Tiger Woods made love children and sex tapes. Of course.

December 9th, 2009 // 117 Comments

Based on his new hobby of banging 800 cocktail waitresses and porn stars without a condom, it was inevitable Tiger Woods would be caught on tape not only doing one but fertilizing her eggs with his magic golf sperm. The National Enquirer reports:

“That would be the final straw for his wife – AND Tiger knows it,” said an insider. “But there is definitely more than one woman out there who could come forward to say she had his babies.”
To make matters even worse, the 33-year-old sports star is reportedly worried that a lurid sex tape could appear and wreck his desperate attempts to cling onto the wreckage of his marriage to beauty and ex-model Elin Nordegren who has just bought a $2 million mansion in her native Sweden as a fail-safe escape house in case the marriage disintegrates.

Tiger’s plan so far has been to buy these women’s silence, but since he’s a poon-thirsty idiot, he probably never even planned for this scenario:

ELIN: Honey, come look at this cute kid golfing on Leno. He just sank a 20 yard pu– Wait a minute….
TIGER: *locks panic room door*

superficial

  1. karen

    Tiger has never identified himself as part of the “blk community” so what is everybody is the uproar. I’m glad there arent any women of color to add to his er…slut list. So let him lie in the bed he made (no put intended).

  2. k

    i meant to say no pun intended from karen

  3. phatkitty

    IF there were women of color in “Tiger’s lear” then i’ll tell you what the talk would be about. Talking heads would argue that he sees women of color as sluts, freaks, sex object , women who arent worthy of him, shows no respect for them and just wants sex from them, while he goes home to his innocent looking trophy wife. That would be the talk- I guarantee it. You cant win for loosing. So be thankful, that he sticks to the same pattern of women that he prefers.

  4. CStars

    Sorry guys but @51 and @56 – black women are “f-ing psychotic” and “their p-ssies are foul nad nasy”? If you actually mixed with people maybe you wouldn’t come to such ignorant blanket and vile generalisations. That is pretty hateful and I hope that one day you will both grow up and have some self respect. The whole idea of to stereotype is to simplify instead of recognising diversity in all peoples. Tiger cheated on his wife. Regardless of the race of the women he slept with, he cheated. I’m sure Elin doesn’t care about that and if she was your sister or best friend neither would you. Race always adds an extra dimension to matters in debate!

  5. Creolequeen

    If Barack Obama had any ideas of cheating, I am sure they will immediately be squandered at least for the next 7 or 3 years. Thank you Tiger for always taking the lead.

  6. Creolequeen

    If Barack Obama had any ideas of cheating, I am sure they will immediately be squandered at least for the next 7 or 3 years. Thank you Tiger for always taking the lead.

  7. tiger is trippin

    HIS WIFE IS SO MUCH MORE CLASSIER AND ATTRACTIVE THAN THESE USED UP BAG WHORES !!!!!!!!! WHY ARE SOME MEN OR EVEN WOMAN SO STUPID….WHY DID U EVEN GET MARRIED YOU IDIOT….LEARN HOW TO KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS ….YOU RUINED YOUR FAMILT OVER THESE NASTY SKANKS ..WAS IT WORTH IT YOU IDIOT??? POOR ELIN AND I FEEL BAD FOR HIS KIDS …ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS EVERY DOG HAS THERE DAY !!!!! ALL YOU MEN OUT THERE CHEATING ON YOUR WIVES ASK YOURSELF IF ITS REALLY WORTH LOOSING YOUR FAMILY AND SELF RESPECT !!!!!!! TIGER YOU ARE PATHETIC JUST LIKE THESE WHORES!!!!!!!! BETTER GO GET TESTED …QUICK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  8. tiger is trippin

    HIS WIFE IS SO MUCH MORE CLASSIER AND ATTRACTIVE THAN THESE USED UP BAG WHORES !!!!!!!!! WHY ARE SOME MEN OR EVEN WOMAN SO STUPID….WHY DID U EVEN GET MARRIED YOU IDIOT….LEARN HOW TO KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS ….YOU RUINED YOUR FAMILT OVER THESE NASTY SKANKS ..WAS IT WORTH IT YOU IDIOT??? POOR ELIN AND I FEEL BAD FOR HIS KIDS …ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS EVERY DOG HAS THERE DAY !!!!! ALL YOU MEN OUT THERE CHEATING ON YOUR WIVES ASK YOURSELF IF ITS REALLY WORTH LOOSING YOUR FAMILY AND SELF RESPECT !!!!!!! TIGER YOU ARE PATHETIC JUST LIKE THESE WHORES!!!!!!!! BETTER GO GET TESTED …QUICK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  9. tiger is trippin

    HIS WIFE IS SO MUCH MORE CLASSIER AND ATTRACTIVE THAN THESE USED UP BAG WHORES !!!!!!!!! WHY ARE SOME MEN OR EVEN WOMAN SO STUPID….WHY DID U EVEN GET MARRIED YOU IDIOT….LEARN HOW TO KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS ….YOU RUINED YOUR FAMILT OVER THESE NASTY SKANKS ..WAS IT WORTH IT YOU IDIOT??? POOR ELIN AND I FEEL BAD FOR HIS KIDS …ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS EVERY DOG HAS THERE DAY !!!!! ALL YOU MEN OUT THERE CHEATING ON YOUR WIVES ASK YOURSELF IF ITS REALLY WORTH LOOSING YOUR FAMILY AND SELF RESPECT !!!!!!! TIGER YOU ARE PATHETIC JUST LIKE THESE WHORES!!!!!!!! BETTER GO GET TESTED …QUICK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  11. AttyGirl

    WOW! — Is his IQ really this low? Skanking every ho on the globe while trying to appear to be squeeky clean prince charming?!! He never once thought of what Elin’s reaction would be if his global skanking fell out of his closet? And NO rain coats? Elin was being conservative using a four iron! How could one man be so stupid? He just lost his entire family! His wife and kids just became Swedish citizens. His children will be raised by another man — a good man — one who will love and honor Elin and the kids. He has no one to blame but himself. Why Elin will should get full custody — 1.) because she would have to kill Tiger if one of his 800 skanks ever touched Sam or Charlie; 2) Not all the skanks have been identified; 3.) She would have to kill Tiger if he ever had the kids while high on Vicodin & Ambien; 4.) She would have to kill Tiger if he ever exposed Sam or Charlie to his lifestyle of hos, drugs, gambling and all that goes with skankdom; 5,) Obviously Tiger’s people cannot be trusted to look after the interests of Sam and Charlie; and 6.) She doesn’t need Tiger teaching Sam to be a skank and Charlie to be a man-whore. He should just go back to golf & skanking. Elin did not need his BS!

  12. If he didn’t have money and fame, Tiger would be settling this sh_t on Jerry Springer!! What a dumb azz!!

  13. wow tiger just likes them slutty

  14. Those women are as vile as Tiger…he’s rich so they don’t give a damn about his wife and babies at home.

  15. chris

    hello triger woods
    you have a nice pics of you
    i am single and looking may be meet with you ?

  16. chris

    hello triger woods
    you have a nice pics of you
    i am single and looking may be meet with you ?
    niagara falls ont

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