Tila Tequila is a ‘Messenger from God’

January 15th, 2010 // 81 Comments

Tila Tequila’s publicist quit yesterday so she decided to mark the occasion last night by tweeting she’s “God’s messenger” sent to warn us of “the end” and, if I’m reading this right, not have lesbian sex with Casey Johnson because she’s an angel, too. I don’t even know:

This is the end of the end. Don’t take your lives for granted because it will all end very soon. Sooner than u think.
Everything you do now is totally irrelevant to what is to come. I am only here to warn you as God’s Messenger and Angel disguised as A Human
God Bless and pray. Pray for all the wrongs you have done to others, pray for all the hurt you have bestowed. Judgement day is coming…
God took the Love of my Life away from me because I promised him that I was only here to do my job. But I fell in Love with Another Angel
So he took her away from me. That was my fault. I broke the rules of being an Angel on Earth as a messenger. We’re not allowed 2 fall in luv
With another Angel. Cuz it will distract me from doing my job of helping the world. The minute I fell in love with another Angel, I stopped.

She then claimed to be abandoning the name Tila Tequila, become an ambassador to Vietnam and quit Twitter forever. Which worked for about two hours until she returned to accept submissions for her new record label. You know, God’s work.

GOD: Did you sign some successful artists today, Tila?
TILA: No, but I smeared Jell-O on my ass while tweeting I’m a dragon.
GOD: …. Well, that’s one way to usher in Armageddon. I guess.

Photos: Flynet
superficial

  1. SATAN

    #49, that’s an awesome story.

    #18, this website hardly qualifies as “media attention”

    now if you’ll excuse me, as Lucifer, I have to vacate a torture chamber for Ms. Tequila… she booked one for “sometime next weekend”.

  2. Pathetic

    There’s an easy way to join your angel, you vietcong hooker. Just walk onto the freeway. That’s right; she’s waiting on the right hand of god for you. Just ignore the headlights and the honking horns. Walk NOW!

  3. TrojanMustang

    I tried to share this on facebook. When I tried to do it from the front page, using the link right under the article, it posted the Jersey Shore story instead. When I clicked the link to come to this page and then tried the “share this” function again, it linked to the right story, but with the picture of Carrie Prejean. What the heck?

  4. mrrrrrrrrrr

    isn’t that the plot to hancock? hope i don’t ruin the movie for anyone

  5. Eat a bullet

    Dear Ms. Nguyen:

    There’s something you should know: BULLETS ARE TASTY! Eat one now & find out for yourself…

    Yours,
    Everyone In America

  6. Official Song

    Official Tila “vietcong hooker” tequila theme song:

    “Oh, me so horny,
    oh, me so horny,
    oh, me so horny,
    me love you long time…”

  7. SATAN

    Ever seen the Asian girl scene in Hostel?

    I wonder how much it would cost to have them kidnap Tila for me.

  8. eddy

    Who does she think she is, Kara Thrace? What the hell?

  9. God

    I would like to apologize for creating this mess. I didn’t do it directly you understand. While I take credit for igniting the spark that created the soup that eventually crawled from the ocean to become chimps and homo sapiens, that’s where my influence ends. You see, it’s all about evolution. It can take many paths through the forest so to speak. So when smart, beautiful people fuck, they are likely to produce more smart, beautiful people. But when some hillbilly rubs his boneless piss hose against a tree and manages to blow a load of kink-tailed cave fish into a knothole, you never know what you’ll get. In this case, Tila Tequila. The beauty of my system is that it works in both directions. It’s pretty entertaining really. If this bitch ever has babies, you can bet the downward spiral has begun. I see lizard-queen in her future. Anyhow, she doesn’t know shit about God or Jesus. Trust me.

  10. blah

    God just told you that so he could do your blow.

  11. Sandi Hiam

    cute dress

  12. She looks good in this dress I must say better than her usual wear of jeans and T shirt.

  13. Lux

    I hope this stupid spoiled whore doesn’t off herself (or attempt to) while this crisis in Haiti is going on. People have real problems, and most ADHD USAers will forget all about them if this happens.
    Please God, no.

  14. “God took the Love of my Life away from me because I promised him that I was only here to do my job…The minute I fell in love with another Angel, I stopped…” – And went back to being a fake lesbian on a reality show no one with a three digit I.Q. watches, because that’s gods divine plan to help the world.

    PALIN / TEQUILA 2012

    2012
    2012
    2012
    2012
    2012
    2012
    2012
    2012
    2012

  15. J

    Tila: Fuckwit. Attention whore. Nutjob. Psychobitch. Has been.
    Media whore. Idiot. Skankwhore. Dumbass.
    Mentally deficient. Whore. Freak.

  16. *sigh*

    Let’s play “Guess the white powder”!

  17. Nudgie

    Why in HELL is anyone talking about her?

    Stop reporting and she’ll go back to working at Dad’s MiniMart…

  18. r4

    Wow Tila is looking so much pretty in this hair style . I don’t know why every alternate day superficial post pics of her. She has taken a lot of attention of everybody.

  19. vix

    I hope she’s next on gods shitlist.

  20. What a bitch

    This twat is a pathological attention slutting liar.

    1) The Johnson family has already established that Casey Johnson HATED tila “Me so horny” tequila.
    2) Casey Johnsons friends indicated that she told them HATED the vietcong hooker.
    3) Tila tequila ADMITTED that this was all bullshit to get attention; casey probably played along to get coke money.
    4) This whole “we were in love” thing was a putup job by that asshole from girls gone wild, to promote a dating website.

    So, why does this herpes infected whore continue with the “I wuved my wifey” obvious bullshit? Because she’s delusional, a pathological liar, batshit crazy & attention starved. This cunt deserves a serious face breaking beatdown; someone please beat her with a baseball bat…

  21. Another homely Asian girl who thinks she’s better looking than she is because some guys have an Asian fetish or want to say they had an Asian . The End.

  22. vito

    @ 43. Jplox …You’ll find as you wander through life that people will be more apt to take you seriously if you learn to FUCKING SPEAK ENGLISH!

    @ 68. r4…Ditto!

    It’s heartbreaking seeing Tila looking so ravaged by grief and sorrow. And how tasteful of her to wear that somber red dress, no doubt to remind her of her lost love’s menstrual blood. What a trouper!

  23. Pal

    She looks like a drag queen in these pictures, albeit a very tiny one.

  24. RichardZ

    “PALIN / TEQUILA 2012″

    Listening to the crap that comes out of her mouth, I’d say it’s PALIN/TEQUILA 24/7. ;)

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  26. tc

    She’s insane, she’s an idiot and her head looks like a Goomba from Super Mario Brothers.

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  29. anon

    i hope she switches back to men and hooks up with chris brown – people might feel differently about domestic violence

  30. I thought in the bible, lesbian/gay is an abomination… This girl needs to be committed for realz.

    http://crimesandjustice.com

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