Tila Tequila Has A New Sex Tape Coming Out, Is A Marketing Genius

Up until last week it seemed like Tila Tequila had fallen off the face of the earth if not returned to Smurf Village where Papa Smurf had to answer some tough questions about his time in Nam. But then she claimed the Jews killed Paul Walker with their Illuminati powers and suddenly she was the talk of the town! People couldn’t get enough of her crazy antics and her claims to be a celestial psychic goddess who’s protected this realm for centuries with her trusty Jew-killing lightsaber. It was goddamn adorable, and the perfect storm to toss a sex tape into which, surprise, will be here just in time for the holidays, so that takes care off my parents this year. Thank God. TMZ reports:

A sex tape featuring Tila Tequila will hit the internet in the next few weeks. … TMZ has learned Vivid Entertainment obtained footage of Tila recently banging on camera … and they plan to release the video just in time for Christmas. Stocking stuffers, anyone? We saw the footage — calling it “hardcore” is an understatement … especially compared to her last tape, which was an all-girl affair. Tila isn’t saying if she signed off on the tape — but since it’s being released to the public … you do the math.

For the record, Vivid founder Steve Hirsch? Jewish as shit. Which means either Tila Tequila is the victim of powerful mind control and doesn’t possess the level of psychic skills we were led to believe, or she made all that Hitler stuff up for attention. — I’m messing with you! Obviously Steve Hirsch has the Goyim Stone, still wet with the blood of Paul Walker. In the meantime, Farrah Abraham just tweeted she masturbates to the Holocaust and will be selling her sex tape at 30% off for the next hour. (40% with membership.)

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