Tila Tequila Is Probably Gonna Lose Custody Of Her Kid

Tila Tequila has a one-year-old daughter, and while that fact alone should be enough to chip away a piece of your soul as well as any hope you had for goodness in this world, she also has a baby daddy who is somehow just now realizing that the nutcase he ejaculated into might be too dangerous to raise their offspring. So now he’s suing for full custody, because we all wanted to see what Trump v. Cruz would look like in family court too, right? Via TMZ:

Thomas Whitaker is fighting for full legal custody of 1-year-old Isabella, and wants to make all decisions for the little girl. He claims Tila has delusions of grandeur … such as believing she’s God.

While it’s absolutely reasonable to point out that this guy left his kid alone for a full year with Tila Tequila, arguably making him the worse actor in a negligence scenario that Casey Anthony probably finds offensive, he’s still not Tila Tequila. In fact, I’m sure he could probably dribble the baby into court like a basketball and the entire hearing would go like this.

“Good God, sir! How can you possibly expect me to award you custody after this?”
“I brought photos.”

Exhibit A:

Isabella is ready to learn about #FlatEarth and how her Mom is a God.

A photo posted by Tila Tequila Official IG (@babymamatila) on

Exhibit B:

My baby is also cloned and possessed. #Likemotherlikedaughter .A photo posted by Tila Tequila Official IG (@babymamatila) on

“Should I continue, your honor? Because we haven’t even gotten to the porn or the Hitler shit yet. That’s what I thought. You know what? I’m going to go catch a matinee, just hang on to the kid and I’ll swing back and get her in a few hours. You’re a peach.”

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Photos: Instagram