Tila Tequila Has A New Sex Tape Coming Out, Is A Marketing Genius

December 16th, 2013 // 33 Comments
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Up until last week it seemed like Tila Tequila had fallen off the face of the earth if not returned to Smurf Village where Papa Smurf had to answer some tough questions about his time in Nam. But then she claimed the Jews killed Paul Walker with their Illuminati powers and suddenly she was the talk of the town! People couldn’t get enough of her crazy antics and her claims to be a celestial psychic goddess who’s protected this realm for centuries with her trusty Jew-killing lightsaber. It was goddamn adorable, and the perfect storm to toss a sex tape into which, surprise, will be here just in time for the holidays, so that takes care off my parents this year. Thank God. TMZ reports:

A sex tape featuring Tila Tequila will hit the internet in the next few weeks. … TMZ has learned Vivid Entertainment obtained footage of Tila recently banging on camera … and they plan to release the video just in time for Christmas. Stocking stuffers, anyone? We saw the footage — calling it “hardcore” is an understatement … especially compared to her last tape, which was an all-girl affair. Tila isn’t saying if she signed off on the tape — but since it’s being released to the public … you do the math.

For the record, Vivid founder Steve Hirsch? Jewish as shit. Which means either Tila Tequila is the victim of powerful mind control and doesn’t possess the level of psychic skills we were led to believe, or she made all that Hitler stuff up for attention. — I’m messing with you! Obviously Steve Hirsch has the Goyim Stone, still wet with the blood of Paul Walker. In the meantime, Farrah Abraham just tweeted she masturbates to the Holocaust and will be selling her sex tape at 30% off for the next hour. (40% with membership.)

Photos: Facebook

superficial

  1. racially ambiguous Santa

    If she looked anything like the woman in the picture I’d be looking forward to it

  2. A leprechaun using a light saber as a sex toy is exactly how Yoda was conceived

  3. Sign me up. Been a fan of her nudity since Playboy.

  4. alex

    Only if it’s a snuff video.

  5. mel

    I’m down with that. as stupid and as insane as she obviously is, she has one of the most delicious looking asses I’ve ever seen. small/tight? just thinking of it tightens me pants up.

  6. It’s a Christmas miracle! I still watch her first one so I’m definitely looking forward to the sequel.

  7. Can I interest you in Hannukah?
    Maybe something in a Festival of Lights
    It’s a sensible alternative to Christmas
    And it lasts for seven -for you – eight nights.

    Hanukkah huh? I’ve never really thought about it.

    Well, you could do worse.

  8. JC

    A sex tape with her now, post-brain damage, seems kind of creepy, unless her co-star is of equal mental stature. Is Corkey from “Life Goes On” her partner in this?

    • Creepy? That’s offensive and discriminatory, JC. If you are going to not jerk off to mentally deficient people having sex then you might as well just start parking in the handicapped spot.

  9. I’d buy it for a dollar, well that’s a lie, I actually would not buy it, but I would watch it.

  10. Farrah Abraham set the bar kind of high…I hope Tila is up to the challenge. Or bent over for the challenge, whichever.

  11. gross

    you do know that Tila read this and didn’t get the sarcasm and now thinks she is a marketing genius. My only hope is that it’s a big black dick in the video with her, that’ll quickly piss off her new Aryan friends especially considering it was a Jew who paid her to do this film. Guess this means she only fucks minors off camera. Smartest thing she’s ever done.

    • She definitely bangs/banged black dudes, she was running around with Shawn Merriman for awhile. I wonder how her Aryan friends feel about that, and the fact that she is a freaking Asian also. lol She is like a real life version of the Dave Chappele skit with the blind, black, racist KKK man.

  12. The Holocaust is a FRAUD, A HOAX!!!!!! Six million Jews DID NOT DIE!

    The 41 page eBook “Did Six Million Really Die?” fully exposes the Holocaust as a massive hoax.

    http://vho.org/aaargh/fran/livres5/harwoodeng.pdf

    Also, you might be interested in this book called Masters of Deception which proves that ISRAEL DID 9-11

    http://www.spingola.com/MastersofDeception.pdf

    Masters of Deception, a 240 page eBook that explains how Jews were behind 9-11 and how Jews have been behind most terrorism throughout history.

  13. Where's Dildo

    Fiiiinally! Heidi Pratt/Courtney Stodden… you’re next.

  14. Dox

    I’m going to get so much shit for this…..

    But Goddamit enough is enough.
    Tila, You CANNOT lean on a fucking lightsaber you twit. Its a blade made of energy. Once the point hits the ground, its going to burn though not stop and rest.

    Its bad enough I have to deal with Fucking George Lucas and his inept movie making skills, and piss poor scripts. I will not have some halfwit, emotionally scarred, herpes infested, sleazy, cum guzzling tart befoul my beloved franchise.

    Get your sleazy ass back to the street corner you stumbled in from.

  15. Tila Tequila Facbook Photos
    donkeylicks
    Commented on this photo:

    “Once you start down the dark path forever will it dominate your destiny. Tila, don’t underestimate the power of pseudo-fame. Tila, when gone am I the last of the midget attention whores will you be. Tila, there is…. another… po.. porn….. tape.”

  16. I read somewhere that pron is produced and put online at a rate 5 or 6 times as fast as anyone could watch it, even if all they did all day is watch new online pron. Since I’d wager at least half of the new stuff will always be better than anything this bizarre looking whack job could do, looks like I’ll be skipping Tila’s amateur pron.

  17. anonym

    I love midget porn

  18. Benny G

    The Holocaust was a Hoax, google David Cole at Auschwitz!!

  19. what’s the title…Schindler’s Fist?

  20. CtF

    Surely, I can’t be the only one who immediately recognized the background of this as Rakatan from Knights of the Old Republic.

  21. she’s stupid and worthless

  22. Tila Tequila Facbook Photos
    Commented on this photo:

    Bitch can’t even spell “heil” right.

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