Tila Tequila Had A Brain Aneurysm That Made Her Do All The Drugs She Likes

March 6th, 2012 // 63 Comments

I’m going to ahead and read this report as Tila Tequila overdosed then made up some horseshit story about an aneurysm making her do it, but feel free to interpret this however you like. Via RadarOnline:

According to the source, Tila suffered a brain aneurysm in the middle of the night, which caused her to think irrationally. Due to the pain, she took two bottles of unspecified heavy prescription drugs.
“Tila threw up all over her bed after overdosing and felt like she was dying. She was screaming for help, and in desperation, broke her bedroom window and attempted to jump out,” the source said.
“Finally a friend came over after getting a strange text from her and found her convulsing on the bed. He called an ambulance and she was taken to the hospital.”
Tila was hospitalized just in time to stabilize her and she was under intensive care all week.
“It’s sad to think she may have some permanent brain damage,” the source said.
“She still can’t fully speak properly.”

I already know this story is bullshit because a.) It involves Tila Tequila, and b.) if porn has taught me anything, it’s that reality is nowhere near awesome enough for that last part about her being effectively mute to be true. That said, if Tila can barely speak and is brain damaged, how does anyone know what happened before they found her? For all we know, she ate a bunch of pills, spread her tiny batwings and flew into a closed window like a fucking idiot. And by all we know, I mean that’s exactly what happened.

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, INFdaily, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. JC

    “It’s sad to think she may have some more permanent brain damage.”

    Fixed that quote.

    • Randal

      This was a close call. Far too many celebrities have moved on after abusing drugs. We just lost Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson still hits home for many of us as well. Having to wake up and learn that Tila Tequila had passed away would have turned the the entertainment industry upside down.

      Randal

  2. Fish, you failed to consider the possibility that this was a covert Mossad operation to keep her from converting to Judaism, moving to Israel, and assuming her rightful place as the Whore of Babylon, thereby hastening the Second Coming of Christ.

    • El Jefe

      Well I always assumed The Whore of Babylon is Kim Kardashian and I stand by that. It is strange that Tila Tequila converted to Judaism and it is rumored now that Kim is dating a Saudi billionaire.

      Maybe the whore can assume multiple forms and make a muti-pronged attack?

      • As far as I can find out, Venom—yeah, I know it’s you—while she said she’s converting to Judaism, there is nothing out there indicating that she’s completed the process.

    • Mafme

      I don’t think Jewish people are concerned about a second coming of Christ.

  3. Angie

    We love you Tila! Get well soon! We can’t wait for your new album to come out on MySpace!!!!!

  4. grobpilot

    Is there really any noticeable difference from “before aneurysm” to “after aneurysm”?

  5. Bob

    People have drug overdoses in California?

  6. Tila Tequila Cleavage Miniskirt
    Commented on this photo:

    “Tee Hee. And the scorpion represents…”

    Shut up. Just shut up. I can’t take it anymore.

  7. Tila Tequila Cleavage Miniskirt
    Commented on this photo:

    “Well sometimes you can bend over like this.”

  8. Tila Tequila Cleavage Miniskirt
    Commented on this photo:

    “And then other times you can bend over a little less and make a face like a refreshing ice cube was just run down your back on a hot day.”

  9. Jake

    If she was busy sucking my dick she wouldn’t even be in the hospital.

    • DeucePickle

      that’s a good point

    • Really?

      No, you’d be in the hospital with a super-rash that caused inflammation when you pee. This whore raw dogs every guy she meets, if you’d even consider putting your penis anywhere near that you deserve the super-strain of herpes you’d get.

    • Actually depends on whether she’s sucking before or after the convulsions. If it was before, I’m sure you’d be another John Wayne Bobbitt.

  10. Tila Tequila Cleavage Miniskirt
    Commented on this photo:

    “But if you…….hahahaha- I just said “but” and I’m about to talk about my butt again. Get it? Anyway, and then sometimes I bend over like this like I’m pulling on fishnet stockings…”

  11. Tila Tequila Cleavage Miniskirt
    Commented on this photo:

    “This is more of a pre-bend butt pose. Like when you’ve gotta keep it all classy and shit.”

  12. Tila Tequila Cleavage Miniskirt
    Commented on this photo:

    “And then BAM!- straight back into the Ice Cube pose.”

  13. Tila Tequila Cleavage Miniskirt
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    I guess there are men who wouldn’t mind having that in their field of vision while they nailed her.

  14. j/k

    Symptoms for an aneurysm that has not ruptured:
    Fatigue
    Loss of perception
    Loss of balance
    Speech problems
    Double vision

    Symptoms for a ruptured aneurysm:
    Severe headaches
    Loss of vision
    Double vision
    Neck pain and/or stiffness
    Pain above and/or behind the eyes

    Getting wasted and going home to do more drugs isn’t on this list.

  15. Frank Burns

    No actual tequila involved? Way to subvert your branding, Tila!

  16. Deacon Jones

    uh….you could have an aneurysm on the operating table of the ER and they still couldnt save you…so call me crazy, but I’m calling HORSESHIT!

    And two bottles? I burst a disc in my back and took 4 Aleve.

    • Richard McBeef, MD

      False. Generally patients with a low grade or absent hemorrhagic event in association with the aneurysm can anticipate a favorable prognosis with little to no long term disabilities. This is particular true for patients receiving prompt emergency medical care.

      However, I too call HORSESHIT!

      • Schmidtler

        I’m not a doctor, but I have seen every episode of ‘Quincy, M.E.’, and it’s my understanding that pretty much the only way to find out you had an aneurysm is that it bursts and you end up dead or in emergency surgery. Your prognosis of ‘Bullshit’ seems dead balls on.
        Now c’mon little aneurysm, if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again! Somebody read Tila’s aneurysm the story about ‘the little aneurysm that could’, and inspire it to take another shot at blowing the blood vessels in her leprechaun brain into smithereens.

      • Richard McBeef, MD

        Quincy only gets the ones found on the toilet with a single blown pupil.

      • CranAppleSnapple

        My friend Megan did survive one. They operated on her after she was found unconscious in the street. I assume they drained it or gently removed it?

  17. rockthrowinghipster

    She’s bi-polar dude. I enjoy your witty humor but sometimes you come across like a ignorant apathetic dick. But you cry when some comic book writer dies. Lol. You’re all grown up bro. AND, you figured the God thing all out too!

  18. These all sound more like attention whore withdrawal symptoms than an aneurysm.

  19. Richard McBeef

    Now that she’s clinically brain addled she can be besties with Gabbie Giffords.

  20. Confusus

    TMZ reports that Tequila had been “trying to kill herself all week”, and the aneurysm story was planted by her publicists to make her seem less pathetic.

    Trying to kill one’s self “all week” and failing, all the while making repeated calls for help to a roommate, friends, and police, as the TMZ story claims Tila did, does not make her suicidal. It does not even make her too stupid to kill herself.

    Repeated half-assed suicide attempts accompanied by constant pleas for “help” make Tila Tequila a sorry-ass attention whore. In other words, no new story here.

  21. steve canyon

    IMPOTENT GUY’S WILL BECOME HORNY ANIMALS JUST FOR 25 BUCKS.
    ………………and a phone call.

  22. King Diamond

    Who cares? What does she do anyway?

  23. Dan

    Sounds like a suicide attempt.

    • Nope, sounds like an attempt to get back in the press. And look, it worked like a charm. When a human fleshlight like this can pull our strings so easily, there really is no hope for our species.

  24. Tila Tequila Cleavage Miniskirt
    Commented on this photo:

    “It’s sad to think she may have some permanent brain damage”

    Um…no it’s not.

  25. Big Daddy Money

    It’s too bad she died, she would have made a great prostitute.

  26. King Marvelous Sunshine

    “When asked about Tila’s aneurysm the doctor at the hospital replied ‘Who’s Tila Tequila” “We’ll be keeping you to speed as this story develops, for mettheadsonline.com I’m King Marvelous Sunshine”

  27. Tila Tequila Cleavage Miniskirt
    Sheppy
    Commented on this photo:

    Ok then :)

  28. Dick

    Karma up to its old tricks.

  29. Really?

    Lying FameWhore is lying.

  30. Tila Tequila Cleavage Miniskirt
    mel
    Commented on this photo:

    i’d fuck that cornhole ’till shit leaked out her nipples!

  31. Tila Tequila Cleavage Miniskirt
    hollyhood
    Commented on this photo:

    okay, little lesson in medicine – you can’t suffer from a “brain aneurysm”, that’s just a swelling/out-pouching of a cerebral vessel (usually arterial), that by itself, is asymptomatic until it does one of two things:
    1. compresses a vital structure
    2. ruptures, causing intracranial hemorrhage +/- ischemia
    if either of those two things happened, she would most likely have had a significant motor/sensory deficit that would likely have some degree of permanence. of course, tila being an attention-whore who probably only read the first three lines of the “brane anoorizm” wiki wouldn’t know that.
    please go die in a fire, you filthy skank.

  32. OMGWTFBBQ!!!!!!!1!!11one!!

    This is just like how my cousin’s friend’s dogwalker told me that Whitney Houston was dreaming that she was drowning then woke up dead! It’s the same thing, you guise!

  33. ChildofGod

    I knew this day would come when I saaw her posts about the illuminati.. Her days are numbered, poor girl.

  34. Chris

    I think you are all missing the really important part of the story. She threw up all over her bed…and then convulsed in it.

  35. Hugh Jazz

    It’s sad to see such talented and prolific icons suffer in this manner.

  36. Tila Tequila Cleavage Miniskirt
    onos
    Commented on this photo:

    “and this is how i take the pills i can’t swallow…”

  37. Tila Tequila Cleavage Miniskirt
    free wifi
    Commented on this photo:

    Lesson in wikipedia you mean

  38. Tila Tequila Cleavage Miniskirt
    NOI
    Commented on this photo:

    Why she looks so dirty all the time
    Hair greasy is instant gross

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