Tila Tequila is a ‘Messenger from God’

January 15th, 2010 // 81 Comments

Tila Tequila’s publicist quit yesterday so she decided to mark the occasion last night by tweeting she’s “God’s messenger” sent to warn us of “the end” and, if I’m reading this right, not have lesbian sex with Casey Johnson because she’s an angel, too. I don’t even know:

This is the end of the end. Don’t take your lives for granted because it will all end very soon. Sooner than u think.
Everything you do now is totally irrelevant to what is to come. I am only here to warn you as God’s Messenger and Angel disguised as A Human
God Bless and pray. Pray for all the wrongs you have done to others, pray for all the hurt you have bestowed. Judgement day is coming…
God took the Love of my Life away from me because I promised him that I was only here to do my job. But I fell in Love with Another Angel
So he took her away from me. That was my fault. I broke the rules of being an Angel on Earth as a messenger. We’re not allowed 2 fall in luv
With another Angel. Cuz it will distract me from doing my job of helping the world. The minute I fell in love with another Angel, I stopped.

She then claimed to be abandoning the name Tila Tequila, become an ambassador to Vietnam and quit Twitter forever. Which worked for about two hours until she returned to accept submissions for her new record label. You know, God’s work.

GOD: Did you sign some successful artists today, Tila?
TILA: No, but I smeared Jell-O on my ass while tweeting I’m a dragon.
GOD: …. Well, that’s one way to usher in Armageddon. I guess.

Photos: Flynet
superficial

  1. gigi

    OK, it’s officially time to retire the Herve Leger f*ing bandage dress!!!

  2. SHES TOTALLY BATSHIT!

  3. Codiac Bear

    She has some type of psychiatric disorder. ::typing this with jello on my ass::

  4. Deacon Jones

    I bet sex with this broad would be amazing.

    Crazy/unstable chicks are always the best fucks. Hands down.

  5. I’m just shocked as shit she knows the difference between “then” and “than”…
    What a friggin headcase.

  6. Somone hacking her account maybe?

  7. if that is what i have to look forward to in heaven, i will pass thank you.

    …wait wait, unless she is from the idiot heaven! of course! there has to be a jackass heaven on the side, otherwise all the assholes too ignorant to be held responsible would be cramping the style of regular heaven.

    it all makes sense now!

  8. stupidass

    72% of the females i’ve encountered so far today are more attractive than this woman. am i missing something here?

  9. frank

    … holy fuck…

  10. Brian0523

    I wish this cuntassbitch would just choke on a dick and die.

  11. timbo

    I always envisioned angels to be taller, not have tats or fake breasts.

    With her size, she more like a cherub…but with an std.

  12. kaylia

    ow she’s going on about some baby and how her brother’s baby is now hers or something.. also i think she mentioned leaving the earth or something because her identity is revealed? think she’s gonna off herself? fingers crossed!

  13. kaylia

    now she’s going on about some baby and how her brother’s baby is now hers or something.. also i think she mentioned leaving the earth or something because her identity is revealed? think she’s gonna off herself? fingers crossed!

  14. slappy magoo

    Were she not a basket case to begin with, I could start to have an ounce of pity for her. Some people handle tragedy and grief better than others, and if you’re as greedy for attention as this one is, your mind is constantly playing ping pong between trying to deal with the reality of the situation, and milking it for all it’s worth. What I find most notable is that she seems to have zero support. Granted, anyone that could’ve possibly loved her and wanted what was best for her was probably shat on by her in her quest to make her 15 minutes last forever. But there seems to be absolutely nobody looking out for her better interests, telling her to put the kibosh on the tweeting and the revealing outfits and just being in public in general.

  15. Someone

    timbo – that’s hilarious. I think you are right on…a disease filled cherub is more like it.

  16. Mister Mister

    She’s from Neptune.

  17. jack

    Tila, there are some nice men in white coats at the door, they’d like to talk with you.

  18. Lerxt

    You know, I thought the one good thing about the quake in Haiti was that it took all the media attention away from Tila, but I guess I was wrong, she found something else crazy to do….

  19. missy

    hahaha you can see the shape of her implants on her left boob… lies about no surgery. i didn’t kno natural boobs were rigid.

  20. Stuck in Iraq

    I remember this chick when she worked at TCBY Yogurt down on Westminster Blvd (aka the Ho Chi Mihn Trail)

  21. Break out the Razo

    The head shaving & attacks with umbrellas are going to start sooner than u think. (I’m off to go make popcorn ’cause this is going to be fun.)

  22. Break out the Razor

    The head shaving & attacks with umbrellas are going to start sooner than u think. (I’m off to go make popcorn ’cause this is going to be fun.)

  23. Pussy Galore

    She is a classic Bi-Polar whack-a-do. Someone please bludgeon her now!

  24. dontlooknow

    Will someone get this chick some lithium please!

  25. baadnewsbear

    finally she hid that gigantic forehead of hers. damn brontosaurus.

  26. Danielle

    look at her twitter …its even worse now, she hasn’t stopped >.>

  27. Danielle

    “That is the big news. Its no longer my brother’s baby as Surrogate mother. It is MY very own baby. Yes. MINE. Jayden came back to his Mommy!” that poor thing….

  28. Shep

    I bet the Christians are kind of baffled as they probably thought the second coming of Jesus would be in a much different form……. at least a dude rocking a beard. oh well, the lord works in mysterious ways.

  29. Jesus Juice

    Oink.

  30. Buzz Killington

    Total bat shit crazy.
    She is stealing oxygen from those of us that deserve it, every second of everyday.
    Please off yourself already.

  31. kerri

    you would think the Johnson family would have enough money to take care of this problem. i volunteer my services.

  32. 5150

    anybody recognize the term 5150?

  33. “it will all end very soon. Sooner than u think.” Wait, so it will all end sooner than 2012? Oh well, we only had two years max left anyway. Existence had a pretty good run. Catch you all on the flipside.

  34. Pal

    An angel who landed on her head.

  35. maeby

    isnt that the plot of a nicholas cage movie??

  36. juggnuttz

    wait…. falling in love with another angel being forbidden…. isnt that the plot to Hancock pretty much? So not only is she crazy as hell, but she has to steal her ramblings from a movie?

    If it was a hot woman who was this crazy, id probably have an erection now…. ok so i do now, but thats from something else i swear!

  37. Bob

    She has finally gone completely crazy!

  38. faded

    She’s a shoe-in to replace Paula Abdul for being crazy.

  39. ing

    this is how crazy folk talk before they off themselves

  40. PrisonPapi

    Enough is enough, someone shank this bitch…

  41. Jplox

    You really gotta be kiddin’… i’m sure she doesn’t even know where is Haiti..

    she full of shh..

    but i’d bet she has to be a great fck~!

  42. Jplox

    You really gotta be kiddin’… i’m sure she doesn’t even know where is Haiti..

    she full of shh..

    but i’d bet she has to be a great fck~!

  43. Time to OD and join your angel. Your work here is done. Just a couple more pills baby. Thaaaat’s it.

  44. La Manchuba

    Enough of this crazy bitch. Please!

  45. Richard McBeef

    @16 – Neptune’s atmosphere is almost totally helium and hydrogen. Tila likely needs oxygen to survive… Idiot.

  46. drs

    Does ANGEL mean Asian, Nympho, Greedy, Evil, Leprechaun?

  47. marie e.

    wow. this is unsettling. this woman is clearly extremely mentally ill.

  48. TheOtherEmily

    My ex-boyfriend thought he was an angel put on Earth. He dated a girl after me and they both thought they were angels (FORBIDDEN according to Tila). Then he took some PCP and jumped naked off a balcony, committing suicide. True story.

  49. SATAN

    #49, that’s an awesome story.

    #18, this website hardly qualifies as “media attention”

    now if you’ll excuse me, as Lucipher, I have to vacate a torture chamber for Ms. Tequila… she booked one for “sometime next weekend”.

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