I’m just gonna cut to the chase. Tila Tequila is in the process of converting to Judaism which suddenly makes all that stuff Katy Perry’s dad said seem quaint by comparison because at least he didn’t discredit an entire religion simply by joining it. TMZ reports:
TMZ has learned Tequila has been taking classes at a NY temple to begin the conversion process … and even skipped Christmas this year to focus on change.
We spoke with the former MTV reality star about the situation and she explained, “As time passed, I started to become more and more fascinated with Kabbalah, the culture, and the way of life of the reform Judaism religion.”
…
Tila adds, “I just feel like the Jewish people have such a beautiful way about them, and I can’t wait to officially be Jewish! Shabbat Shalom.”
When reached for comment, every Jew alive responded by climbing into an oven then saying, “What? This thing only goes to 500 degrees? At least Hitler knew how to burn a tokhes. You should call your mother.”
Photos: Getty
doctor snuggles | January 13, 2012 at 12:40 pm
the more flesh we see………….THE CHEAPER SHE GETS, folks!!
justifiable | January 13, 2012 at 1:58 pm
And the more you post, the unfunnier you are. Funny how that works out, huh? Fuck off, Forrest.
karlito | January 13, 2012 at 7:47 pm
ATTENTION WHORE, THAT’S ALL.
Marthana | January 14, 2012 at 6:06 am
I buy almost everything except food and clothing from online auctions websites Most people are not aware of the almost unbelievable deals that they can get from online auction sites The site that has the best deals is dealsroofcom
I checked with the BBB and was told that it is all legitHow they can sell gift cards, laptops, cameras, and all kinds of goodies that we all want for 50-90% off, I don’t know. I do know that I bought my son an iad there for less than $100 and my husband a 250 Low giftcards for 48 Why would I even think about shopping anyplace else?
Damon | January 15, 2012 at 9:38 am
so apparently the Jewish God is real but not the Christian God, according to Fish.
Eric | January 13, 2012 at 12:40 pm
Somebody should tell her that a pastrami sandwich with a pickle is not a three way.
Deacon Jones | January 13, 2012 at 12:41 pm
I want to fuck the crazy out of her
Richard McBeef | January 13, 2012 at 12:48 pm
I’m not questioning your prowess, DJ, but I’d maybe look into getting a handful of buddies and taking shifts on that shit. It’s just too great a task to tackle alone.
Cock Dr | January 13, 2012 at 2:18 pm
Every player in the NFL could take a turn and she would still be batshit.
ChinaSuperficial | January 14, 2012 at 2:22 am
+1.
Dude of Dudes | January 13, 2012 at 12:46 pm
So where Hitler failed to exterminate the Jews with poison gas, firing squads and starvation Tila plans to be successful through the use of midget gonorrhea, chlamydia and herpes carpet bombing. See what I did there?
HateFakeSluts | January 13, 2012 at 12:48 pm
I can’t believe the gossip rags like TMZ and you superficial are running with this article of crap. Tila Tequila already screwed up any chance of “converting”. They don’t want WHORES who get tattoos on NY Ink just for attention. Even Ami James gave her a dirty look when she said she was going to walk around topless showing her new tattoo off. I wish the bitch would just OD already…
Artofwar | January 14, 2012 at 3:47 am
….Umm–see that’s where you are wrong. The Jews will take anybody if the proper initiation fees are paid promptly….Artofwar
That Guy | January 14, 2012 at 5:11 pm
Nope, nope they won’t.
Carles | January 13, 2012 at 12:48 pm
TIL how to spell “tohkes”. It’s a mitzvah!
TomFrank | January 13, 2012 at 4:36 pm
It’s “tokhes.” Or “tuchas.” Oh Fish…you Gentiles are so funny when you try to make with the Yiddish.
Sliver | January 13, 2012 at 9:38 pm
You say “you Gentiles” a lot, I have noticed.
TomFrank | January 14, 2012 at 1:21 am
Just twice today, both in response to Jewish-related posts. But you’re right, I should mix it up and say “you goyim” occasionally instead.
CranAppleSnapple | January 15, 2012 at 6:53 pm
Someone should tell her she’s not allowed to roll on Shabbas.
Jezzer | January 13, 2012 at 12:49 pm
So… much… herpes… in… one… photo.
Kookie Kutter | January 13, 2012 at 12:49 pm
So Lamar Odom spent 700 dollars at a strip club last week and got a special service in a back room.
Johnny P! | January 13, 2012 at 12:54 pm
Late at night, in a smoke-filled room, the three finalists of the North American Religious-Poker Tournament laid down their hands.
The Scientologist Elder had a Tom Cruise and a John Travolta (both of them two-faced cards) and a Kirstie Alley (a somewhat thicker, heavier card from an older deck).
The Catholic Priest had a pair of Mitt Romneys, a somewhat brown and soiled Santorum, and a a decidedly unfunny ‘Joker Wild Card’ (Victoria Jackson formerly of SNL).
The Rabbi had a pair of Madonnas (old, bent and weathered cards), a Demi Moore (clearly from a refurbished deck), and a brand new Tila Tequlia (which he chose to handle with latex gloves).
According to the Rule Book, they were all tied and nobody won (or, they all lost).
TomFrank | January 13, 2012 at 4:38 pm
Romney’s Catholic? In what universe?
Also…Victoria Jackson? WTF?
TomFrank | January 13, 2012 at 4:41 pm
Also, following Kabbalah does not make you Jewish. That’s like saying doing yoga automatically turns you Hindu.
Cock Dr | January 13, 2012 at 12:57 pm
Poor Tila is confused. She thinks that Jews have all the $$. She thinks that by becoming a Jew riches will start to magically rain down upon her stupid head.
Sliver | January 13, 2012 at 9:39 pm
Well, you’re right about one thing.
GravyLeg | January 13, 2012 at 1:01 pm
She puts the “penis” sound in penicillin.
Donald Trump | January 13, 2012 at 1:06 pm
Now there’s a banana hammock I’d love to get into.
puhleez | January 13, 2012 at 1:09 pm
that is one confused ho
Venom | January 13, 2012 at 1:25 pm
Pretty confident the Jews want nothing to do with her. I don’t know much about Judaism or the process of conversion, but I am 100% sure she would be rejected.
MILF | January 13, 2012 at 1:36 pm
Yep. The only way shameless attention whores like her get to convert is through Kabbalah, which is basically the Mormon equivalent of Judaism- you have to pay to get in and everyone else knows you’re an idiot. Unfortunately, no magic underwear (those lucky Mormons!).
If she were serious about wanting to convert (studying the laws, attending “real” services, etc.) she’d be welcomed.
Mando | January 13, 2012 at 1:41 pm
Fair weather Jew!
NG | January 13, 2012 at 1:43 pm
Oven jokes Fish? Really?
Bane | January 13, 2012 at 2:10 pm
I know! Every recipe starts with pre heat oven.
Rookies….
cc | January 13, 2012 at 1:49 pm
I feel sorry for the Jews. Persecuted for centuries and now ‘converting to Judaism’ is a synonymous with ‘I’m a celebrity flake’ or ‘I am a sort of celebrity staving off irrelevancy’.
Trek Girl | January 13, 2012 at 3:06 pm
It is aggravating, very aggravating. It’ll be great when people, especially celebrities, stop treating Judaism and Kaballah like it’s a fad. One just has to remember that most people aren’t falling for it anyway lol; they can see through the celebrities’ crap.
Trek Girl | January 13, 2012 at 3:14 pm
I should add, however, that even if she is jumping on the Judaism or Kabbalah bandwagon just because it’s the “it” thing to do right now, she could end up getting some great things out of it that will help her with whatever problems she has.
Mort's Profitable Ponzi | January 13, 2012 at 4:29 pm
Persecuted? Must have something to do with all the thievery that seems to follow them around. She’s expending a ton of energy whoring herself out to get rich when she should be cooking books in the business world.
Tila’s sins are open for the world to see…the “Chosen” need to teach her how to do things behind closed doors.
justifiable | January 14, 2012 at 1:20 am
Gee, with all the not-so veiled hints about Jews and “thievery” and “closed doors” and “cooking books”, funny how you overlooked the fact that the “Ponzi” in your handle, the man who’s known for swindling so many that pyramid schemes now bear his name, happened to be Italian.
Damn, just when you get a great ethnic slur rolling, huh?
Artofwar | January 14, 2012 at 3:58 am
….Yes, but few know that Ponzi’s real surname was Swartz….Artofwar
Really? | January 13, 2012 at 1:49 pm
Funny how she can take classes in NY while living in LA. Maybe her scent is still in NY taking the classes. God knows it’s pungent enough.
Fletch | January 13, 2012 at 2:12 pm
I thought she moved to NY to get a break from all the “difficulties” of living in LA. A fame whore is the same on both coasts.
VV | January 13, 2012 at 2:23 pm
“When reached for comment, every Jew alive responded by climbing into an oven then saying, “What? This thing only goes to 500 degrees? At least Hitler knew how to burn a tohkes. You should call your mother.””
BAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Artofwar | January 14, 2012 at 4:05 am
….Yep, see this is the type of joke that proves anything can be made funny—even rape anal or otherwise, murder, and child molestation, just as long as you don’t get into too many details….Artofwar
LifeSerial | January 13, 2012 at 2:34 pm
Daddy must have raped the shit out of her multiple times a day to achieve this level of fuckedupattentionwhoredness.
Artofwar | January 14, 2012 at 4:12 am
….Yet it may be true that daddy-rape will indeed turn a chick into a future whore.
I choose to believe that most whores are born that way—just like the gays….Artofwar
stinky mcpoop | January 13, 2012 at 2:43 pm
Does this mean the Kiebler line of cookies will now become kosher?
TomFrank | January 13, 2012 at 4:45 pm
That depends if Stacy starts giving her cookies up to a rabbi once Clooney’s done with them.
Insider | January 13, 2012 at 2:56 pm
Ugh. Suddenly the Wailing Wall is full of prayers. Poor Jews. :(
SSHGuru | January 13, 2012 at 3:01 pm
Tila, as a representative to Jews everywhere I can sincerely thank you for the request but our answer remains “Hell No”
guest | January 13, 2012 at 3:37 pm
“the reform Judaism religion” ::scratches head:: huh, I always thought I was a Jew, but to find out I belong to a different religion from Tila Tequila must make it so…
Matty J | January 13, 2012 at 4:04 pm
I’m pretty sure it’s against the rules of Judaism to be tattooed…and an Asian hooker. But I might be mistaken.
Trek Girl | January 13, 2012 at 6:51 pm
She can be asian – there’s not a problem with that lol.
Artofwar | January 14, 2012 at 4:18 am
…She can always cover up the tattoos—now covering up the whore part will prove to be a much more daunting task….Artofwar
Kate | January 15, 2012 at 1:56 am
Plenty of Jews have tattoos. You just can’t be buried in an orthodox Jewish cemetery – but since most of us aren’t Jewish, it doesn’t matter.
There, you learned something.
J | January 13, 2012 at 6:08 pm
Dear Author,
Go Fuck Yourself
Artofwar | January 14, 2012 at 4:32 am
….The “J” must stand for “Jew” with this one. And a very pissed-off “J” I may add. What’s wrong “J”???
Did you misplace a nickel, or was it the oven reference only reaching the 500 degree mark that has your tokhes all fiery and irritated???….Artofwar
What a WHORE | January 13, 2012 at 7:23 pm
Oh great. So, now, instead of just being a mentally disturbed slutty disgusting attention demanding porn whore, now she’s going to be a jewish mentally disturbed slutty disgusting attention demanding porn whore. I wonder what the torah has to say about tweeing pics of your twat or doing hardcore porn films like she has in the past…
flatspottin' | January 13, 2012 at 7:25 pm
I can for sure see that guys penis and I don’t even get a Pink Star? How is that better than nipples.
jess | January 13, 2012 at 8:20 pm
lol i know right thats all i saw the man on the right with a very visible peen line
Noodlesnake | January 13, 2012 at 9:13 pm
This always creates confusion since I thought that Judaism is more about being a people that are genetic heirs to Abraham hence the term “chosen people” and you don’t just jump into it thinking it’s a club or a way of life or as a way towards spiritual growth. If she is converting, wouldn’t there have to be a certain process that would require some kind of work, anyway? I know that if you wanted, say, marry a Catholic officially, she would have to go through like six months at least of a Catholic primer including a shit load of studying of some very strict and rigorous ritual. At any rate, I think if she is allowed to be Jewish, she has to follow every one of the laws in Leviticus for the rest of her life.
justifiable | January 14, 2012 at 1:22 am
Do some reading, you’re embarassing yourself.
Noodlesnake | January 15, 2012 at 9:27 pm
Do some soul-searching, you’re coming off as an asshole…in most of your posts.
Komodo | January 13, 2012 at 10:08 pm
*backs away slowly
That Guy | January 13, 2012 at 10:25 pm
The thing about Judaism is it’s the one religion that doesn’t actively try to convert people. To put it bluntly they won’t take her, she may call herself ‘jewish’ but they sure as hell won’t recognise it.
T-800 | January 14, 2012 at 4:02 am
+1 Wanted to say the same thing.
mike | January 14, 2012 at 2:10 am
I think she may be overestimating the gap left by Matisyahu’s departure from the scene.
Mimi | January 14, 2012 at 4:45 am
Why is she relevant? Ever?
tlmck | January 14, 2012 at 7:29 am
Even if those guys were straight, they could not get a hard on with that.
lulu | January 14, 2012 at 3:01 pm
The oven joke is not funny.
Kate | January 14, 2012 at 9:15 pm
I can’t believe The Superficial actually published that final sentence. Shame on you, you disgusting piece of anti-Semitic filth. I’ll get my gossip elsewhere.
Jake | January 15, 2012 at 2:39 am
Damn, you can actually see the outline of a penis in that pic.
And there’s something in the dude’s speedo too.
RWFB | January 15, 2012 at 8:48 am
That last sentence was really disgusting. I am incredibly offended and I’m sure many other Jews are too. An apology would be appreciated.
Hucklebuckle | January 16, 2012 at 10:08 am
I wholey agree and don’t quite understand how this is funny. I can roll with most every form of anti-semitic humour (being Jewish myself), but this really crosses the line. How is burning people alive funny and not just evil? Also, opens the door for others to follow your lead.
Heather | January 15, 2012 at 3:19 pm
I find it very offensive and disgusting as well. It is NEVER in good taste to compare anything but mass genocide to the Holocaust, especially not some girl’s cry for attention. I have lost a lot of respect for this site and for the person who wrote the article. It’s that kind of joking, trivializing insincerity that cheapens the deaths of MILLIONS of innocent people. Nice job, the Superficial, I know I will never read another article from this site again. At least its name is appropriate here.
Gemma | January 16, 2012 at 3:55 pm
God, get over yourself. It was a JOKE.
John Bullock | January 16, 2012 at 5:32 am
Jesus Christ!
Gemma | January 16, 2012 at 3:53 pm
You people need to lighten up. The oven joke is totally funny. Its always americans who are so sensitive about those kinds of jokes. We europeans dont really give a crap. And we are the ones who actually lived through that whole ordeal. (not only jews were killed during ww2. Far from it, actually)
Im noticing in this thread only that people are joking about everything from child rape to murder. So a stupid oven joke is nothing. Lighten up, people.
Gemma | January 16, 2012 at 4:12 pm
And for the record, the nazis didnt actually burn anyone to death.
The SS killed people by firing squad. But most were killed by gassing with zyklon B. Only dead bodies were burned.
If you all are gonna get your panties in a bunch over this you might aswell get your facts straight first. Fish is making a joke about something that didnt even actually happen.
Meanwhile everyone is chosing to ignore child rape comments. Hahaha.
Guest | January 20, 2012 at 10:42 am
the nazis did burn people alive and thats a fact.
using shooting squads and gas was to slow and they had a serious quota
check YOUR facts before telling people to check theirs
still.
im a jew and i chuckled \o/