she’s just trying to connect to her roots…

  26. g

    I’m a lesbian and I would turn around and run if I saw that disgusting troll coming for me in the night…

  27. Honestly women have taken this brozing/tanning shit outta hand
    it looks gross

    Whats wrong with your natural skin color?
    Look at ann hathaway, natural and beautiful

  28. Hey! When I ordered I explicitly said NO MSG!!!

  29. Lola

    someone needs to shoot this little chinese man ASAP

  30. kolit

    Talk about a butter face. She is the worst.

  31. Auntie Kryst

    @32 No Mistah eet prorounced “bah tah” face.

    @21 Hahaha

  32. Lola

    #8
    Bathed in soy sauce….. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha….. that hits it right on point and so true… LMAO

  33. Randal

    I… I just cannot come up with anything nice to say today about you anymore Tila and I regret doing so on Jun 17 2008. A celebrity, I can do it. Even Heidi has more pull with me but nope, not with this one ever again.

    Randal is done with Tila and Randal is done with the Hogans.

    STRIKE TWO FISH!

    Randal

  34. Cherry

    Randal?

  35. Lori

    I’m an esthetician – here’s my take on where she went wrong…
    She looks like she used too much self-tanner and didn’t properly rinse away the “tint” that shows you where the lotions been applied, before going out. And that tint seeped into her pores causing what looks like darker spots. It looks very uneven, and as another commentator said, she stained her hands with it – a tell tale sign of self-tanner misuse! Her skin looks very oily and bumpy, which is probably the excess oil building up under all that self-tanner causing clogged pores and breakouts. Well done, Tila!

  36. Juniper

    Bitch is greasy!

  37. somebody needs an appointment with the eye wrangler.. they are drifting again!

  38. Cherry

    #21 was there really any need?

  39. DarkSecret

    I’m the grumpy old troll…..who lives under the bridge…..i’m the grumpy ole troll…who live under the bridge…..

  40. Tom

    Ugh, she looks AWFUL. What a hideous girl. I will be so glad when her career is finally over and I won’t have to hear about her again.

  41. Racer X

    Tila Tequila’s a shot of Valtrex.

    /Slore

  42. Since you asked, Superfish:
    1. She uses too many products (moisturiser, make up, treatments, tanners) on her skin so her pores are clogged and her skin is greasy. And greasy skin is a terrible base for fake tan, so it’s a vicious circle.
    2. She used the wrong shade for her skin tone.
    3. She didn’t exfoliate first, and didn’t spread the tan on evenly.
    4. She put bronzer on her scary face on top of make up which was on top of the tan.
    5. Because bisexual leprechauns have magic mirrors like in Snow White. Obviously. Hers told her she was relevant.

  43. jay

    i like how half (if not more) of the comments are clearly racist. if she were a black woman, would any of you be making comments about her being a nigg**, telling her to get back on the plantation, do what your masta told ya to do, etc??
    i’m one for ripping on celebs, but to be racist is to show exactly how ignorant and uneducated you are. Disgusting. Your parents must have been ignorant and uneducated and passed it along down to you through your upbringing.

  44. jay

    i like (sarcasm) how half (if not more) of the comments are clearly racist. if she were a black woman, would any of you be making comments about her being a nigg**, telling her to get back on the plantation, do what your masta told ya to do, etc??
    i’m one for ripping on celebs, but to be racist is to show exactly how ignorant and uneducated you are. Disgusting. Your parents must have been ignorant and uneducated and passed it along down to you through your upbringing.

  45. sloane

    She has an oily t-zone, get her some Clean and clear blotting papers stat!

  46. Shecky Vegas

    Hey Rainbow Coalition, yeah you 44 & 45, you only need to hit the damn post comment button once.

  47. Mike Hawk

    Listen bitch, climb back into that tree, and dont come back without my E.L. Fudge cookies.

  48. Kate

    Tsk tsk. Why did she do it…..asians already have a nice skin color. But whatever, this chick will always look like a walking alien with an 8 year old body or an elf. But you know, if she weren’t so fucking annoying and fake and well just plain disgusting and making ignorant, egotistical statements like “i’m the reason gays can marry in CA” then she’d be a lot more likeable, despite her flat elf face…..Fish please stop giving her attention, she eats it up. She’s only famous for skanking it up on myspace and pretending to be gay.

  49. STevec

    she’s a deep-fried pumpkin head…..ugh

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