Tiger Woods used to have sex where the star is

Four of Tiger Woods’ mistresses, including Loredana Jolie above, appear in the May issue of Vanity Fair who obviously knew the right amount to make them sing like penis-loving canaries:

On Mindy Lawton’s tampon ratting him out:
Although she was menstruating, he insisted on having sex with her, but when the key card to access his office didn’t work, he drove to a nearby parking lot, where they had sex in his car. After they left, Lawton claims, reporters from The National Enquirer, who had been following her, picked up the tampon she had dropped in the parking lot, and later threatened to use it as part of a story exposing Woods’s infidelity.

On Tiger’s gambling buddies:
“When Tiger showed up in Vegas, he was always with Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley,” according to Las Vegas Review-Journal columnist Norm Clarke. Years earlier, however, John Merchant had warned Woods to avoid Jordan and Barkley, saying of Jordan, “Stay away from that son of a bitch, because he doesn’t have anything to offer to the fucking world in which he lives except playing basketball.” Merchant adds, “Are they his black role models? You’ve got to be kidding me.”

On knowing how to treat a lady:
Mindy Lawton says the only thing he ever bought for her was a chicken wrap from Subway (he was stopping there on his way to meet her).

What’s hilarious about these stories is the unifying theme of how cheap Tiger Woods is when it comes to women and the fact he’s completely oblivious to it. He’s probably reading this right now thinking ” They only had sex with me for my money?! But I’m so good at golf! At least Elin loves me for who I — Aw, shit.”