Tila Tequila: ‘I’ll Take It From Here, Nazis’

January 13th, 2012 // 93 Comments

I’m just gonna cut to the chase. Tila Tequila is in the process of converting to Judaism which suddenly makes all that stuff Katy Perry’s dad said seem quaint by comparison because at least he didn’t discredit an entire religion simply by joining it. TMZ reports:

TMZ has learned Tequila has been taking classes at a NY temple to begin the conversion process … and even skipped Christmas this year to focus on change.
We spoke with the former MTV reality star about the situation and she explained, “As time passed, I started to become more and more fascinated with Kabbalah, the culture, and the way of life of the reform Judaism religion.”

Tila adds, “I just feel like the Jewish people have such a beautiful way about them, and I can’t wait to officially be Jewish! Shabbat Shalom.”

When reached for comment, every Jew alive responded by climbing into an oven then saying, “What? This thing only goes to 500 degrees? At least Hitler knew how to burn a tokhes. You should call your mother.”

Photos: Getty

superficial

  1. Venom

    Pretty confident the Jews want nothing to do with her. I don’t know much about Judaism or the process of conversion, but I am 100% sure she would be rejected.

    • MILF

      Yep. The only way shameless attention whores like her get to convert is through Kabbalah, which is basically the Mormon equivalent of Judaism- you have to pay to get in and everyone else knows you’re an idiot. Unfortunately, no magic underwear (those lucky Mormons!).
      If she were serious about wanting to convert (studying the laws, attending “real” services, etc.) she’d be welcomed.

  2. Mando

    Fair weather Jew!

  3. NG

    Oven jokes Fish? Really?

  4. cc

    I feel sorry for the Jews. Persecuted for centuries and now ‘converting to Judaism’ is a synonymous with ‘I’m a celebrity flake’ or ‘I am a sort of celebrity staving off irrelevancy’.

    • Trek Girl

      It is aggravating, very aggravating. It’ll be great when people, especially celebrities, stop treating Judaism and Kaballah like it’s a fad. One just has to remember that most people aren’t falling for it anyway lol; they can see through the celebrities’ crap.

      • Trek Girl

        I should add, however, that even if she is jumping on the Judaism or Kabbalah bandwagon just because it’s the “it” thing to do right now, she could end up getting some great things out of it that will help her with whatever problems she has.

    • Mort's Profitable Ponzi

      Persecuted? Must have something to do with all the thievery that seems to follow them around. She’s expending a ton of energy whoring herself out to get rich when she should be cooking books in the business world.

      Tila’s sins are open for the world to see…the “Chosen” need to teach her how to do things behind closed doors.

      • Gee, with all the not-so veiled hints about Jews and “thievery” and “closed doors” and “cooking books”, funny how you overlooked the fact that the “Ponzi” in your handle, the man who’s known for swindling so many that pyramid schemes now bear his name, happened to be Italian.
        Damn, just when you get a great ethnic slur rolling, huh?

      • Artofwar

        ….Yes, but few know that Ponzi’s real surname was Swartz….Artofwar

  5. Really?

    Funny how she can take classes in NY while living in LA. Maybe her scent is still in NY taking the classes. God knows it’s pungent enough.

  6. VV

    “When reached for comment, every Jew alive responded by climbing into an oven then saying, “What? This thing only goes to 500 degrees? At least Hitler knew how to burn a tohkes. You should call your mother.””
    BAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

    • Artofwar

      ….Yep, see this is the type of joke that proves anything can be made funny—even rape anal or otherwise, murder, and child molestation, just as long as you don’t get into too many details….Artofwar

  7. Daddy must have raped the shit out of her multiple times a day to achieve this level of fuckedupattentionwhoredness.

    • Artofwar

      ….Yet it may be true that daddy-rape will indeed turn a chick into a future whore.
      I choose to believe that most whores are born that way—just like the gays….Artofwar

  8. Tila Tequila Cleavage Underwear
    Commented on this photo:

    At least their levels of oily orangeness matches.

  9. Tila Tequila Cleavage Underwear
    Commented on this photo:

    This must be what Fish actually meant by ‘performing’.

  10. Does this mean the Kiebler line of cookies will now become kosher?

  11. Insider

    Ugh. Suddenly the Wailing Wall is full of prayers. Poor Jews. :(

  12. SSHGuru

    Tila, as a representative to Jews everywhere I can sincerely thank you for the request but our answer remains “Hell No”

  13. guest

    “the reform Judaism religion” ::scratches head:: huh, I always thought I was a Jew, but to find out I belong to a different religion from Tila Tequila must make it so…

  14. Matty J

    I’m pretty sure it’s against the rules of Judaism to be tattooed…and an Asian hooker. But I might be mistaken.

    • Trek Girl

      She can be asian – there’s not a problem with that lol.

    • Artofwar

      …She can always cover up the tattoos—now covering up the whore part will prove to be a much more daunting task….Artofwar

    • Kate

      Plenty of Jews have tattoos. You just can’t be buried in an orthodox Jewish cemetery – but since most of us aren’t Jewish, it doesn’t matter.

      There, you learned something.

  15. Tila Tequila Cleavage Underwear
    gazza
    Commented on this photo:

    Making jokes about the holocaust, the single most evil example of human suffering and persecution in human history…stay classy guys…

  16. J

    Dear Author,

    Go Fuck Yourself

    • Artofwar

      ….The “J” must stand for “Jew” with this one. And a very pissed-off “J” I may add. What’s wrong “J”???

      Did you misplace a nickel, or was it the oven reference only reaching the 500 degree mark that has your tokhes all fiery and irritated???….Artofwar

  17. What a WHORE

    Oh great. So, now, instead of just being a mentally disturbed slutty disgusting attention demanding porn whore, now she’s going to be a jewish mentally disturbed slutty disgusting attention demanding porn whore. I wonder what the torah has to say about tweeing pics of your twat or doing hardcore porn films like she has in the past…

  18. flatspottin'

    I can for sure see that guys penis and I don’t even get a Pink Star? How is that better than nipples.

  19. Noodlesnake

    This always creates confusion since I thought that Judaism is more about being a people that are genetic heirs to Abraham hence the term “chosen people” and you don’t just jump into it thinking it’s a club or a way of life or as a way towards spiritual growth. If she is converting, wouldn’t there have to be a certain process that would require some kind of work, anyway? I know that if you wanted, say, marry a Catholic officially, she would have to go through like six months at least of a Catholic primer including a shit load of studying of some very strict and rigorous ritual. At any rate, I think if she is allowed to be Jewish, she has to follow every one of the laws in Leviticus for the rest of her life.

  20. *backs away slowly

  21. That Guy

    The thing about Judaism is it’s the one religion that doesn’t actively try to convert people. To put it bluntly they won’t take her, she may call herself ‘jewish’ but they sure as hell won’t recognise it.

  22. Tila Tequila Cleavage Underwear
    TheSheen
    Commented on this photo:

    She should try moving to Israel after she converts. They’ll love her there.

    She’ll never be accepted as a Real Jew.

  23. mike

    I think she may be overestimating the gap left by Matisyahu’s departure from the scene.

  24. Mimi

    Why is she relevant? Ever?

  25. Tila Tequila Cleavage Underwear
    God is Black
    Commented on this photo:

    All I can see is a penis sleeping peacefully before it strikes on the guy on the left. “No not that’s there’s anything wrong with that!”

  26. tlmck

    Even if those guys were straight, they could not get a hard on with that.

  27. lulu

    The oven joke is not funny.

  28. Kate

    I can’t believe The Superficial actually published that final sentence. Shame on you, you disgusting piece of anti-Semitic filth. I’ll get my gossip elsewhere.

  29. Tila Tequila Cleavage Underwear
    Commented on this photo:

    If I wanted to see that Ewok “perform”, I’d just watch her homemade porns… and I don’t.

  30. Jake

    Damn, you can actually see the outline of a penis in that pic.

    And there’s something in the dude’s speedo too.

  31. RWFB

    That last sentence was really disgusting. I am incredibly offended and I’m sure many other Jews are too. An apology would be appreciated.

    • Hucklebuckle

      I wholey agree and don’t quite understand how this is funny. I can roll with most every form of anti-semitic humour (being Jewish myself), but this really crosses the line. How is burning people alive funny and not just evil? Also, opens the door for others to follow your lead.

  32. Tila Tequila Cleavage Underwear
    Commented on this photo:

    After the ship crashed, the aliens tried to reassemble her, but they had never seen a human before.

  33. Heather

    I find it very offensive and disgusting as well. It is NEVER in good taste to compare anything but mass genocide to the Holocaust, especially not some girl’s cry for attention. I have lost a lot of respect for this site and for the person who wrote the article. It’s that kind of joking, trivializing insincerity that cheapens the deaths of MILLIONS of innocent people. Nice job, the Superficial, I know I will never read another article from this site again. At least its name is appropriate here.

  34. Gemma

    You people need to lighten up. The oven joke is totally funny. Its always americans who are so sensitive about those kinds of jokes. We europeans dont really give a crap. And we are the ones who actually lived through that whole ordeal. (not only jews were killed during ww2. Far from it, actually)

    Im noticing in this thread only that people are joking about everything from child rape to murder. So a stupid oven joke is nothing. Lighten up, people.

  35. Gemma

    And for the record, the nazis didnt actually burn anyone to death.
    The SS killed people by firing squad. But most were killed by gassing with zyklon B. Only dead bodies were burned.

    If you all are gonna get your panties in a bunch over this you might aswell get your facts straight first. Fish is making a joke about something that didnt even actually happen.

    Meanwhile everyone is chosing to ignore child rape comments. Hahaha.

    • Guest

      the nazis did burn people alive and thats a fact.
      using shooting squads and gas was to slow and they had a serious quota
      check YOUR facts before telling people to check theirs

      still.
      im a jew and i chuckled \o/

  36. Tila Tequila Cleavage Underwear
    Commented on this photo:

    Anyone else see Mr Worf’s forehead hidden in this photo?

  37. Tila Tequila Cleavage Underwear
    Flieber
    Commented on this photo:

    Performing?

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