Tiger Woods stuck his penis in everybody

December 7th, 2009 // 92 Comments

An updated look at Tiger Woods’ Vaginal Scorecard:

Tiger’s Fourth Mistress is a Lingerie Model named Jamie (He likes that name.) [E! Online]

Fifth Tiger Woods Mistress Claims Tiger Spanked her Numerous Times in his Own Home – [News of the World]

Surprise! There’s a Sixth Woman – [National Enquirer]

Rachel Uchitel Angry Over Tiger’s Other Mistresses – [People]

I’m pretty sure Tiger’s Mistress Count will clip 500 by midday, so let’s just assume every woman in the world has slept with him until they can prove otherwise. On that note, I need to ask my mom why I don’t have a little brother who buys me Buicks with his golf money. I thought you were pro-life! HOW COULD YOU?!

UPDATE: And we’re up to nine.

superficial

  1. jerkoff

    First! This chic is skankie… way to go Tig.

  2. jerkoff

    First! This chic is skankie… way to go Tig.

  3. Jenn

    Tiger Woods is awesome.

  4. Rodger Victor

    Tiger better get to winning if he wants to have any money in his bank account…

  5. andy7171

    1st

  6. Tiger with a hood

    Tiger must be an uncle tom, no chocolate (not even redbone) for him?
    Rainbow coalition will sue next.

  7. Jrz

    Muthah fuckah is a PLAYAH!

  8. Jrz

    Muthah fuckah is a PLAYAH!

  9. sunshine

    Can’t claim it as my own, but thought it was funny, Tiger needs to change his name to Cheetah Woods.

  10. $Poor$ Tiger

    Ellen needs to take his ass to court and sue him for everything she can get and then go back home and find a real man.

  11. JustJess

    A golfer getting this much play? Who knew?

    But you know – one could accept 1, maybe two “transgressions” – but months- long affairs with several women? I’m mean – wow. Tiger just upped the bar for any self-respecting Playboy – and if Elin stays – she will totally have no dignity or respect from anyone after this.

    It’s starting to look more and more like he really did deserve that beating… 1 or 2 times is bad – but this is total and blatant disregard for the mother of your children. I’d be pretty pissed too. That Nordic blood comes from warriors that built ships and sailed the ocean blue for hundreds of years – it now kinda makes her seem more…interesting…

    “How’s my week going?”
    “Better than Tiger’s…” LOL!

  12. Fammi sapere come leggere questo articolo, un sacco di cose che prima non sapevo

  13. Fammi sapere come leggere questo articolo, un sacco di cose che prima non sapevo

  14. Donnie Brassballs

    I think Tiger is trying to make the odds better that he catches (or gives) an STD.

  15. JohnnyBGood

    Come on people! Are you going to believe every skank, slore or attention whore that claim they got a piece? Please!

    I wouldn’t pay these bitches shit! I would drop the wife too because theres no way she’s going to believe him or forgive him. She might take the money but hang this shit over his head for the rest of his life.

    I’m with clooney.

  16. JohnnyBGood

    #6 Lol!

  17. Bill Clinton

    Okay. I admit it. I fucked him also. Don’t ever bet Tiger in golf, he will make you pay one way or another. Thankfully his penis is Asian.

  18. Bill Clinton

    Okay. I admit it. I fucked him also. Don’t ever bet Tiger in golf, he will make you pay one way or another. Thankfully his penis is Asian.

  19. Okay. I admit it. I fucked him also. Don’t ever bet Tiger in golf, he will make you pay one way or another. Thankfully his penis is Asian.

  20. Okay. I admit it. I fucked up.

  21. L

    Wait for it…Heidi and Spencer are going to admit to boinking Tiger too.
    Or they will be sporting “team tiger” shirts or something stupid like that.

  22. Jack Nickles

    The total mistress count will stop at 55.

    Tiger has always dreamed of bagging a 55…

  23. Daniella

    The girl with the sign looks strikingly like Woody Harrelson. Tragic.

  24. cfdgdfdfrfdfgfdfgdtdfgfdf

    could be worse, elin… at least its not men

  25. Jrz

    Billy Joel and Christie Brinkley’s daughter tried to off herself…..I guess she finally figured out that she got her father’s looks and her mother’s talent….
    http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20325178,00.html

  26. joho777

    Tiger should take a lesson (and a STD or two) from Lindsay Lohan.

    Lindsay’s fans deny everything, the quickies she has had with the hundreds of strange guys she has picked up, the years of non-stop boozing, all the cheap plastic surgery, and all the drugs. They just don’t believe any of it.

    That’s what Tiger should do. Just deny it. Ask his wife,”Who are you going to believe: me, or your own eyes? Come on, of course there are no other women.”

    Of course, Elin will beat his ass like a drum, but so what?

  27. Fitgirl

    I am amazed at the sheer stupidity of someone who has soooo much to lose. Idiot. Hopefully other stupid athletes and celebs will learn a thing or 2 from this nonsense. Ladies, if you want a hot bikini body for the spring check out http://www.GetModelFit.com

  28. Mr. Obvious

    wow, a black guy who cheats. Shocker. Why the hell is this news? We don’t need to read stories constantly about them cheating and going to jail over gun possession charges, these are all things that are assumed anyways. Not really news worthy.

  29. @ this point, it may cost less to pay women not to sleep with tiger.

  30. Drew

    @ 29 “Mr. Obvious that’s apparently not so obvious”

    Have you paid attention to Tiger Woods for the last 10 years? Until now, he was like, a picture perfect dude. Amazing golfer, gorgeous wife with 2 kids. Never a bad thing ever said about him. And now all this comes out, having 6 mistresses, cover ups, lies, payoffs. So yeah, unless you’ve been living under the rock, there’s no surprise the media is jumping all over this shit.

  31. I’d really like to stick my penis in this one too. Not too many of the other ones he was boffing – but this one? Oh yeah.

  32. RichardG

    PIC 1 looks like she has a beer-belly but I would bang her too.
    Before I did not care about Tiger Woods but now with all of the play he is getting, I am FRIGGIN JEALOUS…I WANNA BE LIKE TIGER!!!!!

  33. Isabel

    @15: you should read this article from the dm: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1233559/Tiger-Woods-8-hour-diner-waitress-deal-kept-affair-news.html . Basically it says there was a sting operation by a tabloid two years ago, complete with pics/video/the works. Apparantly he ended up doing a feature for Men’s fitness (owned by the same corporation) to make this go away. The worst? He never wore a condom. And during this timeframe, he and his wife conceived a baby, which means they now will have to be tested for HIV. Magic Johnson says hello :( Rationally, I know it is never ok for a person to use violence on another person, but part of me wishes Elin had just teed his nuts off.

  34. Hotmom

    Hi Isabel- I just wanted you to know Doctors check for hiv and std’s even in pregnant Mom’s. Even though they are in relationships. You can refuse but the doctor always will always request a test .

  35. geoff

    Way to go Tiger!! Big Fan!!

  36. when do we finally get to see some of the hot girls he’s banged?

  37. Nameless

    LOL this one looks like a low-rent Megan Hauserman.

  38. ben

    The chick in the bikini with the sign is a radio station stunt:

    http://mj.933flz.com/pages/mainfeed.html?feed=204719&article=6400950

    Hurricane, Meredith and Vicky the intern decided to take a little road trip to Tiger Wood’s house in Orlando. At first MJ thought Fester would be funny to dress in drag but he knew Meredith would get more press.

    Once they arrived Meredith hopped out of the car and ran out in her bikini and heels holding up a sign that said ‘Tiger – They Offered Me $500,000 – I’m Keeping My Mouth Shut!’ Security tried to kick her off the property but she refused to move so they called the police. Traffic was slowed down at least a quarter of a mile each way with passengers taking pictures and laughing as they drove by.

    Meredith continued to scream, ”He’s Not a Tiger He’s A Cheetah!” to all the cars as they drove but finally had to leave when they were pulling cars over and issuing tickets to everyone that stopped.

    Today we are in the New York Post, Huffington Post, Golf Channel, MSNBC TV, and many more. See the video below and check out all the pictures.

    Read more at: HuffingtonPost.com, Zimbio.com, SHM.com.au, France24.com, SportsByBrooks.com, Yardbarker.com, YahooNews.com, Boston.com, MontrealGazette.com and NYPost.com

  39. NatTurner

    I’m sorry birtches…but based on the famous men who have cheated, Tiger is as close to “real” as your father…whom you will never know didnt step outside his marriage. Let’s see..here is the other men you have to hate if you hate Tiger. George Washington, Ben Franklin, Grover Clevlend, FDR, Frederick Douglas, Martin Luther King Jr. Ronald Reagan, John F. Kennedy, Robert Kennedy, Bill Clinton, Elvis, David Lettermen, Newt Gingrich, Rudy Guiliani, Jesse Jackson, Warren Beatty, Jack Welch of GE, Jimmy Swaggert, Henry VIII, Roger Clemons, Former Senator Edward Brooke, Governor Eliot Switzer, Mayor Kilpatrick, Drew Lachey, Governor David Patterson, David Duchovny, John McCain, Eisenhour, Gary Hart, Jim McGreevy, Gary Condit, John Edwards, Mark Sanford, Senator John Ensign,and the list goes on.

    So do we throw stones at all of these men…who were caught vs. the men we admire who were not? Do we roll Tiger under the bus and let the aforementioned go free? Do we indict our fathers and grandfathers who could have cheated but were not discovered? The black race in America owes its very existance to slave owners who cheated on their wives to get some black cooch.

    Tiger is in good company, not bad! It’s almost expected for great men of power and wealth to cheat. If a cheater can go on Mt Rushmore, on our money, get elected governor, senator or be called an America hero for getting caught cheating, then Tiger needs a little slack!

  40. crazypants

    The parade of women who all claim to have boinked Tiger are all of a type – fucktoys. Each and every one is the kind of hot, slutty, club girl that you can find in any hot club or lounge in any major city in the US or abroad.

    I don’t know if Tiger loves his wife or not, but these women are obviously just a string of booty calls. They know it too, not a one is claiming any real affection or feelings – he’d call and they’d go to a club and order thousands of dollars worth of food and booze and then retire to a 5star hotel suite and fuck for a couple of days.

    Everyone got what they were looking for.

  41. cc

    Agreed crazypants. Tiger wanted some cheap ass. They wanted to fuck someone famous who would spend some cash on them. Hard to know who is sleazier.

  42. Um, to the skank, I mean liar, who says she banged Tiger at his house: I’m calling BULLSHIT on that one.

  43. NICOLU

    THE SKANK WITH THE SIGN LOOKS LIKE SHE WORKS AT SOLID GOLD, MIAMI.

  44. As sad as the whole Tiger Woods situation is, perhaps it might prompt us to re-evaluate the institution of marriage, and whether it is still a viable institution. Assuming, for purposes of argument, that there is no biological component associated with cheating, then simply examining the conduct of golfer Woods, Albert Einstein, Gov. Mark Sanford, Sen. John Edwards, Sen. John Ensign, inventor Henry Ford, Presidents Wilson, Roosevelt, Eisenhower, Kennedy, and Clinton, would strongly suggest that many do not respect the institution as presently constituted or evolved.

    The frequency with which infidelity occurs suggests a systemic problem. Society might consider starting a discussion about a modified or different institution to serve the functions previously served by marriage.

  45. It’s a shame that Tiger Woods was out of control. What’s even more ashamed is that the women he messed with ultimately, wins. How dumb can you get?

  46. Chupacabrea

    …somebody always gets hurts, though….

  47. JustJess

    http://www.nydailynews.com/money/2009/12/07/2009-12-07__.html

    Hooray!

    What sucks the most about the Tiger story is that he is the perfect distraction from what’s really important !

  48. Art

    That blonde holding up the sign is rather hot.

    I’ll take her, I don’t mind the sloppy seconds!

  49. youtigeryou

    Muthah fuckah is a PLAYAH!

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