Tiger Woods stuck his penis in everybody

An updated look at Tiger Woods’ Vaginal Scorecard:

Tiger’s Fourth Mistress is a Lingerie Model named Jamie (He likes that name.) [E! Online]

Fifth Tiger Woods Mistress Claims Tiger Spanked her Numerous Times in his Own Home – [News of the World]

Surprise! There’s a Sixth Woman – [National Enquirer]

Rachel Uchitel Angry Over Tiger’s Other Mistresses – [People]

I’m pretty sure Tiger’s Mistress Count will clip 500 by midday, so let’s just assume every woman in the world has slept with him until they can prove otherwise. On that note, I need to ask my mom why I don’t have a little brother who buys me Buicks with his golf money. I thought you were pro-life! HOW COULD YOU?!

UPDATE: And we’re up to nine.