Tila Tequila Would Like Her Baby Daddy’s Family To Stop Dating ‘N*ggers’ (Pretty Please)

May 21st, 2014 // 57 Comments
Goddammit. Again?
Tila Tequila Pregnant
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Thomas Paxton Whitaker made a critical error by having sex with Tila Tequila. He made even more critical one by letting that result in a pregnancy. Except he’s remedying those mistakes now by selling insanely racist texts from Tila to Radar Online which there’ll probably be a shitload more of because you know what it’s hard to do when you’re pregnant? Take whatever medication it is that stops Nazism and porn:

Tila Tequila allegedly lashed out at her baby daddy for his daughter’s dating life in a racist text message exclusively obtained by RadarOnline.com, in which she uses the n-word and tells him he needs to “break the cycle.”
During a conversation with Thomas Paxton Whitaker on April 28, the mother-to-be used the derogatory slur in an attempt at parenting advice, but it falls nothing short of prejudice and discrimination.
“Your daughter Briana is dating a n***er… why is this so prevalent in your family?” Tila writes.
“I worry for Shem baby to be around that ruckus. Need to break the cycle.”

As for how exactly this helps instead of being shamelessly entertaining to me, child protective service is currently in the business of investigating parents over Instagram photos even if they’re Will fucking Smith. So for someone like Tila Tequila, I can’t imagine they won’t just firebomb her house for the well-being of mother and child. There are people holding signs outside of abortion clinics who wouldn’t give a shit. Hell, they’d probably draw you a map. “Oh, yeah, she sleeps right here. Aim for the gut.”

Photos: Incognito MP/VGS/AKM-GSI

superficial

  1. You know what’s worse than a racist? A mentally unstable racist. I’ve never not said that.

    • A mentally unstable racist… sounds a little bit redundant, doesn’t it?
      Racism is a belief that already shows mental instability.

      • I would disagree…racists are, by definition, asshole pieces of shit, but they’re not necessarily unstable. Many of them are ridiculously casual in their racism, many are very calculating in their racism, and still others are just plain oblivious.

  2. ManWhoHasSeenAVagina

    I was about to say something funny, but knowing this place I would get banned for it.

    Censorship, it’s fun for everyone, and great for comedy.

    • Like when you “hilariously” commented under the name PorchMonkey on this post?

      http://www.thesuperficial.com/selena-gomez-fox-news-valentines-kids-02-2014

      Yup, we’re really missing out.

      • Do you keep a running list of this stuff?

        In the interest of full disclosure I once posted under the pseudonym “Black Guy” for a Chris Brown post and made it to the MIPOTI.

      • ManWhoHasSeenAVagina

        Sort of, but this time was better. However, that was some grammar-naziing, a “Clerks 2″ reference (which apparently went way over your head, or you intentionally misquoted the name), and repetition (ask the Cohen brothers about that) all in one.

        I actually didn’t know what post you were talking about, because I didn’t remember using the name “PorchMonkey”. Of course, had you used the full name, maybe I would’ve recognized it, but that would’ve really undercut your point.

        It’s a shame, really. Since I agree with your politics 95% of the time, and you’re one of the last surviving blogs of this nature that’s even worth a glance (even though the content has gotten progressively less interesting, but I’ll chalk that up to what’s in the news). But your hyper-sensitivity and political correctness stuff gives liberalism a bad name, which is exactly why I needle you about it.

        I already stop checking the site for a while whenever I see one of your badly written Bieber posts. I’d rather not stop coming here altogether, but it’s definitely going downhill.

      • DudeWhoIsAVagina, your ISP is the giveaway so your feigned forgetfulness is bullshit.

      • ManWhoHasSeenAVagina

        Dekker, you’re a retard. The email address I used was how he knew it was the same person, since I wasn’t trying to hide. There is a chance they don’t even store IP addresses in their database, and even if they did, I come through different IPs all the time. I honestly had totally forgotten that post, and his intentional mangling of the name I used didn’t help to jog my memory. Going by the name “PorchMonkey” would have been too straightforward and valueless to be my style. I’m not spitting out slurs just for the sake of using slurs, feel free to look back at my posts and see for yourself.

        To respond to ” the bullshit ploy of pretending to agree with me politically despite a comment history of racism and homophobia”, I just have to say, I’m not pretending. I do agree with most of your politics and tend to enjoy your politically charged posts. I just do not agree with your political correctness. But, if it makes you feel better about yourself to try to discount what I say by lying about my actual beliefs, have fun with that.

        As for this, “He can’t call Coco or Kim Kardashian race traitors, and therefore comedy has died. That’s what’s chapping his butt.” Censorship’s a slippery slope. Next you’ll be doing some #CancelColbert shit or attacking Daniel Tosh or some other comedian for making a rape joke. You’ve already cut way down on posting tits, and you hide them behind multiple clicks, both to generate more traffic and to appease advertiser sensibilities. Not to mention the bullshit automatic page reloading to increase your traffic. The traffic generating scams suck, but business is business. The bending over for advertisers’ standards bullshit is part of the business but also really compromises your integrity (yes, dick-joke-makers can have integrity). You’ve gone soft, and will continue to get softer as time goes on. Todd’s always been a bit soft, but that’s consistent. At least Jesus Martinez isn’t going to tame his writing down for his advertisers or link partners. He may be free of the corporate overlords that you have to deal with, but you’ve gotta respect his moxy.

        Look, I understand, this is it for you. I’d feel bad too, if instead of doing something meaningful with my life, I was posting increasingly sanitized jokes about celebrities for a mediocre wage. So, you behave this way because you like to feel powerful and righteous. It’s very much like the religious upbringing you so often bitch about. Just like them, you want to feel superior to the non-believers and simultaneously attacked by the heathens. Get over it. Nothing’s sacred.

        Racist jokes are funny, that’s why there are so damned many of them. I think gay jokes are funny too, while still being 100% supportive of gay rights. Rape jokes are funny, even though sexual assault is horrible and unforgivable. Jokes about blights on humanity, such as the Kardashians and Hiltons, can be funny. Inappropriateness can be, in and of itself, a source of comedy.

        I have seen this kind of thing before. PZ Myers’ Pharyngula (a former haven for atheists) went down the tubes when it took a hard turn into misguided “feminism”. By the way, like you, PZ peaked in his career at a level where he feels powerful but inferior. Nobody in the top tier of the field has ever heard of PZ. I only know him through his blog, not his research. I am warning you now, while you still have time, before you go completely off the rails.

        This is just the beginning. In a year or so you probably won’t be able to say “fuck” on your site. Then it will be all #BBare all the time around here. That is not a bright future.

      • First, here’s the comment you’re all torn up about because it got flagged by the filter which has been in place FOR YEARS, but that doesn’t fit your narrative, so I’ll get to that in a second:

        Don Zaloog wrote this on yesterday’s Kim post:

        “Coco is nowhere near as bad as Kim K. Coco isn’t bad at all. Sexy body, cool personality and flexible. What more do you want? Coco trumps Kim K any and every day.”

        To which you replied, and were flagged:

        “Coco is a fat, famewhoring mudshark with a disgustingly oversized ass. I fail to see the distinction.”

        OHMYGOD the comedy! Except, wait, it wasn’t even a joke. Not a goddamn funny thing was said here (And if you were shooting for comedy, you should probably stop lecturing people on it. Immediately. I, on the other hand, get paid to write it professionally, in my pajamas, so I’m going to keep going.) which is what brings me to the comment filter that has been here for a long, long time. You see, six-seven years ago, I couldn’t post about Doutzen Kroes or any model who dated a black man without the comments filling up with “Mudshark!” “Coal burner!” “Nigger lover!” so I created a filter that flagged those words along with other hate speech, and BOOM, problem solved. Because here’s the rub: 99.9% of the time those words aren’t being used satirically or comedically at all. But if they are, I let them out of the filter which is why it exists in the first place because I actually do agree that very, very few things – if anything – should be taboo to comedy. For the most part, it’s a goddamn free-for-all around here, but I’ll be fuck if it’ll go back to being the Klan rally it was ages ago.

        So as for your foreboding warnings of the future, this shit has been here long before you got a bug up your ass.

      • All I got from this whole reply is that Don Zaloog is a race-war baiter.

        Stop making racist douchebags feel inadequate, Don – that’s mean!

      • Somebody finally figured out my plan. MWAHAHAHAHA!

      • “yellow fever” is still OK though right?

      • ManWhoHasSeenAVagina

        Going by Fish’s logic, no, “yellow fever” is unacceptable. And, in all honesty, I happen to have a case of it. Based on looks and craziness, I’d fuck Tila Tequila’s brains out. Although, the tattoos are a big negative, while being pregnant is a bit of a plus.

        Fish, you’re missing the point. I’m not a comedian. Nor do I claim to be. And your job is not to be funny, it is to drive traffic to the site. Apparently, you are good at that. Between SEO, and unnecessary click-throughs to see tits, and auto-refreshes while reading comments, you must be doing well. But, you haven’t been particularly funny for a long time (one okay joke per week is not a good record). What you have done, is fostered a community that comments frequently, and some commenters are quite funny. Hamstringing them is bad for your site.

        And, don’t get a big head. I set up my experiments and let my postdocs run them, so I often get up after noon, stay naked (I’m not a child or living in the 1950s, so I don’t own pajamas) while home, eat/watch TV/read, masturbate, fuck my half-asian spinner girlfriend (or her sluttier friends or hookers), go out to eat with my buddies (which lately, includes two very funny oil-drillers) where we make each other laugh, hit the gym, and so on. All while being satisfied with my work, which will ultimately save lives.

        I may not be a comedian, and I may not even be funny, but I know funny when I see it. I hang out in the NY and Boston comedy scenes. I’ve seen some of the greats early on in their careers and recognized their talent (Louis CK circa 1990 when I was just a kid, Patrice Oneal, Greg Giraldo, Dave Atell) and I have seen the talent in some of today’s currently rising stars (Kristin Schaal, Chris Gethard, Hannibal Burress). You, sir, haven’t been particularly funny since Britney’s meltdown. That said, you get all due credit for fostering a community where other people get to be funny for you, and clearly it’s been enough to keep me visiting the site. Just don’t fuck it up.

        One last thing, it’s not just the filter that pissed me off. It’s the recent trend of white guilt posts (go ahead, check my previous comments if you doubt me).

      • Prestige Johnson

        “I may not be a comedian, and I may not even be funny, but I know funny when I see it.”

        Don’t sell yourself short, chief. All that bragging about your incredible and important and wholly fictitious life is fucking hilarious.

      • There was a guy by the name of schmidtler who used to piss and moan that he couldn’t use the word “nigger” in the comments. Soon, he started saying pretty much the same things as you (albeit without the bullshit ploy of pretending to agree with me politically despite a comment history of racism and homophobia not unlike yours) and then quietly left.

        The crazy part? Somehow the site and life itself carried on. It was nothing short of a miracle.

      • Ever seen Clerks 2?

      • Yes, I’ve seen Clerks 2. However, I’ve also seen ManWhoHasSeenAVagina bitch about not being allowed to say “mudshark” in the comments which is what all his whining is about, so his reference defense is horseshit. He can’t call Coco or Kim Kardashian race traitors, and therefore comedy has died. That’s what’s chapping his butt.

      • the mud____k ban totally kills my ability to reference Led Zeppelin’s antics with groupies.

      • Work it into a dis how chicken joke and I’ll let you past the filter.

      • Where's Dildo

        That ridiculous joke is trademarked. I’m here to collect.

      • Dox

        Dis how chicken… gets eaten… by a shark… that swims in mud?

        ok… I admit, I don’t even know what a mudwhatever is. I don’t really keep up with the lingo you kids use nowadays.
        I gave up after Radical and Tubular went out of style… I mean seriously…. why don’t people use Rad anymore? Great word.

      • Not gonna lie. I totally get wood when Fish gets feisty in the comments.

      • I think I need a cigarette after all that

    • Prestige Johnson

      Yes, please continue to lecture everyone about comedy, guy who thinks writing in a satirical voice is a “weird gimmick.”

      You clearly have your finger on the pulse of hilarity.

  3. Cock Dr

    It’s important to wear a condom when having sex with batshit crazy women.

  4. Tila Tequila Pregnant Shopping At Babies R Us On Mothers Day
    Commented on this photo:

    “Never stick thy dick in crazy, unless thy intend to get that crazy pregnant.” – The Bible, Somewhere

  5. JC

    I would have expected a Hitler enthusiast to have a much more nuanced view on race.

  6. Really?

    Given the amount of black cock Tila has had inside of her that statement is both racist and hypocritical. If it was a lie then it would fit the 3 qualifiers to be a statement from Tila Tequila.

    The best part of the story is where Tila says “my facebook was hacked” So someone hacked her facebook to send the father of her demon seed a message so specific you’d have to know the guy personally to do it. She’s getting Lindsay Lazy with her excuses.

  7. As much as I enjoyed her 1st sex tape , 2nd meh. I thought she was a Lesbian? But it seems the 2nd porno was penis fucking. So is she like bisexual. Interesting her take on Blacks as I never knew the “Master race were “French Vietnamese”(mother side) who was raised in Singapore, moving to Houston and herself to New York. I thought Nazis only relocate with Germany or Austria?

  8. She is either mentally unstable or a desperate troll, desperately trying to stay in the spotlight. She is clearly not a real since she was banging Shawn Merriman and God knows how many other black men, so who knows what is really going on in that peanut sized brain of hers.

  9. She’s had sex with so many black dudes, that at any point she’s got black DNA coursing through her veins. So she’s allowed to use that word.

    Seriously though, I don’t know why anyone would get her pregnant. She’s sexy as hell and I’d get in dat ass any day, but never get her pregnant. Not “Mom”material at all. I guess she’ll chalk this up to one of her other personalities.

  10. How can you not drop baby batter in that crazy mess, she’s just a beauty . Hows my sarcasm been working on it?

  11. Look for the Tila Tequila Pregnant Racist Lesbian Porn Video on Vivid in about 6 months!

  12. Some poor kid is about to have Tila Tequila as a mother. No matter how shitty my childhood may have been, it’s going to have nothing on this baby’s.

    • Some people invest in an education fund for their kids before they are born. I think she should start a therapy fund. That is one kickstarter fund I’d contribute to.

  13. anonym

    to be fair, she’s been called a midget slope for a long time, so I think she’s entitled to use the n word

  14. Tila’s has shitty tastes in men just in general so by extension she has made shitty choices in which black dudes she chose to date. She’s probably mad because the black guy that is dating this dude’s daughter doesn’t beat her like all those dudes Tila dated.

  15. ” Shem baby” … what does it mean??

    • Yeah. That one has me flumoxxed.
      “Shem. The progenitor of all the Semitic races. The name, Shem, is rendered as Sumu in the Akkadian inscriptions.” Am I onto something, or making it worse?

  16. Badumdum

    Ironic considering she’s one herself.

  17. durumdoner

    this site always makes my day. haha he made a critical error., well played sir, well played

  18. “Your daughter Briana is dating a n***er… why is this so prevalent in your family?”
    “Well shit, I guess it’s just a family tradition. After all, I’m dating you aren’t I?”

  19. Tila Tequila Pregnant Shopping At Babies R Us On Mothers Day
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow. She’s glowing.

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