Tiger Woods is romantic

March 18th, 2010 // 72 Comments

Because hush money doesn’t go as far as it used to these days, Joslyn James has launched an entire website dedicated to posting text messages she supposedly received from Tiger Woods during their affair. Here’s just a couple samples from Tiger’s alternate personality who apparently has a PhD in anal sex:

Tiger:Sent: 03:32 PM 08/29/2009:
I have no idea. I would love to have the ability to make you sore
Tiger:Sent: 03:35 PM 08/29/2009:
In a week. I will try to wear you out
Tiger:Sent: 03:36 PM 08/29/2009:
After i cum you better start sucking my cock to get it hard
Tiger:Sent: 04″02 PM 08/29/2009:
I want to treat you rough. Throw you around, spank and slap you
Tiger:Sent: 04:06 PM 08/29/2009:
Slap your face. Treat you like a dirty little whore. Put my cock in your ass and then shove it down your throat
Tiger:Sent: 04:07 PM 08/29/2009:
You are my fucking whore
Tiger:Sent: 04:08 PM 08/29/2009:
Hold you down while i choke you and Fuck that ass that i own

Considering Joslyn James’ entire family has labeled her a pathological liar, I’m almost 90% certain she’s just re-posting dialog from her latest porn and waiting for a giant check. Although TMZ has a convincing theory to the contrary. And if it is true, I want to know how the hell we lost the greatest erotic writer of our time to the most boring sport known to man. It’s like a master chef deciding he wants to reheat oatmeal for a living. I mean, Jesus Christ.

Photos: Splash News

  1. Very Nice

    Very nice from afar…but she looks a little rough around the crotch…

  2. miche

    Make this freak of nature go away. What is wrong with her?!?!? Oh yeah never mind she’s just a media whore looking for more outlets.

  3. Rebecca

    HILARIOUS!!! Although I’ve been on the “leave Tiger alone” bandwagon, I can totally understand why his wife would refuse to get back together with him after seeing shit like this. Ignorance is, in fact, bliss.

  4. ffdfddf

    LOL men go into this fantasy world where they say out-of-character things like this. It’s just fantasy. I wouldn’t take it as some sort of reflection of Tiger’s personality.

  5. Lisa Beth

    Hahahah he deserves this

  6. wtf

    Seriously, if Tiger’s wife won’t go for a little A2M action, can you blame him for hooking up with porn stars? All you ladies out there, remember that – if you don’t want your husbands to cheat, you better be open to anal, A2M, and being choked while he f’s you, otherwise, don’t complain if they go out to get it someplace else. Might not hurt to lose a few pounds and make them a sandwich too, and don’t forget, of the tv is on, stfu.

  7. She's a boner killer

    Jebus; look at her face. I mean, she’s obviously a happily leg spread whore who will f*ck anyone at any time & has pulled trains on football teams, but look at her face. Instant boner killer…

  8. B

    Herbreasts look painful. Eeek!

  9. TheTruth

    To be fair Tiger is right, she is a dirty little whore.

  10. Valerie

    That’s just typical pillow talk I reckon. HA!

  11. Crabby Old Guy

    I wouldn’t fuck that with Teddy Kennedy’s cock.

  12. Ego

    Tiger’s wife should be relieved he wanted to bang a dirty whore in the ass instead of her. Just sayin

  13. havoc

    Wouldn’t this be normal everyday conversation for her? I figure ass-to-mouth is pretty much on her daily schedule.


  14. wow

    that chick is all used up. No sexytime for her. Her vagine hang like sleeve of wizard

  15. spyring

    is there any doubt? she’d have to have a pitch perfect ear for what a dumbass text from some horny, self-important man would be. the other texts from some other mistress sounded just like these, only not sdo nauseating. but what a complete shithead to leave such a trail.

  16. joe littlecock

    @ #6 wtf You are my fucking hero!!! Amen to that!!! U should run for President with a speech like that!!!!!

  17. Tek

    Haha. Geez this hag looks awful. I’m not suprised at this stunt considering that he announced that he’s going to play golf soon.

  18. Mike Nike

    He’s such a gimpy looking dumb ass who looks like a tuna fish who wouldn’t get laid in real life. He kinda has the whole mental retardation look down. Its the cash money folks. It attracts the Puss.

  19. John John

    Those pictures are awful. Look at the nasty discoloration, and wrinkles near her bikini. Hello…photoshop much? But that is how Tiger liked em–dirty whorish

  20. gen


    Will you please, honestly tell me the last time you had sex? Just, come right out and say it. I’m curious.

  21. Rico

    I’m tired of all these whores playing victims and the media playing into it. Each one of these sluts knew they were sleeping with a married man. Tiger’s biggest mistake was apologizing to the public due to media pressure. Tiger should have just released a basic statement and moved on with his life. Fuck these slut whores.

  22. There is definitely something odd going on with her crotch area.
    Tiger is a nasty little freak, isn’t he? Those text messages cracked me up. This dude has obviously got some issues he needs to be working out, and I don’t think he’s going to find the solution in this slag’s vagina. Although, he might. It’s quite possible that there are a few things hiding away in there. He’ll probably get all the freaky he can handle from now on. I bet Elin will be slapping him and calling him a whore at least once a week for the rest of his life.

  23. ing

    ouch @ the carpet burn on that kitty

  24. well

    i am kinda surprised at everyone talking about her wrinkly crotch. the first thing i notice when i see this beast is that she has the face of an 80 year old. yikes. long live elin!

  25. IKE

    Daaaaamn, Tiger! I’m certain Elin isn’t upset that he acted out his choking fantasies ELSEWHERE.
    You just can’t treat your wife like that….not if you’re planning on respecting her EVER again.
    Does this reinforce the sex addict claim? Or is he just a freak?

  26. @12 lol

    splotchy skin laden with cheap bronzer, tore-up crotch, pointy collarbones, and they airbrushed out the ADAM’S APPLE.

    Bet ‘her’ gash smells like hot garbage!

  27. lol he totally missed his calling!

  28. Nhé

    Bunda feia da porra!

  29. jawknee

    At first I was stoked to see her browneye in pic 3. But then I looked a little longer and started noticing something. It looks like her underwears are holding her ass up.

  30. uncle Rough

    She is lying, how come (like) doesn’t precede the word Rough

  31. The O

    I was just checking the PGA Tour schedule for last year and Tiger was playing in the Barclays Tournament while he was sending these texts. Mattering whether this was EST or PST, he was either on the 4/5 hole, or the 16/17th hole.

    Anyway, the interesting part is right after sending these messages, he starting playing awesome golf. He made a move that round at both these times so I find it hard to believe these messages weren’t somehow linked to his play.

    Maybe he’ll suck at golf now if sending dirty texts is what motivated him.

  32. Well, the ass-king thing is a real possibility given that the her crotch indicates an anus is the only hole she has. The face doesn’t help in that case either.

  33. Ride her hard and put her away wet.

  34. CLB

    This immoral, shameless wh**e is doing this out of spite and revenge! She wanted money from Tiger but could not get any. Well, there is no surprise here because this is what you get when you put trash with trash… more trash!!!

  35. CLB

    This immoral, shameless wh**e is doing this out of spite and revenge! She wanted money from Tiger but could not get any. Well, there is no surprise here because this is what you get when you put trash with trash… more trash!!!

  36. JamesToselandisGay

    2 words… Fucking Ho!

    Correction… Nasty Ho.

    Edit… Dirty Ho.

  37. Perfect Double Tapered

    I think he got her mixed up with his caddy.

  38. Glenda

    about the comment from WTF: in my opinion, men have are made to give me pleasure, not viceversa. I really don’t care if my boyfriend to to other place to get A2M action. There are always persons able to do things that I don’t want to do.

  39. IWouldBeMadAtThisBitch

    For fucks sake!!! All guys want to do what Tiger did with this woman, the woman wanted this as much too. You know because she omitted her texts from the transcript.. This bitch is a lose who is crying because no one loves her for who she is… a skank!

  40. uhm ever think you should’ve put that stuff up with a warning? that’s extremely graphic language to be on the front page of your site.. doesn’t bother me, but i’m sure the many young kids who read yr page will be a bit freaked out.

  41. tiger is cool

    tiger talks just like all of us here

    tiger text: then i want to shit on your face
    tiger text: then i want to puke all over your face and tits
    tiger text: then i want to treat your cunt like a golf bag and put all my golf clubs in it
    tiger text: then i want to put my golf balls up your ass hole
    tiger text: then i want to treat your cunt like a golf ball washer and wash my golf balls with it


  42. Insatiable Peter

    What, no Cleveland Steamer?!

  43. GG1000

    I hope for Elin’s sake it’s meth and not AIDS that makes this chick look so unhealthy.

  44. jojo

    Bear in mind that this paragon of motherhood who owes $12k in child support is represented by none other than Gloria Alred, who never met a camera she didn’t like or a penis owner she didn’t hate

  45. Tiger is a mixed-race half breed mutt and he hates himself.

  46. Anne Boolean

    I can think of a few reasons why she wouldn’t post her texts: First, as Spyring said, she either C&P his texts or has the best ear for tone since Shakespeare. If she posts everything now, she has nothing to sell (or extort) later. People are interested in Tiger, not her. He can’t sue her for his own words, but would sue her for her words. So on.

    I hope she keeps leaking texts right through the Masters.

  47. julius caesar

    Wow, he sounds like a shit.

    And WHY does his wife want a reconciliation? Just take the money and run, hun.

    Because you can’t make a man out of that shit.

    And Ms. porn queen up there looks bad.She would look SO much better if she removed the bolt on tits and lost the huge tan. Really, she’s better suited for fair skin without a pound of bronze. She’s naturally pretty, but she’s mad herself garish.

  48. This is a shame. Another cheating man. Do you want to know if your man is cheating? Watch this Catch your spouse cheating

  49. Yet another story of a man cheating on his woman. When is this going to end? Why so much cheating? And the women seem to not know about it or find out about it in the press. This is for all the women that want to find out about their cheating men. Spy on your husband

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